Country Love (A Billionaire BWWM Romance) (16 page)

Chapter
Thirty-Five

Monique

I was certain I
was still dreaming. LeeAnne Colfax's voice outside of my hotel room door was
most certainly the product of some bizarre dream my subconscious was trying to frighten
me with. It was the only explanation.

I woke up with my
heart in my throat, and rolled over to the side of the bed, ignoring the
spinning in my head.

My suitcase was
right there, a mess as always. I could never seem to pack it
properly...whatever I needed was usually found at the very bottom of everything.
That was especially true right now, as I dug, and dug and dug, my heart beating
more frantically at each moment that passed by.

Finally I located
the little plastic case and popped it open. I stared at the blister pack and
counted back on my fingers. Today was Thursday and I should have been starting
the sugar pills.

But my period
wasn't here. And there were still pills in the packet.

I had missed...a
lot of pills this month.

I stood up in a
daze and dragged my fingers over my tummy. "Fuuuuuuuck," I whispered
out loud.

This was a dream
still. It had to be a dream. I never missed my pills. I had been taking them in
one form or another for years now, and had always been near religious with
them.

What the hell
happened?

I was still
pretty sure I was dreaming as I stood there in the doorway. That is until
Tanner came and placed his warm hand possessively at the small of my back. The
tingle that went down my spine was all too real.

I had almost told
him, Even before I was positive of it myself. I hadn't even taken a test yet. I
could just be late. It really could be the road food not agreeing with me.
There were a million other reasons for my dizziness and nausea besides it. I
wasn't sure...but I was pretty sure.

And when I saw
him being such a natural father, with that chubby little girl in his arms, the
words had nearly escaped. I had never seen such softness around his eyes as
when he looked down at her scrunched up little face and offered her his finger
to gum. The words "I'm pregnant" had leapt right to the tip of my
tongue.

But the voice I
thought I had dreamed spoke up to save me. LeeAnne Colfax's voice broke the
moment and I swallowed the words right back down again.

I stepped quickly
around Tanner and stared. "LeeAnne?"

As was the shock
on LeeAnne's face when she saw me. "Mo?" she asked, wonder and hope
and confusion all competing for real estate on her wide open face.

My feet felt
rooted to the spot. But LeeAnne seemed to have the opposite problem. She came
rushing at me in a flurry of gasps and fluttering hands. I clenched my fists
and watched her warily as she circled around me. "Is that really you? What
are you doing,
here
??"

"You two
know each other?" Tanner sounded just as confused.

"Hell yeah
we do, or we did at any rate." LeeAnne made a little sniffing sound. That
sound she always made right before she said something cutting or sarcastic.
"Before she disappeared one day and I never heard from her again."

"LeeAnne...."
My heart was thumping so hard I was sure everyone could hear it. The panic that
flooded my mouth with its bright copper taste made my already queasy tummy
roil. I couldn't seem to find words, only whispers. "I'm sorry about that,
I wanted to call, I just...couldn't...."

LeeAnne regarded
me sharply for a second. I waited for her scorn, waited for her to yell at me.
Instead she heaved a sigh. "I missed you," she smiled and opened her
arms.

The only real
friend I ever had folded me into her arms. As I hugged her back, I marveled at
how solid she was, how real. She even smelled the same, that lemon scented
body-wash she discovered in high school. Back when she befriended the shy,
scared new kid with skin darker than anyone she had ever seen before. LeeAnne
didn't care then, and apparently she still didn't care now. "What
happened?" she asked me as she pulled back from the hug. "I was so
worried."

I shot a look at
Tanner who seemed to understand at once. "I told these boys the only way
they'd get tonight off is if we have a rehearsal for a few hours today. You
ladies stay here, catch up. Don't worry, LeeAnne," he leaned over and
kissed her cheek, "I won't work him that hard. He'll still be frisky
tonight...."

LeeAnne let out
her trademark honking laugh as I stared at my past and my present interacting.
The disconnect was driving me crazy.

And it must have
been driving LeeAnne crazy too, because the minute Blake took the baby from her
and deposited her into the car seat, she whirled on me, her eyes blazing.
"Now, tell me.
 
What the fuck?"

I bristled.
"That's how you talk to me after all these years?"

She planted her
hand son her hips. "It's what I've been thinking, all these years. You
know how many people I told the story to by now? I could recite it in my sleep.
'My best friend in high school was this girl Monique Williams. She was the only
girl I ever met with a sharper tongue than mine and together we were
unstoppable. At least 'til she disappeared off the face of the fucking
planet."

"Okay, I get
it, I should have called you."

"Yeah."
She sounded more sad than angry now. "You really should have."

I closed my eyes.
"Okay LeeAnne, you want the story?"

"I think I
deserve it."

I swallowed.
"Well, remember how I was always tellin' you about all the places I
lived?"

"Braggin',
more like. You loved to lord it over me that I had never lived anywhere but
Holcum." She tossed her hair over her shoulder at this, and I mentally
cringed.

"Well I
shouldn't have. Because all the moving we did when I was a kid, it wasn't
something I had any say in. And the reasons were not anything to be proud
of."

