Authors: Malorie Blackman
And with that, Mr Jackman marched past Nova and out of the dining room.
I got up slowly. For a terrifying moment, I had no idea where I was. No idea what the darkness around me could be. Where was I? I did have my eyes open, didn’t I? I
blinked a couple of times to make sure. And then I remembered.
The cave-in.
I looked around again. I still couldn’t see anything. It was much too dark. But then an odd thing happened. The tunnels got strangely lighter. But not with daylight or even moonlight.
This was like something I’d never seen before. It was like lying in my bed at home when it was dead dark and dead quiet, and slowly but surely being able to make out the outlines and the
familiar silhouettes of the things around me. Only here, in this tunnel, I could see more clearly and more in focus than I ever could before – and it was all in the dark.
It took me a few moments to realize that.
It was as if a blue light shone out from my eyes onto all the things around me and then bounced right back at me. To be honest, it freaked me out a bit. Why could I suddenly see so clearly?
There had to be blue light entering the tunnels from some place I hadn’t yet been, somewhere I hadn’t yet discovered. Or maybe there was some kind of luminous metallic ore in the rocks
around me. Deep down, I knew I was clutching at straws but there had to be a logical explanation. I just needed to find it. Either way, I had to get out of here. Now. At once. I started walking,
then running towards what I thought was the nearest exit. But I couldn’t feel anything. It took a few seconds to realize that although my feet were making contact with the ground, I
couldn’t feel the ground against my feet, pushing back. I stopped abruptly and stared down at my feet in the cold blue semi-light. I jumped tentatively. My feet left the ground, then seconds
later they landed. I stopped. But I hadn’t felt the ground that time either. The rock fall must’ve damaged some nerves in my legs or back. That’s why I couldn’t feel
anything. But then, how come I could still walk and run? I didn’t understand it. Terrified, I started sprinting again – in case I was running on adrenaline or luck only and one or both
of them were about to run out. I should’ve been getting closer to the entrance by now.
But instead of getting lighter, it got darker and darker until I was racing as fast as I could, until my heart was burning and I had one hell of a stitch and still I kept running, until I was
swallowed up by the dark, with nowhere left to run but onwards to nowhere.
Nova slammed her bedroom door shut. ‘Liam, are you here?’
Liam slowly faded into view before her. ‘What d’you want?’
‘I want to know what all that was about?’
‘All what?’
Nova’s severe scowl was truly impressive. It was enough to sour milk and then some. ‘Don’t play games, Liam. How come Mr Jackman knows who you are?’
‘That’s my business,’ said Liam, turning away slightly.
Nova strode towards him, aiming to grab his arm and turn him round to face her. But her hand went straight through his body. She inhaled sharply with surprise, then looked annoyed. ‘I wish
you wouldn’t do that,’ she grumbled.
‘Can’t help it!’ Liam said with a trace of a smile.
‘I mean it, Liam. What’s going on between you and Mr Jackman?’
Liam’s smile vanished. That was one question he wasn’t going to answer. ‘That’s between me and him.’
‘Not if you want my help, it’s not.’
So that’s how it was, eh? Liam scrutinized Nova carefully. ‘We all have our little secrets, Nova. Even you.’
Nova suddenly grew still. ‘What does that mean?’
‘Never mind.’
‘No, if you’ve got something to say, let’s hear it,’ Nova insisted. ‘Go on.’
All right then. She’d asked for it. ‘What d’you like to do in your spare time, Nova? Watch telly? Go for a walk?’ asked Liam after a pause. ‘O r maybe you like to
do something a little more radical? More gross but more radical?’
Nova clasped her trembling hands together in an effort to stop them from shaking.
‘Shall I tell you one of my hobbies?’ Liam continued. ‘I love to go to the toilets on the second floor. You know, the ones at the back of the hotel? Listening to you make
yourself vomit after every meal is better than watching a horror film on the telly.’
Nova’s mouth fell open. ‘You know?’
‘Of course I know. You’re in there three times a day at least, so it’s either chronic long-term diarrhoea or vomiting.’
‘How dare you? You have no right to spy on me!’ Nova exclaimed, horrified.
‘Spy on you? D o me a favour! D’you think I’ve got nothing better to do?’
‘Obviously not!’ Nova was furious. She looked like a cornered rat, looking for a fast escape route.
