Daisy and the Trouble with Life (8 page)

When I ran to the loo the first time last night, I went past Mum's bedroom really really quietly.

That way, she wouldn't know the dib-dab germs had got me.

And that way, in the morning I could pretend there never were any germs on that dib-dab. So then Mum would feel really bad about telling me off in the first place. So would Nanny and Grampy and Auntie Sue and Mrs Pike and Tiptoes!!!!!

Trouble is, when I turned the light on in the bathroom, the loo roll was all gone, apart from the cardboard bit in the middle. And I couldn't use that because . . . well I couldn't. And anyway, I always save that bit for Gabby's hamster. Gabby's hamster loves eating empty loo rolls.

So I had no choice.

“MUM, THERE'S NO LOO ROLL!” I had to shout.

“WAKE UP! I NEED SOME LOO ROLL,” I had to shout again.

The
trouble with shouting when someone's asleep
is they don't always hear you.

So then you have to shout louder and LOUDER, and kick the side of the bath with your feet too.

“MUM! MUM! THE DIB-DAB GERMS HAVE GOT ME. I'VE GOT TUMMY TROUBLE!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!” I had to shout at the top of my voice.

The
trouble with waking my mum up
is she doesn't really like it.

The
trouble with waking my mum up when she's in a bad mood
is she REALLY doesn't like it.

I can tell because usually, when there's something wrong with me in the night, my mum pretends to keep her eyes open and rubs my back. But not last night. At least not when she came into the bathroom the first time.

The first time she came to see me, she folded her arms and tapped her toes on the bathroom floor and said, “You see, Daisy. You see what happens when you turn into a human dustbin. I told you tummy trouble was brewing. Goodness knows how many germs were on that lolly.”

Luckily we had some more loo rolls in the bathroom cupboard. Mum bought them yesterday before she went to the butcher's.

Trouble is, there are only twelve loo rolls in a pack.

Oo.

No.

Yes, no, yes.

Not sure . . .

See you in a min . . . !!!!!!!!!!!

Phew!!

Good news at last! I didn't have to open loo roll number eleven!

In fact, I didn't have to go to the loo at all! Which means I must be getting better!

Which is a good job because the
trouble with brand-new loo rolls
is they can be really tricky to open.

A bit like cheese triangles.

Once, when I was hungry, I tried to make my own picnic, but I couldn't get the cheese out of the triangle at all. Until I squeezed it really really hard with both hands. Then all the cheese squidged out of one end, all over my fingers.

Mum says cheese triangles are really easy to open when you know how.

That's the
trouble with grown-ups
. They know everything.

At least they think they do.

I got most of the cheese out in the end but it didn't look anything like a triangle. Which made me really cross because triangles are my favourite shape. Then circles. Then squares.

I didn't fancy the cheese after that. So in the end I just ate the bread.

The
trouble with bread
is my mum never lets me cut it myself.

She says I'll have an accident with the big knife and chop all my fingers off. Then I'll have to have a finger sandwich instead of a cheese sandwich, because good fingers shouldn't go to waste.

Anyway, how could I pick up a finger sandwich if all my fingers were inside the sandwich? She hasn't thought of that, has she?

The only things I'm allowed to cut in our house are craft paper and play-dough. With the red scissors.

I did cut Gabby's hair once when I was round her house, but she made me do it. It was definitely her idea, not mine.

The
trouble with Gabby's hair
is it fidgets a lot, so even if you're a really good hairdresser, it comes out wrong.

Gabby quite liked it from the front, but her mum only saw it from the back.

Playing hairdressers is banned in Gabby's house now. So are any games with scissors.

The
trouble with playing round Gabby's house
is she knows all the best places to hide. Whenever she says, “COMING, READY OR NOT!” I'm never ready because I'm still looking for a good place to hide. I used to hide under her bed but she kept finding me, and now it's the same when I hide behind her lounge curtains.