Colorado Connection (Colorado Heart Book 6) (15 page)

Jazz sucked in a breath, his body responding to Matthew’s nearness. He wanted to tell Matthew to go away, that he wasn’t still madly in love, but he couldn’t. Matthew slid his lips over Jazz’s again. This time, Jazz twisted his fingers in Matthew’s shirt, holding him close.

Need slammed him and he gasped, the air in his lungs stalling. Could he do this? Could he allow Matthew to see his broken body? He leaned back, trying to find the words he needed to say.

“I’m afraid that once you see the damage, you’ll not want me.”

Matthew tugged at Jazz’s shirt, exposing a strip of his flesh. He froze, holding his arms at his sides.

“I love you, Jazz. Listen to my words, listen to my heart. Your injuries don’t matter.”

Jazz loosened his arms and allowed Matthew to pull his shirt over his head. He watched Matthew’s face as his gaze strayed from the jagged pink skin near his underarm, down to the line crossing his ribs. Matthew didn’t flinch once.

Jazz’s breath caught when Matthew dipped low, his tongue trailing over the scar. Matthew rose up, their gazes meeting before he lowered and flick Jazz’s nipple with the tip of his tongue. Jazz gasped as he arched up. Matthew sucked Jazz’s nipple into his mouth, causing all sorts of sensations to race through him. He gasped as Matthew grazed his teeth over Jazz’s sensitive flesh. But more than the sensation on his chest and nipples was the feel of his prick waking up. He’d come since the injury, but jacking off wasn’t easy because even touching his cock made him think of what had happened.

Thoughts of the blast that had changed everything raced through him and he stilled. Matthew realized something was off and he paused, lifting up so they were staring at each other.

“What is it?” Matthew asked.

“Once you see, once you… I can’t. I just can’t.”

Matthew brushed his lips over Jazz’s, as his fingers trailed down Jazz’s chest to the waistband of his pants. Matthew tugged at Jazz’s pants, pulling them low, exposing the cuts, the ugly lines, and the puckered skin where he’d been sewn up, stitched like a broken doll just to hold him together. Matthew ended the kiss and lifted up, holding Jazz’s gaze as he delivered sweet nips and licks to Jazz’s torso on his way lower. Fear raced through him as Matthew drew closer to his dick.

“Wait,” Jazz said.

Matthew shook his head and tugged Jazz’s underwear low. “You, Jazz, not your dick, not your leg, but you.” Matthew ran his tongue around Jazz’s belly button before lifting up, his brows pinched together. “Tell me if anything hurts.”

Jazz nodded, unsure what Matthew was going to do next. Everything hurt, just not physically. His heart squeezed as Matthew scooted farther down the bed. Their gazes held for a second longer before Matthew lowered his head and kissed the root of Jazz’s dick. He gasped, and Matthew’s head shot up.

“You okay?”

Jazz nodded then bit down on his lower lip to keep from whimpering. He wanted Matthew’s mouth on him, but having Matthew in his life long-term was too much to hope for. Once he saw the extent of the damage, he would run.

Matthew lowered and licked him again, his tongue wide and flat as it ran over Jazz’s cock, or what was left of it. Matthew sucked him in and Jazz almost lost his mind. He was hard, harder than he’d been since the accident. Matthew popped off his cock before moving lower, wrapping his lips around the one good ball Jazz had left. It felt amazing to have Matthew licking and sucking on him. He gasped in a breath, trying to fight the orgasm but losing. A small squirt of cum landed on his belly as he held his breath, praying Matthew stuck around after he realized how pathetic Jazz was now that his cock was half gone along with one of his balls.

When Jazz opened his eyes, Matthew was above him, pumping his cock in his fist, his head angled back, mouth open as the first of his orgasm hit. A large puddle of warm cum splashed on Jazz’s chest and belly.

Matthew dropped next to him on the mattress and pulled him close, kissing his neck and chin before finding his mouth. Tears stung his eyes and he let loose a sob as loss and pain twisted through him. Jazz half-expected Matthew to get up and walk out now that the full extent of his injuries had been revealed. No matter what he did, he’d never be able to penetrate Matthew, not with his cock, and having Matthew slide into him scared Jazz. He’d suffered a lot of damage and he wasn’t sure how his body would respond to being invaded. What they’d just done had felt wonderful, but would Matthew settle for that?

