Circus Solace (9 page)

“
Arthritis, son” he said, as if reading Matt’s mind. “Every time I move, it feels like my knees are just about ready to pop. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, not even a stranger.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Matt managed to say, even though he was intimidated by the man.

“Boy’s got manners, I’ll give you that. Looks like you raised him right.” The old man’s glance went from Matt to Pa.

“A lot of it was down to his ma,”
he said and then spoke her name. It was like a small explosion in the air, puncturing the tension between them. The old man rocked on his heels a little and then straightened up, as if recovering from a blow.

“I guess you’d better come on in, then,” he said and waved them in with a single gesture.

The inside of the house was sparse but clean. Everything seemed to be folded and squared away. Matt waited to be offered a seat and didn’t stray from the space around the chair offered. Pa clearly felt the same, his long rangy legs drawn together and bunched at the knee. Matt imagined even the dust was too scared to settle in the house.

“It’s what comes from living a life in the army,” Stopper said as he brought out a fresh tray of drinks. “Everything is about precision. It’s a hard thing to shake off.” He
shrugged; Matt was struck by the power in his shoulders, like two steel plates underneath the jumbled old cardigan.

“Thank you,”
Pa said. He waited until the old man was in the chair and held his eye. He explained the plan and Matt watched for a reaction. There was none. From the moment Pa began to the end, not a single flicker registered in the old man’s eyes. When it was over, he set down his cup and looked over.

“I appreciate the time you’ve allowed yourself to visit me and the offer, too but you’re looking in the wrong direction. Did Marcus tell you what I used to do?” Matt and
Pa both shook their heads. It almost brought a smile out of him.

“Strong man. That’s what I was. I used to be able to lift horses above my head like they were bags of candyfloss.
Once, I even tilted the whole front row up to my chin without breaking a sweat.” He locked his hands together in a grip, like he was praying. 

“You see these walls are bare? That’s because I took it all down; all the photos, all the memories, all of it. There’s nothing worse than being strong when you’re young because
the body’s your last, cruellest traitor. You ask me, thank you, no.” He opened up his hands and broke them apart, like he’d just made something disappear.

“Well, sir, thank you for your time,”
Pa said, setting down his cup.

“What if you had help?” Matt said, making them both turn to look at him.
There was a feeling in him, a sense of things slipping away and he didn’t want that. The idea came into his head almost in unison with the words, as he spoke.

“A two man team,” he said.
Pa began to apologise but the old man reached out and put a hand on his wrist.

“Two,” he said, not as a question but an idea.

“You could pass things to and fro, work together and share the struggle,” Matt said, his mouth running faster than it ever had done in his life. “Me and Pa…we share the problem we have and it makes things easier for us.”

“Two,” the man repeated and looked at Matt. He pulled himself out of the chair and immediately the two of them followed.
“Let me try something,” he muttered and turned to face Pa.

“Relax,” was all he said and in the next moment he place a palm on
Pa’s chest and leant down a little, before hoisting him clean up into the air. The old man drew his arm up so it was straight and Pa was almost touching the ceiling. He stopped flailing and instead made himself ramrod straight, looking almost like Superman in casual dress. After a few seconds he set him down.

“Call me,” Mr. Stopper said and then walked them both to the door as if nothing had happened.

                                          *

Ms. Solstice lived in the next town over, towards the fringes and the outskirts. It was a small apartment and involved a lot of stairs. By the time they had reached her door, both of them needed to take a long, hard breath before knock
ing. When they did, the voice that answered them sounded as quiet as their own. Pa explained who they were and used Marcus’ name to help. After a long series of snaps and claps, what Matt figured was the undoing of many locks, the door opened up and a short woman with impossibly large glasses faced them.

“I haven’t been back to the town since they closed the show,” she said after
Pa had explained their situation. The woman, who seemed to be constantly fidgeting and on edge, settled a little after they had given her the idea. Matt thought it was almost like she needed something to constantly occupy her mind.

“After they chased out
that poor dressmaker, I saw the writing on the wall….never been back since that…new regime was put in place.” She looked up and her eyes widened in her bottle-thick glasses. “I look at the town sometimes. I have telescope and it has this terrible pallor to it. It’s a grey place, always scared and always suspicious. It has a long, thin mist of invasion all over it like a dirty web.” She shook her head. For a moment it looked as if she was going to cry.

“Ms. Solstice, we’re not asking you to-”
Pa began to speak and then stopped as she spilled the tea in her cup.

“What a mess,” she said quietly. Matt stood
up looking for a cloth but something in the woman’s eyes stopped him.

“Have you met…the clown?” she managed to ask, almost as a stutter. What colour she had drained away with the last word.

“Yes, yes we did,” Pa said and she flinched.

“And you thought?” she went on. There was no tea left in her cup now and a small puddle formed across the saucer she had used.

“We didn’t care for him much,” he said. “Not much at all.”

“
No, not much at all,” she said almost dreamily. “That’s just it, you see? He doesn’t have any care in him.” She set aside the cup and the mess before looking up from the tray.

“Before I left, those horrible boys he carries with him grabbed me, one on each arm and walked me to his office. They sat me down and they poured me tea and that...thing sat down opposite me and sipped from his cup.” She paused for a moment and pulled at her ear, as if something was buzzing around it.

“He made these terrible slurping noises, the way children do when they’re trying to upset adults. So we sat in silence and in the end he looked right into my eyes and asked me what I saw. When I didn’t speak, he tipped out his drink and told me to look at the leaves. Again, he asked me what I saw. ”She shook her head and began to push strands of hair over her ear.

