Conviction (The Cassano Series Book 4) (2 page)

I decide it is best to keep my mouth shut and take it. I consented to a night with him, well aware that this could be the end result. I had intended to play the part better, but I can’t fake it. After the warnings I received about Noah, I’m terrified of him.

Although Zev ended things with me, I feel like I’m betraying him. He will hate me.

You’re Disgusting.

Vile.

A whore.

These are the words that will leave his mouth, and I will take his hatred and own my shame to keep him free. I only pray one day he will trust a woman and see himself for what he is–more important than the pain he feels.

Noah grunts as he pounds into me. He presses his strong fingertips into my head, and tears spring to my eyes. I blink away the blurriness.

One of my arms is pinned between me and the table, scraping against the edge of the wood. He rakes along my flesh, and the pain should be ripping through me from how dry I am, but my body has become numb as I separate it from my mind.

My tears stop, and I move with his motion.

It’s only my body. It’s only my body.

Noah stills and hits my ass hard two times as he grunts and comes. After several seconds, he pulls out of me, and with his hold on my body removed, relief overcomes me. My compressed lungs expand, taking in a much needed breath.

Is it over?

Slinging me around, he pushes me back against the table.

“It amazes me that you believed you would earn Zev’s respect by doing this. Did you honestly think when he told you to spend the night with me that he cared an ounce for you? He obviously thinks you’re a whore–a slut at his disposal.”

His body presses over mine, his breath close enough to melt the last of my will. I scrunch my eyes closed and attempt to sob, but my lungs are once again restricted.

“Remember, Tara, that no matter what you try to become, you will always be a trashy server and a gold-digger. Zev’s heart might be what you pretend you’re after, but we both know it’s his money.”

“That’s not true. I love him,” I bark. Spit flies out with my words, hitting his face. He closes his eyes and purses his lips before his hand flies up, backhanding me across my right cheek. My head flings the other direction.

Gripping my hair firmly, he steadies my face back at his. I’m petrified as all of the warning words I heard from Adrian, Zev and Victoria scream through my mind like a fire alarm. My lips quiver, and my body convulses.

“You bitch!” The next thing I see is his fist coming toward me. I close my eyelids about the time it connects with my right eye socket.

Releasing my hair, my torso is thrown back, and my head hits the table. My body arches farther, and I feel like my back has been split into two.

Clinching my shoulders, his fingers press into them, dissolving the last of the life in me. He lifts me up close to his searing, choppy breaths.

“You’re going to miss work until your face is healed, and if you breathe a word about this to anyone, I will fucking kill you myself. Do you understand?”

“Yes, yes!” I say through a wail.

Shoving me back again, his angered expression changes to an evil smile. “Slut, get dressed and get the hell out of my suite.”

Running to the living room, I rummage through my tote bag. I strip off my thigh highs and throw on my shirt and shorts. Ripping off my heels, I shove them and my uniform into the bag, my tears spilling to it, soaking it.

I slip on my flip-flops and run out the door. It slams shut, and I fall back against it. I have to get myself together, or someone will definitely find out what happened to me.

Rooting through my bag again I find my compact and open it. I look at my pitiful face in the mirror, red and on fire. After wiping the tears, I put on some sunglasses and head to the elevator.

Shit
, Sampson, the older elevator guy, is going to be manning it since I’m on a special floor reserved only for the lounge members.

It opens and he smiles, but his smile quickly fades as I step on. I shift, somewhat turning my back to him.

“Sampson, please don’t ask. My life depends on it.”

“Yes, ma’am.” A few seconds pass, and I’m whimpering. “Ms. Tara, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

He knows me from the countless times I’ve ridden in this elevator with him to the secret world of the lounges. I don’t know why they’re so secretive. Maybe that has something to do with Noah and Zev’s relationship, too.

All I know is I’m walking away from this world. I’m getting as far from it and Noah Sanders as I possibly can. I never thought I would say it, but I believe it’s time to leave this city of sin. The devil obviously resides here with his grey eyes, a cloud to mask the darkness within.

Tara

My eyes stare straight ahead as I stride to the parking garage. Inside my vehicle, I yank off my sunglasses and burst into tears. Piercing sobs echo in the small space. Was Zev worth this pain and shame?

We make sacrifices for the ones we love.

I had no idea the sacrifice would be so monumental.

Once I’ve pulled into a parking space at my condo, I turn off the engine and realize I have no recollection of driving.

I’m barely able to walk from the pain that has settled in my back. I head straight to the shower and strip down. Underneath the near scalding water, I lather my body in as many places as I can reach.

There are marks on my chest, stomach and arms, and I feel a lump forming on my temple from it being slammed against the table.

I struggle to figure out how to stand so that the water doesn’t sting the parts of me showing the evidence of Noah’s brutality.

Washing off his scent, I finish my shower and put on a thick, comfy robe. It’s yellow, and the memory of Zev laughing over the cheerful color of my room brings forth more tears.

