Authors: Abby McCarthy
“Liz, I swear to God. You better call me back the second you get this.” I leave the second message in fifteen minutes on Liz’s voicemail. Daryn is dropping Lily off in fifteen minutes and I was hoping to get my head on straight before she got home. I need advice and I need it pronto.
I don’t hear from Liz and before I know it, my door is thrown open and a hyper Lily bounces in.
“Hey, Mom! Whose car is that in the driveway?” she asks.
“Hi, I didn't say anything to her,” Daryn says from the doorway.
“Say anything to me about what?” Lily asks.
“Oh, I had some car troubles and this one is a rental.” That seems to placate her and she runs off.
“I left Grace in the car. Did you get everything taken care of?” Daryn asks.
“I did, thanks again.”
“Don’t mean to pry, but are you okay? It looks like you’ve been crying.” Drats. If Daryn can pick up on that, then so can Lily.
“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” I lie. “Thanks again.”
Daryn gives me a smile that says he doesn't believe me, but that he respects my space and waves goodbye. “Okay, call me if you need anything, June.”
I fix myself up in the bathroom mirror while Lily plays in her room and start an early dinner, trying to keep my mind off of Jake.
After an hour and a half of watching Sofia the First and the two of us curled up on the couch with bellies full of beef stroganoff, my phone finally rings.
Liz’s name flashes across the screen, “Finally,” I answer.
“Is everything okay? Is it Lily?” she asks.
“Hold on,” I say looking at Lily who is so engrossed in the TV, she doesn’t pay much mind to me getting up. I walk in the kitchen and pour a glass of white wine and walk out my backdoor to sit in one of the large, over-sized patio chairs.
“No everything isn’t okay,” I tell Liz.
“Why what happened? Lily?”
“Lily is fine. You’ll never guess who I saw today,”
“Who?” she asks concerned.
“I went to this shop that my car was towed to, and Jake was under the hood of my car.”
“Jake? As in Jake?” she asks and I can hear the panic in her voice.
“Yes, as in Jake,” I whisper even though Lily is in the house.
“Oh, my God. What happened?” she asks.
“I freaked; I went nutso. I started hitting him and screaming at him, and then he threw me over his shoulder brought me in the other room until I calmed down and then basically said he wants to talk and that he’ll give me until tomorrow. I don’t know what got into me. I can’t believe I hit him. I can’t believe he’s been here. I’m a wreck, Liz.
“Holy shit,” she says releasing a breath.
“Yeah, holy shit. What am I going to do?”
We talk for over an hour, going over what he said to me and if I want to tell him about Lily. I know I should, but I want to protect her. Liz thinks I should do it right away, but I feel more cautious like I need to hear his story first and then decide. We finish debating how I should handle this with a final plea from Liz, “June, it’s been a long time and I know you’ve never truly gotten over him. Hear him out, if no other reason than to give yourself some peace. You deserve that.”
I chew on that all night until I finally fall asleep. I wake up and get Lily ready for school, drop her off and call off work. I tell them that my car was stolen and that I need the day off. My boss is completely understanding and we discuss doing a piece on car theft in Cleveland. I pace around my house, cleaning things twice, then three times. I’m antsy and I can’t help it. At ten o'clock my phone rings and I don’t hesitate answering it.
“June,” Jake’s voice washes over me from the other end of the phone line.
I didn’t give him my number so I’m surprised to hear my name roll from his lips. I’m also surprised to find I’m not holding on to the same hostility. I guess Liz’s talk really helped. “How did you get my number?” I ask.
“The police department gave us all of your contact info.”
Well, I guess that makes sense. I pause waiting to hear what he has to say, “I need to meet you, June.”
“I took the day off. Can we meet during the day?” I ask.
“What time were you thinking?” he asks.
“The earlier the better. Can you get out of work?” I ask pacing my living room, anxious to finally get some answers.
“How’s one?”
“That can work. Meet me at the Lake?”
