Authors: Teodora Kostova

Dance (9 page)

“This
is the last night I’ll spend here and I want to spend it with you,” Jared said
when their lips finally parted.

“What
do you mean?”

“When
the contractors start tomorrow I have to move out until they’re finished. This
place needs a lot of work, and there’s no way I can live here in the meantime.”

“Where
are you going to stay?”

“Adam,”
Jared said, shrugging easily, like it was the most natural thing in the world
to go stay with his ex-boyfriend. Fenix frowned. He could not control the next
thing that came out of his mouth even if he’d wanted to.

“Adam?
You’re going to stay with your ex?” Fenix hated the edge in his voice almost as
much as he hated the idea of Jared staying with Adam.

“We
lived together before I moved in here. It’s no big deal.”

Fuck.
That.

Fenix
was torn – he didn't want to sound like a jealous boyfriend because he
wasn’t
Jared’s boyfriend, but the
thought of Jared staying at Adam's was killing him. The rational thing to do
would be to shut up and get over it. Fenix tapped into years of performance
training to rein in his emotions and clear his features of any distress. When
he felt confident his voice would not betray his unfounded jealousy, he asked,

“For how long?”

“Three
weeks. At least that’s what the contractor tells me.”

Three
fucking weeks!

Fenix
pressed his teeth so hard together he thought they might fall through his jaw.
They needed a change of subject, fast.

“Look,”
Fenix began and gently removed Jared’s arms from around his waist, taking a
small step back. “I’d love to stay, but like I said, I have plans with Joy
and...”

Jared
cut him off, closing the distance between them once again and stealing his
breath with a languid kiss. For a moment Fenix forgot about Joy, about
contractors and Adam and irrational jealousy. His world shrank and moulded
itself to that kiss. He didn't want to
go,
he didn't
want to be out of touching distance from Jared.

Jared
moved his wet lips along Fenix’s jaw and down his throat, along his collarbone
and the hollow of his throat. He traced his way back to his lips, his arms
tightening around Fenix as if he planned to physically restrain him from
leaving. That would not be necessary. Every desire to walk out that door had
already evaporated from Fenix’s brain.

“Call
Joy and tell her you won’t be coming home tonight. You’ll make it up to her
some other time,” Jared whispered seductively in Fenix’s ear, sucking on his
earlobe for emphasis.

Fenix
nodded on an instinct – he was too far gone in a haze of red, hot lust to think
clearly.

Jared made
baked salmon and steamed vegetables for dinner while Fenix tried to put his
brain cells back together. He
lay
in Jared’s bed,
listening to him cook in the kitchen, his body still sensitive and trembling.
Jared had sucked his cock, bringing him to the edge and then back down so many
times he’d lost count. He’d driven Fenix out of his mind with the desire to
burst out of his skin. Just thinking about it now, he felt goosebumps erupt all
over his body, every nerve ending still over stimulated and
aware
. He’d needed some time to come
down from the high of his orgasm, to convince his body that the pleasure was
over. Jared had held him, selflessly, not even trying to make Fenix return the
favour.

Fenix
heard the extractor fan go quiet and Jared started opening and closing
cupboards, clacking plates and silverware together. It was time to get up and
have something to eat – Fenix had a suspicion his
groggy
state was at least partly due to his lack of food since breakfast that morning.
Sitting up, he found his phone in his discarded jeans on the floor and typed a
quick text to Joy letting her know he wouldn't be coming home tonight. Even
though a text was the coward’s way out, he had no energy to deal with her right
then. Turning off his phone in the very plausible case she’d call him the
second she got his message, Fenix put his boxers on and padded to the kitchen.

Jared
greeted him with a smirk, giving him a once over, pleased with his handy work.
Fenix must have looked as relaxed and sedated as he felt. Conversation flowed
easily while they ate and talked and laughed in such comfort with each other,
as if they’d been doing this years instead of a couple of days. Fenix tried to
push the nagging thought of Jared staying with Adam for almost a month out of
his mind, but it didn't work. It poked its ugly head and crawled to his frontal
lobe until he couldn’t think of anything else.

He
helped Jared clean up the table and
wash
the dishes.
The domesticity of the situation should have seemed odd, awkward, but it
didn't. Fenix had never felt so calm, so comfortable and
safe
in the company of another guy. After they were done in the
kitchen, Fenix took Jared’s hand in his and guided him back to the bedroom.

Later,
after a whirlwind of tangled limbs, harsh breaths, whispered words, muffled
cries and sticky, sweating bodies moving together, they lay on their sides,
facing each other in the dark. Jared absently traced uneven circles on Fenix’s
hip, his eyes
shinning
in the darkness. Fenix could
not look away, could not distance himself from the feeling of Jared’s
fingertips on his skin.

“ADHD?”
Jared asked softly.
He hadn’t mentioned anything about it ever since Fenix had casually tossed the
information at him in the bank lobby.

“Yeah.
Not the severe,
medicated kind. I just find it really hard to concentrate on one single thing
for a long time,” Fenix said with a smile, trying to make light of the subject.
He hated talking about his ADHD because most people didn't get it. They thought
he was hiding behind some made-up condition to justify how easily bored he
could get.

Then
again, Jared wasn’t most people. He didn't return the smile when he said,

“I
bet that makes your long rehearsing and dancing sessions very difficult.” His
fingers continued to make patterns on Fenix’s hip and distract him.

