Defiance Rising (28 page)

I nod, wincing at the jolt of pain that skewers my eyes to my skull.
 
I groan and grasp my head, feeling another wave of nausea.
 

“I’m sure Brym has informed you that I am a healer as well as a mind reader.
 
As you can tell from my less than perky state, I’ve been run ragged repairing the wounds your friends sustained in their flight from Commander Drakon.
 
I’m afraid it is up to you to heal yourself.”

My eyes pop open wide.
 
“Are you serious?
 
Is this some cruel test or something?”

He smiles.
 
“Or something.”

“Unbelievable!”

Kyan leans in close, the tips of his hair brushing along my bare arm.
 
“What you did with that mountain should have killed you in more ways than one.
 
The sheer fact that you can draw breath into your lungs tells me that I have greatly underestimated you, but I fear the implications of your actions.
 
Commander Drakon will not be swayed.
 
Your abilities do not make him fear you.
 
They entice him.
 
You are in far more danger than you were before.”

I drop my gaze.
 
“I saw Bastien die.”

“No.
 
You saw a glimpse of the future, one that had yet to take place.
 
Your assumption that it was happening in present time nearly killed your friends, Illyria.”

Feelings of guilt wiggle through my intestines and sit heavily in my abdomen, increasing my nausea.
 
“I didn’t know.”

“Exactly.
 
You are developing abilities far faster than I had anticipated.
 
We must begin your training at once otherwise we are all in danger.”

I scowl.
 
“I don’t want to be like this, you know.
 
I never asked to be a…freak.”

Kyan’s gaze softens as he rests his hand upon my arm.
 
It is warm and smooth, a stark contrast to Brym.
 
“No one chooses their destiny, Illyria.
 
It chooses you.”

He falls silent and sits back, releasing me.
 
“There is more that I should tell you.
 
I wanted to, but feared overloading you.”

“Oh no,” I groan, struggling to roll onto my side to face him.
 
“It can’t possibly be any worse than having some old pervert hot for me, can it?”

When Kyan refuses to look at me, I know this can’t be good.
 
“Tell me,” I say, steeling myself for whatever he might hit me with.

He clears his throat and wrings his hands before him.
 
“Do you care for Bastien?”

I scrunch up my brow as I roll the words around on my tongue.
 
“What do you mean by care?”

He leans in closer, locking his silver gaze on me.
 
“We both know why you lost control back at the caves.
 
You thought Bastien was dead.
 
Not Eamon or the rest of your friends.
 
Even with your abilities, you should never have been strong enough to cave in that mountain.
 
So I’ve been asking myself how you did it.
 
The only conclusion I can come to is that you’re falling for Bastien.”

I snort, rolling my eyes.
 
“Hardly.
 
The guy is infuriating.
 
He spends all his time challenging everything I say, he’s rude, insensitive”

“Is he?” Kyan asks, sitting back.
 
“Can you honestly tell me that he hasn’t shown you his true self?”

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling overhead.
 
“Why are you asking me this?
 
Why force me to label it as anything more?”

“Because the fate of both our worlds rests on how much you
care
for him, Illyria.”

“What are you talking about?
 
How can my liking or not liking a guy matter to anyone?” I snap.
 
The pounding in my head increases tenfold as I massage my temples.
 
Even if I were to consider courting Bastien, I don’t see how that is anyone’s business.
 

“Do you remember me telling that soulmates are created on Calisted?”
 
I nod.
 
“Even though your birth was not sanctioned, your soulmate was.”

“And I’m guessing this is the part where you tell me that Bastien isn’t the one for me,” I sneer, crossing my arms over my chest.

Kyan purses his lips.
 
“Yes, but apparently, you’ve begun to fall for him despite that.”

“I’m not in love with him, if that’s what you’re implying.”

He raises his hands in surrender.
 
“I never said that word, but even if you choose not to say it, I think you know something is going on between you.”

