Authors: Shelia Grace
“Alex, honey?”
“Yeah, Mom.”
She came into the kitchen with a
bunch of grocery bags, and I heard Stephie bounding up the stairs.
“Oh! Alexis, what happened to
you?”
“I went for a run. … I think I
hurt my ribs.”
“Baby, I told you not to do that!”
“I know,” I smiled. “I’m going to
take a shower, okay?”
I stopped before I made it to the
stairs.
“Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t leave Stephie in the
house by herself, do you?”
“No, why?”
I shook my head like it was
nothing. I’d let Mom find the missing stuff and call the police. What else
could I do? Tell her about the sociopath neighbor whose father was a big-time
lawyer? I walked upstairs to the guest bathroom and locked the door after me.
Turning on the water, I stripped off my clothes. Then I brought up the loudest
song I had on my iPhone. As soon I stepped under the water, I let a sob escape.
Then I sank down on the floor of the shower and cried until I couldn’t breathe.
The past three weeks had been the
worst in my life. And I was about to do something that would make things even
worse.
Ryan
I had been working since five o’clock
in the morning, fueled only by coffee and rage, when my cell buzzed at the
perfect moment—right as I was about to throw my fucking laptop out the
window. My dog,
who
had already decided my mood wasn’t
worth dealing with, had sought refuge in the bedroom.
Grabbing the phone from the table,
I groaned, expecting it to be another text from McDevitt—more fucking
pictures from the collection of strip clubs we had patronized in Vegas. Another
blurry set of tits maybe? Looking down, I felt my hand freeze on the phone. The
text was from Alex—the first since I had walked out of her hospital room,
leaving her bruised and sedated.
Since that moment, I had sworn to
myself a hundred fucking times that I had done the right thing—that I had
been protecting her from my bullshit. But eventually I had had to face the fact
that I had done it more for me than for her. I had walked away because I
couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.
As a result, I had abandoned her
when she needed me most.
Opening the text, I braced myself
for a lengthy diatribe crucifying me for being a jackass. Instead, my gut
clenched as I read Alex’s brief, terrified accounting of the neighbors’ kid who
had broken in and stolen a bunch of stuff. When I got to the part about the
pocketknife and him threatening her, I stopped reading and called her cell
phone. It rang a few times before she picked up.
“Mom, it’s Rachel. I’m going to
take a walk. I’ll be back in a few minutes, ’kay?” I heard her say.
I cracked my knuckles and listened
to the sound of a door closing.
“Ryan?”
She started crying, really
sobbing, and I ground my teeth together.
“Give me your parents’ address.
I’ll be there by tonight.”
She was silent for a second. Then
she started rattling off an address.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffled miserably.
“I know you probably didn’t want to hear from me, but I just didn’t know who
else to tell.”
“Alex, when are you supposed to
fly back to school?”
“Monday. It’s just … I’m afraid to
go to sleep,” she hiccupped. “He said he would—”
“Is your ticket refundable?”
She paused.
“I think so. Why?”
“Just tell your parents that
you’re getting a ride back to school from a friend. Can you do that?”
I listened to her breathing.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Do it. I’ll be there by tonight.”
I ended the call and stalked into
the bedroom, picking up a duffle bag, a ski mask, a baseball bat, a stack of
shirts, boxers, socks, and another pair of jeans. When I got to the kitchen, I
packed food, water, a bed, and dishes for Finn before retrieving the dog
harness for the backseat. Then I threw a couple of sports drinks and a box of
energy bars in the bag and locked up the house.
This
was my karmic bitch slap for walking out of the hospital and
abandoning Alex. I had been waiting for it. I just hadn’t expected it to be
this bad.
I put Finn in the car and headed
toward the freeway. If I pushed it the entire way down I-5, I could get there
in five and a half hours. But I didn’t want any speeding tickets or proof that
I had been in Southern California. I also had to let Finn out every couple of
hours. So, if I got lucky, I would hit Irvine in a little under seven hours.
As I drove, I promised myself that
I would watch her house, and that was it. But I knew if I saw the guy who had
laid a hand on Alex, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I would make him regret
his entire fucking existence. Then again, I would always hate myself more. On
some level, I realized that even if I hadn’t walked out of the hospital that
day, Alex still would have gone to visit her parents, but I also knew that I
wouldn’t be feeling like such a dickhead right now. More importantly, I would
have had slightly more legitimacy when I fucking obliterated this asshole.