Her gaze softened
a little. "Okay, I'm listenin'."

The memories that
I tried so hard to suppress came flooding back. Keeping our bags packed. Never
putting pictures on the wall. Leaving at night, early morning...in the middle
of the school day. Moving, always moving.

So my Daddy could
stay one step ahead of the law.

"The night
we left, we left my Daddy behind. We got to comfortable, stayed in Holcum too
long. Long enough for someone to notice my Dad's picture hanging in the Post Office.
They arrested him that night, LeeAnne." I wasn't even looking at her, I
was back there instead. Watching them cuff my father in his bathrobe and duck
him into the squad car. Then turning to my mom as she clapped her hands
together like that was that. "Get your things, girls," she had
declared, her voice tight with betrayal. "Time to hit the road."

"She wanted
us to just move on," I told LeeAnne. The horror on her face was too hard
to see, so I shut my eyes again. "Put it behind us just like that. Like we
could just erase seeing our Daddy carted off in handcuffs." I swallowed,
hard. "And as far as she's concerned, we did just that. In fact, this?
Right now? Is the first time I've
ever
really talked about it."

"Oh.
Mo." She paused and tapped the baby's car seat. "It sounds
like...like you could have really used a friend."

Words got jammed
up in my throat and sent me to coughing. LeeAnna patted my back while I choked
and gathered myself to gather again. "I never considered it, isn't that
sad? But yeah, I could have used one."

"Let's start
over again," LeeAnne smiled. "Sounds like you're good at it."

"The
best," I nodded. But it didn't feel like a point of pride anymore.

Chapter Thirty Six

Monique

That night, I
took my position on the side of the stage, just like I always did. After two
weeks of being on the road, this was completely, amazingly normal to me. Just
another day in Tanner's weird, wild life. There were only two things different
about tonight.

The first was
that LeeAnne was perched on the chair sitting next to me. She was watching
Blake's pre-show prayer ritual with happy tears in her eyes. It was strange
seeing her without the baby in her arms, but little Maddie was back at the
hotel, under the care of a babysitter Leo had found after running an extensive
background check.

The second thing
was that this would be my last night doing this.

In the rental car
on the way over here, I had casually suggested to LeeAnne that we stop and grab
some snacks. Bless her unobservant little heart, but she somehow didn't notice
the pregnancy test mixed in with the Combos and pork rinds.

She also just
nodded when we arrived at the green room and I claimed to need the bathroom.
She was too busy touching everything left back there. "It's
so...different..." she exhaled, trailing off. "From what I was
expecting," she then clarified as I paused in the doorway.

"It
is," I agreed, swallowing back the lump that appeared in my throat.

I peed on the
test and then set it carefully on the sink. Staring at it wasn't making the
results come faster, so I turned to face myself in the mirror.

"What the
fuck are you going to do?" I asked out loud.

I wasn't ready to
be a mother. And more than that, I wasn't about to be a single mother. But that
was the only way I could see this panning out. Tanner, even if he wanted to
stick around, was tied to the touring life. It was never going to stop. He was
a bona fide star and with the talent he had...I couldn't be responsible for
holding him back. He was too good, too gifted, and too necessary to all of the
people who depended on him.

I had been in his
life a grand total of a month.

I had no right to
tie him down.

When I looked
back down at the test, it was with resignation, not shock. The little blue
lines stared back at me, and I knew what I had to do.

But actually
doing it was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done.

The house lights
dimmed, and the crowd went wild. Tanner and the boys bounded out onto the stage
and crashed into their opening number. I grabbed my camera out of habit, but
just held it in my lap, and watched him instead. The man that I loved.

He waved to the
screaming throng with the same smile he smiled at me. He could never belong
just to me.

I could feel
tears pricking at the edges of my eyes.

When the song
ended, I fired off a few shots. Tanner turned to the wings and looked right at
me.

It was superhuman
how he could act so normal about something so surreal. But he just flashed that
damn grin at me.

I grinned back
and caught him with my camera flash. He flicked a middle finger lazily upward
at me and I laughed out loud and for a moment everything was perfect.

"This one is
for all the ladies out there," he drawled into the mic, to protracted
screams. "And the ones back here too," he added, staring directly at
me.

The whoops and
cheers drowned out the sound, but in the harsh lights, I could read his lips.
"Listen up," he mouthed.

"Okay,"
I nodded back.

He struck the
first ringing chord. Fitch kicked up the beat and Carter's fiddle whined.
"This one's a new one!" Tanner called over the intro. "It's
called, 'Strictly Business.'"

The bottom
dropped out from under me as he sang the words right at me. My stomach roiled
and heaved. "Oh shit," I gurgled and tore off in search of a toilet.

Chapter Thirty
Seven

Tanner

I'll tell you
something, when you pour your heart into a song you wrote just for your new
lady, the last thing you want to see when you sing it to her is her turning
green and running to the bathroom.

"Hold 'em
for a sec," I mouthed to Blake, who nodded and kicked the boys into a loud
jam session. I ran offstage. "Where'd she go?" I yelled at Busy Tim,
who pointed towards the maze of corridors. I sprinted blindly, when I heard the
loud, echoing sound of retching and stopped short.

