Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) (26 page)

I stare melancholy at the necklace I have taken into my fingers. I have never taken it off. I feel the wetnes
s stab at the corner of my eyes. “I gave you my heart Olivia without actually telling you that I loved you. I just couldn’t admit it to myself. I wanted to spend time with you, I wanted to be with you. I loved your company, your sass, your beauty and your heart. When you said to me; did I sleep with you just for the fun of it, it killed me. I would never do that to you. I slept with you because I couldn’t keep my eyes or hands off you. I wanted to love you and that wasn’t put on. I missed you every fucking day you were gone, it ripped me apart hurting you like I did. So please, please don’t ever leave me now. I need you more than you will ever know and I know you might not forget the pain I put you through, but I want to replace them memories and your doubts with love.” He wraps me into his arms, breathing out all the angst he seemed to have felt. Hearing all those things melt my heart. He needs me. I see it now. I get it. We need each other, but how can he let him get away with this?

“But what about Mauricio, you’re going to let him get away with it?”

“Olivia, what else can I do? Killing him was my purpose. But now, protecting you, loving you is what I want more. To make sure your safe and by my side. For the rest of our lives. I love you, and I will never stop loving you. Knowing that you lived with a man that killed my parents will never play on my mind, because you don’t have him in you. He was just some man your mom married and you didn’t have a clue. Stop blaming yourself. Our relationship is a positive thing don’t turn it into a negative. I do believe, in some way, fate brought us together, and now you’re my delicate rose. You always have been.” I grimace inwardly but stay silent to what he called me, as my mom used to call me the same. Instead I embrace the warmth of his arms around me. The protection and love. When Calvin has me in his clasp, it sends my senses delirious. Feeling his pain. I instantly regret what I said.

“I won’t leave you, I’m sorry. I love you. I love you so much.”

He pushes me down on to bed and avidly seeks my mouth with his. His lips clamp onto mine urgently like he’s been waiting to taste me for so long. I slip my fingers through his hair as he devours my mouth, not coming up for air. I moan against his lips while his tongue circles quick pleasurable waves with mine, swirling wildly with full on lust and adoration.

I reach down, letting my hands go from his hair to undo his jeans. With my feet I slide them over his perfect firm backside, leaving him in his white boxers and t-shirt. He’s only showing bare leg flesh and it’s already sent me spiraling.
He pushes himself against me allowing me to feel every hard inch of him. This is what I ache for.

I pull his t-shirt
greedily over his head needing more of him. It’s the only time our lips leave each other’s. His eyes blaze with fierce desire as I dispose of his t-shirt, then brush my fingertips over his naked, defined torso. Wanting the feeling of his familiar unforgettable chiseled abs under my palms. The muscles flexing in back, his strong firm arms, everything Calvin.

“I think your overdressed, baby.” His breath tickles at my ear as he takes my lobe between his teeth then sucks the flesh. I writhe underneath him slightly as it’s a sensitive spot for me.

“I think so too.” I breathe in anticipation. I need this from him, even with everything going on around us, I need this time to just be me and him. It’s well overdue.
Five months overdue.

He slowly pulls my t-shirt over my head keeping his eyes attached to me the entire time. I lay beneath him in just my bra and panties and wait, admiring him from below in my panting, wet state.

“Always, so beautiful.” He coaxes and dips his head to take my mouth again, kissing me almost vehemently, bruising my lips. He doesn’t leave an inch of me un-felt, un-kissed or unappreciated. My porcelain skin has been covered with the familiar goose bumps that I gain every time this man is near me.

Bringing me up a little he unclasps my bra, then discards of it onto the floor. I quickly dismiss the displeasing thought of my bra being on the squelchy tiles.

Calvin sits back onto his heels to look at me closely and take me in. I don’t flinch, or feel embarrassed while his eyes ravenously roam from my eyes, down to my tender breasts, over my stomach and down to my parted thighs and he sits between them. I feel confident because I’m all of his now, and he loves me. All of me.

