Claimed by a Scottish Lord (37 page)

―Perhaps,‖ he said thoughtfully. ―Or it is not knowing quite what to say to a brother I have only known through letters.‖ After a moment, he asked. ―What of you, love? Have you any regrets you wish to rectify?‖

The question begged an honest answer even to herself. ―I regret not remembering my mother,‖ she said. ―Nor did I treat Friar Tucker as well as I should have. I have never told him I love him.‖

She sighed softly. ―I think, a part of me blamed him for the choices he made for my life. I do not know why I felt the way I did—he has been nothing but patient and loving. I was never outwardly angry but I must have been angry . for I have always been searching . for something. I do not know for what, but it is there on the horizon.‖ She lowered her head, and her hair fell over her shoulders. ―I have learned resentment no matter how small and seemingly insignificant is like a smoldering ember. It burns at the edges of a person‘s soul and eventually blackens all that it touches.‖

She had not meant to be so honest or allude to her restlessness as if that took away her newfound feelings for him. His arm tightened around her and he pulled her close to his heart.

She looked up at him with a wobbly smile. ―Perhaps we are both still looking for a place that feels like home.‖

Just then, there was a gust of wind against the slats. Ruark lowered his head took her lips in a kiss, slowly turning her in his arms until she was across his lap. Her fingers slid through the wisp of hair on his chest as he pressed her down into the cloak. He pulled away to look down at her, the expression on Ruark‘s face unreadable. But he needed no words, as he loved her.

They remained in the loft until dawn, when the rain finally stopped and she was forced to rouse from her languor. Forced to admit as she smiled up at her husband that if this was what it meant to be in love, this need to be near him, this all-consuming passion, then she wondered how one survived it.

She dressed while Ruark saddled the horses, then climbed down from the loft for a bit of privacy outside. The sun emerged from behind the clouds as Rose pushed open the stable doors. She looked out across the field, empty save for a few brown shaggy cattle, and approached the nearest tree when she spied a horse hobbled nearby. She walked around the stable.

Duncan sat on a rock, both feet on the ground. He was bent over his knees whittling at a stick with a sharp knife. He looked up at her, squinting against the sun at her back.

She and Duncan had reached an understanding these past weeks. She still disliked much of his bullishness, but she had seen something behind his gruff exterior that made her more tolerant of the man himself. Only a week ago, she had watched him literally give the shirt off his back to one of the drovers injured after a horse threw him. McBain had had to rip it up for bandages.

A breeze fluttered the red ash trees and dappled the ground briefly with light. ―Why are you sitting here?‖

Duncan braced both elbows on his knees and regarded her levelly for a moment. ―I do no‘ think you would rather I have interrupted you last night.‖

―You have been here all night?‖

―He‘s been lookin‘ for me. I suspect he‘s thinkin‘ many unflattering things about my character after seeing Hereford in Mawbray. Business with the
Black Dragon
, ye ken. He did no‘

trust me to go along with him.‖

She had not known what business had taken Ruark from Stonehaven this past month. Then Ruark no longer owned his ship.

―Good men could have died because of you, Duncan,‖ Ruark said from a place behind her, cold deadliness in his voice. ―Come here, Rose.‖ He held out a gloved hand to her. She walked over to him and took it.

Rose looked from Ruark to Duncan, and didn‘t understand the danger she sensed. More than long-standing animosity that stretched farther back than merely the incidents of the past year vibrated the air between the two.

―Aye, she will stand at your side, lad,‖ Duncan said in amusement. ―She is no white-knuckler pissin‘ herself over a wee thing like fear. I‘d wed the lass myself if she was no‘

already mistress of Stonehaven.‖

―Stay away from my wife and from Jamie. Stay away from Stonehaven.‖

―Ruark,‖ Rose gasped.

Duncan held up a hand to stay her. ―Leave off, lass.‖ His eyes remained on Ruark. ―No matter what Hereford might have claimed or hinted, I did no‘ kill your da, lad, though he deserved killin‘ for the man he was.‖

―And Kathleen‘s husband? Did he deserve killing as well?‖

Duncan rose to his feet and slid the knife into a sheath at his belt. He was a big man with large shoulders and hands. Dirt and dead leaves clung to his shoulder-length hair and worn plaid.