“
That was just it, you see?” she went on, as if they had spoken. “I didn’t see anything. I found no compassion, no love, nothing…just a big, blank canvas, where a heart should be.” Her head bowed down and there was a silence that hung between them. She peeled the heavy glasses away from her face and set them down to one side. For a long time, she simply stared at the puddle of tea leaves in her saucer, as if she were reading a book.

“Ms. Solstice,”
Pa finally said. “I’m sorry if we’ve upset you. I think we’ll leave you now. If you change your mind, you can-”

“Wait
!” she said breathlessly, “I’ve seen something,” she went on, pointing to her saucer. “Finish you’re tea,” she said with a strength that made Matt reach for his cup almost immediately. As they finished, she stood up and began pacing the room in small, perfect circles. Pa held up the cup awkwardly, as if raising it in a toast and Matt did the same, both of them clueless.

“Finished?” Matt said, almost as a question.

“Good, good, good,” she said, sitting back at the table. All her movements had shifted and the scratchy style in which she moved had given way to a more confident, driven motion. In a flash, she stooped over their cups and her eyes darted from one mug to the other. Her eyes remained just as large, even without the glasses.

“Well, this is something,” she went on, rising up from the cups as smooth and as lithe as steam. Matt marvelled at this complete transformation and he could sense
Pa was equally transfixed. “We should do more, to make sure,” she went on as if they were having a conversation. 

“Yes?” Matt said, just to be polite and again noticed how it came out like a question.

“Yes, yes, yes,” she said and walked over to a small jewellery box. “You see, I kept the glasses on after that day with the…with that thing, so I couldn’t read the leaves or see the signs. I wore the glasses so I would be blind to what I could really see, you see?”

“I see?” -Matt again, with his non-question.

“No jewellery in here, of course, all of that’s a terrible nonsense in my opinion, but I do keep my jewels in here, you understand?”

“I-” Matt began and felt a short sharp kick under the table from
Pa.

“All the jewels that made me a lady,” she said, returning to the table with a small pouch.
She took her tray of tea and pushed it to one side and Matt immediately did the same with the others. She returned with a tea-towel and wiped down the surface and then reached into her bag and brought out cards. She fanned them out onto the table and turned them over like dominoes, hypnotising Matt with the trick.

“Parlour tricks to relax the punters,” she whisper
ed, as if the two of them were suddenly in on the act and no longer the audience. “Always use distraction while you’re getting the real show ready,” she went on and again, Matt saw his ma’s wink appear on her face.

Within a minute, she rolled cards, turned them over and set them back, peer
ing hard into the back of them. What looked like random flicks and turns seem to make perfect sense to her. Every time something did or did not happen, her face grew more animated, almost as if she was running a fever. Matt thought about asking her if she wanted to slow down but caught another manic glimpse in her eye and decided against it. Just as it appeared she was getting ready to perform something significant, she suddenly collected them all up and set them back in her bag.

“All done,” she said and that was the end of it.

“So if you would like to call me, Ms-”

“I’ll check the telescope,” she said
, suddenly rising and ushering them out to the door. Without another word, she abruptly closed the door in their faces.

             
                            *

By the time they reached the Packer’s place, it was dusk. The house they pulled up in-front of seemed plain and the street normal.
Pa knocked on the door and in a flash a young man opened the door, pushed the glasses up from the end of his nose and looked up good-naturedly. Pa introduced them and asked if he could see his parents. A shadow flickered across the man’s features.

“I’m afraid they both passed away. It’s just me and my sister now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sorry to have troubled you. We’ll-” A female voice, the man’s sister, Matt guessed, called from inside the house. The man excused himself and turned round to repeat their names. For a second there was a silence and then a loud shriek that made all three of them jump.

“Invite them in, Bobby!” the voice said and as he opened the door,
Matt was greeted to the sight of a girl sliding perfectly down the banister and half-cart-wheeling up to the door.

After introductions and explanations, the four of them sat around for drinks. Sara’s trophies and medals seemed to shine from every corner of the room. Newspaper clippings and photographs hung on the walls. Matt recognised the names of some of the events; pummel horse, parallel bars but others remained a mystery. Eventually,
Pa went into detail about why they had visited.

“Our folks told us if anyone, ever, from your family came calling to hear them out. Bobby’s numbers, I’m memory,” the girl, said, crossing her eyes at her brother.

“They always talked about that time like it was some sort of fairy tale. I remember how they used to tell us stories at bedtime and I’d just dream about it.” 

“We’re really just finding out about a lot of it ourselves,”
Pa said. “So would you be interested in helping us?”

“I’m sure-” Bobby began to say but was drowned out by another squeal of delight
from his sister.

“Yes! Yes, of course!” She beamed and Matt couldn’t hep both laugh and fall in love a little.

“Okay, so are you a double act or-” Bobby lifted up his hand, smiling his own, more rueful grin.

“I’m not so coordinated, sir,” he said. “Sara got our ma’s genes with the acrobatics. I was more on ou
r pa’s side, which was not so dramatic, I’m afraid.”

“What is it you do?” Matt asked, sensing that the young man still had a part to play in all this, somehow.

“I’m a photographer,” he said and Matt looked over to Pa, who nodded, as if he already knew the answer.

“Bobby took all these photos on the wall,” Sara said, looking over and beaming to her brother. “He’s going to be a professional one day, just like ou
r pop.”