But you want that. Don’t you?
“Come on. Up.” He helped her stand and walked her around to the other side of the bed, the scary metal-lattice part. He arranged her facing the bars and then stood behind her, pressing his front to her back. His chest felt warm, and she could feel his cock, hot and hard, rising between them, right against her ass. He traced his fingers down her front to delve into the ocean of wetness between her legs. She shivered, arching into his hand.
“Horny little girl,” he whispered, his rough cheek brushing against hers. “How lovely you are. I can see why Mason was eager to show you off.” His words made her feel objectified, like she was Mason’s toy to share, to display to others. What surprised her is how much that turned her on. His hands sought hers. He lifted them and pressed them to the iron bars until she opened them and held on. “Now, I’ll give you a choice,” he said as she gripped the cool metal. “Would you like me to make your ass even redder, or would you like to be fucked in your hot little snatch?”
She tried to think beyond the rasp of his breath at her ear, beyond his cock pushing against her sore ass cheeks, beyond the aching need between her legs. “I want to be fucked,” she whispered. She did. What was there to think about really?
“Ask me nicely.”
Oh, God. “Please fuck me, Sir.”
“Try again.”
Oh my fucking
God.
“Please fuck me in my hot little snatch, Sir.”
“Much better.” His voice sounded like a caress. Miri shivered as he left her to roll on a condom. She got a look at him then, at how big he really was. What was it with these Hollywood types? She was glad Mason had broken her in first.
Mason.
What was Mason doing right now? Was he fucking Constance downstairs? Playing with her, spanking her? Kissing her? Jeremy returned, a stranger behind her, and yet not a stranger. She knew him from movies, from the party this evening, but that was it. He put his hands over hers, pressing her fingers against the metal lattice. “Don’t let go.”
She wanted this. Didn’t she? She started feeling confusion again. She was horny from the crop and the strap, from Jeremy’s exemplary domliness. She wanted to be fucked and fucked hard. But...
Jeremy’s arm came around her waist and he entered her from behind with a firm, deep stroke. Oh my God, Jeremy Gray was fucking her and it felt so damn good. He moved inside her, smoothly, forcefully, impaling her in a deliberate slide. His toned muscles felt like warm granite at her back as he withdrew and re-entered. He flexed his hands on her hips, controlling her movements as his cock stretched and invaded her walls. She pressed her forehead against the metal bar in front of her and gritted her teeth. She wanted to want this. She wanted so badly to want this...
But she didn’t.
Jeremy was hot—and yes, very good at this—but he wasn’t Mason. She didn’t know Jeremy at all, as a friend, as a lover. This was just sex. It felt awesome, but it also felt scary and empty and wrong.
Jeremy must have sensed some change in her, some withdrawal. He slowed and asked, “Are you okay?” He leaned around to look at her. “No. Not okay.” He slid from her, drew away.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“No, don’t apologize. There’s no need.” He helped her step away from the bed frame on her shaky legs, put his arms around her and held her until the worst of her panic diminished. Then he pulled away and studied her face. “I’m sorry if it’s something I did.”
“No, it was nothing you did. Everything felt great. I liked it for a while but then... I just...”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. It isn’t for everyone,” he said, rubbing her arms.
“Thank you for stopping. You know, right in the middle. That must have sucked for you.”
He shook his head. “I would never in a million years have kept going once I realized you weren’t into it. Come on. We’ll go find Mason.”
He brought her clothes, and put his back on while she dressed. He took her hand and they went downstairs, then down another flight of stairs to a finished basement. They crossed to a heavy door that she assumed led to the bad girl room. She couldn’t hear anything, any screams or impact, or she probably would have run away. Maybe Jeremy understood that, because he held her hand tight as he knocked with his other hand.
Mason opened it. He looked at Jeremy and then Miri. “Oh, honey,” he sighed, pulling her to him and hugging her. That’s when the tears finally erupted, overcoming her control.
“I’ll take care of Constance,” Jeremy said. “You stay with Miri.”
“I’m messing up everyone’s fun,” Miri sobbed as Mason ducked back in the room for a moment to grab his shirt and pants. She caught a glimpse of Constance peering out from a cage. “I’m ruining everything!” Both men shushed her gently and then Mason guided her up the stairs.