I grit my teeth and struggle to push aside the thought of the kiss Bastien and I shared.
 
His touch rocked me far more than I want to admit.
 
“So who is my soulmate then?”

Kyan bows his head.
 
“Eamon.”

“No way!” I jerk upright and cry out as pain explodes through my head.
 
A stabbing in my chest reminds me that several ribs are broken.
 
I suck in deep breaths as the pain subsides and I sink back onto the bed.
  
“That’s not possible.
 
I mean…he’s my best friend!”

Kyan offers me a mug of water and I raise up just high enough to let the cool liquid quench my thirst.
 
He sets the cup aside and crosses his leg over his knee as I stare back at him.
 
“Love is not a word that I was raised to toss around, Kyan, but I do know the meaning of it.
 
If what you say is true, then Eamon and I are one heck of a dysfunctional couple!”

He steeples his fingers in front of his lips.
 
“The feelings that you have for Bastien, which I know you are desperate to deny, should not be possible.”

“Tell me about it,” I grumble, shoving my hair back from my face.
 
“The guy’s a real pain in my butt!”

He doesn’t crack a smile so I fall into an uncomfortable silence.
 
Kyan’s breathing slows as he closes his eyes.
 
I watch as he tilts his head from side to side, mumbling so low I can hardly hear him.
 
When he finally opens his eyes, I’m taken back by the intensity of his gaze.

“This is a choice that only you can make, Illyria, but I warn you to choose wisely.
 
Walking away from your destiny for Bastien will bring great suffering to your people.”

“I don’t want to choose anyone!
 
I just want to be left alone.”

Kyan sighs and hangs his head.
 
“I’m afraid that’s not possible.
 
One way or another you will be forced to make this decision.”

“And if I choose Eamon?
 
What will that do to Bastien?”

Kyan looks away.
 
“No matter who you choose, someone will be hurt.
 
The question you have to ask yourself is what are
you
willing to live with.”

“That is the biggest guilt trip in the history of the world.”

“No,” Kyan says, pressing his hands to my forehead.
 
A blessed coolness rushes over my body and the pain begins to recede as darkness steals me away again.
 
“That is the truth.”

Twenty-Four

Winter unleashes its full might on us less than two days after I wake up from Kyan’s second round of unconsciousness.
 
Contrary to his insistence that I find a way to heal myself, I woke to find myself completely healed.
 
Although I was grateful for my pain to be a thing of the past, I should have known Kyan would have ulterior motives.

For nearly a week straight, I have spent twelve hours days with Kyan, trapped within the confines of the medical cabin I first woke up in.
 
Kyan claims it is for our privacy, but I have a sneaking suspicion he was worried that either Bastien or Eamon would put a stop to his methods of training if they knew how hard he worked me.

My first task was to learn levitation, the simple act of focusing all of my energy on one object long enough to let it bend to my will.
 
The results have been dismal at best, leaving Kyan silently frustrated and me bruised from head to foot.
 
All I seem to be able to do is toss objects into the air and hurl them around.
 
My control is definitely lacking.
 

Exhaustion has become a way of life for me now.
 

We have not spoken again of my feelings for Bastien and for that, I am eternally grateful.
 
I’m still unwilling to admit just how deep my feelings for Bastien go, but I know I’m in trouble.
 
The harder I try not to think of him, the more he consumes my thoughts.
 
I think Kyan suspects my inner turmoil is what is stunting my training.
 

After a particularly disheartening day of training, I sink onto my bench beside Eamon with a bowl of rabbit stew that would normally be savory enough to draw me from thoughts.
 
Tonight, it is impossible.
 

Bastien watches me from across the room while I pretend to eat, slinking into the shadows as Eamon eagerly takes up his place by my side.
 
The first moment he shot me a guarded glance I suspected he’d spoken with Kyan.
 
The goofy grin that followed immediately after confirmed my worst fears.
 

Although I am grateful for his presence, there is a definite air of awkwardness between us now that I hate.
 
