Colorado Connection (Colorado Heart Book 6) (9 page)

He had to keep his wits and not get lost in his mind, which was filled with twisting emotions. Matthew squeezed his knee and Zander looked up, seeing that Matthew had another bite of food on the fork for him. He swallowed the food greedily, squishing the potatoes between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, almost shivering as his taste buds came to life. This was magnificent and warm, filled with taste and goodness, and he could almost feel his blood sugar rising with each bite.

“Jazz was so sweet. He was fierce, though. This one time, we were all in the mess hall when some guy mouthed off about me. I thought Jazz was going to rip the guy’s head off. You should have seen the way he jumped up and started swinging his fists at the jerk. Someone had to hold Jazz back and drag his sorry ass out of the building. I went to him after that and snuck him around to a secluded area of the base.”

Matthew’s cheeks turned even deeper red as he fed Zander another bite. Zander lifted his brows, and Matthew blew out a breath and looked away.

“He always tasted so good. I think I was already in love with him by then. The first time he came to me, he begged me for a kiss.”

“Did you kiss him?” Zander asked.

“No, I was angry with him for using me to forget some girl. So I shoved my hands down his shorts and stroked him. At that point, it was just sex, angry sex too. Before I finished him, I shoved him away, telling him to leave me alone. But he didn’t. God, he was so good, and if it was just that—if it was really just the sex—then I could walk away. But it wasn’t. It was him. He made the difference. I fell in love. Have you ever been in love?”

Zander closed his eyes and swallowed the latest bite of potatoes Matthew had fed to him. Memories of he and Marshal wrapped in each other’s arms surfaced and tears welled in his eyes.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t… look at me,” Matthew stated.

Zander glanced up and met Matthew’s gaze. Matthew brushed his thumbs over the exposed parts of Zander’s cheeks and drew him in for a hug, kissing the side of his head.

“I’m sorry. I just was—”

“No need to apologize. And yes, I’m in love. God, I miss him so much and love him more than I can explain. I can’t think about it too much or I’m going to break down and cry. He was—no,
is
my everything.”

Matthew kissed the side of his head again before loosening his hold. “Jazz was mine, but now he won’t even talk to me.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know. I keep looking but I can’t find him. He was at a military hospital, but they released him. I would give anything to track him down.”

“What’s his full name?”

“Jordan Bergeron. He grew up in New Orleans. I tried there but I can’t find him. Every single time I look for him, I turn up empty.”

Zander nodded and before he could even think about it he spoke. “If you could see him, what would you tell him?”

“That I don’t care what happened to his body, I want him. Whatever he lost doesn’t change who he is. That I love him, scars and all, and there’s more to our relationship than what he can or can’t do. I want him no matter what.”

Zander turned to stare out the window at the clouds below. He remembered how sad Marshal had been when he’d been injured. It was difficult to see your friends go out and be active. He turned back to face Matthew. “Sometimes, guys like us take it hard when we’re injured. We have issues with losing abilities.”

“You sound like you’ve experienced it.”

Zander shook his head. “Not me, my boyfriend. It’s a long story.”

Doctor Frasier moved to stand right beside them. “Can I check your vitals?”

“Sure,” Zander said.

Matthew lifted their food tray and stood, moving to the seat behind him. He glanced back, seeing Matthew scarfing down his burger. Guilt slid through him as he realized he’d kept the man from enjoying his food. The burger had to be cold now because Matthew had stopped eating to feed and talk to him.

“Can I pull up your shirt?” Doctor Frasier asked.

Zander nodded and tugged up the material. Frasier gasped as his eyes fell on the marks crossing his torso. “When I looked at you earlier, I didn’t see these.”

“I’ll survive,” Zander said.

“They do look bad,” Matthew said from behind him.

“Before we land, I’d like to give you another dose of antibiotics.”

Zander nodded, not caring what the doctor wanted to do. He just wanting to be on the ground and with his man. After a few minutes, he turned to look back at Matthew, making sure he was still there. Frasier finished quickly and helped him adjust his shirt before moving out of the row.

“You can have your seat back, Miller. I think we’ll be landing in about an hour. I’ll come over and administer the antibiotic then. “

Zander had tried to not think too much since being found, but he was about to have to face reality. Why hadn’t his guys come looking for him? He was staring out the window, his breathing growing unsteady. Matthew grabbed his hand and squeezed, their gazes met.

“I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” Zander was silent for a few minutes then he realized he had to use the restroom and he didn’t have to go where he was sitting. He could actually get up and use the toilet like a normal person. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Matthew gave him a quick smile. “Same here. Let me help you up. Come on, you walk in front of me, and I’ll make sure you don’t fall.”

Doctor Frasier stood too, and helped by holding his IV bag and walking in front of him to make sure he didn’t go down. It was weird having to depend on Frasier and Matthew for these simple things. At first, when he opened the door, Zander just stood there. After a short moment, the doctor paled and his lips thinned.

“I am a doctor. I can help you with this,” Frasier said.

He shook his head and nodded to Matthew. “Not you, Matthew. That’s who I want to help me.”

Frasier stalked away, and he sighed. Matthew gave him a quick smile before helping Zander pull his pants down and settle on the toilet before stepping out, giving him privacy. Tears filled his eyes as he used the bathroom, realizing he would no longer be treated like an animal.

He must have taken too long because Matthew pushed the door open a little bit but didn’t look in. “You okay?”

He nodded as he collected himself. “Yeah, I’m just having issues adjusting.”

“It’s okay. I’ll help you stand when you’re ready.”

“Thank you. Now is good.”

