Colour Series Box Set (13 page)

“Tell you what, sweetie
you
deliver the car and I will get you back here. You can just follow me when we done.”

“Umm, that’s not company policy Sir, I will arrange...” I don’t let her finish her flustered reply, not in the mood to be denied what I want today and I want in those pretty little panties and I am going to get in them.

“I can just go to another dealership where they give the customer what they ask? You will follow me in the car.”

Her big eyes rake over me I know she is undressing me with her eyes. She is at least considering it. Oh I caught you looking earlier Barbie doll, I like what I see too.

“Umm, okay sir I am sure I can accommodate that for you.” Her blush returns to her cheeks as she starts to fill out the forms for the sale of the car.

I have told you before I’m a bad man. While we sign papers I text a company driver from the estate to be on standby to return my little Barbie when I’m done with her. I’m going to fuck her senseless and send her packing. My cock hasn’t seen action since Ellia arrived at the estate and I need the release. I need to just try be my normal self and this might just help me.

We conclude the deal and I make a point of shoving it under the noses of the salesmen who judged me when I walked in that I am taking her details and making arrangements for her to put a sales package together for my company fleet at the estate. You boys will pay for judging me.

Sales Barbie follows me to Franschoek in Ellia’s new car. I can hardly concentrate on the road I have such a hard on between the pain from my scalding hot tattooed skin and the thought of being balls deep in the petite sales girl who’s driving way too fast behind me. Fuck.

I’M AWAKE.
I didn’t die. Oh god why? Why can’t you just let me die? Then it comes crashing down on me like a wave knocking you under in the ocean. I can’t breathe. I can’t come up for air the current is pulling me further under. Rowan saw me, he saw all of me and even he ran away. I know he’s seen all the horrible things the world has to offer. I’m no fool. I know Rowan is a killer but maybe he has a soul like my dad did maybe he is bad but not evil. He ran away when he saw my ugly, he couldn’t even face the truth of what has been done to me, the man who faces death every day.

I’m definitely alone. I can sense there’s no one here there is an absolute stillness in the house, not a sound from anywhere. I am still naked except for my undies. I bolt out of the bed to cover my body with my discarded PJ’s off the floor. I hate seeing my body. I hate even more that Rowan has seen it. His voice paralyzed my thoughts with fear and I just obeyed. Like I had been taught to for eight years I obeyed. Do as you are told and you won’t hurt for as long.

I am so glad I am alone right now. I don’t want to see Rowan’s eyes now that he has seen my truth. How weak am I to have caved in and told him, worse showed him what Renzo has done to me. I want to die. Now more than ever. I just want it all to end I cannot be fixed. I don’t want to be fixed I want to be dead really dead not this dead. The worst thing is that after I tried to take my own life the beating Renzo gave me was so bad that my brain just won’t let me kill myself even if I want to, I have tried but I cannot do it. The fear of what will happen if I am somehow saved again is worse than not dying. Fear, fear cripples me. Pain doesn’t even hurt anymore, physical pain that is. I have become hard to the beating and burns and blades. But the fear the feeling of dread of anticipating that pain is the worst feeling in the world even now. Here safe in my home with Rowan I fear that he will know that I am alive and he will find me and that he will come for me. He couldn’t kill me himself the bastard he hired Rowan to do it. He didn’t need the unwanted attention of a murdered wife; an accident was much easier to explain to his fake friends and rotten fucking family. Coward. A murdered wife would be bad for his precious business image.

The shame of Rowan seeing my half naked body is nowhere near as bad as seeing how my secret became his burden how it morphed into his rage and how it scared him enough to make him run away. Yet setting my secret free didn’t free me as I thought it would. I still want to die. I am ashamed of my scars and of my body. Only my face is truly free of Renzo’s signature. But the scars on my heart and in my brain will be the hardest to forget. In fact, the physical pain had become a relief over the years because if all I could feel was pain I could ignore the words slicing through my soul and the soul shattering reality of losing six babies. The physical pain made me live in that moment, in only that pain for just a while each time before the agony of my reality would overtake the pain. I relished that pain in the end so much it was scary. I prayed for the physical pain because I knew just maybe it would kill me. I wanted to be hurt because I wanted to die. I’m too broken to fix.