He briefly closes his eyes when they have covered every inch of
my body and produces a low pleasing rumble that vibrates through every sensitive part of my body. “Beautiful. Only one thing left,” he grins pulling at the side of my panties. He pulls them down, sliding the silk material ever so gently over my trembling parted thighs, past my ankles, and slips them off, leaving me exposed and ready for him. I resist the urge to lift towards him, craving him, but I don’t have to wait long. Bowing his head back down, his lips aim for the crook of my neck. He sucks and molds his lips on to my skin. His wet licks almost torturously sweet. He repeats the same process trailing down onto my breasts causing me to moan, curving my back into his dexterous lips and hands as I tug at his hair. I rub my pelvis up against his, impatiently trying to find friction from his hardness. My breathing becomes shallow, my pulse racing. My body is flushed, aroused and craving him. He groans his appreciation to my reaction. His lips skimming down my body almost feather-like as his head travels down south. My legs readily fall aside, spreading open for him. He ever so gently brushes his fingertips across my inner thighs following the trail with the sultriness of his lips until he meets my entrance. My legs tremble around his sharp, solid shoulder blades while he indulges in me. His burning trace of tantalizing seduction sends me into a state of delirium. I lap up his is lazily erotic act, gripping onto the bed sheets beside me, tightening my legs around his temples. His fingers dig into the side of my thighs while he applies more pressure deep within me with the tip of his tongue. My head tips back as I let out moans of delight. He teases me, allowing my dynamism levels to rise and fall but I’m ultimately building. Calvin sends me to a place some people only dream of.

His lips move
to the center of my core as he continues to work me with his exquisite skillful mouth. My back arches involuntary as a high pitched moan escapes. He pleases me with the circular motions of his tongue, stabbing at the continual pulsing between my thighs. My eyes tighten together as I let out sharp cries of pleasure while Calvin's delicately controlled licks send me to ecstasy, undoing me. I shatter around him. My body surrenders to him as I find tranquility.

I vaguely hear Calvin's low ragged breat
hing as his forehead meets mine. “Hmm. Now I can make love to you the in the right way.” He whisper's sweetly, lifting my arms above my head. He encloses my hands with his palms while his ice blue mesmerizing glance is fixed to my green lustful stare and our eyes lock. He deliciously and with care, eases into me causing me to whimper beneath him. I hear his sharp gasp as he fills me. All of me. I clamp my fingers through his grasp that are secured above my head. The tip of his nose slides against mine while he stays incredibly close, pulling out, and pushing in at a dreamy unhurried pace. He's worshiping me with his body. His love.

The tenderness o
f his gentle thrusts capture me and seal me within a bubble of undying love. The passion and devotion his blesses me with while making love to me blows my mind. Gliding in, then back out with matchless, definitive strokes.

We maintain eye contact throughout, clinging onto the intense intimacy we behold.
Clenching around each other’s hands, while our hips grind. “I love you.” He whispers on a strained breath, breaking our silence. The silence that has only been filled with our harsh breaths and low moans of pleasure.

With one more passionate thrust he exhales sharply. I know why. His fingers tighten through mine while the air hisses between his teeth. My legs tighten around his waist
, the muscles in my stomach clench as I feel my body riding the outbreak of frenzied pulsations. I cry out his name at the same time I feel his sensual essence filling me. Now it’s his turn to spiral into that intoxicating depth. The jubilant depth I have ventured into many times.

He collapses on top of me, trying to hold his
weight on a propped up elbow, then smothers my face with wet tender breathless kisses. I marvel in the gesture as I try to regain some air.

My body is in a
limp, lax and panting state.

“That was even better than the first time.” My voice is lazy. I'm spent but I had to put that out there. Calvin is still on top of me so he nuzzles into my neck with a smirk.

“My goal is to please you, baby.”

“Oh, so now I'm a new goal of yours?” I remember the bath tub talk in Vegas when he was telling me he had goals to hit but wouldn’t entirely tell me what they were.

This time, he leans up on his hand to look down at me and traces his finger down the ridge of my nose. “You were always my goal.”

I could take that the wrong way, but I don’t. I dare not to spoil our loving embrace.

“Well, then you’ve hit that one.” I smile sweet and innocent.

“I hit more than one.” He smirks studying me proactively. I swat him playfully in shoulder.

“So, I didn’t imagine it that night, you did make love to me?” I know my voice sounds hopeful.

He sighs almost painfully.
“Yes.”

I frown at his odd reaction.
“Why is that a painful thing to remember?”

He suddenly climbs off me to roll onto the side of the bed. Propped
up by his elbow again, he rests the side of his head against his palm and begins to stroke my stomach as he talks. He watches his fingers circle my skin. “It’s not. What happened after is the painful one.”