Matthew helped him pull up his pants. He was able to make it on his own to the second row of seats in front of the bathroom before he had to sit and wait for Matthew. He felt better after eating, but he wasn’t ready to be on his own yet. Frasier came back before Matthew was finished in the bathroom, and Zander’s heart rate increased so much his head started to spin. Frasier narrowed his eyes before pursing his lips together.

“You don’t look good,” Frasier said.

Matthew stepped out of the bathroom right then and moved quickly to Zander’s side. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just got scared from Frasier being so close. I wasn’t prepared to have him come back here while you were in the bathroom.”

Matthew stood tall and squared his shoulders as he faced the doctor. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I just need to give him another dose of antibiotics. I wasn’t going to do anything else.”

“Okay.” Matthew nodded before turning back to Zander. “Can he give you another dose?”

“Yes. I just need to know what it is,” Zander said.

“I can come to your doctor’s office and talk to him about your treatment.” Frasier lifted a brow and cocked his head to the side.

Zander narrowed his eyes as he stared at the doctor. “General Kuenzier wants you to figure out who I am. That’s not going to happen.”

Doctor Frasier lifted his hands and laughed. “Okay, you found me out. I’m curious. I’m sure Matthew is too.”

Matthew shook his head and frowned. “Oh no, don’t include me in on that. If this man doesn’t want us to know his name, then maybe there’s a reason we shouldn’t push.”

Warmth spread over Zander and it wasn’t just from the antibiotics Frasier had administered through his IV line. He liked Matthew and hoped he could find his man and make things right. The captain came on and announced they would be landing soon. Only after Frasier had administered the antibiotics and moved back to his seat did he realize the doctor hadn’t told him what he’d been given.

“Come on, I’ll help you move forward. When we land, do you want me to help you walk off?” Matthew asked.

Zander clutched Matthew’s hand, fear spinning through him. “Don’t leave me, not yet.” Being alone frightened him, and he wasn’t sure what would happen when they were in Colorado. If Marshal were around, he would be able to relax. He worried that maybe he’d never feel normal again. At the moment, he was just trying to figure out if he could feel anything other than fear.

Only a few minutes after Matthew had settled him in his seat, the plane bumped along on the runway, slowing to a stop. His hands shook and fear filled him. What if Marshal didn’t want him? It hadn’t been that long, but what if he’d moved on and found someone else to provide comfort?

Panic rose but Matthew’s hand on his shoulder soothed him. “It will be okay.” The words from Matthew calmed him and he blew out a breath before nodding. Matthew helped him up and supported him as he made his way to the front of the plane. A gentle squeeze from Matthew stopped him from walking down the plane's stairs.

“I know you may want to do this on your own, but I’ll carry you down. I don’t want you to fall.”

Zander drew in a slow breath and nodded. He didn’t want Marshal seeing him this way, but this was his reality, and no amount of wishing would give him the ability to walk on his own, at least not down the stairs. He was damaged and didn’t know if he would ever be okay.

The tarmac was basically empty except for an Army officer who met them as they exited the plane. He half-wished Marshal had been standing right there, but then he realized it probably would be too revealing of a place for Marshal and the gang. Matthew carried him all the way to a small building, following behind the officer. Once inside, Matthew lowered Zander but still kept his arm tightly around Zander’s waist, supporting him so he didn’t topple to the ground. The IV line was still in his arm, and Matthew helped him manage the bag. Doctor Frasier was right behind them, never once slowing.

“Are you Corporal Matthew Miller?” A man standing right inside the door asked as they entered.

“Yes, sir. I’m Corporal Miller.”

The man nodded, and Zander saw the star on his lapel, wondering how much these generals hated having to jump through hoops because Duff had placed a call.

“I’m General Mathis and I’m supposed to escort you and your… friend?”

“I can go with you all,” Frasier said.

“No, sir, you stay here. Actually, doctor, you’ll be returning with the plane. Corporal Miller is going to be staying here for a little longer,” General Mathis explained.

Frasier looked unhappy, but Zander knew Duff had the clout to demand certain actions that wouldn’t compromise their security. Matthew caught his gaze, lifting his brows in a questioning look, then frowned, obviously not liking what he was hearing.

“How far are we going to have to walk? Do you have a wheelchair for my friend?” Matthew asked.

“No, we weren’t made aware we would need one. The men you are meeting aren’t on base but in a separate facility. You’ll be driven over. The car is out back and isn’t far from here.”

“Okay.” Matthew bent low and picked Zander up, turning so he could see Doctor Frasier. “Thank you, doc, for taking care of him.”

“You’re welcome,” Frasier said.

Zander met the doctor’s gaze. “Thank you, Frasier. I’ll remember your kindness.”

“I wish I knew your name.” Frasier shrugged then shook his head. “Get well soon.”

“Thank you. I know you want my name, but that’s not going to happen,” Zander said.

Frasier laughed and waved. Matthew turned and followed after the general, not bending once with exhaustion as they made their way through the building. The walk was farther than he’d assumed it would be, and when they stepped through the doors to the parking lot where a car was waiting, he noticed a trail of sweat on Matthew’s face.

Matthew helped him into the car then ran around the vehicle, hopped in the back seat, and slid over to sit next to him.

“Are you okay?” Matthew asked.

“Yes, just overwhelmed. I’m so—” The door opened, and General Mathis slid into the front passenger seat. The driver’s side door opened too and another man joined them. He didn’t feel comfortable talking about anything related to home. It was unreal that he was back, so close to Wild Bluff and his friends. A shiver snaked through him, and Matthew grabbed his hand, squeezing once but not letting go.

They drove off base, and he wondered how far they would have to travel when they turned into the parking lot of a mostly deserted office complex and parked. He recognized one of the ranch trucks, and his heart quickened.

“I’ll be beside you as long as you need,” Matthew whispered.