I slink back to my room and get dressed and I go do the one thing that I love. The one thing that is mine alone. I cook. Renzo learnt quickly how much I loved to cook so he stopped me. He hired in a cook and banned me from the kitchen. Just one way he broke me even more. But here, I can cook as much as I want. God knows Rowan certainly can’t cook for shit. In my manic cooking frenzy I decide to cook a real meal for him. There isn’t too much in the way of ingredients in the kitchen but any chef worth their whites can make a meal from almost nothing. There is something about being in the kitchen that puts me in another world. I turn Rowan’s pitiful excuse for a pantry upside down and decide on making a simple Arabiatta Pasta and some simple apple and cinnamon crepes for dessert. There is a lot of whiskey in the pantry and a few bottles of our estate wine. I open one to cook with and one to drink while I cook. Rowan clearly drinks scotch since aside and the few ingredients I scrounged together to make pasta the place is empty; he really needs to go shopping. I’m afraid to even look in the freezer in case something jumps out and attacks me. I’m feeling a whole lot better than I have in years actually as a move with ease through the kitchen. The smells and tastes and sounds of the food have me in my own little world. A world I actually like. I am on my third glass of wine and enjoying myself when I see an iPod docked in the corner, I can’t help myself I snoop through Rowan’s play list, god he likes sad music, I pick a play list that is not all going to make me want to slit my wrists all over again and turn it up loud.

I’m enjoying my wine, dancing around the kitchen mixing the crepe batter and actually having fun. I forgot how it felt to have fun I haven’t had fun in a very long time. The music is loud enough to raise the dead but I am enjoying Rowan’s somewhat questionable taste in music. My pasta sauce tastes amazing, I just wish I could get out the back door and pick some of the fresh herbs I can see to make it perfect. The water is boiling for the pasta and I am well on my way to making the apple filling for the crepes. The smell of warm apple and cinnamon has filled the whole house and its making me even hungrier for the food I am cooking. I check the expiry date on the pasta before I put it in the pot just to be sure. It looked like no one had been in the pantry in a year or ever.

While the pasta boils, I go and set the small kitchen table under the window. I fetch another bottle of wine and open it to breathe while I finish cooking dinner. I don’t know when Rowan will get home he seems to have no schedule really. I drain the pasta mix it with the sauce all ready to serve.

I am dancing around flipping crepes like a pro when I look up and see Rowan leaning on the island bench watching me with raised eyebrows and a cocky smile on his face. A smile that reaches his eyes.

I feel like I really am home. I don’t want to die right now. Just for right now, I’m perfectly fine just living.

I HEAR MUSIC FROM
outside the house already she is obviously up and found one of my iPods. My shirt is stinging against the rawness of my new tattoos as I get out of the car in the garage. She won’t hear us over the music; she cannot get into the garage yet anyways. Why do I care if she hears us. I need this, this is me, this is my normal. Sales Barbie pulls into the empty spot next to my car and I push the button to close the door plunging us into darkness. I’m rock hard just thinking of this sweet little body I’m about to claim. She walks right up to me touching my very sensitive chest with her long finger nails and holds up the keys in front of my face. She is little minx this one, maybe this is how she makes her sales after all. My cock twitches at her touch on my painfully raw skin. I turn her around and push her face down roughly onto my driver’s seat. There will be nothing gentle about this at all I plan to fuck her and send her home. I know my driver is already waiting on the other side of the door to take her away when I am done. I heard his tyres crunching on the gravel of the driveway as I closed the door.

“No screaming, do you understand me?” I whisper into her ear as I push her too tight pencil skirt up over her cute little heart shaped ass. She nods into the car seat. I need this, I keep telling myself this is exactly what I need.

“I am going to fuck you, it will be so good you will be ruined for a while after this, and then you are going to go. We understand each other? Do you want me to fuck you little princess?” I ask her as I stroke my fingers over her drenched undies. Oh she wants me to I can feel it but I have to hear her say it. I am a murderer not a rapist. She nods. No Barbie doll I need to hear it. “Tell me princess, I want you tell me you want to be fucked right now.” I growl into her ear needing this to hurry up.

“Fuck me please, please just do it already.” She was begging me all out of breath and hot under her collar. That made me even harder. Oh I definitely needed this.

I run my hands up the backs of her nicely toned thighs and again brush against her dripping pussy. I use both hands to tear her excuse for underwear off eliciting a gasp from her dirty little mouth. I push her head into the seat with my hand. It covers most of her pretty little face and I shush her. I use my other hand to slowly finger her hot little snatch. Fuck she is dripping wet and clearly enjoying being manhandled by me. I withdraw my finger and she moans a little, I just push harder on her head while loosening my belt and pants freeing my cock from its prison. Before my little Barbie doll knows what’s hit her I am balls deep, I move my hand over her mouth gagging the sounds she is already making as she adjusts to the assault of my cock in her. I don’t give her time to think as I begin to thrust hard as I can, holding her sweet little hips in place with my free hand. I feel her convulsing against my cock and I know it won’t take much at all to get this little one to purr. I fuck her harder slamming her against the side of the car seat her knees banging on the running boards. That will leave a mark I’m sure. I see tears from the corner of her eyes and that send me over the edge I lean into her ear and whisper.