Authors: Andrea Peyser
Michelle Obama.
What’s the matter, Michelle? Did the White House food taster quit?
Michelle Obama really, really likes life in the White House, what with all the toadies and underlings scampering under foot. The mystery is how did she ever manage before life as Mrs. President?
Here’s what she said about her “current life” in the White House: “[It is] a very blessed situation, because I have what most families don’t have—tons of support all around, not just my mother, but staff and administration. I have a chief of staff and a personal assistant, and everyone needs that.”
She could have stopped there…or not…
“Everyone
should
have a chief of staff and a set of personal assistants,” Mrs. O gushed.
But wait, there is a punchline: These lines were spoken at a conference on “Corporate Voices for Working Families” in Washington. Working families who, presumably, don’t actually know what a chief of staff does.
Perhaps chiefs of staff for the spoiled First Lady in your life will inspire a new growth industry in a time of recession. Still, I have to wonder: Who does the laundry for the chief?
Janeane Garofalo
is an unreconstructed, unapologetic racist.
Yet the uncouth actress will never be punished, vilified, or marginalized, because she openly disparaged the one ethnic group that enjoys no Hollywood protection. That would be white people. Particularly, white people from the South.
What do you think would happen should anyone turn the tables, reverse the races, change the geography, and denigrate an urban person of color? The conservatives I know do not resort to gutter talk.
For her bold and unbridled racism—offenses that are sure to draw deafening applause by the American left—Janeane Garofalo is the epitome of Celebutardism. Given a forum to comment on the previous day’s tea parties, in which hundreds of thousands of conservatives gathered to protest President Obama’s tax policies, she had the gall to declare:
“This is about hating a black man in the White House.” Huh?
“This is racism straight up.” She was just getting started:
“That is nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks. And there is no way around that. And you know, you can tell these type of right-wingers anything and they’ll believe it, except the truth. You tell them the truth and they become—it’s like showing Frankenstein’s monster fire. They become confused and angry and highly volatile. That guy, causing them feelings they don’t know, because their limbic brain, we’ve discussed this before, the limbic brain inside a right-winger or Republican or conservative or your average white power activist, the limbic brain is much larger in their head space than in a reasonable person, and it’s pushing against the frontal lobe. So their synapses are misfiring. Is Bernie Goldberg listening?”
So there it is. Anyone who believes higher taxes would be ruinous to this country is deemed dangerous. Anyone who disagrees with any policy Obama might enact is racist.
Not just racist, but a “teabagging redneck.” That sure shuts down the debate before it can get off the ground. Which is the entire point.
I think I’ll have a T-shirt printed. “Teabagging Redneck Against Taxes.”
I wonder if Janeane would try to lock me up?
After winning the Oscar for
Shakespeare in Love
,
Gwyneth Paltrow
has been shamefully idle. (
Shallow Hal
, anyone?) Even her latest film,
Two Lovers
, co-starring Joaquin Phoenix, premiered, depressingly unnoticed, at the Sunshine Cinema on New York’s Lower East Side.
But Gwyneth, who moved to London after declaring, “We’re all going to die when George Bush has his way,” is far from allergic to taking home our money. Nor is the lady, bred in an exclusive Manhattan private school, opposed to reinventing herself in a curiously American kind of career: lifestyle guru.
Gwyneth has developed a website that is equal parts new-age philosophy, serious commerce, and whatever ramblings enter the star’s golden head. She is e-mailing related newsletters that recommend exorbitantly priced American restaurants—chef Mario Batali is a fave—push pricy products, and plug hotels in which a standard room begins at $695 a night. She’s also shilling for a yoga gym she’s planning to open.
The site is called Goop.com, a name based on Gwyneth’s initials, GP. It is heavy on Kabbalah musing with its mantra, “Nourish the inner aspect,” whatever than means. It even—hold onto your lunch—describes the very icky effects of Gwyneth’s personal detoxifying diet.
