Authors: Malorie Blackman
‘Dad?’ Joshua began.
His dad turned back to face him.
‘When can I go home with you?’ Joshua whispered.
His dad stared in disbelief. Joshua tried to smile but it came out pained and crooked. But it didn’t matter. His dad took Joshua’s hand in both of his. Joshua closed his eyes,
fatigue finally overtaking him – so he missed his dad wiping away the single tear that now ran down his left cheek.
Nova lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling. The morning light streaming through her window was rich and warm, but Nova turned away from it. Mum had already called her down
for breakfast but the last thing Nova wanted to do was eat. If anything happened to Joshua Jackman, she’d never forgive herself. Josh was stable in hospital but his right ankle was fractured
and his left leg was broken in two places. He was extremely lucky it hadn’t been worse, a lot worse. Nova didn’t even like to think about it.
What had started off as a fun game, a great adventure, had turned into something Nova never, ever wanted to experience again. She dreaded to think what would have happened if Andrew hadn’t
been on hand to help out before the ambulance arrived. He was the one who’d risked his life to climb up to the tunnel to help Joshua. And even though the paramedics had laid into Andrew for
risking his own life, they’d freely admitted that if Andrew hadn’t been there . . . And Andrew had been the one to insist that Liam was still trapped in the tunnels somewhere. After an
extensive search, a body had finally been found. But when Nova had eavesdropped on the paramedics’ conversation, she’d learned that the body was at least ten years old. She knew then
that it was Liam’s body. The paramedics reckoned it would take a number of days at least to identify the body properly, but Nova knew.
Mum and Dad had torn a strip off her for a solid hour once Joshua had been taken to hospital. As far as they were concerned she should have come back immediately to raise the alarm. And the
guests had spoken of nothing else all evening until Nova couldn’t stand it any more and had escaped to her room before dinner. She’d been there ever since.
And the very worst thing of all was that she hadn’t seen Liam once in all that time. Not once. She knew he was furious with her. He had every right to be. He’d told her more than
once that he didn’t want her or his brother hunting for his body. But Nova hadn’t listened. She’d convinced herself she was doing something . . . noble. The fact that she now knew
better was of little comfort. Joshua was in hospital and Mum and Dad were furious and, worse still, very disappointed in her ‘lack of judgement’, as they put it.
A faint tap at the door made Nova sit up. ‘Come in.’
To Nova’s surprise, it wasn’t Mum. It was Raye.
‘Can I come in?’
Nova shrugged. Raye entered the room, carefully closing the door behind her. She looked around the room as if she’d never seen it before. Curious, Nova watched her, wondering why her
sister was so ill at ease.
‘How’re you doing?’
‘OK, I guess,’ Nova replied.
‘Nova, I want to ask you something,’ Raye said, looking at her for the first time.
‘Go on then.’
‘Are you bulimic?’
No beating about the bush then. Just straight for the jugular. The blood drained from Nova’s face. Her body went from ice-cold to burning hot in a split second. ‘I think there are
more important things going on around here at the moment,’ she said.
‘This is just as important as anything else. Are you deliberately making yourself vomit after everything you eat?’
‘Who told you that?’ Nova sprang off the bed to confront her sister.
‘Is it true?’ asked Raye, standing her ground.
‘You’re the one who always argues with Mum about food – not me,’ Nova reminded her.
‘Liam said that —’
‘Liam?’
‘One of the guests here.’
‘I know who he is. And he’s not a guest. He’s a ghost,’ said Nova grimly. ‘It hasn’t been confirmed yet but it was his body they found in the tunnels
yesterday.’
Raye frowned. ‘What re you talking about?’
‘Liam’s a ghost.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I’m being serious.’
Nova regarded her. ‘I should’ve guessed you wouldn’t believe me,’ she said at last.
‘Look, don’t try to change the subject. I want to know if you’re bulimic.’
‘Why?’
Raye’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Because I want to know.’
‘Why?’ Nova repeated.
Raye shook her head at Nova, unable to believe the question. Nova walked over to her window. She looked out over the gardens and beyond, silently cursing Liam where two minutes earlier
she’d been feeling guilty about him. He had no right to go telling everyone about her. No right at all. It was no one’s business – not even Liam’s.
