Once they were in his car, easing out of the lot, she felt better. One more person pounded on the back windshield and she jumped. They sat in tense silence until he merged onto the interstate.
“I’m sorry,” Mason said. “Sometimes if I slip in after it starts I go unrecognized, but tonight I wanted to be sure we had a seat. Once they saw you, I guess they recognized me.”
“It’s okay, really. It’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault.” He sounded a little testy. She felt a little testy too, on his behalf.
“What are you supposed to do?” she asked to soothe him. “Never venture outside? Just because you’re famous—”
“That’s what makes it my fault.”
“I don’t think it has to be anybody’s fault. It doesn’t matter, because I had a great time tonight. I never would have known this kind of thing existed if you hadn’t shown me. So honestly, thank you. It was great.”
He slammed on the brakes and guided his car to the side of the road. He put it in park and before she grasped what was going on, his lips were on hers. His hands cupped her chin and his fingertips stroked behind her ears as he took her mouth with firm, warm strokes. She couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to. She went limp under his demanding kiss, feeling his strength. Feeling a strange intensity of emotion ricocheting between them.
She wasn’t as alarmed tonight. She didn’t go all tense, because now she knew how to kiss him back. Her fingers curled in his sweater and she leaned closer, thrilling at the feel of his rough jaw against her cheek. His hands moved down her neck and over her shoulders. One arm slid around her, pulling her close, while the other cupped and caressed her breast through her top. A moan rose in her throat as he arched his head to kiss her deeper, harder. All conscious thought faded until it was only him and her and the surging energy between them.
Then, abruptly, he pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers, his hand dropping to rest on her lap. He smoothed it over her thigh, just a moment, then curled it into a fist. They were both breathing hard. After a while, he reached to stroke her cheek, his gaze pensive, probing. His voice dropped to a raw whisper. “Miri...the last time, in the limo...was that your first kiss?”
Miri couldn’t have lied in that moment, not with him so close. “Yeah, I guess. I told you I was lame.”
“No. Not lame. Inexperienced.”
Miri had to ask, even though she didn’t want to know. “Am I awful at kissing?”
“No.” He gave a short wild laugh. “No. You’re steadily getting better. But...why?”
Mason was making distracting caressing motions down her jaw line. She had to think hard before she spoke. “I don’t know why. I guess because when I was younger, when I should have had my first kiss, I didn’t have the opportunity. My dad always kept me and my sister on a pretty tight leash.”
“How come?”
“He had his reasons.” Mason looked at her, and she knew she’d have to explain sooner or later. “See, my sister... Did you know she died?”
He looked shocked. “Your twin? God, no, I never heard that. I had no idea.”
“It happened almost ten years ago now. Neither of us had been acting in a while, so she kind of died in obscurity. A lot of people still ask me about her.” She stared at the green and red lights on the dashboard. “She was fifteen. She died on the floor of a nightclub bathroom. Got in with a fake ID.”
Mason made a soft sympathetic sound. “Were you there?”
“No. She was alone. Well, she was with all her friends who weren’t really her friends. She’d been trying to restart her career, but she got sidetracked, I guess, and...” Miri’s voice grew tight, but she pressed through the rest of the story. “She got, you know, heavy into drugs.”
“At fifteen?”
“The toxicology report was pretty shocking for a fifteen year old. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about that part of it, at least.”
Mason shook his head. “Ten years ago… That was the time my career started blowing up. I was in my own little world.”
“You know, Maddy was my twin. I should have realized how bad things were with her.” Miri twisted her hands in her lap. “I thought she had it together. She was always so much more together than me. Anyway, after that, my father changed. You know, he used to work in security. Bodyguarding. That’s how we got discovered, by some ad exec he was working for, so my father blamed himself for Madeline’s death. And my mother had just died a couple years earlier from cancer.”
Mason whistled low. “No wonder he’s so...”
“Obnoxious? Overbearing? I was in lockdown for years afterward. I still kind of am. He’s afraid of losing me too, I guess.”
Mason’s expression was somber. He took her hand and squeezed it. “Poor Miri.”
“I hated losing my mom, but I think it was harder losing my twin. It was like losing half of myself.”