*** *** ***
Mason wanted to hold her, but she didn’t want to be held. At least she’d stopped crying. They were out on Kai’s rooftop patio under the summer stars. In the moonlight she looked so innocent to him. So troubled.
“You don’t have to stay out here with me,” she said. “Go back in there with Jeremy and Constance. It’s your birthday. Have fun.”
He shook his head. “It’s not fun if you’re not there. The point of a night like this isn’t to have sex with other people. It’s not to cheat on you. It’s for us to have sexual adventures together. For both of us to have pleasure.”
“That’s what Nell said.” Miri frowned. “I guess I’m not cut out for this. It’s not pleasurable for me to know you’re having sex with other women.” She swallowed hard. “I actually hate it.”
“Then we won’t do it anymore. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal. You enjoy it. It’s something you’ve done many times.”
She turned away, hunched over in her chair. He felt awful he’d exposed her to this, even though she’d claimed to be curious. She insisted Jeremy had been a perfect gentleman. But, she’d told Mason, it didn’t feel right.
That was fine with him. She’d been willing to try it once, and okay, she hadn’t liked it. “It’s okay, baby,” he said for the twentieth time. “I’m not upset. I’m not disappointed. I’m proud that you tried. Now we know it’s not your thing, so we won’t do it anymore.”
“It’s just...” She raked her fingers through her hair, her voice small and wistful. “I won’t ever be like you. Like your friends. Like those women in there.”
“I don’t care about that, I told you.”
“It’s not just that.” She got up and started to pace, and then he knew. He just
knew
where this was going.
No, Miri, please. Really? On my birthday?
“See, here’s the thing,” she said in a trembling voice. “You’ve— You’ve eclipsed me. It’s like your star is so bright that no one can see me from the glare. I haven’t gotten any decent auditions, any good work since we started dating. You know it’s true.”
Mason was silent. Yes, it was true and it was awful. “I tried,” he said. “I tried to make things happen for you.”
“I know you did, but I think the problem wasn’t opportunities. It was that I was with you, and that was all anyone could think about.”
Mason’s throat tightened, started to ache. “So what do you want me to do? I’m trying, Miri. I’m trying to make you happy anyway.”
She hugged her arms around her waist, her eyes pools of misery. “I know. I know you’ve tried and I love you so much for that, but do you know what it’s like to stand next to someone and have people look right through you like you’re not even there? Like you’ve disappeared? It feels awful. It’s like everyone can only see me as your girlfriend.”
“I thought you liked being my girlfriend.”
“I do, but I want to be myself too. I want to work. That was the whole point of us getting together. That’s why all of this happened.”
“Oh, I see.” Mason stared at the silhouette of her back in the moonlight, feeling numb. “Since you haven’t gotten what you wanted out of our deal, it’s time for you to bail. I get it.”
“No, you don’t get it,” she snapped, turning to him. “It’s not just my selfish desire for fame. Some narcissistic need to be cast in roles. I need money, Mason! I know you can’t understand that since you have it coming out of your ears. Above and beyond wanting to be good at what I do, I need to make a living. I want to do what I trained to do, what I’ve wanted to do my whole life. I want to be able to support my dad, my grandma. I need to be able to support them damn soon, or my dad’s going to lose his house and Grammy’s going to have to go to some second-rate care facility.”
“Your dad? Your Grammy?” Mason grabbed his head in frustration. “Why are you supporting your dad? Why can’t your dad support himself? Why can’t he look after your grandma? Why is all this your responsibility?”
“Because my dad’s an alcoholic!”
Her tortured words carried across the stillness of the Malibu hills. Mason blinked. “He is?”
“Yes, he is,” she said. “And I don’t know how to fix him. I’ve tried.”
It struck Mason that Miri was the mature one between the two of them, and he was the child, despite the fact he was older, more successful, more sexually experienced. While he moaned about the media and his petty relationship issues, Miri was dealing with real problems and real heartbreak in the real world.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this? About your dad? About the money problems, about your grandma?”
“They’re not your problems.”