I make an ice pack for my face and find my heating pad. Situating it against my back, I rest on the sofa.

I’m exhausted.

Humiliated.

Hollow.

And somehow so in love with a man that I don’t regret what I have done.

I had planned to leave a note on Zev’s desk, but I couldn’t go to Caged with my face beat up, so I have no choice but to send him a text.

Not telling him at all would be my first choice, but I fear Noah might say something to him about handing me over, and if Zev doesn’t respond correctly, all this will be for nothing.

Noah claimed that Zev is visiting his mother. Zev told me it’s been a long time since he has seen her, so it’s wonderful he went. I can’t disrupt that by texting him tonight.

I will give it a day, and then I will tell him what I’ve done. For now, I want sleep, but I fear the nightmares from this hellish experience will own my dreams.

Zev

Last night I had a great visit with my family. Dinner with Mom, Aggie, Adrian and Victoria was surreal. Ma laughed and didn’t argue, and there were no paranoid outbursts about the government or aliens.

She took right to Victoria. So did Aggie. They would love how happy Tara is, too, and I can’t stop envisioning her being here.

Actually, I miss her like fucking crazy. I don’t want to miss her, I don’t want to need her, and I wish I didn’t yearn to hold her, but I do.

Rubbing my hands down my face, I climb out of bed. After throwing on some athletic shorts and a t-shirt, I stroll downstairs.

Adrian and Victoria look like they’re having a serious discussion on the sofa, so I bypass them and head to the kitchen. Aggie is pouring a cup of coffee as I take a seat on a stool.

“Do you have enough for me?”

“Of course.” She doesn’t look my way, and she’s not smiling.

“What’s wrong?”

After a few long seconds, she takes a glimpse at me.

“Mom is not doing well this morning. So much so that I’ve called the doctor. Since she’s paranoid of the hospitals, and I don’t want her to have a setback mentally, he’s going to make a house call. She’ll probably be in bed all day.”

Setting her mug on the counter, her shoulders slump.

“Zev, I’m sorry. I was hoping you would get more quality time with her. She’s been doing so much better.”

“Sis, I saw that last night. She’s dying. I understand she’s going to have bad days.”

Her brow furrows, and I worry my choice in words has hurt her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I know she’s dying. It’s fine. I’m curious about you. You’re different. It’s as if all my brothers are changing for the better. I know the others are in relationships. Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Nope, nothing here. You know I’m not the relationship type of guy.”

“Yeah, and neither were Adrian and Simon, yet they’ve fallen in love. At least tell me her name.”

“Aggie, don’t.”

She’s making her signature pouty face that makes me give her anything she wants. “Tara. Her name is Tara, and she’s too amazing to be with a man like me.”

After silently pouring my cup of coffee, she slides it across the counter and looks me in the eyes.

“You’re amazing, too. Let her in to see that side of you.”

“You’ve always had faith in me,” I mutter.

“Zev, this entire family has your back. Why would Adrian give you the responsibility he has if he didn’t think you were remarkable? Ma loves you so much and so did Dad.

“We need others to lean on at times. I’m sure there are plenty of ways you could make Tara happy in return. You have more to offer than you realize.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve missed your mothering. We’re in trouble when you move to Vegas. You will want to put a stop to all of our misbehaving.”

“It sounds like some special women are doing the job for me. Think about what I said.”

Did I make Tara happy? She made it seem like I did.

“OK, and I guess I should have a private talk with Ma. Wish me luck.” I pick up my mug and tip it toward her before I leave the kitchen.

Adrian

“I’m worried about you this morning,” I say to Victoria. She’s curled up against me on the sofa, drinking a cup of coffee.

“I told you; I’m concerned for your mother.”

“No, there is something else bothering you. You’ve been different since we arrived last night. Do you not want to be here?”

Victoria sits straight up and shifts to face me.

“Of course, I want to be here. I’m upset about Sadie. Seeing you with Agatha reminded me of what my relationships are like with my sisters, and I’m beginning to wonder how much of it is my fault. Maybe I should’ve told Sadie about the possibilities of Simon going to prison.”

I hold a finger straight over her lips.

“Shit, I should’ve told you; Agatha doesn’t know about that.”

“None of it?”

“She’s aware of the lounges but not the FBI. She has enough to worry about with Mom, so I’m hoping it works out and she never has to know.”

“Like Sadie, Agatha would be pissed that you kept it from her,” Victoria whispers.

“Yeah, probably.”

“I’ve been curious. Why did I have to hear from Theo that Aggie is your twin?”

“Shame.” My gaze drops to the floor. “Twins have a special bond, and I figured you knew that. I believed you would think less of me for cutting my twin sister out of my life for so many years.”

“You must’ve thought it was the right thing to do at the time, and that’s all in the past. Our love for each other is healing us. It’s not one-sided, Adrian. You’ve helped me change for the better, too, and that’s why I owe my sisters an apology.

