Authors: Margaret Daley
As he strode inside, Ellie sank back against the railing. Because I’m not.
“Are you sure you don’t want to fight off the dragons with me?” Slade leaned over the back of the couch in the suite and kissed her briefly on the mouth two hours later.
“Are you kidding? I’m no fool. I’m not going anywhere near that press conference.” Ellie poured herself another cup of tea, concentrating on keeping the smile on her face. Soon she would be gone, and that thought left nothing but sadness in her.
“You’re a wise woman. I shouldn’t be too long if I have any say in this.”
“You’re dreaming. They won’t let you go until they have a juicy story for their next edition.”
“Well, there isn’t one here.” Slade opened the door to the suite and glanced back at her, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “At least not one for publication,” he said with a wink, then left the suite.
Taking a sip of her tea, Ellie stared at the entrance, watching for him to return. Her heart felt heavy, each beat an ache. One part of her didn’t want to move from the couch; the other knew she had to, in order to survive emotionally. If she stayed, she would break down and give in to her feelings. Making love with him was not a choice if she wanted to escape with some of her heart in tact.
When she was satisfied he wouldn’t return, she quickly stood and hurried into her bedroom. She didn’t have much time before he would be back. She ran a brush through her hair and stuffed a few items into the oversized purse she had bought the day before at the boutique. Everything else she would leave behind, including a part of her heart--no matter how much she’d tried not to fall in love with him.
As she crossed the living room toward the door into the hallway, she caught sight of the couch and his last kiss a few minutes ago. The tightness in her throat made it difficult to swallow. One tear rolled down her cheek, then another.
You’re running away. Since when do you turn away from a challenge?
Maybe he would change. No, staying would only prolong the inevitable. If she remained, they would still part tomorrow. Whenever they parted in the future--whether tomorrow or a few days later or a month from now--the tears would still come, along with the good-byes. She didn’t want to hear that from his lips. She hated that word.
The dull ache in her chest grew. She inhaled deep breaths, but nothing alleviated the pain. Slade had told her he was not the marrying kind. He had been there and didn’t want to go there again. And she could never be a man’s mistress, no matter how much she loved him.
Squeezing her eyes shut against the sight of the suite, she pivoted away. Swinging the purse up onto her shoulder, she made her way to the coffee table and propped up a note she’d written earlier saying, “It has been an experience. Ellie.” She’d refused to write the word good-bye, and she hadn’t been able to write love either. She had to retain some dignity in this situation.
Ellie strode out of the suite, determined not to look back. It took all her willpower to keep walking down the corridor. Her heart felt as though it had cracked into two pieces as she waited for the elevator to arrive.
On the ride down she nearly pushed the button for the floor she had just left. Wavering in her decision to make a clean break, she gripped her hands in front of her until her fingers hurt in order to keep from going back up to his suite. Finally the doors swished open, and she stepped into the lobby, scanning the area to make sure Slade wasn’t anywhere around. As she started for the entrance of the hotel, shouts from a room off to the side caught her attention.
Again her curiosity was going to be the death of her. She wanted to know what was going on in the press conference. She wanted to see him one last time. She eased the door open a crack and peered into the room filled with a half a dozen reporters, all trying to ask their questions at the same time.
A lump in her throat constricted. Next to Slade stood a beautiful woman, elegantly dressed but clearly distressed over the situation. She must be Elizabeth Hanson, here earlier than he’d thought. Ellie started to turn away when she heard Slade speak.
“Elizabeth and I had an understanding from the beginning that I had no intention of getting married. We are just friends. All of this is just a misunderstanding.”
Ellie quickly moved away from the door, fighting the tears that had returned to moisten her eyes. She hurried to the bellhop and asked him to get her a cab, then she went to stand out in front of the hotel, making sure a large pillar hid her from anyone in the lobby.
It seemed an eternity before the taxi pulled up, and she slid into the car. As she drove away from the hotel, she saw through the large glass window Slade emerge from the room and head for the elevator. She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer.
* * *
The suite was empty. Puzzled, Slade turned slowly around. Where could Ellie have gone? Probably out to get more clothes. But why didn’t she say anything to him earlier? He ran his hand through his hair and kneaded the back of his nape. Tension made his neck stiff and his shoulders hurt.
He had a hard time understanding why Elizabeth had come to Bella Isla. He had known she loved the limelight but to go to the length of telling everyone she was engaged to him still was a mystery to him. She probably had thought he was dead, and she could become the grieving fiancée for the whole world to see.
Slade shook his head, continuing to massage the tension from his shoulders and neck. The press conference had been grueling. The reporters wanted a story whether there was one or not, and he had no wish to drag Ellie into this. Their time together was special, something to savor alone without the world looking on. Walking into each room in the suite, he searched for Ellie, eager to put the press conference behind him, to enjoy what privacy they had before they had to return to the United States.
He ended up back in the living room. The beginning of a headache throbbed against his temples. Surveying the area for a second time, he found the note she had left him, propped up on the coffee table. As he reached for the piece of paper, dread gripped him like a clamp. Without reading the note, he knew in his gut she was gone for good. The short message only confirmed it. He wadded up the paper and threw it across the room.
Why, Ellie?
He didn’t want to feel the hurt, but he did. It twisted into his heart and exposed emotions he was determined to deny. He’d thought once they’d reached civilization, he could say good-bye and get on with his life. Not look back on what they had gone through together. But he’d realized quickly she wasn’t out of his system. He stiffened. She would be soon if he had anything to say about it.
