As the edge of town slipped closer and the street lights grew fainter, the dark unknown grew brighter and I found myself thinking about the people I knew personally. And I wondered if they were alright? Wondered if they were still alive and had heard about the containment area at the interstate, or if they had been murdered like so many others.
The need to text or call them forced me to grab my phone from the cup holder, which diverted my eyes from the road for only a split second. But who would I text first? Or better yet, what would I say to them? It’s not like there was a plan for what was happening, because had there been then it never would have transpired. I scanned through my contacts, shifting between the bright screen and the dimly lit road ahead – back and forth.
I can say with all honesty that things do happen in the split seconds it takes for us to blink, look at the radio or text and drive. I never actually saw the person, just heard their screams of terror and looked up to see a woman trying to get out of my way. It was too late. The SUV struck her, casting her flailing body through the air like a ragdoll. The sound of locked wheels sliding on the pavement raced outward and the vehicle came to a stop sideways.
“Holy shit!” I said, still braced as if the impact were occurring all over again. Only the hum of the windshield wipers made any noise – a rhythmic faint slap, as they swayed from right to left. Rain blotted the window in between their gentle arcs. From where I was sitting I couldn’t see any damage to the hood or windshield, like I was certain there would be. Once again, thanks Hollywood for your unrealistic bullshit.
Maybe we didn’t hit anyone after all? Maybe it was just an animal and you thought it was a person?
My mind assured me, although the only way I’d know for sure would be to get out. Not really an option I wanted to undertake. Straining to see in the rear view mirror, since we stopped at such an awkward angle, I couldn’t make out anything at first. It wasn’t until I looked over my left shoulder that I saw the woman lying in the middle of the road. My stomach sank.
She lay there a few moments, motionless and it was then that I began to realize that she might have been alive when I hit her, but that wasn’t the case anymore. The weight of the world already burdening my shoulders became a feather. The new weight, the weight of killing an innocent person had taken its place. Fear and self-preservation instantly were cast under and I jumped out, cautiously heading toward her.
The Woman began to move and moan. I stopped dead in my tracks, getting ready to turn and run back to the SUV. Thank God I had left the door open. In my right hand I noticed the heft of the Beretta, which had tagged along. I can only imagine what my subconscious had in mind, yet it was pretty clear to anyone that might be watching from somewhere close by.
“Help me,” a soft voice fled toward me.
What do I do, ask if she’s alright? Of course not. How stupid would you have to be to ask such an obvious question – she just got hit and flew through the air. So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she’s not ready to get up and do the cha-cha.
Was it possible to be a coward and an idiot… at the same time?
A cowardly idiot. My parents would be so proud of me.
The woman slowly turned her head toward me and I noticed her, as I knew everyone that lived in the small town. Many of the people I had watched die had been people that had direct influence on my life in one way or another. They had either taught me in school, went to the same church, ate at the same restaurants, and shopped at the same small grocery store. There wasn’t a face that was foreign or unfamiliar to me and with the sight of the battered Woman lying on the ground covered in her own blood, I felt the need to look away. Not because the graphic nature of the scene before me, but simply because
I
was the one to blame. I was responsible for what had happened to her, no one else. It was all
my
doing!
“Oh, Jesus… Mary, I didn’t see you. I was trying to get my phone – call for help,” I babbled, trying to justify my actions with good intentions. “I didn’t see you until it was too late.”
Mary Johnson, a thirty-two year old single woman that had taught Sunday school too many youngsters, my Daughter included, looked up at me with a stare I will never forget as long as I live. She moved a hand in my direction pleading silently for help to which I would be unable to administer to her. She was in bad shape, a broken leg that I could see and no telling how many internal injuries. I knew that if I tried to move her to the SUV I could easily kill her; yet leaving her here in the road was no better. If any of those things showed up it meant a guaranteed death sentence.
“I can’t move you. If I do I could easily hurt you more or even kill you,” I said, biting back the tears that were quickly forming.
Screams filled the rain slick night, but not screams from the dying. I looked in their direction and couldn’t see them at first, but knew they were coming. They were bearing down on Mary and I in the haze of the falling rain with a rapid stride, so whatever I planned to do, the clock was ticking.
“They’re coming, Mary… I have Kember with me,” I said. “I can’t move you… I’m sorry… I have to go.”
“Help me,” she stated. “Help me, please.”
There was nothing I could do for her. I wasn’t a doctor, had no formal training in medical first aid, and I didn’t even watch shows about such things. So even guessing would not help her.
“Don’t leave me like this,” she added.
I pointed the .9mm at her head. If I couldn’t help her get better, nor move her to my SUV before those crazy bastards reached us, there was always a bullet to the head to solve the unsolvable.
She closed her eyes waiting for the shot to come, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pull the trigger and end her suffering without suffering myself. I had more than enough to deal with as it was, I sure as hell didn’t need the overwhelming feeling of murderer to top things off. And with that I turned and ran back to the SUV, even as Mary’s slight cries resonated into my ears. I wanted to put ear plugs in to keep from hearing her desperate plea for help, but it didn’t stop me as it should have and I hated myself for running away, yet again. A normal person – someone that wasn’t a coward would have done what they could for the Woman, they would have at least tried to help, used the gun against the things, but still tried to help. All I could do - all I knew how to do was run. And I was getting pretty good at it.
