Authors: Margaret Daley
“I am a man of my word. You call the shots.”
Without taking her eyes off him, she swam toward him. In her heart she knew he wouldn’t break his promise; that wasn’t what she was afraid of. She was afraid of herself and what she would do if he touched her. She wanted him. It was as plain and simple as that.
“Let me wash your hair. You’ve got some globs of mud stuck in the back.”
His reasoning was faulty but the denial she knew she should say wouldn’t come out. She nodded.
After lathering the soap, he massaged his fingertips into her scalp. He turned her around so her back was to him and continued rubbing her hair, so the blobs of mud plopped into the water. When his hands moved to her nape, she tensed. But the kneading worked some of the tension from her shoulders and neck. It felt wonderful. Her eyes slid closed as shivering tingles flashed up and down her spine. All she had to do was say stop and he would. The word died in her throat as it constricted, making it difficult to breathe properly.
Her mind emptied of all thoughts except what Slade was doing to her willpower. The primeval beauty around her faded from view as her eyes closed. The sounds of the jungle dimmed as the outside world vanished and her center became Slade.
“Ever since I can remember, a Calvert was taught always to complete a job to the best of his ability,” he whispered in her ear, nibbling its shell until her knees buckled and she collapsed back against him. “I think your hair is squeaky clean now.”
He brought his arms around to anchor her to him. When he turned her within his embrace to face him, her eyes flew open and she stared up into his endearing features.
“I want to complete the job, Ellie. You could use someone to scrub your back.”
No, her common sense screamed, but yes was on the tip of her tongue.
A howl, like a sound straight out of hell, pierced their haven and brought Ellie sharply back to the present, to sanity. She blinked, focusing finally on her surroundings. The roar continued, and she turned her wide eyes to Slade.
“What’s that?” she asked, her mind still not functioning properly.
“Howler monkeys. They won’t harm us.”
Blushing at the feelings he’d produced in her just by washing her hair, Ellie grasped the opportunity to take the soap away from Slade and swim across the pool, before he touched her again and she was lost in the sensations only he seemed to be able to create in her. She was indebted to a band of monkeys for stopping her from complicating an already difficult situation, since it was obvious she didn’t have the willpower needed. All she had to do was get close to the man and she lost the ability to say no. This was not like her at all! It had to be because of the predicament they were in. They might not even make it off the island safely.
The hideous chorus filled the jungle clearing as she finished washing herself a safe distance from Slade. Several times the soap slipped from her trembling fingers, and she knew he was watching her with an intensity that didn’t help her.
“The next time there won’t be any monkeys to interrupt us. What will you do then, Ellie?”
“There won’t be a next time, so I don’t need to worry about that,” she replied with all the bravado she didn’t feel.
“You state that with such conviction. You must be a good actress. You almost have me convinced. Almost, Ellie, but not quite. You see, I know how you respond to me, but even though you’re rejecting that in your mind, nothing else about you does. You want me as badly as I want you. That’s a hard combination to fight.”
“Why are you doing this?”
His brow knitted, and he took a moment before he answered. “I’m really not sure. I do know you intrigue me. You’re different from the women I know. You’re refreshing.”
“Like a breath of fresh air in a stale room?”
His eyes brightened and his smile grew. “Exactly.”
“I won’t be a diversion for you or any man. When I make love with a man, I’ll be committing a lifetime to him. That’s the only way for me. What happens when you return to your life in Boston and I return to mine in New York and parts beyond? They don’t mix.” She was through taking a bath and was wondering how to reach the shore where her skirt was. Slade was in her path of escape.
“You think I’m using you?”
“I don’t know. I’m not good at relationships.” She wondered if she had used her job and her one disastrous relationship as an excuse all these years not to become involved in another one. As a child she had had little practice, because after the seventh move she had built a hard shell around her heart to keep from being hurt every time her family picked up and moved on. It wasn’t until she lived with her grandmother as a teenager, after her father had abandoned her and her mother, that she had stayed in any one place for longer than a year. Was that why she kept herself always on the move, taking different jobs? Not to see the world as she claimed, but to keep the world at arm’s length?
“I wouldn’t use you, Ellie,” Slade said in a serious voice, his expression somber. “I don’t have casual relationships.”
She glanced up through the canopy of trees and shouted over the din of the monkeys, “It’s getting dark. We’d better head back to camp. I don’t want to be here when the night prowlers come out.”
Blessedly the horrid sounds stopped. Silence reigned for a moment before quieter noises crept in to fill the stillness. Ellie took one last good look at the beautiful clearing and pool before swimming to the shore where her clothes lay. She was thankful that Slade didn’t try to stop her, because she wasn’t really sure what she would do. And that frightened her, more than heights or snakes.
After quickly wringing out her shirt, she slipped into her skirt, feeling his gaze on her the whole time. When he left the pool, she avoided looking at him but instead studied the flora next to the edge of the water. She examined the flowers without really seeing them. The only thing she remembered about the blossoms as she began to walk toward the camp was that they had been scarlet.
“How long do you think it will take to cross the mountain?” she asked when they were back in camp and eating a soup made from the nuts Slade had gathered.
“It shouldn’t be longer than a couple of days—that is, if no one is following us.”
“Do you think they are? We didn’t see a helicopter all day or any other evidence they might be behind us.”
“My practical side says to be careful, but I really don’t think anyone is behind us.”
Ellie, now dressed in her satiny jump suit from the first evening she had met Slade, fingered the brooch pinned to her clothes. “Hopefully they are too busy to think about us.”