* * *
“Okay, girlfriend, enough is enough,” Kayla said, plopping down in the chair next to Ellie at the dining room table. She opened the pizza box and selected a piece. “You’ve got to eat. Something is definitely wrong when you refuse pizza. It’s one of your favorite dishes. Weren’t you the gal who was going to devour New York City when you returned from that island five pounds lighter?”
“I changed my mind. I can, you know.”
“Honey, you can do anything you want, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you. You haven’t even taken another assignment.”
“I’m taking a vacation.”
“Spending it in the city? Girlfriend, now I know you’re off your rocker.”
“Thanks. A gal always likes to know that.” Ellie chose a slice of pizza and put it on the plate her roommate had placed in front of her.
“What happened on Bella Isla? You usually tell me everything after an assignment. I know more about what happened from the newspaper account than from you.”
Ellie toyed with a pepperoni. “I fled a revolution, hiked through a jungle and spent a day in a vacation resort before coming home. That’s all.”
“How about this Slade Calvert who was with you? He’s real good looking from his newspaper picture.”
“Yes, I guess so.” Ellie put the pepperoni into her mouth. “See I’m eating. Satisfied?”
“One pepperoni does not constitute a meal. And quit changing the subject.”
“What subject?” Ellie took a small bite of the pizza.
“Slade Calvert. You can’t tell me you were out in the jungle for days with this man and nothing happened.”
“Yes, I can.” Ellie remembered the “nothing” and felt heat suffused her cheeks. Whenever she thought about their time together, her body went weak and her heart began to race.
“Liar. You’re blushing. You forget we’ve been roommates for several years. We may not spend a lot of time together, but I’ve gotten to know you.”
“Okay, Kayla. I can see you’re going to pester me until you hear the juicy details. He saved my life on more than one occasion. He is a wonderful man, and yes, something did happen in the jungle.”
“You love him.”
Ellie had admitted how she felt about Slade to herself but had never said anything out loud. Somehow voicing it to Kayla would make it so final, permanent. But nothing would change the facts. Slade was in Boston, picking up the pieces of his life, a life without her.
“Of course you do, Ellie. You don’t have to say it to see it written on your face. What happened?”
“Is that your question for the day?”
“Something happened because you are here and he is in Boston.”
“You know, I think your next job ought to be as a private detective. Your powers of deduction are amazing.”
“Sarcasm won’t deter me, Ellie. You should know that by now.”
“He doesn’t want to get married.” Ellie laughed, a sound that held no merriment. “I don’t even know how he feels about me. There were no vows of love.”
“You can tell a person you love them without saying those words. Did you give him a chance or did you get out of there? I know how you are with good-byes.”
“I didn’t hang around for the dear Jane speech.” Ellie ate another bite of pizza, not really tasting the dish as she chewed.
“That’s your problem, girlfriend. You’re too busy running away to discover what a person might really feel for you.”
“I don’t have to be told twice that he doesn’t want to marry ever again. Once was enough for him. Besides, he’s out of my league.”
“So you would like to marry this guy, if he wanted to?”
Ellie stared at Kayla for a long moment. “Yeah. I love him with all my heart.” There, she had said it out loud. It was official. Moisture in her eyes made her vision blur. She didn’t shed tears for any missed relationship, hadn’t since she was a small child. But ever since she had walked away from Slade, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. They came at odd moments and left her vulnerable and hurting, two emotions she would just as well not experience.
“Oh, honey, what are you going to do?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve got to fight for him.”
“Fight who?”
“I don’t know. I just hate seeing you like this. You’re not eating. You’re moping around. You’re not working. This isn’t you.”
“You’re right. I declare my vacation over. I’ll go to the agency tomorrow and get a new assignment. Work is what I need to do, preferably far away from the United States. I need to see the world.”
“Isn’t that what got you into this mess in the first place?”
“Look, Bella Isla was the exception, my one adventure. It won’t happen again.”
“Your whole life is an adventure,” Kayla muttered as she finished off her piece of pizza. “Eat. I have this feeling you’re gonna need your strength.”
* * *
“Mr. Calvert, you need to be in San Francisco at the end of this week to sign those papers. Then you will fly to Washington to meet with the State Department and President Foster. After that—”
Slade tuned out his administrative assistant and swiveled his chair around to look out upon the skyline of Boston. He tapped his pen against his fist and took several deep breaths. He’d felt as if he were suffocating ever since he’d come back from Bella Isla a month ago.
What was wrong with him? He loved his work. It was his life. Then why wasn’t he satisfied?
“—and then you’ll be back here for the reception for the company’s tenth birthday, a week from Saturday,” his administrative assistant finished.
“Just leave the itinerary on my desk. I’ll look it over and let you know if there are any changes.” Slade waved away his assistant, wanting to be alone.
Slade waited until he heard the door closing before he swung his chair around to face his desk, piled high with reports he needed to go over, letters he needed to sign, decisions he needed to make. But all he could think about was Ellie. Where was she? What was she doing? Why had she left him without saying good-bye?
After a month she was still in his system, and he was beginning to think he wouldn’t be able to get rid of her. Ever. He loved her, had admitted that to himself two weeks before. Somewhere in the jungle he had fallen hard for her, and she was now a part of him, whether he liked it or not.
So what are you going to do about it?
He didn’t have an answer. She had walked away from him. Obviously she didn’t return his feelings.
Feelings he had never made known to her, he thought, pushing himself to his feet.