Gwyneth, who blames her age, 36, for the dearth of recent roles (Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren, and Meryl Streep might differ), has developed a site aimed appallingly at women who have the time, money and will to give up essential caffeine and shop all day—or rather, hire someone to shop for them. The
Toronto Globe and Mail
wrote, “Why is it called ‘Goop’? Perhaps ‘Any Old Load of Rubbish’ and “Learn from Me, Ungrateful Peasant,’ were both taken.” Even the ordinarily fatuous
New York Times
called the site “fatuous and a bit puzzling” in a recent piece, which sent Gwyneth into orbit.
She said in response, “I think the people who are criticizing it or criticizing the idea of it don’t really get it, because if they did, they would like it. I think that people like to stay in their box. They like people to stay how they are comfortable seeing them.”
Oprah, of course, is agog at Gwyneth’s post-pregnancy workout, which the faded star displayed on the O’s television program.
In the meantime, Gwyneth has signed on to write a cookbook. (Can you say, organic?)
Food is much on Gwyneth’s mind these days, a year after she underwent a “master cleanse” (lots of lemon water and little else) and was promptly taken overnight by her husband, Coldplay’s Chris Martin, to Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York. (She blamed a mysterious “gastrointestinal” ailment for the hospitalization.)
Her post-holiday cleanse this year was far less punishing, including chicken and smoothies, but no dairy or cappuccinos.
I never thought I’d read these words coming from the aristocratic Gwyn’s hand. But here is they are:
“If your bowel movements get sluggish, you can accelerate things by drinking half a cup of castor oil or using a mild herbal laxative. Bowel elimination is paramount for correct detoxification.”
Sluggish bowel movements aside, Gwyneth, who once declared America too dangerous for her kids, Apple and Moses, seems to be tiring of London. She whined to
Marie Claire
magazine that the city is too dirty, the weather atrocious, and the service not up to her standards.
“My husband thinks I’m way too obsessed with cleanliness and germs. I’m just like, ‘The street is filthy, could we take off our shoes before we come into the house?’ He used to imitate me and say, “Ewwww, oh my God!’ Also, the customer service is just rubbish in England. People are much more relaxed there, and things take forever to get done. They’ll tell you it’ll take two weeks for your Internet service to be fixed! It drives me mad. And I miss being able to get anything at any time of day. You can’t do that there.”
I suppose it’s time for Gwyneth to move back to America. But does America really need Gwyneth Paltrow?
Britain (and much of Western Europe).
Can a country get so caught up in lunatic political correctness that it ceases to respect human values and dignity? Can an entire land drink the Kool-Aid of enforced Islamofascism, to the point where every man, woman and child within its borders earns the cursed title “Celebutard”?
How about a continent?
Britain, our friendly neighbor across the pond, defied all reason and self-interest to advance the goal of sucking up to people who would kill Britons as soon as say “hello.”
They detained a Dutch parliamentarian, Geert Wilders, at Heathrow Airport and quickly shipped him back to the Netherlands. Wilders, claimed the Brits, constituted “a threat to public policy.”
What had he done? Condoned child sacrifice? Drunk American beer? Nope. Wilders is set to be prosecuted in his native Holland for “inciting hatred and discrimination” and “insulting Muslim worshippers,” in his 2008 short film,
Fitna
, as well as in public statements.
What’s the fuss? Well, in the past, Wilders has called for a ban on the Koran, which he compared to Adolf Hitler’s
Mein Kampf
. His film
Fitna
contains footage from recent atrocities committed by Muslims, plus it presents the passages from the Koran that appear to have called for the bloody killings. The blasphemous film has been screened in Rome (go, Italians!) but is having trouble seeing daylight in Britain or Holland.