I watch his downhearted eyes while his finger's draw mindless pictures
on my stomach, feeling dejected. “You know, you should forget that now. I'm here aren’t I?”

A deep frown line crosses his fore
head but he doesn’t look at me. “It’s not that easy to forget Olivia. I was cruel. You told me you loved me and I went cold. I wanted more than anything to tell you how I felt. But I didn’t. I chose the wrong path to walk down and hurt you. And I meant what I said, I will prove myself to you every single day until I have your forgiveness.”

I bring my hand up to caress his
designer stubble cheek and make him face me, and he does after a prolonged sigh. “I do forgive you Calvin. You don’t have to prove yourself to me.”

He closes his eyes in angst.
“You haven’t forgave me, I can see it in your eyes. I hurt you in an unforgivable way. You are the only women I have ever loved and I fucked it up. Until the day your emerald green eyes come back to me, I know I will never have the whole of you. I only have your half and that’s plenty more than I deserve.”

He rest's his head onto the pillow and pulls me into him. He has ended the conversation and I suspect it’s because he feels he doesn’t deserve an explanation from me. I don’t give him one. I drop into deep thought about what he’s just said. I have forgave him. Or is it my mind that has forgave him but my heart is unforgiving. I don’t know maybe it’s forgivable but not forgettable?

He throws his legs over mine while I cuddle into his chest.

“Calvin,” I ask a little sleepy.

“Hmm,” He plays with my hair.

“You used to say to me; what have I got you into? Was that you secretly telling me what you were doing?”

“Hmm.” He murmurs, kissing me chastely. Then he makes slow, steamy, sleepy, passionate love to me long into the night.

Chapter Twenty Four*

A loud banging on the motel door wakes me up in a panic. I shoot upright in bed and
frantically look around the room. My anxiety level hit's the roof when I see I’m on my own, but I soon relax a little when Calvin walks out of the bathroom wrapped in just a towel.

I will never get bored of that.

The banging on the door continues. Who the hell would be banging like that? No one even knows we’re here.

To my horror Calvin starts to walk towards it to.

"No, don’t answer it." I plead with Calvin wide eyed. “It could be anyone.”

"Its fine baby rela
x, it’s only my brother." He reassures me before opening up. What Ashton’s here? Already.

My panic has been replaced by another.
"I have nothing on." I gasp pulling the itchy blanket right up to my neck. God, it stinks.

Calvin smiles finding it highly amusing persisting to open the door.

I’m quite selfishly annoyed. I wanted Calvin for myself a little longer. Being in this smelly motel room with him makes it worthwhile. It feels like it hasn’t been just me and him for a long time. And I know it won’t be, for a long time.

Ashton comes bounding through the door like a bull in a china shop, quite excited to see Calvin. It’s so
refreshing to see him like this. "Hey bro." He greets him, giving Calvin a man hug.

"Smells as bad as it looks in here." He says making a distasteful face looking round the room with his nose up. He stops when his eyes f
ind mine and smiles lightly. He must know I’m under this blanket with nothing on surly?

I could die right now.
Bed, please swallow me up sometime soon.

"Hey Livs, you alright?" he asks
me seeming genuinely concerned throwing himself onto the worn out brown armchair.

I’m underneath this itchy blanket completely naked, I am not alright.

"Uh, I’m Okay. Just taking it day by day." I shrug smiling awkwardly at his angelic face. Calvin watches me intently and half amused at the thought of me cringing while he tightens the towel around his waist. Ashton nods sternly to my answer then smiles almost childlike. "Peace offering." He’s holding up a grocery bag. I look at him and then to the bag confused. "I got you both breakfast." He clarifies on an eye roll.

"Good, I’m starving." Calvin takes the b
ag from his hands and starts unwrapping breakfast, placing it at all the bottom of the bed for me to reach. I glare at him, indicating him to help me out somehow.
I can’t move.

He laughs hi
s sexy laugh almost forgetting. "Uh, bro, do you mind stepping out a sec while I get Olivia something to put on."

Oh the shame!

Ashton looks at me in-between biting into a filled bagel with a smirk on his face. Okay, he definitely knows I have nothing on.

"Sorry, I’ll give you some privacy." He winks and takes his bagel with him, stepping outside.

"That wasn’t awkward at all." I mumble climbing out of bed to find something to put on. Calvin continues to laugh at me.

"Why is that funny?" I frown narrowing my eyes at him.

"You’re funny, how embarrassed you are."