When I got to the interstate, I
pushed the boundaries of the speed limit, keeping an eye out for the spots
where I knew the CHP would be hiding. Luckily for me, there was always some
jackass going faster than I was. I stopped three times for Finn and pissed
once, eating nothing but energy bars. Hitting traffic north of Irvine, I nearly
lost it. Five hours on the freeway only to get stuck in fucking L.A. traffic.
No wonder Southern Californians drove like they were living in some
post-apocalyptic hell. If I had to sit in traffic like this on a daily basis, I
would be out of my fucking mind, too.
I finally exited the freeway, and
within ten minutes I was sitting one block over from Alex’s street, studying
the Spanish style homes. When Finn started whining, I got out and put on his
leash. Locking the car, I walked around the block and stopped across the street
from the address Alex had given me. After a good look at the houses on either
side of hers—with a good guess as to which house her degenerate neighbor
lived in—I walked back to the car.
Sitting in the driver’s seat, I
stared down at the phone. I was so close to seeing her again. I cracked my
knuckles. How many times had I dreamed of holding her in my arms? And now that
she was within reach, I was hesitating.
Because I didn’t
deserve to see her again.
Exhaling, I texted her that I was one block
down and then stepped out of the car and leaned against the door. Less than two
minutes later, I saw her. She was running full speed toward my car. I stood up
and caught her before she ran into me, and she immediately buried her face
against my chest. But when I wrapped my arms around her, she winced.
“Did he hurt you?”
Stepping back, she pulled up her
shirt and I saw the faint outline of fingers etched in her pale skin along her
ribcage. When she started crying, I forgot about everything else. My only plan
was to destroy this asshole.
“Shh,” I whispered.
I held her for several seconds
before drawing back and looking down at her tear-stained face.
“Alex, which house does he live
in?”
She shook her head, her eyes wide.
“You’re not going over there!
He’ll know I told someone!”
“No. I just need to know which
house to keep an eye on so you can get some sleep tonight.”
She nodded and shuddered.
“And you’re ready to leave
tomorrow morning?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think Stephen was
relieved to get a refund on the ticket. Mom wasn’t happy that I was leaving
early, but I just told her that Rachel was going to pick me up on her way back
to school.”
I nodded.
“Good.”
Alex bit her lip, and I realized
she hadn’t thought about the part where she would have to drive back to
school—with me.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I
shouldn’t have texted you. I’m probably ruining the rest of your spring break.”
I grabbed her hands gently.
“Doctoral candidates don’t get a
spring break, and I would’ve been angry if you hadn’t texted me.”
“You wouldn’t have known that
anything happened,” she whispered.
It felt like she had kicked me in
the gut. Her tone wasn’t reproachful, just matter-of-fact. As she stared up at
me, her eyes red-rimmed, the irises a vivid green, I wanted to reach out and
hold her … kiss her.
“It’ll be okay.”
I wiped her cheeks and felt like
an asshole. Hadn’t I hurt her worse than her deranged neighbor had? Who the
fuck was
I
to tell her it would be
okay?
“Go back to the house and text me
when you’re going to sleep. And be ready to leave by five tomorrow.”
She nodded.
“I can bring you something to eat
…”
I thought about the energy bars in
the car and nodded. When Finn whined at the window, Alex turned. Seeing him,
she yelped.
“Oh my god! Finn!”
She wrenched open the door.
When my dog leaped out of the car
and planted his nose firmly between her legs, I said a small prayer to come
back as a German
Shepherd
in my next life.
“I’ve missed you so much!” she
said, burying her face in his fur.
She looked up at me.
“I’ll be back.”
I watched as she hurried down the
street. Finn started to chase after her, but I whistled and he trotted back,
looking at me like I had kicked him. Taking the tennis ball from the backseat,
I looked around for cars and then launched it into the cul-de-sac across the
way.
I didn’t want to admit it to
myself, but I was disturbingly happy to be here. It was worth it to see Alex
again, and to know that she didn’t hate me, even if I hated myself for what I
had done. Looking down the street, I saw her walking from the other direction
holding a reusable grocery bag. She made a face.
“That asshole was out front waxing
his Mustang, so I went the other way.”
I felt my jaw clench. At least I
knew which house was his. I had seen the Mustang when I had walked by Alex’s
house earlier.
“What does he look like?”