According to the
New Republic
, the prosecution of Wilders resulted from extreme pressure put on Europe by the Organization of the Islamic Conference, which includes 56 Muslim states plus the Palestinian Authority. The OIC’s goal is plain: to make the world safe for sharia. And whether out of fear of its Muslim immigrant horde, or out of a deep-seated dedication to suicide, Britain is duly falling in line. This is a land whose union of university professors has tried long and hard to isolate Israeli academics and ban them from participating in research, invoking comparisons to Nazi Germany.
But the right to free speech pales against what the OIC calls forbidden “Islamophobia” that is practiced in modern European countries. Islamophobic activity, incidentally, can include opposition to illegal immigration and any and all efforts to combat terrorism.
So when in Europe, be careful what you say and what you think. The speech police are out to get you. The thought police are coming next. Wait a minute—they’re already here.
Abedi, Agha Hasan
Abraham, Lynne
Abt, Vicki
Abu-Jamal, Mumia
Abu Marzook, Mousa Mohammed
Academy Awards
Gore and
Moore and
Spielberg and
Streisand and
Access Hollywood
(TV show)
Addison-Wesley
Afghanistan
African National Congress (ANC)
Agassi, Andre
Aguilera, Christina
Ahmadinejad, Mahmoud
Aiken, Clay
Aldridge, Casey
Alexander, Jason
Al Hayat
(newspaper)
Alinsky, Saul
Allen, Woody
All in the Family
(TV show)
Alterman, Eric
Altman, Robert
Amanpour, Christiane
American Jewish Congress (AJC)
American Music Awards
“American Skin (41 Shots)”(song)
Angier, Natalie
An Inconvenient Truth
(documentary)
Aniston, Jennifer
Anti-Semitism
Carter and
Jackson and
Sharpton and
Soros and
Apocalypse Now
(movie)
Arafat, Yasser
Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
Armstrong, Lance
Ashcombe House
Ashcroft, John
Assad, Bashar
Augusta National Golf Club
Auto industry, and Moore
Baca, Lee
Bacanovic, Peter
Baldwin, Alexander Rae, III, “Alec,”
Baldwin, Alexander Rae, Jr.
Baldwin, Carol
Baldwin, Ireland
Balsam, Talia
Bana, Eric
Banda, David
Banda, Yohane
Barkin, Ellen
Basic Instinct
(movie)
Basinger, Kim
Batman and Robin
(movie)
BCCI
Beastie Boys
Beatty, Warren
Beijing Olympics (2008)
Bell, Sean
Berman, Paul
Bertrand, Marcheline
Bimbo Summit.
See
Hilton, Paris; Lohan, Lindsay; Spears, Britney
Bin Laden, Osama
Black Panther Party
Blair, Jayson
Blair, Katie
Blair, Tony
Bleiler, Andy
Bloch, Phillip
Bloomberg, Michael
Born in the U.S.A.
(album)
Born to Run
(album)
Bosnia, and Hillary Clinton
Boston University
Bowling for Columbine
(documentary)
Boyd, Gerald
Boy George (George Alan O’Dowd)
Brangelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie)
Brattleboro, Vermont
Brawley, Tawana
Breslin, Jimmy
Bridging the Divide
(Brooke)
Brinkley, Douglas
Britney.
See
Spears, Britney
Broaddrick, Juanita
Brolin, James
Bronner, Ethan
Bronstein, Phil
Brooke, Edward
Brooklyn College
Brown, James
Brown, Johnnie
Bull Durham
(movie)
Burk, Martha
Burns, Helen
Burton, Michael
Bush, George W.