“Hmm, that’s closer to me, I can do twelve-thirty then,” he says and I get a ball of butterflies in my stomach as butterflies swirl around in my stomach. This sounds so much like the Jake I remember.
“Sounds good,” I say and pause not sure what to say next.
“Okay, see you then,” he says and disconnects, letting me off of the hook for my loss of words.
I struggle with what to wear and ultimately decide on jean shorts and a t-shirt. I don’t want him to think I’m dressing up for him, even though I can’t help but spend an extra ten minutes on my make-up. I text Liz and let her know that I’m meeting him and promise to fill her in on all of the details as soon as it’s done.
I make it to the Lake before Jake. I do this on purpose, hoping my nerves will calm down by the time he gets here.
There’s no wind today. Everything feels still. Even the Lake is flat today. They call it glass because it’s so calm you can actually see perfect reflections. The only ripples in the water come from the occasional boat passing through, but even then, the break walls stop most of the momentum. I stand on the small bridge, the freshly stained wood sticks to the bottom of my shoes. As I watch where the river and lake meet, I notice the tremble in my hands. I try to calm myself and focus on the water. I take in the scent of fresh water and fish filling the air.
There’s no current today, at least if there is I can’t see it. I wonder how our lives would have turned out if there had been no current all of those years ago and if Mike Daniels had never gotten swept away.
I see him pull up in a newer black truck. When he steps out my breath hitches. He looks like the Jake from my past, but he’s different too. He’s even more beautiful than the Jake I remember. He’s filled out so much and I imagine him working out in a prison yard. I hate that thought. He looks around seeking me out and once he spots me his walk is quick.
“June,” he greets me. I war between wanting to hit him and wanting to run to his arms, so instead I stay put and wait for his lead.
“You remember this place, huh?” he asks.
“I remember everything, Jake. Or shall I call you Lucas?” I sneer.
“Jake’s just fine, June. Walk with me. I’ll do my best to explain.”
My feet are frozen in place and I suddenly feel like this is a bad idea. After all this time, does it even matter what his explanation is? What if whatever he is going to tell me hurts more; or even worse than that, what if I want to forgive him? I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive Jake Daniels, but on the flip side I owe this to Lily.
Sensing my hesitation Jake takes a tentative step back, “Please?” he asks.
I nod and walk towards the beach. It’s empty. I figured it would be since school started last month.
I take my flip flops off and leave them in the sand feeling the warm grains beneath my toes.
“Alright,” he lets out a deep breath cutting straight to the chase, “You remember that day on the boat?”
“Of course I do,” I remember everything about that night. I stop giving him attitude. It’s not going to get us anywhere and now that he started talking I really want to hear what he has to say.
“Well, when I got home after dropping you off at your parent’s summer house, a man by the name of Eli Doyle was waiting for me. He saw everything that happened on the boat. My dad owed this guy a lot of money from the tables, so he was pissed. He told me he would hunt you down and he would make me suffer watching what he planned on doing to you if I didn't start working for him. I’d heard of this guy, June and he was no good; worse than my dad ever was. So, at first it was easy stuff, I’d pick up money for him when he told me to and then it turned into bigger things, like taking a bat to someone when they didn't pay. It got bad. I hated doing the shit he made me do. The only good thing at that time of my life was Mrs. Jones, one of the librarians. She noticed that I was always taking out books on music, so she offered to teach me some things. I took to it like a natural. I swear if I didn’t have that, I’m not sure what I would have done. I hated my life, and June I gotta tell you, there were times I felt like ending it.”
I suck in a deep breath. I can’t imagine Jake beating people for money and I can't imagine him being so low that he’d want to kill himself. My mind is going a million different directions. “Jake,” I say softly tilting my head towards him feeling compassion above all other feelings.