‘Why d’you do it?’ frowned Liam.
‘None of your business.’
‘You can dish it out but you sure can’t take it, can you?’ said Liam. ‘How come you can ask me personal stuff, but not the other way round?’
‘Because you’re a ghost and ghosts don’t have personal stuff,’ Nova raged at him.
‘Which ghost manual did you read that in?’ asked Liam.
Nova clenched and unclenched her fists, desperately trying to find something to say.
‘Why d’you keep making yourself sick? Is your mum’s cooking really that bad?’
‘It has nothing to do with Mum’s cooking.’
‘So what is it about then?’
‘You wouldn’t understand.’
‘Try me.’
‘It’s nothing.’
‘You make yourself puke morning, noon and night after every meal – but it’s nothing. I believe that all right!’
‘Liam, keep your nose out of my business.’
‘No can do. Sorry’
‘Get out of my room.’
‘No.’
‘Get out of my room. Now!’ Nova was fifty shades of furious.
‘No!’ Liam folded his arms across his chest.
‘I’m not surprised you’re dead!’ Nova screamed at him. ‘It wouldn’t surprise me if someone had murdered you!’
A deathly chill flooded through Liam at Nova’s words. She started to stride past him but, incensed, he grabbed her arm and yanked her back. ‘Don’t you ever, ever, as long as
you live, say that to me again. D’you hear?’ he hissed, fire dancing in his brown eyes.
Nova glared at him, but he scowled right back. She was the first to drop her gaze. ‘I’m sorry. That was out of order.’
Liam’s scowl didn’t disappear by any means. If anything, it got worse.
‘Jeez! If looks could kill. . .’ Nova shot out, only to bite her Up. ‘Sorry! I didn’t mean that the way it came out.’
‘You don’t mean a lot of things, but it doesn’t stop you from saying them.’
‘Sorry. OK? I’m sorry. Sometimes my mouth kicks in before my brain switches on,’ said Nova.
Moments ticked by as Liam struggled to control his feelings. He closed his eyes and took a concentrated deep breath. Only when he was sure he wouldn’t bite her head off did he speak.
‘Look, Nova, I want you to promise you’ll stop all this vomiting rubbish. Apart from making your teeth rot and trashing your insides, you’re too smart for all that.’
Nova pulled away from his grasp. ‘What d’you know about it?’
‘I know—’ But Liam got no further.
‘You don’t know anything. People like you and my sister make me sick,’ Nova interrupted harshly. ‘You’re all drop-dead gorgeous and you’ve never had to worry
about more than the odd pimple. You don’t know what it’s like to hate every tiny bit of yourself.’
‘What’re you talking about?’ Liam shook his head, bewildered. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you.’
‘Yeah, right,’ Nova scoffed. ‘That’s why when my aunts and uncles and grandparents come round, they all rave on about how beautiful Rainbow is and how sweet and cute the
twins are and no one says a word about me – except maybe about how much I’ve shot up. “Nova, haven’t you grown!”, “We should call you bamboo, Nova!”,
“Nova, you’ll soon be taller than me!”’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘I hate it – OK? I hate it!’ Nova shouted at him.
She ran for the door. Liam tried to grab her arm again but his hand passed right through her. He ran to get to the door first, standing in front of it to block her way. No t being able to
control when he became solid was more than frustrating. Now that his initial burst of anger was over, he was back to being intangible, truly ghost-like. ‘Look, I know what it’s like to
be compared all the time to someone else in your family,’ he told her. ‘I was always being compared to my younger brother, Josh. Everyone thought the sun shone from his one eye and the
rest of the stars sparkled out the other.’
‘And how did that make you feel?’
Liam didn’t answer.
‘Exactly!’
‘I still . . . I still cared about him,’ Liam defended himself.
‘I care about Raye. ’Course I do. But sometimes, I can’t stop myself from hating her too,’ Nova admitted.
‘And vomiting up every meal is going to sort all that out, is it?’ asked Liam.
‘I want to look like Rainbow.’
‘What’s wrong with looking like yourself?’ asked Liam.
Quickly, Nova wiped her eyes. She stepped back and scrutinized him. ‘Tell me something. What d’you think of my sister?’