“I’ve kept them at arm’s length, and all they’ve ever wanted was to be close to me. You’ve taught me to trust again, and for that, I love you with all my heart.”

My lips press to her temple. “You’re amazing. I guess I owe Agatha the truth, too. Thank you for helping me realize it.”

Zev

Strolling into my mother’s room, I find her watching CNN. It’s probably not the best channel for her to be engaged in.

“Ma, do you mind if I turn this off so we can talk?”

Her smile is weak, much like she feels, but it reaches her hazel eyes. “I would love to chat.”

I grab the remote from her nightstand and shut off the television. Her pale green curtains are pulled back, and through sheer white ones the sun beams onto her hair.

The light shows a hint of the auburn it once possessed, and I wonder when my mother got old. What was I doing all that time?

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“Not good, dear. My clock is ticking.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Your sister is misleading everyone because she wants to be fooled.” Her eyes narrow on me as she grabs my hand and squeezes. “I seriously don’t have much time left, Xavier. I’m happy you came home.”

Releasing a loud, lengthy breath, I remove extra pillows from a wooden chair and carry it over next to her. I take a seat and grip her hand this time.

“I’m glad I came home, too. I’ve missed you.”

“You were deep in thought at dinner last night. What’s her name?”

I shake my head in disbelief, but I don’t know why I’m surprised. “It’s pretty obvious you and Aggie spend all of your time together. She asked the same question.”

“So?”

“Tara, Ma, but we’re not together. I screwed that up.”

“Does she love you?”

“She claims to.”

“Then it can be fixed,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders. “A mother knows these things.”

“Who wants to be fooled now?” I smirk, but she remains serious. Her eyes blink slowly with eyelids heavy from sickness.

“Words might fool the brain, but they can’t fool the heart. Typically, a man holds onto his heart the longest, and I know you’ve held onto yours, Xavier.

“If she believes she has your whole heart like you have hers, she’ll treat it like gold.”

“I thought I was the philosopher in this family.”

She leans over toward me, her eyes fixing on mine.

“You’ve only guarded your heart because of me. I know this, and I’m sorry.”

My head falls over from shame. She’s the mother I remember from when I was a young boy. From what I’ve been told, it was a time when she wasn’t too paranoid to take her medications.

Her medications that are making her mind well.

Medications are for illnesses.

I’m a jackass.

“I’m sorry, too, Ma. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long.”

Her fingers glide through my hair as she attempts to sooth me–to rid me of my guilt. It isn’t working. My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it.

“Watch a show with me,” she says. The television comes on, so I lift my head. “The doctors claim laughter is the best medicine. Let’s find something crude and funny to watch.”

Just like that Ma has changed the mood in the room. The mournful fog lifts, and I smile as I shift my chair to face the TV.

***

After visiting with my mother, I step out onto the porch to check my phone. I pull it out and see the text message that I had missed was from Tara. I feel the accelerated beats of my heart.

She’s reaching out to me.

Tara:
I did something. Please believe I only did it because I love you. It’s extremely important that when Noah brings it up, you go along with it, or what I did will have been for nothing.

What the fuck?

Me:
What the hell did you do?

No reply … seconds pass.

More seconds pass with no reply. I can see she has read my message and is not typing back.

Me:
Answer me, dammit!

Tara:
Just do what I said, and leave me alone.

“Son of a bitch!” I squeeze my iPhone hard in my hand, my brain trying to imagine what she could’ve done. I don’t know, but I have to get home to find out. Whatever it is sounds serious.

Storming back inside the house, I hunt for Adrian. He’s in the kitchen, sitting at the eat-in table with Aggie and Victoria. They’re drinking iced tea and talking, looking happy when I’m about to die with curiosity and desperation.

“Adrian, can I speak to you for a minute?”

“Sure.” He follows me to the living room, and I spin around to face him.

“I have to get the fuck back to Vegas tonight.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know for sure, but it has to do with Noah and … look, I have to get back there right away.”

He scratches his head. “Alright. What do you need me to do?”

“Get me on a commercial flight or a private jet while I head to the airport.”

“A private jet? Is that really necessary?”

“Yes, it is.”

“I think I know who else this has to do with, and I won’t say anything to Victoria. Take the rental car, and we’ll get a taxi to the airport.”

I pat the side of his arm. “Thanks, bro.” After running upstairs, I throw my shit into my suitcase. I hate leaving my mother and Aggie this soon, but I make up an excuse about work and quickly tell everyone goodbye.

As I drive to the airport, my mind races. Every scenario darts across its pathway, and it hits me all at once.

My chest sinks in, and I have to cover my heart with a fist, willing my lungs to inhale another breath. No way. Did Noah tell Tara the ultimatum he gave me? He wouldn’t do that. He has too much on the line.

I have to be wrong.

Maybe she had dinner with him again. An innocent meal. Then, she dodged his advances but knew he would mention it to me.

The need to know the meaning of her message and the urgency to protect her makes it so I can’t get to her fast enough.