Baldwin and
Brattleboro, Vermont, and
Carter and
Clooney and
Crow and
David and
Gore and
Madonna
Moore and
New York Times
and
Penn and
Rather and
Sarandon/Robbins and
Sheehan and
Sheen and
Soros and
Springsteen and
Streisand and
Bush v. Gore
Byrd, James
Calame, Byron
Califano, James
Callas, Maria
Camp Casey
Carpenter, Kelli
Carter, Amy
Carter, Earl
Carter, James Earl, Jr. “Jimmy,”
Clooney and
Couric and
Carter, Lillian
Carter, Rosalynn
Carter Center
Carville, James
Castiles, The
Castro, Fidel
CBS News
Couric and
Rather and
Celebutard, defined
Century Regional Detention Center (Los Angeles)
Chad, Lake
Charlie Rose
(TV show)
Chavez, Hugo
Chavez, Robert
Cheadle, Don
Cheney, Dick
Chesimard, Joanne
Chomsky, Noam
Chung, Connie
Ciccone, Madonna Louise.
See
Madonna
Ciccone, Silvio “Tony,”
Citgo
Climate change
Crow and
David and
Gore and
Hansen and
Redford and
Clinton, Bill
Baldwin and
Carter and
Gore and
Hillary and
New York Times
and
Streisand and
Clinton, Chelsea
Clinton, Hillary
Streisand and
Clooney, George
Clooney, Nick
Clooney, Nina Bruce
Clooney, Rosemary
Clooney’s Disease
CNN, and Amanpour
Cochran, Johnnie
Coleman, Milton
Color Purple, The
(movie)
Coming After Oprah
(Abt)
Confessions
(album)
Conner, Tara
Cook, Wesley (Mumia Abu-Jamal)
Cook, William
Cooper, Anderson
Cooper, Roy
Cooperman, Arthur
Costello, Rich
Coulter, Ann
Couric, Katie
Coz, Steve
Crow, Bernice
Crow, Sheryl
Crow, Wendell
Crown Heights riots (1991)
Cruise, Suri
Cruise, Tom
Cuba
Cuomo, Mario
Curb Your Enthusiasm
(TV show)
Current TV
Curry, Ann
Damon, Matt
Darfur, Sudan
David, Larry
David, Laurie
White House Correspondents Dinner and
Davis, Brandon
Dead Man Walking
(movie)
Dean, Howard
Dean, James
Debunking 9/11 Myths (Popular Mechanics)
Deceptively Delicious
(Seinfeld)
DeGeneres, Ellen
DeLay, Tom
Deneuve, Catherine
Dennehy, Brian
Denver Post
(newspaper)
Dershowitz, Alan
Desperately Seeking Susan
(movie)
Devette, Lee Ann
Dialing for Dollars
(TV show)
Diallo, Amadou
Diana, Princess of Wales
Dick Tracy
(movie)
Dinkins, David
Dior, Christian
Douglas, Michael
Dowd, Maureen
Down-to-Earth Guide to Global Warming
(David and Gordon)
Dubai International Film Festival
Duke University lacrosse team, and
New York Times
Duranty, Walter
Early Show
(TV show)
Earth in the Balance
(Gore)
Earth to America!
(TV special)
Easterbrook, Gregg
Ebert, Roger
Entertainment Tonight
(TV show)
Entertainment Weekly
(magazine)
Entourage
(TV show)
ER
(TV show)
Erotica
(album)
E Street Band
Evans, David
Evergreen State College
Evita
(movie)
Fabio Quagliarella
Fahrenheit 911
(documentary)
Farrell, Mike
Faulkner, Daniel
Faulkner, Maureen
Federline, Jayden James
Federline, Kevin
Federline, Sean Preston
Ferguson, Craig
Ferrer, Jose
Ferrer, Miguel
Fields, Bertram
Filegate
Finnerty, Collin
First Amendment
Florida recount (2000)
Flowers, Gennifer
Focus
(magazine)
Fonda, Jane
Ford, Gerald
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act
Fortin, Madonna Louise
Forward
(newspaper)
Foster, Vince
Foxfire
(movie)
Franken, Al
Fratto, Tony
Freddy’s Fashion Mart (Harlem)
Frey, James
Front Page
(magazine)
Funny Girl
(movie)
Gammerman, Ira
Garcia, Andy
Garofalo, Janeane
Gaza Strip
General Motors
Georgia Rule
(movie)
Georgia Tech
Gephardt, Dick
Gibson, Mel
Gingrich, Newt
Ginsberg, Allen
Ginsburg, Ruth Bader
Girl, Interrupted
(movie)
Giuliani, Rudolph
Global warming
Crow and
David and
Gore and
Hansen and
Redford and
Glynn, Kathleen
Goddard Institute for Space Studies
Godless
(Coulter)
Goldberg, Bernard
Goldberg, Keith
Goodman, Robert
Good Morning America
(TV show)
Good Night and Good Luck
(movie)
Gordon, Cambria
Gordon, Scott
Gore, Albert Arnold, III
Gore, Albert Arnold, Jr. “Al,”
Gore, Albert Arnold, Sr.