“You still could have asked for help. I would have helped you if you’d told me. Now I feel like a piece of shit.”
“I don’t want your help,” she said. “I don’t want to drag you down.”
“People in relationships help each other. They confide in one another about their problems.”
She shook her head, half-turning away from him. “People in relationships,” she said with a bitter laugh. “I don’t know if you can call what we have a relationship. I don’t know what it is. Part of me’s afraid it’s a clusterfuck I need to get out of before my entire life’s destroyed.”
His heart stuttered. Such cruel words. “How can you say we don’t have a relationship? It’s not a clusterfuck. I care about you. I love you. How can you say I’m destroying your life?” He’d had no idea she was keeping all this vitriol inside, but then, how often did he have time to really sit and talk to her? Draw out the things on her mind? “I’m sorry about the stardom, the photographers, the craziness. But Jesus, baby, I want things to work. I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Miri, and we
do
have a real relationship. Hell, you’ve changed my life. I’d give up everything—the movies, the sex parties, even the BDSM—if that’s what I had to do to be with you.”
She shook her head, horrified. “I don’t want you to do that.”
“Then what? How do I keep you?” He reached out for her and she let him pull her close. This couldn’t be the end of them. He thought he was resigned to losing her eventually, but now that the moment was upon them, both his heart and his mind rebelled. “I don’t care,” he said against her ear. “I don’t care about any of it but the way you make me feel. Could you really walk away from me? Look back and remember what we had as a ‘clusterfuck’? Really?”
He felt her tears against his cheek. “No. Of course not.”
“Then why did you say that?”
Her fingers scrabbled on his back as she buried her face in his neck. “I don’t know. Because I have to make myself believe.”
“Believe what?”
“That we don’t belong together.”
His arms tightened around her. “No. I won’t let this happen. We can’t let them win, the media, the paparazzi, the haters. You know I love you, and you love me. We have to put the rest of it away, compartmentalize it somewhere outside of you and me and our love. And if you can’t work, if I have to give things up, if I lose everything and can’t get a meeting with a single person in this town, it doesn’t matter. I have enough money. I can take care of you and me for a lifetime, your dad and Grammy too.”
“But Mason—”
“I mean it. You and I could leave right now, go to Cap Camil and live our entire lives on what I have. And be happy. Together.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t work that way. We can’t just run away. You shouldn’t have to give things up to be with me.”
“Neither should you!” He was falling apart now, shaking from ten years worth of pent up anger and frustration. So much loss and heartbreak, and the never-ending scrutiny of the entire world. “Miri, don’t leave. Marry me. Marry me and make everyone choke on it. We’ll go to Cap Camil or any place you want, and hide and be together, and you’ll have all the money you need for the rest of your life.”
She pushed him away. “It’s not the money, Mason! I don’t want you for your money.”
He trapped her face in his hands. “I know that, damn it. Don’t you see? That’s why I need you. Do you know how long it’s been since a woman loved me for me, not my money or my goddamn fame? I’m not letting you go. I can’t. Please stay with me. Marry me. I couldn’t survive if you left.” Her eyes were wide. He knew he was scaring her with the intensity of his outburst, but the idea of living without her... “Please, Miri. Please, please,
please
,” he repeated over and over.
“Shh, okay,” Their foreheads touched. Miri stroked his neck, his cheeks. “Okay, I’ll stay with you. You don’t have to marry me to make me stay.”
His fingers curled into the blonde silk of her hair. “I want to marry you. I don’t want you to be able to walk away from me when things get tough, because things will always be tough. I want us to make a commitment to ride out those tough times together.
I want what we have to be real
.”
She stared at him. Maybe he was being crazy, but he meant what he said. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to spend the rest of his shallow, empty life with her because he was afraid otherwise he’d die a broken man. He wanted someone to share his pain and frustrations, someone who could smile and make the bad stuff go away.
“What about these parties?” she asked. “I don’t think I’ll ever change my mind about them.”
He composed his face into hard, determined lines. “Listen to me. I don’t care about anything—anything—on this earth as much as I care about you. These parties are nothing compared to what you give me. I’ll never regret anything I give up for you. My life’s an embarrassment of riches as it is.”