"Of course I am." I snap, finding a pair of jeans of mine and a t-shirt of Calvin’s.

God I’m going to look hot today. NOT.

“You wouldn’t mind your brother seeing me naked then, would you?”

He wrinkles his nose, his smirk instantly disappearing. “Obviously not.”

“Well then.”

I make the bed, trying to get it to look a bit tidier, then give up. There is no point.

I sit back down on the bed cross legged watching Calvin eat another bagel and pull my hair around to
the one side. I'm contemplating. "Why is Ashton being so nice all of a sudden?" Calvin raises his eyebrows skeptically whilst swallowing. "I thought that’s what you wanted?"

"I do its just, is he being genuine or? I just don’t know what to think of anyone anymore." I sit at the edge of the messed up bed placing my head in my ha
nds. Calvin crawls beside me rubbing his hand up and down my back. "Don’t feel like this baby, it’ll get better." He tries gently moving my hands away from my face so he can look at me. I look up so he pulls my chin towards him. "It will!" He repeats, kissing me gently on the lips making me feel a little better. His kisses always make me feel better.

"Are you going to get dressed?"
I ask him as I eye him up in his fluffy white towel. He must have brought it along with him because I can assure you, there are no white towels in this motel.

H
e rubs my nose gently with his. "Suppose I have to."

"Do you?" I grin mischievous, he grins back the same. He knows what I have in mind but I don’t think now is the time.

"Is it safe to come back in?" Ashton calls from outside the door bursting our bubble.

"Yes." Calvin calls to him, kissing me once more, leaving me grumpy.

He goes off into the bathroom to get changed. I think he’s done it on purpose to let me and Ashton get to know each other more, which I don’t mind.

"You going to eat?" he asks, opening his wrappe
d waffles this time. His grocery bag is like Mary Poppins handbag.
Jeez.

I shake my head,
pursing my lips. "I’m not hungry. I’m sorry." Feeling like I have to apologize for losing my appetite when he’s made the effort to get us food. Saying that, I don’t think he’s taken it to heart, because now there is more for him.

"It must be hard for you Olivia. But if it’s any consolation, I think your coping great so far.” He speaks with a mouthful of food.

I scoff disagreeing, watching mesmerized at how much he can eat. "It may look that way, but inside I’m not coping at all. I feel so cut off from the rest of my family and friends. I don’t know what’s happening. I hate that I left that house without my mom. I hate that I can’t do anything to sort this out. I can’t call anyone either. Am I bad for leaving all that crap behind and running?”

I look down into my lap desperately trying not to cry.

"Don’t blame yourself for leaving Liv’s, you were saving yourself. Your mom wouldn’t leave. What were you meant to do? Carry her screaming?"

I lo
ok up at him brightening up. "That’s not a bad idea."

"Imagine that." He smirks and I smile along with him. His facial expression changes as he shifts to face me chucking the remainder of his waffle into his mouth and wiping his hands in his trousers. I get the feeling he’s going to start a deep conversation with me. It’s crazy how, now, I feel so comfortable speaking to Ashton. He’s just like Calvin. Easy going and charming. And to
think at one time he hated me and wouldn’t give me the time of day. I remember Calvin telling me to give Ashton time. Now I know what he meant. I also remember him telling me that Ashton is a good man, and maybe he is.

“We have to keep on the move at the moment, if they’re following us, it’s for one reason only.”

“To kill you.” I nod understanding with a sharp pain forming in my chest.

He nods slowly.
His blue eyes are curiously watching me. “Yes. You know, me and Calvin have always been ready to fight. Ready to bring down Mauricio. We never thought, I guess, of what would happen if the tables were turned. Like now, Mauricio is hunting us if you like. Whereas we have always been hunting him. We had this goal set in place, set in mind and nothing would have stopped us,”

I look down into my lap again, feeling guilty, knowing where he’s heading.

“I know this might sound cruel Olivia, but I didn’t give a fuck for you. When Calvin told me he fell in love with you, I knew then that our goal was jeopardized. I could have fucking killed Calvin myself for being so stupid in letting himself fall in love with you. I never gave it a thought that he might actually gain feelings for you because he never has loved a women, relationships were never his thing.”

Hearing Ashton confirm this gives me a
great sense of relief. I know I believe Calvin when he tells me he’s never loved, but hearing his brother say it somehow makes me feel a whole lot better.