“You were so sweet together on that show.”
“
Two Wonderful
?” Miri laughed. “I miss those days. I dream of Madeline all the time. I’ve never used drugs or alcohol because—well, I guess because I’m so much like her. I figured the same thing could happen to me.”
“And you never went to any parties or kissed any boys, lest you self destruct like your sister. Oh, Miri.” He leaned close and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, then pulled away and gazed into her eyes. “I’m sorry for the sadness in your life, but I enjoyed being your first kiss.”
A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “I couldn’t have chosen a better teacher.”
Something flashed in his eyes, some momentary wildness. Outside, cars and trucks sped by. She wanted him to kiss her again, but instead he sat back in his seat and let out a long breath.
“You’re a very interesting person, Miri Durand.” He rubbed his neck, touched his lips. He seemed to be struggling with some conundrum, some source of stress. She wanted to reach out to him, but she didn’t think he’d welcome it. He put the car back in gear. “I should get you home. It’s late.”
She had the terrible feeling he was withdrawing from her somehow. Why had she babbled on about her sister? Why did she admit she’d never been kissed? Well, he’d figured it out anyway. Embarrassing. He surely assumed the rest, that she had no sexual experience either. Of course he wouldn’t want to keep dating someone like her.
She vowed to herself to lose her virginity at the first possible opportunity. Didn’t matter where, didn’t matter with whom. She just had to get rid of it so she’d never be in this situation again, feeling stupid and inexperienced, being pushed away by a guy she liked.
He kissed her again when he pulled up to her house. It was a sweet, tender kiss. A goodbye kiss, damn it. She marshaled her defenses and lifted her chin. “I had fun tonight, Mason. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He rubbed his neck again. “I’m sorry if I seem preoccupied. There’s a lot going on with me right now.”
“I understand. And I know you’re super busy. Really, I understand.” God, this was awkward.
Please, please, don’t let him tell me to my face that we’re done.
She’d rather get out of the car with her dignity intact and have him never call again. She’d always have the photos, the memories. She couldn’t really blame him for cutting her loose.
“Well, anyway.” She reached out to touch his hand with the last of her bravery. “Things will get better. Whatever things you’re preoccupied with.”
He squeezed her hand and got out to walk her to the door. No matter how things ended, he’d always treated her like a perfect gentleman. More importantly, he’d finally,
finally
shown her the magic of losing herself in a passionate kiss.
*** *** ***
The skies let loose with buckets of rain and rolling thunder before he got to the hills of Malibu. He didn’t go to his house. He went to Kai’s.
“Mason?” Kai looked at his watch and back at the wet, bedraggled man on his doorstep.
“If it’s too late, I’ll go.”
“No, come in. You look like hell.”
Mason took off his sodden shoes at the door and went into the living room to throw himself on Kai’s pristine white couch. Kai took a long look at his friend, settling into the chair across from him.
“So, what’s brought on this existential crisis?”
“Take a wild guess.”
Kai smiled. “Hmm. Nice shots of you two at the Golden Globes, by the way.”
Mason grabbed his hair and hunched up to a sitting position. “I’m so shitty. I’m such a piece of shit.”
Kai stood with a sigh and went to the kitchen, coming back with two drinks.
“What is this?” Mason asked.
“Does it matter? Seltzer and a little vodka. Take the edge off.”
“Where’s Constance?”
“Sleeping, I think. Where’s Miri?”
Mason took a gulp of his cocktail. “Just took her home. God, she’s killing me. The guilt is killing me.”
“What guilt?”
“She really likes me, I can tell. I feel horrible doing this, leading her on like this. You should see the adoration in her face when she looks at me. It’s so sweet...and so
awful
.”
Kai blinked, thinking a moment. “There’s nothing real to build on?”
“Real?” Mason threw his head back with a groan. “How can there possibly be anything real? She’s nothing like me. She’s so ridiculously innocent. Really innocent.”
“Well, yeah. That’s why you started dating her.”
Mason put down his drink and formed a sphere with his hands. “She’s like this crystal clear ball. Everything she thinks and feels is right there on the surface for anyone to see. She’s so authentic and good. I admire her, seriously, but how can we be together? She’s nothing like Jessamine, nothing like my first wife either.”