―I would have done the deed had his horse no‘ fallen and done the killin‘ for me. Him leavin‘ her and his youngest bairn bein‘ just four. Procurator fiscal, principal public prosecutor, a regular limmer he was.‖ Duncan spat. ―Your da sent me after him for stealing from him. He was no‘

dead when I found him trapped beneath his horse, and gold in his saddlebags. He begged me to save him and told me what he‘d been doin‘ all these years for your da and for Hereford. Had a mistress in Carlisle he was swiven‘. It took him a day to die in the cold with his injuries and trapped as he was beneath the horse. If he had no‘ killed himself with his stupidity, I would have, for what he did to Kathleen.‖

―Christ, Duncan . ‖

―You told everyone he was innocent,‖ Rose said.

―Aye,‖ he tossed out in defiance. ―Kathleen loved the bloke. Why destroy that with the truth. I‘ve no‘ much honor left in me, and I‘m no‘ denying I‘m guilty of plenty of sin in this life, but those bairn of his would have carried the stigma of their father‘s crime to death.‖

―And yet you kept the gold,‖ Ruark said.

―It stuck in your da‘s crawl like a burr when I said I did no‘ find any gold. That gold was supposed to have gone to Hereford to pay a debt caused when you took that cargo ship outside Rotterdam. They were to meet in Chesters in late spring. Aye, I learned then he and Hereford were partners.‖

―A devout Scotsman who had devoted his life to protecting and dealing out justice for Stonehaven‘s chieftain might also take exception to finding the earl of Roxburghe an English sympathizer and in league with Hereford. If one thought Hereford to blame for the laird‘s betrayal of the precious Kerr honor, one would want revenge against Hereford. What better way to rally the family than Jamie‘s capture in a bout of cattle lifting.‖

―I‘ll no‘ deny my actions nearly started a war, lad. And I‘ll no‘ deny Jamie has had a bit of a hard time of it since his return. He is no‘ you to be sure, a big strappin‘ lad come home to take your da‘s place with a bonny Sassenach wife like yourn to warm a man‘s bed. But I would no‘ ever harm the lad.‖

A breeze fluttered the red ash trees and dappled the ground briefly with light. Ruark swore and looked away. ―What should I do with you, Duncan?‖

―I can find my own way, lad.‖

His glance touched Rose then he strode past her to his horse. After he tightened the cinch on the saddle, he mounted and, swinging the gelding around, nodded to them both and rode away.

―Oh, Ruark. You cannot mean to let him—‖

―Christ, Rose!‖ His voice cut across hers. ―Do not defend him to me again.‖ He started to step around her.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and drew herself tight against him, to keep him from walking away from her. She wanted to hold on to him forever to protect him. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around her. Gradually, the heavy thump of his heart eased.

He pressed his cheek to her hair. ―Duncan will be fine, Rose.‖

― ‘Tis not for him I am worried.‖

He set his hands on her shoulders and gently pulled her away. ―Your concern is appreciated but not needed.‖

―Yet, I am concerned. You told me you were to see my father‘s solicitor.‖ She dropped her gaze because tears suddenly veiled her eyes. ―You should have told me you saw my father. That frightens me. What did you talk about?‖

Cupping her chin, Ruark raised her face to his searching gaze. ― ‘Twas just business with the
Black Dragon
.‖

She didn‘t believe his inane response. ― ‘Tis never just business with him. Or you. Have I not already learned that?‖

―Come,‖ he said. ―I will get the horses.‖

Chapter 23

R
uark sat at his desk in the library, where he had spent the last few mornings dealing with business. He held a quill pen poised above one of the sheets of foolscap spread out before him. The scratching of the quill pen continued for a bit longer as he finished the letter to his banker. Then he replaced the pen in the silver inkstand and sprinkled fine sand from the pounce box onto the letters. He opened the top drawer on his desk and pulled out a signet ring. He folded over each of the four corners of the foolscap, then folded it in half, poured wax over the joint and impressed his ring before returning it to the drawer. For a moment, he turned the signet over in his hand and rubbed a callused thumb across the crest. He had never worn the signet ring. It had remained in this desk since his father‘s death.