The closer Eamon draws me in, the further I sense Bastien retreating.
 
I can feel his confusion and his pain, just as I can feel Kyan waiting for me to make a decision.
 

“Hey, are you ok?” Eamon asks, poking me in the side.
 
“You’re really quiet tonight.”

“Yeah.” I instantly plaster on a smile that should have alerted him to my misery, but it doesn’t.
 
It hurts that he can’t see through my façade to the pain lying beneath or maybe he does but is too afraid to admit it.
 
“It was a long day.
 
Kyan is a slave driver.”

Eamon chuckles.
 
“You should try working with Brym.
 
Now
that
guy is full on. I haven’t ached like this since we were kids in target training.”

I can’t help but smirk at him.
 
“Seriously?
 
You’re using your brain, not having wooden chairs fall on you when you can’t levitate them!
 
There is no comparison.”

He scrunches up his face and tilts his head, weighing out the difference.
 
“Ok, maybe you win this one, but don’t knock the mental weariness I’m dealing with.
 
It’s torture.”

Toren draws Eamon into a conversation about Kyan’s unusual request for all of us to meet up in the woods after our weapon’s training the following day, and I’m grateful to be forgotten for the moment.
 
The whole camp is buzzing about Kyan teaching us to use Caldonian weapons.
 
Thirty men reside at the camp, each on varying schedules so as not to raise any suspicions from Commander Drakon.
 
At least half of them view me with undeserved awe.
 
The other half appear to be waiting, but I’m just not sure what exactly they are waiting for.

I lift my empty spoon to appear to take another mouthful of stew and pause, feeling Bastien’s gaze upon me.
 
I lower the spoon to the bowl and raise my eyes to meet his.
 
An ache grows in my chest.
 
It has been days since we spoke.
 
He knows I am avoiding him, but has no clue why.
 

Over the past few days, I’ve tried to figure out what to say to him.
 
I’m unsure of how to explain something to him that I can hardly wrap my own mind around.
 
My emotions are constantly on edge, longing to be with him, to see if he truly feels something for me, but fearing what might happen if he does.
 
I try to swear off him, go cold turkey, but that is easier said than done now that I’ve accepted the fact that Bastien has crashed through my barriers and taken me captive.

His pain radiates across the room to me as I lurch to my feet, spilling a nearly full bowl of soup across the table.
 
Zahra screeches as she leaps back, her shirt soiled.
 
Eamon whips around to stare up at me, but he is not the only one.
 
The din of voices has faded as many turn to watch.

“Sorry.
 
Not feeling well,” I mutter as I head for the door.
 
I fling it open wide and dash into the blistering cold.
 
Fierce winds and gusts of snow whip through the camp, chafing my cheeks within seconds.
 
I wrap my arms about myself, hurrying along the ice-glazed path toward the cabin my friends and I now share.

“Illyria, wait!”
 
Bastien’s boots pound the ground, punching through the thin layer of ice.

Of course it is Bastien that follows me.
 
He is the only one that knows the true reason I fled.
 
“Leave me be, Bastien.
 
I want to be alone.”

“No.”
 
His grips my arm, pulling me around to face him.
 
“You can’t keep avoiding me.”

“I don’t…I don’t want to,” I cry through chattering teeth.

Bastien peels off his black wool coat and slings it around my shoulders.
 
“Let’s get you inside.”

Unwilling to take no for an answer, Bastien places his hand upon my lower back and leads me toward our cabin.
 
The instant I’m inside, he leans his weight against the wooden door and throws the latch in place.
 
I count my steps through the dark room, mentally visualizing the sparse layout of our cabin, identical to the medical cabin.
 

My fingers tremble as I try to light the candle.
 
After three attempts, Bastien rescues me and the candle blazes to life.
 
He reaches for my hands, rubbing them between his.
 
“You’re frozen straight through.”

“I’m fine,” I chatter.
 