Jazz felt time ticking by as he waited for Matthew to leave. Seconds turned into minutes then the minutes went by, stretching into almost a half hour, making Jazz wonder why Matthew hadn’t loosened his hold and rolled away. Jazz blew out a slow breath, unsure how to approach the subject. Then Matthew went up on one elbow and stared down at him, his gaze serious.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it can’t be good. Look at me and listen. I love you. I don’t care about this.” Matthew ran his hand over the round stump at the end of his left leg. “You are more than just what happened to you in Afghanistan. Things change, but can you trust me now?”

The air seemed too thick to breathe, and he could only nod as his voice failed him. Matthew smiled as he brushed his lips over Jazz’s mouth, sliding his tongue over Jazz’s lips, begging for entrance. He opened, his hands finding Matthew’s sides, caressing his perfect body, touching his unmarred flesh. Jazz gulped in a jagged breath, his emotions all over the place. Matthew leaned back, love shining in his eyes.

“I didn’t come here today to get you into bed. Really, I just wanted to talk. I don’t want a one-time thing. I want more from you. I want it all. I can’t have sex with you again and then not hear from you for months. I need more.”

Jazz reached out, placing his hand loosely on the center of Matthew’s chest. His fingers trailed over Matthew’s pecs, playing with his chest hair. “I was in so much pain, not just physically, but mentally. I couldn’t reason, couldn’t think. I'd lost my leg and more. I’m no longer whole. How can I offer you anything?”

“You are more than what happened to you. Even without your leg, you’re still Jazz, the man I love.”

“But I’m not. Don’t you get it? I can never be that cocky guy who flirts with you as we go out on missions.”

“Jazz, you were never just that guy. You were also the man who kissed me like I’d never been kissed before. You were the man who listened to my complaints about Sarg when we were hanging out. You’re the guy who sucked me so well I thought I’d seen heaven. You’re the man who made me smile, the guy who made me laugh. We spent time together talking and learning to love each other. We won’t be on patrol again, and we won’t work together like we used to, but we had more than what you’re describing. At least, I thought we did.”

Jazz’s chest hurt as he tried to breathe normally. “I just thought you wouldn’t want me like this.”

“If I’d been the one injured by the bomb, would you want me?”

“How can you ask that? I’d want you no matter what. You’re the only man for me. How can you think…” He trailed off, his words true but harsh when he applied them to his own logic. “What have I done?” He felt sick to his stomach and his head spun.

Matthew kissed Jazz lightly, brushing his lips against Jazz’s skin. “We’re together now, that’s all that matters.”

“Can you… what if I… I haven’t spent much time with people since leaving the hospital. I’m not good with the talking stuff.”

“Jazz, I know you. You don’t have to impress me.” Matthew’s lips slid over his neck, up to his ear. “I’ve missed you too much,” Matthew whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

Matthew’s forehead was against Jazz’s, his hands on Jazz’s waist. “We’re together now. I won’t let you go.”

“I won’t leave,” Jazz said.

He closed the distance between them, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss that stole his breath. Staying away from Matthew had been the dumbest thing he’d ever done. How could he have thought Matthew didn’t love him? He’d missed his guy so much it hurt. The kiss ended and Matthew went up on one elbow. They stared at each other as they touched, their fingers finding muscles, dips, and fuzzy patches to play with, kissing slowly as they began to make love.

He’s started to grow hard again, which surprised the heck out of him. He rolled to his side so they were facing each other. Without his leg it was hard to maneuver, but Matthew held him, keeping him from rolling away.

Matthew pumped his hips forward, his dick grazing against Jazz’s cock. They both gasped. He stared at Matthew, thinking his man looked sexy as hell as he raked his teeth over his lower lip.

“I want you inside of me,” Jazz whispered, knowing he may not be able to stand it.

Matthew rolled away, and Jazz wondered if this was where he got the big goodbye. When Matthew rolled back to him, condom in hand, he felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off his chest. He smiled big as he took the condom, opening the package.