A knock sounded and Julia peered around the door. Ruark stood as she entered. Something seemed to turn over inside him, and the unfinished chapter in his life had suddenly become a book that he had yet to close.

She looked lovely today in pale blue that matched the color of her eyes. Her fine blond hair was knotted in a thin ball at her nape. She had not changed much in appearance from the girl she had been. The years had bruised her heart immeasurably, though only her tightly clasped hands gave away her feelings.

―You requested to see me?‖ she tentatively asked, as if any request from the laird of Stonehaven was something to be feared.

Ruark closed the space between them, his steps quiet on the thick carpet. He indicated the upholstered chairs in front of the desk. ―Sit down, Julia.‖

The ease of her compliance annoyed him. He hesitated, then sat in the chair across from her. ―I am not going to bite you.‖

She stiffened. ―We have never really spoken since your return. What do you expect me to make of this summons? Especially when I have heard you have asked Duncan to leave Stonehaven.‖

―Duncan is free to go where he wishes,‖ Ruark said, having no intention of discussing his uncle with Julia.

She lowered her gaze to her lap.

―Julia,‖ he said. ―As the Dowager Countess Roxburghe, you have a special place here at Stonehaven, and I am obliged to see you cared for. I am giving you a monthly allowance that is yours to do as you please. I am responsible for Jamie‘s care but I will not presume to take him away from you. You may remain here. Or the Roxburghe family has holdings in Edinburgh and Carlisle if you wish for a more social climate some of the year.‖

She paled. ―Are you asking me to leave?‖

―Nay, Julia. When is the last time you made a decision for yourself?‖ Ruark raised a brow. ―Never?‖

He was wrong of course. Thirteen years ago, she‘d made a decision to elope with him. And she had made the choice not to go through with it.

She must have read the thought in his eyes.

―Did you ever think about me at all?‖ she asked.

―Would it make a difference if you knew that I had? Aye, I thought of you.‖

She considered this. ―That is something at least.‖

He leaned forward. ―I am giving you permission to be free, Julia. To make your own choices about your future. Fall in love. Marry whom you choose.‖

Tension seemed to leave her shoulders. ―I would like that very much.‖

They spoke a little more about the uncommonly warm weather for September. The new pony he had given to Jamie and the lad Jack, who would be remaining at Stonehaven. ―Your wife does seem to hold great affection for the little urchin,‖ Julia replied, less than pleased at the prospect of someone of Jack‘s birth sharing the same tutor as Jamie.

Ruark reassured her she would grow accustomed to it.

Later, he gave Mary the letter he had written to post to Friar Tucker. She and Mrs. Simpson had returned from their ―holiday‖ last week, as Mary so brightly put it while displaying a new pair of paste earbobs upon her return.

At the door, Mary said, ―Herself has instructed that I tell ye she and the lads and Mrs. Simpson are aboot to go to the village, but that lunch will be served outside upon her return. She expects ye to join her to make up for missing supper with her last night.‖

Ruark recalled last night in a rather different light after he had returned late to find her in a bath. She had balked at him joining her in the tub as he stripped off his dust-worn clothes from working with the horses all day. But he could be most persuasive when he wanted something and he had presented his case quite convincingly.

The braided silver ring on Ruark‘s finger drew his focus as he pondered its relevance to his current state of mind.

For therein lay the crux of his problem.

Whether by seduction or violence, he had not survived as captain of the
Black Dragon
and as a man without the power to persuade, influence, or crush. Too much of his life had been spent as a marauder, taking by force that which he could not gain by determination and diplomacy alone.

Including Rose.

The very thing he wanted most had not come to him by her choice or free will. He had taken her first by force at the Abbey, used seduction to get her to the lodge, and in Jedburgh .

He was a stranger to uncertainty.

Not since he had been a boy had he felt vulnerable to emotions and doubts that were not fueled by anger and hate. He understood the helplessness that came when choice is stripped from your life, when the dictates of others control your fate.

It wasn‘t enough that Rose had given him her heart. For he was plagued with the reality that she had not yet found peace, or the home to which she had referred. He didn‘t want even a small ember of resentment left inside her.

He only knew that when he was with her, it was as if a hand reached into his heart, removed the dark and cold from his past and let free that which was once inside when he had been a young boy . before his mother had died, and taken what remained of his world with her.