“Brown hair, smirking ass face,
about a half a foot shorter than you.”
She opened up the bag and brought
out an unopened box of dog cookies.
“They were Marty’s, but they’re
still good.”
She opened the box, and Finn sat
down in front of her. When she gave him a cookie, I decided I should just let
her have Finn since he was officially her dog now. Next she began pulling out
an assortment of food. Chips, bottled water, a sandwich wrapped in cellophane,
fruit, and what looked like a giant brownie.
“I made the brownies last night.”
She smiled. I wanted to reach out
and pull her to me, but first I had to apologize.
“Alex, I’ve made a lot of
mistakes, and I hurt you, which I promised I wouldn’t do.”
She shook her head, her smile
wavering.
“Maybe we’re just better off as
friends. Although I think I’m getting a better deal than you, since you drove
all the way down here. I mean, I don’t know if anyone else could have or would
have dropped everything …”
She started crying again, and I
swore softly under my breath. I had been so afraid of losing her that I had
fucking hurt her. Not to mention that I had walked away from the one person who
made me happy. That made me an asshole
and
a fucking idiot. Pulling her into my arms, I drew her closer and tilted her
chin so that she was looking at me.
“I’m sorry … for everything.”
She nodded and then pulled away.
“I’ll see you in the morning.
Thanks, Ryan. For coming down here.”
With another small smile, she
began walking back toward her house. When Finn started following her again, I
snapped my fingers and opened the back door, securing him in the harness before
getting in the driver’s seat and heading back toward the grocery store I had
passed on the way in. Thanks to Daylight Saving Time, the sun was just going
down by the time I pulled into the parking lot. Opening the windows for Finn, I
got out and walked through the parking lot.
In the store, I cruised the aisles
for duct tape, vinyl gloves,
a
pair of scissors, W-D
40, and several bottles of hard alcohol. When I got to the register, the
cashier gave me a look like she thought I was some kind of sex offender. I
smiled.
Nope, I’m just here to torture one
.
I drove back to Alex’s street and
then circled back around to park on a different street than earlier. Getting
out, I fed Finn again and left a bowl of water on the curb. Then I opened the
bag Alex had brought me earlier and ate everything. It was the best food I had
tasted in more than a week, particularly since I had gone from canned soup to
Vegas buffets to energy bars.
When I got to the brownie, I
wanted to go over to Alex’s house and ask for the rest of it. It was like crack
cocaine. As soon as I was done, I jammed everything back in the bag and waited.
Eventually, people started coming out of their houses with their dogs on
leashes, and I took advantage of the time to walk Finn and take stock of the
house next to Alex’s. The Mustang was still there, and when the lights around
the neighborhood began going out for the night, I went back to the car and
drove to the end of Alex’s street.
Within a few minutes of parking, I
got the text from Alex saying she was going to sleep. I wrote back and asked if
her parents were in bed yet. As soon as I knew everyone in the house was in for
the night, I relaxed and took inventory of the duffle bag. Then I got out and
walked quickly to the gate at the side of Alex’s house to spray the hinges with
WD-40. Going back to the car, I turned on the music and waited. Sometime around
midnight, I saw the front door of the house next to Alex’s open. Sinking down
in the seat, I watched a guy walk out and get into the Mustang. As soon as he
gunned the engine, I started the car, leaving the headlights off. He pulled
out, and I waited a few seconds before following him. When he took the onramp
to the freeway, I followed him as far as the exit to Long Beach before turning
around and heading back to Alex’s house.
I waited about fifteen minutes and
then patted Finn on the head and got out. Grabbing the duffle bag, I walked quickly
along the shadows until I reached the gate to Alex’s back yard. Moving silently
along the side of the house, I checked the perimeter. The downstairs was locked
up tight. Next I surveyed the second floor and saw that the stucco wall that
ran the length of the house ended at the very beginning of an awning covering
the patio furniture. From the wall, it was easy enough to get onto the wooden
beams that led directly to a small window, which was still open. And if the
house was alarmed, it meant that there was no sensor there.
I settled into a dark corner of
the yard and continued to wait. More than an hour passed before I heard the
rumble of a car traveling too fast on suburban streets. When I heard a car door
slam, I promised myself that if he walked through the front door of his house
and didn’t come out again, I would leave an anonymous tip for the police
tomorrow morning after Alex and I were long gone—and leave it at that.
Then I heard the squeak of the gate next door and my fists clenched.