Liam dropped his gaze, then turned his head. His beige-coloured cheeks had a reddish glow to them and the tips of his ears were a discernable fiery red. He instinctively knew he’d done the
wrong thing. He should’ve looked Nova in the eyes when he answered her. ‘I don’t really know her,’ he mumbled inanely.
Nova studied him before asking, ‘D’you think she’s pretty?’
‘She’s OK.’
‘Liar!’
‘All right then, she is pretty. In fact, she’s way past stunning. Is that what you want to hear?’ asked Liam.
‘So why shouldn’t I try and be like her?’ asked Nova.
‘Fine. Then be like her. She doesn’t make herself sick after every meal.’
‘She doesn’t have to. She’s so skinny, she probably has to jump about in the shower to get wet!’ Nova replied. ‘And I’m going to look like Rainbow if it kills
me.’
‘You stupid twit,’ Liam hissed. ‘That’s exactly what it will do if you don’t stop.’
‘I don’t care!’ Nova shouted again.
‘Oh, you fancy being like me, do you?’ said Liam. ‘You fancy trolling around this hotel for the rest of eternity where no one can see or hear you? This isn’t just about
being dead, Nova. This place isn’t just my coffin. This place is Hell. So go ahead, starve yourself, or give yourself a heart attack from all that vomiting. See if I care.’
Nova stared at him. With a sob, she ran straight through him, wrenching open the door to run away from his words as fast as she could. Liam stared after her, mentally kicking himself.
‘Well done, Liam!’ he muttered. ‘Brilliantly handled. Well done!’
He knew. Liam knew. Someone knew. What was she going to do? Nova ran and ran, down the stairs and out of the house, and she didn’t stop until she’d reached her
favourite bench in the garden. She flopped down, gasping to catch her breath from all that running, and stared out towards the copse, watching but not seeing the last rays of the sun light up the
leaves with a burnished gold. Funny, but she never used to get so out of breath, running from the hotel to her favourite bench. Everything exhausted her these days. The reason was obvious. But now
someone else knew the reason.
What was she going to do?
But hang on . . . Maybe she was panicking about nothing. Liam was a ghost. Who was he going to tell? No one else but her could see him. But he’d got so angry with her, he’d actually
been able to grab her arm. And when he got upset with Mr Jackman he’d suddenly become visible, right in front of him. What if he got angry again? Angry enough to materialize and tell her mum
or dad what she was doing? Nova looked around nervously. Was Liam there, watching her right now but not making himself visible? And how long had he been watching her make herself sick? A month? A
year? How many times had he watched her vomit? Nova shuddered with shame at the thought. It was OK when she thought no one knew, like a noble secret that was hers and hers alone. But now that
someone else knew it didn’t seem fine and noble any more. It was just shabby and horrible. Had he watched all her little tricks? Like insisting on peas or tomatoes or baked beans with every
meal and always eating them first before anything else on her plate, so that when she was sick, she’d know when her stomach was truly empty? First in, last out. Did he know that she never ate
chocolate? No t because she didn’t like the taste like she’d told everyone, but because it smelt so awful when it came up again. Did he know about her having a fizzy drink with every
meal, or oranges, or sherbet sweets – anything to fill her stomach with more acid or gas to make bringing up her food that much easier. All the little tricks and slips she’d learned
over the last year, until vomiting had become more than a now-and-then pastime. Vomiting had become a way of life. A form of control. In fact it was more than a way of life. It
was
her
life.
If things were going wrong it was because she hadn’t got all the food out of her stomach. If she didn’t do well in class, making herself sick was a way to make things better. And
Nova knew it was doing bad things to her body. Her tongue was getting furry. Her breath now smelt so bad she was constantly chewing gum. She was tired all the time and any kind of exercise left her
breathless and giddy. Look at the way she’d been left gasping for air, just from running up one flight of stairs at full pelt that morning. But Nova couldn’t stop herself vomiting.
She’d tried. But every time she tried to eat and keep it down, the food sat in her stomach like a boulder until she couldn’t bear it any longer and out it came.
Liam didn’t understand. How could he? Nova herself didn’t understand. But Liam
knew.
‘Can I sit down?’
Nova didn’t bother to turn her head at the sound of Liam’s voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him sit down beside her.
‘I’m not judging you,’ he said after a long pause.
‘Aren’t you?’ asked Nova bitterly.