“I never went through with it, obviously. Like I said, Mrs. Jones was there. Anyways, this went on for a few years. There was this one night where Eli showed up. At this point, I was living in a small one-bedroom apartment he rented out to me. He took ownership of my dad’s farm. Guess my dad bet him and already gave him the deed. So, Eli handed me a gun one night and wanted me to kill Jim Anston for not paying up. Only, I grew up with Jim. We weren't best friends or anything, but he wasn’t a dick. I couldn't do it. I packed my bags and took off, just praying that after enough time I could find you and that he would forget about me. God, I was stupid to think I could out run that fucker.
“I hitchhiked and made it as far as Virginia when I completely ran out of money. I met a guy. He gave me a job at his shop working on cars. Guess all the years working on farm equipment paid off because I was a natural. I saved up some money and got a car. Even got my keyboard for a steal. Once, I had enough money saved, I made my way up to Cleveland. I found a job, a place to stay. Met the guys in the band and life seemed good.”
“You know that night wasn't the first night I saw you.”
“No?” I ask confused and completely entranced by the story. I realize I’m softening towards him and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
“No, it wasn’t. The first time I saw you was at the Art Museum. You were sitting by the fountain. Your head was thrown back in a laugh at a few squirrels chasing each other around the fountain. I couldn't believe it was you. You looked so beautiful and so happy. I’d go there almost every day in hopes that I’d see you. I stumbled across your name in The Scene and I read everything you wrote. Still do.
“I don't know what I was waiting for. I guess I was afraid that once I said hi to you that it might change your happiness. I was already going by Lucas, in case Eli was looking for me. I felt like if anyone knew my real name, it would put you in danger. Then, when you didn't know me at the bar, I told you my name was Lucas. I liked that guy. He never beat anyone for money. Never had anyone calling him a loser his whole life, and certainly didn't have someone threatening to kill his girlfriend. It felt good being with you, but after a while I knew it was wrong. The guilt was eating away at me. One day, Dietz has this guy show up looking for me, only Dietz was confused because he asked for Jake. Dietz said he didn't know a Jake and then the guy said maybe I got the name wrong and the guy shows Dietz my picture. Dietz got weird vibes and didn't tell him anything, but once he told me what happened, I was paranoid. I wanted to hold on to everything with you. That time together with me as Lucas felt like a gift and I didn't want to waste a second of it.
“So the day before our last day together, Eli finds me in the parking lot outside of the shop. He laid it out for me. Said he had some deal set up inside the penitentiary here and he wanted me to run numbers for him like old times. I told him to go to hell and he said I was already there because he told the police that he saw me throw my dad overboard. He told me he had friends on the payroll, and I knew this was true from when I was working for him. Hell, half of the force down there paid me on the regular. He said there was an APB out for my arrest and that he told them where to find me. They didn’t even have a body, and they wanted me all because Eli said so. Eli said, I was to take the plea deal they were going to offer and he would leave you out of it. Said if I didn't do it, his friends would set it up so that you took the hit instead of me. Said they would make sure you didn't get a deal. The entire thing was a set up because he needed a guy on the inside.
“He promised he’d leave you out of it, but anytime I gave him slack about doing what he wanted he’d tell me how he had eyes on you. You’d think being in prison is straightforward. You serve your time and keep your head down then get out, but I’m telling you, Eli had me doing shit in there; and then there was this other player that I had to watch out for. He hated Eli and knew what I was doing. So one day, he had a bunch of skins hold me down, sliced me up good. I was in the infirmary for a month. I got out of the infirmary and focused on getting bigger. I wasn’t going to take anymore from them or anyone else in there. The guys came at me again, and I did shit, June. Bad shit, but I survived.
“Strange thing, I was in my third year, and I stopped hearing from Eli. The guys on the inside who needed to place bets were getting antsy and the guys Eli needed to collect from stayed very clear of me, thinking I was going to beat them. I kept thinking I would hear something, then one day I did. Turns out he was in for murder down south. They had him in some maximum prison. He wasn’t even in six months before his ass got shanked, and then just like that it was over. I finished doing my time and got out. Was lucky enough Stout didn’t mind hiring felons.”