“Sometimes,”
he whispered, closing his eyes and remembering his latest episode. He’d been
dancing for over two hours, trying to perfect a move he was working on and
still not liking what he saw in the mirror. Realisation that he’d been doing
that for so long and not achieving his goal, and even worse – that he had to
stay here, in this studio, all alone, doing the same thing over and over again
until he was happy with it, hit him like a freight train. Suddenly, he couldn't
breathe and the walls started closing in on him. He needed to get out of here.
Run. Do something.

“Hey,”
Jared said softly, running his thumb over Fenix’s cheekbone. Fenix opened his
eyes and the sight of Jared, who was looking at his with concern and
tenderness, grounded him back to the present.

“It’s
not such a big deal,” Fenix said hurriedly. “Red Bull relaxes me and coffee
makes me sleepy, and I can never finish watching a movie without either falling
asleep or getting distracted half way. I hate repetitive, mechanical noises,
waking up early in the morning, being restrained for any reason, and sometimes
the world around me becomes too noisy, too constricted, too
much,
and I need to get away. But that’s
the worst case scenario. I’m pretty normal most of the time...” Fenix had to
forcibly close his mouth and clench his jaw to stop himself rambling.

“Nothing
about you is normal, Fenix. You’re as extraordinary as it gets,” Jared said and
ran his hand down Fenix’s arm, coming to rest on his hip. Fenix raised an
eyebrow to express his doubt at Jared’s words. Jared smiled crookedly. “You
wanna
tell me what’s been bothering you all evening?” he
asked casually.

“Huh?”

“You’ve
been distracted all through dinner and even now. I know something’s bothering
you so you might just as well tell me,” Jared said and resumed his insanely
tender pattern tracing on Fenix’s hip.

Even
though Fenix wanted to tell him, he was reluctant to.

“Fen?”
Jared encouraged
gently. The use of that particular nickname broke down Fenix’s last defences.
He sighed.

“I
don't want you to move in with Adam while the renovations last,” he said
finally, his voice level and as devoid of emotion as he could make it. For a
second, Jared looked confused, but then it dawned on him, his eyes sparkling
mischievously.

“Are
you jealous?” he asked, grinning.

“No,”
Fenix denied on an instinct, making Jared laugh.

“You
are!”

Fenix
hadn’t expected Jared to laugh wholeheartedly at that and pushed his hand away,
flopping onto his back. Jared followed him immediately, stretching on top of
him and forcing him to meet his eyes.

“You
have no reason to be. Adam and I are friends; we’ve always been friends, even
when we fucked,” Jared said softly, his gorgeous, pink, wet lips just an inch
from Fenix’s. His jealousy flared even more.

“You
said he was your first. That
kinda
leaves a lasting
memory,” he said.

There.
Proper jealous boyfriend routine.

“But
that’s what it is – a memory. If we wanted to be together, we would have been.
We just don't want to.”

That
did nothing to ease Fenix’s mind. He felt stupid and irrational and out of line
for even mentioning it. He hated that he’d even opened his big mouth, and he
was afraid Jared might hate it too.

“Baby?
There’s more, I can
see it in your eyes,” Jared said, his voice so calm and gentle. No judgement.
No impatience. Fenix decided to let it all out, and if Jared decided it was too
much to handle, then so be it. But he could not spend the next three weeks
keeping all that inside. He opened his mouth and ranted without even pausing
for breath.

“Yes,
I’m jealous. Even when you say that you’re nothing more than friends, I’m still
jealous. He was your first lover and you’ll never forget that. He’ll always be
special to you. But what I hate even more than that is the fact that I feel
this way, because we just met two days ago! I have no right to feel this way,
we’re not in a relationship or anything,
we
don't know
anything about each other. And yet, the thought of not spending a single night
with you drives me crazy, let alone three fucking weeks. I want you to stay
with me, not with Adam. I want to tell you that I don't want to fuck anybody
else and I don't want
you
to fuck
anybody else either. I want...” Fenix paused, his voice growing quiet at
Jared’s expression. He had not expected that.
“You.
I
want you, Jared. How can I want you so much after two days? It scares the hell
out of me.”

Jared
stared at him. He was shocked, but he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t pulling back as
if he thought Fenix was crazy. That was a good sign, right?

“You
want me to stay with you?” he asked finally.

“Yes.”

Jared’s
lips pulled back in a stunning, happy grin. His eyes danced as he kept staring
at Fenix as if searching for a sign he was leading him on.

“And
you want to be exclusive?”

“Yes!”
Fenix confirmed, unable to stop the joyful grin appearing on his own lips.

“I
don't care how long we’ve known each other, Fen. This feels right. I want you,
too. I want everything with you,” Jared said as he kissed him, tangling his
hands in Fenix’s hair and relaxing his body on top of him. All too soon he
pulled back and rested on his side again, tugging Fenix to follow him. When
they were facing each other again, Jared moved even closer, leaving just an
inch between their lips. “You know how in books and movies at the end, just
before the happily ever after, they always say, ‘I knew you were the one the
moment I saw you’, or ‘I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with you
when I first met you’?”

“Yeah?”

“I
don't
wanna
waste that time – the time between
realising that and actually saying it. I don't
wanna
bend to society’s rules about how long we should be together before I tell you
‘I love you’ or before I know you’re
it
.
Because I knew it the moment I lay eyes on you, Fenix. Something inside me woke
up and jumped and pointed at you and shouted: ‘That’s him. That’s the guy for
you.’ You’re
it
for me, love. I know
it here,” he took Fenix’s hand and placed it on his chest, right over his
heart. “And I don't care what anybody else says.”