He gives me a knowing glance and leads me toward my cot, lifting the covers for me to slip inside.
 
I pull off my boots and throw them aside.
 
Bastien waits for me to wiggle out of my coat before wrapping the comforter around my shoulders.
 
He turns his attention to lighting the fire.
  
Once it catches, a warmth slowly emanates from the grate, warming my nose and toes.
 

“You followed me.”

He nods, rising from his low crouch before the fire.
 
“You knew I would.”

That’s true.
 
I did.
 

“I can’t keep watching you suffer like this,” he says, dropping down beside my bed.
 
“I know something is bothering you.
 
Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I’ve been…busy,” I finish lamely.

“I’m not an idiot, Illyria.
 
I know when I’m being shoved aside.
 
All I want to know is why.”

I open my mouth to answer but no words come out.
 
I can’t tell him.
 
Not yet.
 
Not until I know how to make my decision.

“Is it the Shadow?
 
Are you getting worse?”

I shake my head.
 
“No.
 
I mean, it’s not any better but I’m dealing.”

He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his head in his hands.
 
“It’s me, isn’t it?”

“No!” I cry, pulling his hands away from his head.
 
“No, it’s not you.
 
You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m losing you?”

I blink, surprised at the pain in his voice.
 
“Losing me?”

“Of course.
 
Haven’t you figured out by now that I’m crazy about you?”

I swallow roughly, fighting to still the rapid thumping of my heart.
 
“You are?”

“God, you can do be dense sometimes!”
 
He pulls me down onto the floor with him.
 
My feet become tangled in the covers and I spill into his lap.
 
I struggle to push myself upright but he grins and pulls me closer.

“Do you want to know how I feel about you?”
 
He murmurs as his hands wrap around my back.
 

Without waiting for a response, Bastien leans in and gently cups my face.
 
A jolt of energy lances through me, making the ends of my hair rise off my shoulders.
 
His eyes darken and smolder as he stares at me.
 

“Please,” he whispers.

My entire world grinds to a halt at that one desperate plea.
 
I shove all thoughts of my destiny away and crush my lips against his, clawing at his back.
 
His muscles ripple as I sink down squarely on his lap, deepening the kiss until we are forced to break for air.

We pant in unison as I feel heat crashing against my heart, like the waves of the ocean, but this time it is different.
 
The Shadow is nowhere to be found within the recesses of my mind.
 
I am the one in control.
 
This is my power.

The floorboards begin to quake, rattling against the nails that hold them down.
 
The outer door bangs against the frame, fighting to be released from its lock.
 
The table and chairs in the center of the room stutter across the floor, threatening to topple the candle.

I open my eyes to find our shadows dancing in the flickering light.
 
I watch my shadow as I arch back and let Bastien’s kisses dip down from the hollow of my neck to the neckline of my shirt.
 
My skin is alive, my mind humming.
 

I grip his shoulder and pull upright, staring deep into his eyes as I fight for breath.
 
He grins and places his hands against my waist.
 
“If you wanted to rearrange the room, all you had to do was ask.”

I laugh and drop my head onto his shoulders, flushing as I realize how intimately close we are pressed together.
 
Easing myself off him, I pull my covers around me and sink onto the floor a foot away from him.

The intensity of his stare makes me self-conscious as I burrow into the covers.
 
“Why do you look at me like that?”

“Does it bother you?”

“A little,” I admit.
 

He grabs onto my cot and pushes up to his feet.
 
“You’re leaving?”

He tosses a mischievous grin back over his shoulder.
 
“I thought you’d probably like to be alone for a while.
 
You know, to gather your wits about you.”

“But I…do you have any idea what you just did to me?” I exclaim, feeling my heart stutter as he kneels before me.

“I do, but only because you did the same to me.
 
That’s never happened before,” he whispers.
 
I can feel warmth spreading through my belly and know that I’m about to fling myself into his arms again.
 
“You felt it, didn’t you?”

I nod, completely speechless.