“Are you sure?” Matthew asked.

Desire vibrated through him as he rolled the condom onto Matthew’s dick. He lifted his leg and smiled as Matthew lined up. He placed his hand in the center of Matthew’s chest, feeling the beat of his heart.

“Every time we did this before, it was always rushed, in a closet, or behind a building. We never had time. I like this,” Jazz whispered.

“I do too.” Matthew sat back on his heals, his gaze traveling over Jazz’s body then back up to his face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Love hurts.”

Matthew shook his head slowly. “Babe, not like that. You know what I mean. If it’s painful, tell me to stop. There’s more to us than sex.”

He nodded and reached for Matthew, pulling him close. Their breaths mingled as Matthew lined up, pressing against his pucker. He blew out a breath as Matthew popped in, pain radiating through his body, making his injured leg throb.

“You don’t look so good,” Matthew said.

“Don’t pull out, not yet.”

“Okay.” Slowly, Matthew pressed forward, his dick filling Jazz’s ass.

The pain almost overwhelmed him, and he shuddered. Matthew paused, his gaze on Jazz. He nodded, and Matthew pressed in more, his cock going deeper. Matthew’s cock brushed over his prostate, and he gasped. Matthew stilled, but he clawed at Matthew’s body, tugging him nearer.

“More. So good,” Jazz groaned. It felt amazingly wonderful to have Matthew inside of him like this. He wanted more than just fucking. He wanted them to be a couple. The thought of Matthew leaving caused a fierceness to rise up, filling him with pain. He gasped and pressed up, needing to leave his mark on Matthew.

Matthew grasped onto his cock, stroking him. He was going to come again. His body vibrated with pleasure as Matthew slid in then pulled out, rocking against his ass.

“Oh God, Jazz… fuck… so good,” Matthew moaned.

Jazz pressed up, and Matthew slid in deeper. “More!”

“Oh fuck… yeah.”

Happiness, maybe a little pride, and a whole lot of love filled him. Matthew was his. They could figure this out. Maybe it wouldn’t be perfect, but he wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination.

Matthew panted, his mouth hung open as he slid in deeper. Jazz wrapped his hand around his own dick and smoothed his fingers over the reconstructed tip once, then twice just before he felt his orgasm rising.

Hot cum shot out of his cock, landing on his chest. Matthew stroked in once more and came, his body straining against Jazz’s. He’d forgotten about pain and his leg. Hell, he’d almost forgotten about his cock as Matthew loved him. They stared at each other, their gazes holding as Matthew ran his fingers over Jazz’s cheek.

“I’ve always loved you, even before I said it. Don’t leave me again.” Matthew lifted, sliding out of Jazz.

Immediately, he missed the feel of Matthew inside of him. He wanted that feeling back. After Matthew settled on the bed beside him, he rolled to his side, his hand on Matthew’s cheek. They had each other now, and he wasn’t going to let Matthew go again.

“What are your plans? Where are you now?” Jazz asked.

“That’s why I came here today.” Matthew cleared his throat and ducked his head. “I have something I need you to do and I want you to say yes.”

“To what?” Jazz toyed with Matthew’s chest, loving the way he felt next to him.

“I can’t talk much about it, but you have to say you will, please.”

Jazz was silent for a short moment before he nodded. “Will I be with you?”

“Yes. We’ll live together, work together, it’ll be similar to old times but totally different.”

“What do you mean?”

A knock sounded at his door and he jerked up, his gaze swinging to Matthew’s before settling on the door again. Few people knew where he lived, and fewer knocked at his place. This was the second interruption he’d had today.

“Sorry, I told them to give us two hours. I didn’t think it would take that long to say hello to you.”

“Two hours? We’ve been at this for two hours?”

Matthew grabbed his phone and pressed the button. He shook his head and laughed. “No, three. No wonder they’re knocking so hard. I’ll pull on my pants and go out to talk to them while you get dressed.”

Jazz placed his hand on Matthew’s shoulder. “You really want this?” He pointed to his leg, praying Matthew didn’t have an issue with his physical limitations.