From the driver seat, as the door shut and Mary’s cries ceased, I looked in the rear view mirror to see ten of those things rush out of the darkness only fifty feet away. They were heading straight for SUV until the cries of the dying Woman altered their path. They now knew where she was and she’d be an easy target.
I looked at Mary from the safety of the SUV and saw her glaring back at me, her left hand stretched out toward me, as if she were trying to grab me by the throat and choke the life from me. I looked away, utterly ashamed, as they reached her, thankful the radio was on to douse her screams of intense pain as they tore her apart. I gunned the accelerator and sped away.
The lights, fires, screams, and death faded behind me and I fought the urge to look in the mirror as the small town slipped further away from me. Tears streamed down my face as the emptiness within escalated further. Up until that very moment, the idea of being a coward was only that… but now it had manifested itself and come to life. I
was
a coward… a worthless excuse for a human being. The effects of the painkillers kept me from sinking into an abyss that I would not be able to recover from. They kept me sane in and insane world.
I checked to ensure Kember was still asleep, found she was and lowered the .9mm into my lap, where I could get at it in a hurry if anything else were to happen before I could reach the interstate. My mind still formed the question as to what was going on. I hoped that soon I would have an answer to that, or at least a good idea would make me feel better.
I pushed the SUV hard down the highway, unconcerned about animals jumping in front of me. They no longer held any fear in me… the world that was crumbling to pieces under me was far more than some stupid animal. You run in front of a speeding vehicle then you deserve to get run over. But was that absolutely true?
Chapter Two.
The darkness was insurmountable and coupled with the falling rain, it made driving even more difficult. And then there were the raw emotions that would not flee from my head. I was haunted by them, stalked as though a wild animal were on my trail and was sure to find me at some point in the fast approaching future. The more I tried to wash them under the faster and stronger they came on. Even looking at my sleeping Daughter, thinking that seeing her would put that old smile on my face I had always gotten when coming home from work and she met me at the front door. No smile found me; however, I was very thankful that I’d gotten her out alive. That should count for something.
I rounded a large curve and quickly got on the brakes, not hard enough to cause the SUV to slide out of control, which would most definitely make the situation worse, but hard enough to stop quickly and safely. The headlights were poised at a large green sign and my dilemma quickly increased, as I had a nine year old son that lived with my ex-wife who was thirty miles away. Heading straight for the interstate gave me and Kember a fighting chance, but left my son at the mercy of whatever they were going through. Heading to get him meant going further out of my way into an even deeper situation that I knew nothing about, only that the town he lived in was twice as big, had twice as many people and meant twice as many probabilities of them all getting killed. Not to mention the fact that something could happen on the way there. I was at a standstill.
What was I to do?
“If I go get him, which is what a real father would do without hesitation, I jeopardize the current safety – whatever level that is. But if I go to the interstate first there may be a good chance I could go get him with the military guys and their machine guns. They’d easily tear those damn things up.” My words died away as I let off the brakes and began driving again.
I’d made my decision… now to deal with the consequences.
The twelve minute drive to the interstate was the longest trip in my life. My own thoughts betrayed and slandered me without mercy. They left massive wounds that would never heal nor would the pain be killed by medication of any strength. I was officially the biggest coward of anyone who had ever roamed the earth. Scared to do what was necessary to protect those that I loved, unable to risk my own life to save flesh and blood. I wished that it had been me that died on the kitchen floor; at least my wife would have had the balls to do what was needed, no matter the cost. Instead she had died by the hand of her own daughter, or what had once been her daughter.
“Is this a virus that’s doing all of this? Some kind of mutated virus we took out, now back with a vengeance?” I asked aloud. “Because Alyssa was inside with us the whole night, hadn’t gone anywhere for days… so how did she get it?” It was a question that I never should have asked as it only lead to more questions. And there was more than enough that were still roaming around in my mind just waiting for the right moment to be unleashed.
The SUV topped a small hill and headed down into a narrow valley, offset with large maple trees on both sides of the road. They bowed their large limbs over the road as if realizing my sorrow and felt some sort of pity. Beyond that would be the interstate, however, in the dark sky there should have been reflections from the three different gas stations, one on this side of the interstate and two on the other. I had seen them millions of times as my job had me up and driving at five in the morning, yet they weren’t there. Why?
Passing the bowing maples I found the closest gas station still dark an unopened. Several lights and neon signs burned within, although there were no cars out front or people moving about in the store getting it ready to open. The lights over the gas pumps were off, yet the store looked poised to open at any minute. I pulled into the parking lot, spotting a small car on the far side, which told me that someone was at least inside. Maybe they could tell me what was going on? The need for something to drink burst forth. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a drink and my throat seemed to be closing up. Not to mention the fact that when Kember woke up she would need some juice or strawberry milk and something to snack on. There was no telling when they would be able to eat again and with a major catastrophic event going on, things were more than likely to be drastically out of sync for a while.
“We’re almost there, baby,” I whispered to Kember who never moved, although I could hear her light snores and it made me feel a little better. The SUV remained running while we both sat there silently in the darkness waiting for the store to open. My eyes continuously scanned the stores interior for any signs of life and found none. Several minutes later I did catch something that wasn’t right. I turned my attention to the tree line to the right, watched the darkness a few seconds before moving to the highway behind, and then off to the left where I could barely make out the interstate. No traffic ran up and down in either direction. That worried me.
“Whatever is going on is no joke. I have never seen both lanes of the interstate so barren before.”