‘I should know,’ Raye tried.
‘What possible difference could it make to you, one way or the other?’
‘I’m your sister —’
‘By accident, not by choice. I’m just a waste of space. Isn’t that what you said?’
‘I didn’t mean it.’
‘Yes you did.’ Nova’s tone was matter of fact. ‘When you’re not insulting me, you completely ignore me. We may have the same parents but we’re not sisters
– not what I’d call sisters. You don’t talk to me or share things with me. I might as well not exist for all you care.’
‘That’s not true.’
Nova turned her head to look over her shoulder at Raye. ‘Isn’t it? Be honest, Raye. Just for once, be honest.’
‘If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be in here asking if you’re being stupid enough to make yourself sick,’ Raye flared up. ‘Since Liam told me that yesterday, I
haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else.’
‘Am I meant to say sorry?’
‘You’re meant to tell me the truth,’ said Raye. ‘Are you bulimic or not?’
‘Not.’ Nova turned round. ‘Now you can go away back to Andrew – or whoever it is you’re sighing over this week – and leave me in peace.’
Raye considered Nova, a strange look on her face which dissolved into intense sadness.
‘What is it?’ Nova asked.
‘You really hate me, don’t you?’
‘Of course I don’t hate you,’ Nova sighed. ‘This isn’t about you.’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘No. This has nothing to do with you.’
‘Then why do it, Nova?’
‘And I’ve already told you —’
‘D’you know what you’re doing to yourself?’ Raye interrupted. ‘To your body?’
‘You sound like Liam.’ Nova turned back to the window.
‘Nova, listen to me. I could help you —’
‘With what?’
‘Your hair. Some make-up. I could . . .’ Raye trailed off at the look on her sister’s face.
‘So you’re saying there is something wrong with me?’
‘I’m not saying that at all.’
‘Then why do I need make-up? And what’s wrong with my hair?’
‘Nothing,’ Raye floundered. ‘I’m just saying I could help you make them better.’
‘Even if I wanted to wear make-up, which I don’t, Mum wouldn’t let me,’ Nova pointed out. She turned her back towards Raye, wishing her sister would leave.
‘I’m just trying to help.’
‘Go away, Raye. I want to be left alone,’ said Nova.
‘Mum sent me to get you for breakfast,’ Raye told her.
‘There’s no point in eating it,’ Nova said without turning round. ‘It’d only come up again.’
The silence in the room was deafening. Even when Nova heard her bedroom door open and close, she still didn’t turn round. She had a lot of thinking to do. One thing was certain, she
couldn’t go on the way she was. One way or another, something had to change.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ said Raye unhappily. ‘She won’t talk to me. She won’t even look at me.’
‘You’re going to have to force her to listen —’
‘How can I?’ Raye interrupted. ‘Nova doesn’t want to listen to anything I say and I can’t honestly say I blame her.’
Focusing hard on remaining solid, Liam took Raye’s hand in his. He struggled to find something meaningful to say. Something that would make Raye feel better. She’d come into the
lounge looking distraught and obviously seeking someone to talk to. It’d taken a while to calm her down enough to get her to talk to him, but at last the reason for her distress had coming
pouring out.
Nova.
‘I didn’t want any of this to happen. I care about Nova, I really do,’ sniffed Raye. And without warning, she burst into tears. ‘I’m sorry,’ she sobbed,
embarrassed but unable to stop. ‘It takes a lot to make me cry.’
‘Don’t apologize,’ Liam said gently.
They sat next to each other on one of the sofas in the lounge. Awkwardly, Liam put his arm around Raye. She instantly turned into his, shoulder, her tears flowing faster. Liam hugged her,
feeling as if his insides were being flipped over – except that he didn’t have any insides. Not any more. Once again, he wondered why he was still stuck at the hotel when his body had
been found and taken to the local hospital. He’d thought that once he was found, that’d be that and he could move on. But nothing had changed. He had tried to walk away from the hotel,
but the same thing still happened. He’d collapsed unconscious, or whatever the ghost equivalent was, and woken up back at the hotel again. Maybe finding his body had nothing to do with
anything. Maybe Liam really was going to be stuck at Phoenix Manor for the rest of eternity.
