Authors: Jennifer Browning
“It’s nice.”
“It’s peaceful. I don’t think it belongs to anyone. I thought you might like to see the beauty that’s in your own backyard before you go off to L.A., which is filled with a lot of unbeautiful things.”
He gestured to the trees around him, but it was too dark to make out much
even with the moonlight
.
“I don’t think that’s a word.”
“Unbeautiful? It should be.”
“Maybe so, but it’s hard to see anything out here… just shadows.”
Noah turned to look at me fully. “Have you ever noticed how much you depend on the light, on your eyes to tell you what’s going on? In the dark, you have to feel it. If you fall in the daytime, you can see where you might land and figure out how to do it. In the dark, or with your eyes closed, you don’t know. You could fall and just hope you don’t hit something but you won’t know until it happens. It’s scary and fun at the same time.”
I wondered momentarily if Noah was having a deep philosophical moment. I thought about the darkness, about falling and not knowing where you were going to land. It summed up perfectly my going away to school. It would be like falling in the dark. Somehow I suspected Noah was being more literal, though.
“Have you been to Los Angeles?”
I asked.
“Yep, that’s where I used to go looking for trouble growing up.”
“And are you l
ooking for trouble here now?”
H
e turned and looked at me as if he was trying to decide something. He elbowed me in the ribs and laughed. “I guess I found it, eh Trouble?”
I’d never been given a nickname before – other than Andy. Even if I had, I couldn’t think of a single person who wou
ld call me Trouble. I liked it
.
We tried talking about a variety of topics, but never managed to find any common ground. He didn’t like reading or dancing or movies that don’t include a guy with a machete. Ultimately, I settled on asking about his family.
In the quiet of the night,
Noah told me he felt guilty going out while David stayed home all the time and took care of Jessica. I stayed silent. It seemed like the right thing to do. I had no siblings and knew nothing of the relationship between brothers and their children.
My eyes adjusted to the low light and
I memorized this place while he was talking: the shadows, the trees,
the
moonlight. It was beautiful and sad here.
I guessed that Noah had a lot of guilt. He was angry and embarrassed. He had much to atone for. I didn’t pry. Not because I wasn’t curious, but because his trust seemed delicate somehow. If I reached out to touch it, it would wither and die. I dared only one question: “Why are you here?”
What followed was the saddest story I ever heard in real life. Jessica, Noah and David had
been living with their mom while D
avid finished up school. Noah got a GED and
tried
to find work.
Trixie
watched Jessica when she had to, but drank too much, yelled a lot and cared too little. When David graduated, he and Noah went to a party to celebrate. The
y
came back to find
Trixie
passed out drunk on the couch with Jessica asleep beside her. They
had
nowhere else to go, no real family… except Mrs. Merchant.
“I can’t stay here much longer
” he
confessed.
“Small towns talk and I have a bad habit of getting in trouble and a bad temper.”
I gasped at once, imagining the worst “You never hurt Jessica?!?” It was a question and an accusation.
“No! I’d die before I’d ever hurt her. Everything I do is to make sure she’s got the best there is. But that’s another reason I should go.”
“I saw you with her. She loves you and you’re an awesome uncle. I don’t think she’d be better off without you.”
Noah looked around uncomfortably. Perhaps I had touched a nerve where Jessica was concerned.
“I think we should go now.”
Our departure was abrupt.
He walked back to where he had parked without looking back or talking. I asked him if I’d said something wrong, but he muttered “no” unconvincingly.
It was still pretty early when we got back toward town. At my house, I handed him back the helmet and told him I had a nice time.
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
he asked.
Pitter pat, pitter pat.
“I don’t have any solid plans.”
“Good. My grandmother is planning to take Jessica out shopping for a
new
bed in the morning. Can you come over for breakfast?”
“Yeah, sure, what time?”
“Is seven too early?”
“No, not at all.”
Hell yes, it was too early
. It was summer break
; but I would be there anyway.
8
Breakfast at
Mrs. Merchant’s house started very early and was mostly
done by the time I got there.
