Authors: Jennifer Browning
“I
just had a bad week and it’s getting worse. Tell me what’s going on with you so I can get my mind off of it.”
“You don’t want to talk about it?”
“No, I really don’t. How have you been?”
“
Well,
I’m glad you called, I’ve had a big week myself.”
He told me about his job at the mall and being promoted to manager of the store so I congratulated him.
He was making enough money now to get his own apartment and afford
real
after-school care for Jessica.
Mrs. Merchant had pretended to be sad, but looked more relieved than anything else.
Then we had a long talk about his dream to
write a book
and feeling like he was stuck.
I was familiar with the feeling of being stuck in Palmetto.
Noah called him every once in a
while to talk to Jessica and she enjoyed that.
H
e was happy that she
was doing well in school and seemed to be thriving, but he felt like something was missing for him.
“Maybe you just need a girlfriend.” I offered, knowing that I was stepping on a very thin line.
After long seconds that felt like an eternity, he responded “Are you volunteering for the job?”
I laughed out loud unintentionally. He had no way of knowing what kind of night I just had, but being anybody’s girlfriend sounded like a bad idea to me.
“It’s not that funny.” He complained lightly.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s not. It was just really bad timing.”
“
Ah, I see. Speaking of bad timing,
Holly called me.
I don’t even know how she got my number, but she called.
”
He left it hanging there in the air and I surmised that it meant something important.
“Who’s Holly?” was the natural question.
I’d completely forgotten her name.
“Jessica’s mother.
She’s
living in
Arizona
with her sister now, trying to get her act together. She said she’s
got
a job and
going to school
.”
He said.
“Those sound like good things to do.”
I offered, feeling a little pang of jealousy.
“She wants to see Jessica too. She’s saved up enough money to fly out here. We got into a fight
, though
. I told her she’d better not show up here making promises and then disappear again.
”
“Wow. Do you think she would do that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.
She seemed really upset that I was questioning her commitment, but she doesn’t exactly have a good track record.
Part of me is worried that she’s coming and she’s going to want to take Jessica away. The other
part of me is worried that she won’t come.”
He confessed.
“You want her to come?”
There was that jealousy again.
“I think I do.
Even if Holly’s completely immature and hasn’t grown up at all, even if she can’t really be a mother, she’s the only mother Jessica’s got. Jessica deserves to know her mom. And I would love it if she could be a part of Jessica’s
life,
maybe even take care of her sometimes. ”
He said.
T
hinking about David
spending time
with a girl he had such a permanent and intimate connection with
gave me an unmistakable negative feeling
. I imagined that they would get together with their daughter and reminisce about old times and one thing would lead to another. It felt inevitable and it hurt.
“I hope it all works out.”
I lied.
“Me too.”
He said quietly.
I changed the subject
to avoid more discomfort
and told him I
had
run into Noah. I left out where and mentioned that it was just in passing. David said he’d been trying to get
ahold
of Noah, but Noah wasn’t returning his calls
lately
. I promised that if I saw him again, I’d tell him to call.
“I’d rather you just don’t see Noah again.”
He said matter-of-factly.
“Why not?”
I asked.
“Because where Noah goes, trouble follows.”
He said.
“I think you’re exaggerating that. Your brother is not a bad guy.”
“Most of the time he’s not, but his moral compass is off. He needs to get his act together too
and be a man. And I can’t stand the thought of him getting you into trouble.”
“Nobody’s going to get me into any trouble besides me.”
I said morosely
“You’re not getting into any trouble, are you?”
he asked.
“I don’t know yet. I might have.”
“What? What’s going on? Was it Noah?
Did he? Did you?
I’m going to kill him. You’re not… you know…”
He spat out his questions in a rush of thoughts and emotions.
I knew exactly where he was going with that line of questioning.
If that wasn’t the pot calling the kettle black.
He gets some girl pregnant and thinks his brother is going to be irresp
onsible and do the same thing with me? Why did everyone think I was so easily persuaded?
“No! And that’s none of your business! Good grief David, you don’t need to be all high and mighty. I think it was a mistake to call tonight. I’m just feeling really overwhelmed right now and I’m going to go.”
“Wait, I’m sorry. I
shouldn’t
make any assumptions and I d
on’
t want to hurt your feelings. I just know my brother better than you do and he can’t be trusted.”
“Okay, fine. I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
I said in clipped words.
“Please don’t be mad at me
Andy.
”
“Whatever. Have a good night.”
“Good night.”
He sounded sad.
I was in a worse mood after that phone call than I had been before. Now, not only did I have to worry about freaky X and his obsession, but David’s ex was going to see him and he accused me of sleeping with his brother, not that I hadn’t thought about it when I first m
et him, but time changes things and it had changed the way I saw Noah … and David.
I checked the yoga studio schedule and found that they’d be open for another hour with a class going on in only one of their rooms. I grabbed my dance bag and jogged the whole way there.
15
The next night seemed just right for a girls
’
night out and my girlfriends wanted to go dancing. I
didn’t
protest
;
a loud beat was just what I needed to clear my head.
When we got to the club that my friend Rebecca suggested
I could hear the club thrumming from across the parking lot. The line was long, but we caught a break. As I walked past the entrance to head for the back of the line, I heard my name and turned to see a familiar face talking to the bouncer. It was Pharmacy Phil. I smiled with cautious optimism. He opened the velvet rope, came over and hugged me then stepped back and gave a playful growl as he looked me over.
“De-
licious
” he proclaimed and I could
n’t
help but
smile
. He glanced appreciatively at my friends and said “Don’t worry, ladies. This line isn’t for you.”
He leaned in to speak to the bouncer and we were instantly inside.
The fact that Phil and X knew each other crossed my mind, but I dismissed it just as quickly. It would be arrogant of me to think that th
ey would talk about me at all and hadn’t Phil been the one who tried to warn me off?
A steady din of music and talking
in the club
made it impossible to hear much of anything.
The
minimal lighting made
it too dark to see clearly
in there, but the strobe
lights periodically lit up d
ifferent areas of the
club
. An
old fashioned disco ball was mounted over
the dance
floor and it cast a relatively steady menagerie of lights
on those dancing.
Sunday
immediately grabbed my arm and dragged me on the floor. It felt like a real party.
Rebecca
was a local girl who occasionally hung out with us on the weekends if she didn’t have a date lined up, which was pretty rare. She had already turned 21 and drinking was one of her favorite pastimes.
She immediately found her way to the bar and found a way to get us a reserved table and drinks.
Being tall, thin and blonde probably didn’t hurt her at all.
That table became our home base that we came back to between dancing. After a while, most of my girlfriends were danced out a
nd I came back to the table with them. There were
drinks on the table
waiting for us and I was thirsty, but my favorite song came on and I wanted to get back out and dance. I downed my drink in one long gulp.
Sunday
looked at me, eyes wide
and screamed “That’s not yours!” I realized what I had done just as the taste hit the back of my throat.
“What was that?”
I screamed over the music, my face contorting with the strength of the drink burning my tongue and throat.
“Bartender special!”
Rebecca said
,
shrugging her shoulders with a half-apology.
My stomach churned and I figured there was nothing I could do now but dance it off. I
asked
her to get me a glass of water and she
left
to do it without a word. I asked
Sunday
to dance, but she wasn’t
interested
. A guy on the floor eyed me dancing at the table
trying to get someone
in my group
on the floor
and came to offer his hand. I gladly took it.