“Well, you divorced both of them, so isn’t it good that Miri’s different?”
Mason took a long drink and blew out his breath. “Maybe. But...and this is going to sound shitty...I need someone less sweet and starry-eyed. I need someone I can do kink with, someone I can torment and do lurid sexual acts to. I need that
right now
.” Mason thought of the kiss with Miri in the car, when she’d started to respond to him with her innocent fervor. He’d barely managed to subdue the impulses that had pounded in his brain, to hold her down, to ravage her. But he
couldn’t
. “Jesus, Kai. I’m dying. For real.”
Kai ran a hand through his dark hair. “If it’s the sex you need, the kink, Constance would be happy to oblige you anytime. Jeremy would share Nell if you asked.”
“I don’t want Constance or Nell. They don’t belong to me. And besides, I can’t return the favor.”
“It doesn’t work like that. Constance adores you and she wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind.”
“I mind.” Mason sighed in frustration. “Look, Constance is crazy sexy. It’s not that I don’t want to play with her. God, you have to know that. But she’s not mine and that just makes it worse. I want my own sub to play with, my own sub in my own house catering to my own sick, twisted fantasies, which are growing sicker the more time I spend with Miri.”
“Are you sure she can’t fulfill that need? You’re sure she’s not hiding some secret kinky tendencies, especially if she’s got you going like this? She agreed to go out with you
after
the scandal broke, remember?”
Mason drained the last of his drink and put the glass down with a bang. “You remember that crystal-clear-ball metaphor? Her ball is really, really clear. Crystal clear. Untouched.”
“Huh?”
Mason made an annoyed sound. “Okay, replace the word ‘ball’ with ‘pussy.’”
Kai regarded his friend. “What are you saying? That she’s a virgin or something?”
The silence spun out for a moment, then Kai threw his head back and laughed.
Mason buried his face in his hands again. “I’m glad you find it so fucking entertaining.”
“Well, it’s funny.”
“It’s not funny! She’s a nice person. A really nice person, but when I’m with her, all I can think about are the depraved things I want to do to her, and how much she’d despise me if she knew what was going through my mind.”
Kai rolled his eyes. “It’s called being a guy. You think we haven’t all been there? Listen, do you like her? Do you enjoy spending time with her?”
“I love spending time with her. I love talking to her. I love to just sit and look at her, except the whole time I’m hating myself for being an asshole.”
“Then stop hating yourself, and stop being an asshole. Get busy doing something productive for her besides fucking and perverting her in your mind. Take her to some heavy hitter parties, introduce her to the folks who are making the movies she wants to be in.”
“I will, but I’ll still feel like an asshole, because she’s falling for me and I already know this has to end at some point.”
“Wow, it’s fascinating, watching you develop a conscience. She must really be something.”
“Fuck you.” Mason stood to go, only to turn and find Constance standing near the kitchen. She looked surprised to see him. She was stark naked as she always was at home—Kai required it. Her nudity was so natural at this point, she made no move to hide or cover herself. Mason wished she would. It was impossible not to respond to her, especially since Kai had shared her with Mason frequently once upon a time.
“Hi, Constance,” he managed. She waved in reply. Her gaze moved to Kai’s and she signed something rapidly.
“He’s fine, hon,” Kai answered. “He was just leaving. Unless—” He looked at Mason. “You’re sure?”
Mason swallowed hard. Constance had been trained years earlier in France as an
odalisque
, a specialized sex slave. Mason’s cock was already stirring to life in response to her natural air of sensuality, her seductive curves. But then he thought of another woman who communicated an entirely different kind of sensuality. An innocent, curious sensuality that haunted him.
“Your slave is as magnificent as ever, but I can’t.”
Constance, who could read lips, smiled softly and brushed back a lock of her long, brown hair. She signed something to Kai.
“Yeah,” Kai said, signing back to her. “I think you’re right.”
“What did she say?”
Kai looked at Mason. His amber eyes shone with sympathy. “Nothing. She hopes you feel better, and so do I.” He clapped Mason on the shoulder. “You want my advice? Throw your energy into doing good things for her. That will take care of the guilt, anyway.”