Noah hadn’t told anyone that I was coming, but I was welcome anyway. Sitting at the table, Jessica buzzed with excitement. “I’m
gonna
get a pink bed!”
she
exclaimed, bouncing up and down with her feet swinging wildly.
“Is pink your favorite color?”
I asked.
“Yes, and purple.”
She responded solemnly.
“Ooh, pink and purple. That sounds like it would make a pretty bed.”
Mrs. Merchant piped up from the stove where she was making fresh eggs and
bacon
. “Don’t go getting your hopes
up,
I’ve never seen a pink and purp
le
bed before.”
She chided.
From the tone in her voice,
I guessed she’d search the end
s of the
E
arth to find one if she had to.
“Do you know what my favorite color is?” I asked Jessica.
“Umm, brown.” She guessed looking at my shirt.
“Good guess, but no. My favorite color is blue.”
I told her.
“
Ewww
.
Blue is a boy color.”
Jessica made a face.
“Not always. There are so many pretty shades of blue.”
I explained.
“
What’s shades
?”
This took me a moment to answer. While I was pointing out all the different pink things on her outfit David wandered into the kitchen bleary eyed, unshaven and wearing only sleep pants. I was embarrassed for him and blushed for us both. He was much taller than Noah, but the definition I felt beneath Noah’s shirt was there in David’s bare chest and
stomach
in front of me.
He had those muscles on the side of his lower abdomen that met in a V somewhere below the edge of his pants.
Thinking about it made my heart beat a little faster.
Jessica jumped onto him.
“David! I have one, two, three, four pink shades.” She pointed to each one. He groaned as her knees hit his stomach and then his eyes focused on me.
“Oh, hi.
I didn’t know we were having company this morning.”
He shot a pointed look at his grandmother who
either
didn’t notice
or pretended not to
.
Noah emerged from the living room fully dressed and slapped his brother’s back congenially. “Would’ve ruined the surprise!” he bellowed.
“What surprise?” I was genuinely curious.
“Well, I was hoping you could babysit.”
Noah explained.
“Uh, oh yeah of course.
I thought Jessica was going to get a new bed. Do you want me to go?” I looked curiously at Mrs. Merchant then back at Noah. Mrs. Merchant had a Mona Lisa smile on. Noah’s seemed more like the Joker.
“No, I’m going to go. I need to spend some time with this little Squirt.” He began chasing Jessica around the table.
“Then who do you want me to watch?”
I asked.
Noah stood upright and let himself be tackled. “I was hoping you might take my dud of a brother out and show him how to be young for the day.” Turning to David he continued “You’re off work today, right man?”
I looked at David, careful to maintain focus in the general region of his face.
David eyed Noah suspiciously and gave a cautious “Right.”
“So what do you say
,
Squirt
?
D
o you think Andy should show David how to have fun today?”
Noah asked Jessica.
“Yeah!” she cheered.
David told me it wasn’t necessary, that he knew how to use a day off. Noah scoffed. “What would you do?
Laundry?
You need a local guide and we’ve got one right here. Don’t say no. You need a break and I need some time with my favorite girl.”
Jessica hugged Noah and kissed his cheek the
n
bounced over to me and in a stage whisper informed me that David really likes merry-go-rounds and ice cream. David agreed.
Mrs. Merchant laid a full plate in front of me. “Here’s your breakfast,
Andy
. We’re going to go. You kids have fun.” Noah was already ushering Jessica out the door, who yell
ed “Kids?!? They’re not kids.” a
nd bounced merrily out.
Mrs. Merchant removed her apron and set it down on the counter next to the stove, then gave us a smile and a nod, picked her purse up and walked out.
David and I were left in the suddenly quiet kitchen looking at each other. He smiled, which I couldn’t recall seeing before, and looked instantly years younger. He took a deep breath and looked toward the door the trio
had
just left through.
“You don’t have to do this, you know.”
He told me
again
.
“I know. It’ll be fun. You deserve a break and I have cleared my schedule for this occasion.”
I said.