He finished his soup and put the coconut shell that held it to the side. “Ellie, tell me why you said earlier that you weren’t any good at relationships.”
He wanted to know details of her life she had kept hidden. She, too, lay her empty coconut shell down and busied herself cleaning up, which comprised all of twenty seconds. Then she was faced with the dilemma of avoiding his question or answering it.
He waited patiently, watching her.
She looked him in the eye, drawing in a deep breath that was laced with the fragrances of the jungle. “As a child I moved around a lot. Every time I was settling down in a new place, my father would pick us up and move. We never stayed longer than a year in any one town. I got tired of saying good-bye to my friends. Finally, I stopped trying to make friends. My grandmother was my only stability during those years. When my father walked out on my mother and me, we went to live with her, but my mother never got over my father leaving. She slowly died of a broken heart. I vowed then, I would never allow myself to be placed in the same position she had been.” Ellie glanced away from the intensity she saw in his expression.
“We are more alike than I thought.”
Her gaze returned to his face. She wanted to deny the reality in his words, but she felt the truth in them.
“After my parents were killed in Africa, I was shuffled from one relative to the next. I got very good at shutting myself off from others, because it was too hard to leave behind people you cared about. My one attempt, my marriage, failed miserably. I don’t like to fail.
“So we’re two souls running away from commitment, because it’s too painful and we haven’t had much practice at it.”
He knelt in front of her, the fire to his back, and smoothed her hair away from her face and stared long and hard at her. “You’re so beautiful.”
“I kinda like what I see.” She could get used to looking at him every day for the rest of her life. That thought momentarily sent panic racing through her, until she put a halt to the emotions beginning to form. Loving Slade was not an option. He would crush those feelings and she wouldn’t place herself in that position, not ever again.
Later that night in the makeshift shelter, Slade couldn’t sleep, too aware of Ellie who shared the small space with him. He rose from the bed of leaves. Walking to the fire, he sat on his haunches and poked at the dying ashes with a stick. Last night he’d wanted to make love to her, and if she’d encouraged him at all, he would have. But Ellie was right. Caring about her would only complicate an already complicated situation. He didn’t want to make a lifetime commitment to another woman. Yes, there were times he was lonely, but he didn’t want to fail again.
In disgust at how close he’d come to losing his self-control, he tossed away the stick. He ran his hand repeatedly through his hair while he stared at Ellie, still sleeping. He still wanted her.
This never happened to him, not since Laura’s betrayal. He made it a point not to need anyone beyond a casual relationship, or he might lose control of the situation. That threat had always hung in the air as a warning. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t let that happen to him ever again, and keeping his emotional distance from women had made it easy for him in the past.
Until Ellie
. It had to be because of the life and death situation they were in. He hadn’t wanted to tell her that if the wrong people found them they very likely would be killed.
Ellie moved, stretching her body as she opened her eyes. She looked at him, a smile touching her mouth that radiated warmth throughout his body like the rays of the sun after a long winter’s night. He didn’t want her to touch his heart. He clenched his jaw and balled his hands at his side.
The frown that carved deep lines into Slade’s expression alerted Ellie to the fact something was very wrong. His tensed posture reinforced that impression. He was retreating into himself, shutting her out although last night they had talked about their childhood for several hours, grown closer with each revelation. Hadn’t he warned her that he couldn’t commit? Hadn’t she told him she didn’t want a commitment? Then why did she feel so empty inside, all of a sudden? Why did she want more, when more was not possible from Slade?
But as much as she wished she could deny it, the more she was around Slade the more she felt her defenses around her heart crumbling. It wouldn’t take much to come tumbling completely down.
Ellie Winters, you’re made of stronger stuff than that
, she told herself as she stood and faced him, hoping her expression revealed nothing of her real feelings. She needed time to draw her fragile emotions inward and protect herself. And she was determined to do just that.
She moved to the dying fire and sat across from Slade. “It’ll be light soon,” she said, knowing she was stating the obvious. But she had to say something to break the tension mounting quickly between them.
“We need to get going as soon as we can see. We have a long climb ahead of us.” He handed her a coconut, already cracked open. “I’m sorry that’s all we have left.”
His voice was so distant, so formal, that Ellie felt chilled. She forced herself to shrug, to appear casual as though nothing was different from the days past--that nothing had shifted in her. “Beggars can’t be choosers. I’ll tell you, though, I don’t think I’ll ever eat another coconut when we get back to civilization. I’ve had my quota for the rest of my life.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I was never particularly fond of coconut and my feelings haven’t changed since this trip.”
Ellie lifted her piece of fruit in a silent toast, then drank the milk before eating its meat. She made herself chew each bite, because she didn’t know when she would eat next and she would need her strength to climb the mountain. With that thought she craned her neck and looked up toward the top of what stood between her and the coast and civilization, between her and her old life. It was a long way up. A thin layer of perspiration coated her face as she pictured herself scaling the rock surface that slanted upward at a sixty-degree angle in places. She wasn’t sure she could do it.
“You’ll be all right.”
She looked back at Slade. “I don’t know.”
“I’ll be with you every step of the way. I won’t let anything happen to you. Didn’t I promise I would get us out of here alive?”
She nodded, realizing she must look pale, her eyes wide with fear. “Even in the best of circumstances, this won’t be an easy climb. Look what I have to wear for shoes.” She showed him her flats that were coated with a layer of mud.
He stared at her, his eyes intense. “You’ll be all right. I promise.”