‘This has been one of the worst weekends of my life,’ Raye sniffed, moving away from Liam in an effort to pull herself together. ‘What with Andrew —’
‘I was wrong about Andrew,’ Liam interrupted. ‘He’s not the entire jerk I thought he was.’
‘I’m glad, because I really like him,’ said Raye.
Liam clenched his fists and turned away so that Raye wouldn’t see the look on his face.
‘Liam, what am I going to do?’
‘About Andrew?’
‘No. About Nova.’
Liam sighed and sat back in his chair. He couldn’t remain solid for much longer. It was taking all his concentration to stop himself from fading right before Raye’s eyes. ‘What
d’you want to do?’ he asked.
‘Tell Mum and Dad,’ Raye admitted. ‘But that might make things worse instead of better.’
‘You can’t just leave Nova to get on with it,’ said Liam.
‘I know. I know.’ Raye shook her head. ‘I need to work out what to do for the best.’
Liam nodded but said nothing else. How strange! In just two short days his whole existence had come to revolve around Nova and her family. None of them knew about him before. He existed around
the edges of their lives — with them but not of them. He’d convinced himself that he was fine, that he was OK being by himself. He’d watched them getting on with their lives while
he had none. Their contentment in each other highlighted his own sadness, their togetherness had forced him to admit just how alone he was. And that was bad enough. But now that Nova knew what he
was and, strangely enough, he seemed to be able to make himself more solid more often because of it, his existence was surprisingly worse, not better. He grabbed a bit of life here and a bit of
life there – but that was all he was allowed to have. And snatches of life hurt almost more than no life at all. Like just now, when he’d hugged Raye as she wept all over him.
He’d have done anything, anything at all, to keep that one moment for ever. To have her company, to laugh and cry with her. To be real and needed by someone. When he was alive, in his
arrogance he’d thought it would go on for ever. Now he realized he’d wasted so much time blaming his dad for something that was not his fault. Dad was hurting just as much as Liam was
over Liam’s mum’s death. But in his grief, Dad had turned away and Liam had hated him for it.
Even thinking about Joshua gave him no peace. He couldn’t even get to the hospital to make sure his brother was OK. It was too far away. He’d heard Nova’s dad on the phone and
although Joshua had broken some bones, he was going to be OK. But hearing it wasn’t the same as being with his brother and seeing for himself. With a bitter start, Liam realized that just as
Dad had turned away from him, so he’d turned away from his little brother. Maybe that was why Joshua was so determined to find Liam again, to turn the clock back.
Liam sighed. If only. If only he could have his time over again . . . But it was a pointless wish. It was never going to happen. But at least Joshua and even his dad could get on with their
lives. They could move forward. Liam couldn’t. He was stuck, watching the rest of the world go on without him. Stuck like a mosquito in amber. And he couldn’t bear it any more. He just
couldn’t.
Liam stood up. ‘I thought I’d go for a walk on the cliff top. I like to look out over the sea. Maybe you could join me?’
‘I’d love to,’ smiled Raye tentatively. ‘If you don’t mind my company.’
‘I’d like nothing better. I’ll meet you outside the hotel in fifteen minutes. I just have something I need to do first.’
‘No problem. I need to wash my face anyway. See you in a minute,’ said Raye.
Liam turned and headed out of the room. He was close to fading out. He couldn’t, he
wouldn’t
allow himself to do that in front of Raye. She believed in him. He couldn’t
lose that. He ran the last couple of metres out of the lounge, looking around quickly before he let himself go. He was safe. There was only Miss Dawn deep in conversation with Raye’s mum at
the reception desk. But as he began to fade out, Miss Dawn turned to look directly at him.
She had the saddest look on her face he’d ever seen. And she wasn’t sad for herself. Liam instinctively realized that she was deeply sad for him. Before he disappeared altogether he
had the strangest feeling that, in some way he didn’t begin to understand, she was desperately worried.
‘Well?’
Nova put her hand over the mouthpiece. ‘Just a minute!’ she hissed at Liam.
They were in the tiny private study that Mum and Dad used as their office. It was the only place where they could use a phone undisturbed.
‘I’m sorry,’ said the voice at the other end of the phone, ‘but we can only give out that kind of information to members of the immediate family.’
‘I just want to know how he’s doing,’ Nova pleaded.