“Both of us have always only had two things to fight for in life, our parents and each other. With you, it’s given Calvin this ne
w focus in life. You gave him something else to live for, and I love that you make him happy, I really do, now that I’ve got used to it anyway,” he smirks and I sense his apology behind his eyes. I love sitting hear listening to him speak. I love that we're bonding and that he wants to give me his time.

"You know, w
hen we left my parents that day, I knew we’d never see them again. Calvin was too young to really understand but I knew exactly what was happening. I’d watched it play out for weeks. I was a smart kid, too smart for my own good,” he chuckles shaking his head at the thought. “I was so angry with my parents at first. I can remember thinking, how could they do this to us, leave us like this. I know my grandparents took care of us and they were brilliant but they weren’t our parents. I started getting angry at myself for not protecting them,"

"How could you?” I butt in, “You were just a child." I’m getting cho
ked up listening. Imagining these two young boys losing their mom and dad. Imagining their faces when they had to leave their parents behind. Not being able to do a thing about it. That image haunts me, so what it does to Calvin and Ashton I couldn’t even come close to comparing it.

Ashton inhales through his nose.
"I no, but I didn’t realize it then. I just wished I done something, anything. When we started school I stayed by Calvin’s side as much as I could. Determined to make sure nothing would ever happen to him. I never wanted any harm to come to him. I knew that I could protect my little brother in a way I couldn’t have protected my parents. I could do that,” Ashton pauses deeply. I can see from his sullen expression this is something he feels strongly about. Which gets me thinking. Is this why Ashton has so many different issues to Calvin? He is older than Calvin so therefore he understood more. What he witnessed that terrible day was more than what Calvin had because he understood what was happening. He knew that he was never going to see his parents again and there was nothing he could do.

“You felt guilty by not being able to protect them?”

Ashton’s eyes fly up to meet mine. It’s like for the first time, someone has recognized his feelings.

“I feel guilty every single day Olivia. It’s excruciating to me that I couldn’t protect my parents. My own flesh and blood.”

I continue to talk to him, getting to know him this way has opened up so many doors for me. I’m getting to understand who he is. He is completely misunderstood.

“Is that why you have never loved anybody?” I may have crossed the line with that
question, and I’m aware of acting doctor, but I feel no one has ever got to sit Ashton down to speak with him this way.

He’s
taken back by my question and drops into deep thought for a moment before answering.

“Calvin’s told you that I don’t give a fuck for women has he? But that’s not true. I can’t get close to anyone because the thought of something happening to them while I wasn’t there to protect them kills me. I figure
, if I don’t allow myself to fall in love then I won’t feel that strongly about a women. So strong to the point of where I would want to protect them. If I deny myself that, I can’t fail that way.”

Oh, this mak
es my heart bleed. He’s been too scared of falling in love in case he fails to protect them? My heart goes out to him.

“That's so sad Ashton.
You know, for what it’s worth, I think you would do great at protecting a women.”

He shakes his head lightly disagreeing. “Na, I’m happy the way I am.”

“What about Calvin?” I ask quickly so he doesn’t hear my voice breaking for him. Ashton never allowing himself to experience love as a result of this is distressing. Yes Tyler said that the Blake brothers were players but I can cross Calvin from that list. Ashton on the other hand, there is a reason behind it. He doesn’t want to get to close to protect them from himself. That’s a brave selfless thing to do.

H
e smiles fondly of his brother and sits back to relax on the armchair placing his hands behind his head. “Calvin is different. He has never fallen in love because that has never been one of his priorities. You see, if Calvin thinks too much, he explodes. He has to be kept on the go. He has to have a lot of things going on to keep his mind occupied. First he took up boxing when we were kids but got thrown out for fighting outside of the ring which wasn’t allowed. That took a lot of his time away. Because he wasn’t doing anything with his mind, he drank to block it out. If he doesn’t have that something to stop him from thinking, he uses drink to help with the pain instead.”

Wait, what? Calvin turned to drink?

“I know he couldn’t have told you that by the look on your face, but he was young Olivia, if he wasn’t kept busy, he had to find another way to block out the grievance. Then when he was old enough, it was poker. He enjoyed it, it gave him something to focus on, to get better at and be on top of his game. It got him traveling as well and I got into it solely so I could look out for him. It was never about the money, but when we knew money talked, it then became about money and Calvin’s new focus was on finding the killer of our parents. That one had always been my focus though.”