"Monique?"
I called.

A faint groan let
me know I was right. I tapped on the door as a formality and pushed my way into
the room.

"I think I'm
done," she croaked, looking at me wretchedly over the bowl.

"Come on,
hon," I said, gently hauling her up, "you're gonna catch something
foul if you touch that thing. I don't think it's been cleaned since Jonny Cash
was touring."

"Isn't he
dead?"

"That's the
point," I smiled. "You okay?"

"Nerves?"
she said helplessly.

I bent to kiss
her and she shied away. "My breath."

"I don't
really care," I informed her, but settled on nuzzling her neck. "If
you want to head back, I'll see you later."

"I don't
want to miss your show," she moaned.

"I'll give
you the highlights tonight. Go, baby,"

"Knock 'em
dead."

"Always
do."

"Arrogant
ass," she smiled and I squeezed her ass one last time for good measure.
The color was returning to her face, and her wide eyes were bright again. Maybe
it
was
just nerves, I hoped. Without
knowing what to do, I sprinted back to my set.

By the time the
afterparty rolled around, Monique was looking her usual beautiful, determined
self.

She sat on the
couch in the green room, clutching her camera so tightly that her knuckles were
white. I recognized that look, and I didn't like it.

"Hey
beautiful," I said, sliding in next to her.

She darted a
quick glare up at me and then looked away.

"Aw hell,
you're pissed at me?" I teased, poking her in the thigh. "What'd I
do?" I paused. "No, wait, I know this." I slung my arm around
her stiff body and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. She softened slightly, like
she wanted more, then caught herself and stiffened back up again. Yup, she was
definitely pissed. "I left you alone all day when I said I'd spend it with
you," I guessed. I did feel bad about that. "That was a dumb thing to
do and I'm sorry babe. Rehearsal ran later than I thought." I smiled
brightly. "But hey, at least you know why it was late. I was writing a
song about you!" I paused, "...even though I guess you didn't get to
hear it."

"Yeah,"
she said shortly.

Well, that didn't
work.

"So did you
and LeeAnne get a chance to catch up anyway?" I asked. It was a dumb
question, they had been left alone the whole day, what else would they be doing
besides gossiping and painting their nails or whatever chicks do when they're
together. I was feeling slightly desperate though. A deep foreboding had taken
up residence in my stomach.

Jimmy stomped by
and pressed a beer into my palm. I opened it gratefully.

"Yeah. We
talked," Monique said tightly.

I took a long,
desperate swallow of the sudsy beer. "You know, it feels so eerie to me.
Here you lived so close, and I never knew. I never met you until last month,
and even that was a fluke. If you hadn't come to take my picture, I would have
had no idea you existed Monique..." And now I couldn't imagine my life
without her.

"Tanner,"
she blurted. "Have you ever thought about stopping?"

"Stopping?"

Her eyes blazed
and I knew this was no time to be joking around. "Touring. Have you ever
thought about stopping?"

I took another
long pull of my beer and sat forward, resting my elbows on my knees. She slid
back into the couch, nearly disappearing into it, and hugged herself. She
looked absolutely miserable.

"Well
now," I swallowed. "Truthfully?"

"Truthfully,"
she said firmly.

I put my hand on
her knee and gently rubbed her thigh. "Of course I've thought about
stopping," I said, watching my hand as it traced slow circles on her
jeans. She was so warm underneath my touch. I could smell her, feel her...and I
wanted to taste her but she was freaking me out. "I think about it all the
time, honestly."

That was truer
than
anyone
could imagine.

"I mean, I
don't need the money, never have, really. At this point, I got all the money in
the world and barely any time to spend it. More than that, it'd be nice to
write a song without having to get it approved by some label suit before I send
it out into the world. Writin' songs to please just myself sounds mighty fine
to me." I looked at where she was sitting and watching me warily.
"But it ain't just me I'd be stopping," I said, as carefully as I could.
"There's all the guys. They've got mortgages and bills to pay. Blake's got
the new baby. And it's even more than them. It's Leo, and Keith. All the
roadies. Dale, my guitar tech. All the sound engineers."

"Gus who
drives the bus," she added faintly.

I sat back into
the couch. "Gus has twins, you know. A boy and a girl. Gonna be starting
senior year in high school in a few days. I can't pull the rug out on him right
before they head off to college."

I turned to her.
"I have a responsibility to them. And I take my responsibilities very
seriously."

I drained the
last of my beer as the weight of my words hung in the air.

She took a deep
breath. "So that's it then."

"That's
what?" I squirmed to face her and was nearly knocked backwards by the
sorrow on her face. "Monique, you're scaring me here. What is it?"

"Tanner...."

Panic rose in my
throat. "No...."

She looked me
full in the face, eyes glittering. "No," I repeated, but she held up
her hand.

"Tanner, I
can't do this to you. You think I'm hurting you, but I'm doing this to myself.
I'm doing the only right thing there is to do. I love you," her voice
broke, "and that's why I'm leaving."