Gore, Mary Elizabeth
Aitcheson “Tipper,”
Gore, Pauline LaFon
Gottlieb, Robert
Gould, Elliot
Gould, Jason
GQ
(magazine)
Graham, Stedman
Greetings From Asbury Park
(album)
Grenier, Adrian
Grist.org
Grove, Lloyd
Gruner + Jahr USA
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Guardian
(newspaper)
Gupta, Sanjay
Habitat for Humanity
Hackers
(movie)
Hamas
Hanks, Tom
Hansen, James
Hardball
(TV show)
Hardy, Oliver
Harper’s Bazaar
(magazine)
Harpers & Queen
(magazine)
Harpo Productions
Hasselback, Elisabeth
Hawkins, Yusef
Health care system
Clinton and
Moore and
Helmsley, Leona
Hepburn, Katharine
Herbert, Bob
Hermès
Heston, Charlton
Hilton, Kathy
Hilton, Paris
Gore compared with
Hilton, Rick
Hitler, Adolf
Hoffman, Dustin
Holmes, Katie
Horion, Kevin
House Un-American Activities Committee
Howl
(Ginsberg)
Huffington, Arianna
Huffington, Michael
Huffington Post
(website)
Hunger, The
(movie)
Hurricane Katrina
Gore and
Penn and
Hurricane Rita
Hussein, Saddam
Hutton, Timothy
Hyde, Henry
Imus, Don
Iran
hostage crisis (1980)
Iraq war
Carter and
Couric and
Crow and
New York Times
and
Penn and
Sheehan and
Springsteen and
Stone and
Streisand and
Winfrey and
Iseman, Vicki
Israel
Allen and
Carter and
New York Times
and
Pelosi and
Soros and
Spielberg and
Jackson, Charles Henry
Jackson, Jesse
Jackson, Michael
Jackson, Shar
Jackson State University
Jena, Louisiana
Jersey Girls
Jervis, Jane
Jolie, Angelina
Jolie-Pitt, Knox Léon
Jolie-Pitt, Maddox
Jolie-Pitt, Pax Thien
Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Nouvel
Jolie-Pitt, Vivienne Marcheline
Jolie-Pitt, Zahara
Jones, Alex
Jones, Paula
Jordan, Kathy
Kabbalah
Kael, Pauline
Keller, Bill
Kelly, Raymond
Kendall, David
Kennedy, Edward “Ted,”
Kennedy, John F.
Kennedy, Patrick
Kennedy, Robert F.
Kennedy, Robert F., Jr.
Kerry, Cameron
Kerry, John
Kidman, Nicole
King, Don
King, Gayle
King, Martin Luther, Jr.
Kingsley, Pat
King World
Krauthammer, Charles
Kroft, Steve
Kushner, Tony
Landau, Jon
Landman, Jonathan
Lapine, Missy Chase
LaRouche, Lyndon
Larry King
(TV show)
Larson, Sarah
Late Late Show
(TV show)
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
(TV show)
Late Show with David Letterman
(TV show)
Lauer, Matt
Lazio, Rick
Leadership Academy for Girls (South Africa)
League of Their Own, A
(movie)
Lee, Burton
Lee, Hattie Mae