Authors: Erika Ashby,A. E. Woodward
Chace
It’s our final presentation day and I am nervous as hell. I liken it to removing a band-aid. I just want to rip the fucker off and be free. I snap out of my nerve-induced coma as the class erupts with clapping.
“Alright, thank you for that, Shelly and Tony.” The professor looks down at his paper, and I hope that we’re next. I’ve run through what I’m going to say a million times by this point and I’m just ready to get it out there. It’s time to move forward. “Okay then, now we’re going to hear from Chace and Quinn on death and religion.”
Without a word, Quinn and I carry our presentation board and stack of papers to the front of the lecture hall. Being in front of this many people should be something I’m used to. Hell, I’ve played in front of hundreds more people than this, but this is different.
“Every religion has a different standpoint on death,” Quinn says, her voice completely monotone. A person that doesn’t know her would think she’s completely calm and maybe even slightly annoyed. I know she’s nervous though – her hands are shaking like a leaf. “You’ll even find that different people within the same religion will have differing views on death. Chace and I are perfect examples of that. We recently lost a great friend, and through that grief,” her voice cracks but she continues on, “we each found our own solace in different ideas and beliefs.”
I clear my throat and take the lead presenting the different religions that we picked to research and their views on death. I talk through Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, and Buddhism. Quinn chimes in and adds information about the rituals surrounding death and how they differ.
After Buddhism, Quinn turns around and starts gathering our stuff. She thinks we’re done and the class starts to clap, but I raise my voice over the noise and start speaking again. “There’s more to death than meets the eye. In the instant that someone’s world crumbles around them, there comes moments of clarity. The bible says, ‘love is patient, love is kind.” Our classmates silence themselves, and I can feel their attention burning on me. They’re curious as to where I’m taking this. I pause and take a deep breath. “Love is all those things, but it’s also so much more. Love is painful…love is hard. The thing about death is that it can make you realize the importance of things right in front of you. It makes you see what you’ve been blind to and makes you understand the importance of living in the moment. Not allowing yourself to waste any more time, but instead pursuing the things you want…the things you love.” My attention shifts from the crowd and I look over at Quinn, who is staring at me with her mouth slightly agape. This wasn’t part of our presentation, and she must sense what I’m about to do. “And that’s exactly what it’s done to me. Quinn, I love you. I’ve loved you from that first moment we met when we were little. With your dark hair pulled into adorable pigtails, you smiled at me and lit up my life. Your toughness and grit made me want to be your friend. Your loyalty made me fall in love. I may not have always realized it, but I do. I love you. I love you so bad.”
Quinn’s cheeks flush as she nerves her bottom lip. “Chace…”
I close the distance between us with a few steps. I don’t give a damn that we’re standing in front of a hundred of our peers. Hell, I don’t even care that there’s a professor in the room. All that matters is me and Quinn. “I know I’ve made a mess, and I definitely fucked things up along the way.” I take one final step, putting us close enough that my stomach is touching hers. I look into her brown eyes, and I see everything I’ve ever wanted. “But I’m ready to start trying to make it up to you. I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life.” The corners of my mouth turn up in a smile, and her face instantly mirrors mine.
“What do you want from me, Chace?” she asks through her grin.
“I want you to say everything that you’ve ever wanted to say to me. All the things that you pushed away because what you felt it wasn’t right. I want you to speak your mind. Let the truth set you free.”
She hesitantly looks around the room, seemingly uncomfortable with the avenue that I chose for our moment. “I love you, Chace Donahue. I loved you before I met you. I wore my hair in pigtails complete with bows in hopes that you’d notice me. When you finally did I smiled, because my dreams came true. I just wanted to be your friend, hell I tried, but for me it was so much more than that. I never fell in love with you, because for me it’s always been you. I’ve known it all along.”
Without hesitation, I pull her towards me by the back of her neck. She leans in willingly and I press my lips to hers. She runs the tip of her tongue along the edge of my lips, and I can barely suppress the feelings deep in my stomach. I break the seal of our mouths, and the class behind us erupts with thunderous applause, as well as a few cat calls and whistles. Leaning my forehead to hers, I smile and she looks up at me with her beautiful brown eyes and laughs, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “I can’t believe we just did that.”
“I can. It was a long time coming.”
The crowd behind us is still in an uproar over the scene that just played out before them. “So what comes next?” she asks quietly.
“I say we start making up for all that lost time.” I punctuate my sentence with a wink.
“Sounds fun.”
“Fun doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
Quinn
Chace decided that while we were home for Christmas break that we needed to sit our parents down and tell them about us. I agreed that it was a good idea and, that if anything, they should hear the news from the two of us—news I’m sure won’t shock them. But the closer and closer we get to pulling into my driveway, the more I begin to second guess this decision.
“I’m not so sure this is a smart idea,” I say, nervously fingering the hem of my t-shirt.
“So, are you saying my idea is dumb then?” Chace asks teasingly. I don’t even have to look his way to know his sexy smirk is present.
“No. No way. That’s not what I’m saying at all.” I begin to stutter, and Chace clamps his free hand over my fidgety one. A sigh of relief escapes my lips as I loosen the grip my fingers have on my shirt, allowing him to thread his fingers through my hand.
We come to a stop at the first stop light in our town, and Chace lifts my hand to his mouth and lightly presses his lips to it.
“Babe, why are you so stressed about this?” he asks, breathing the words against my hand. I look over and melt once my eyes catch his big ones filled with such concern and worry—things I never want to cause him to feel.
I close my eyes and shake my head. “It has nothing about being with you, or me not wanting anyone to know.” I reopen my eyes and hold his stare, wanting him to fully believe my words. “You are the one decision in life I could never regret. This is just about me worrying that I’m going to look like some home-wrecker. You know everyone’s going to want to know where Finley is. Hell, I wonder the same thing.” I let out a huff. It’s seriously like she fell off the face of the planet. No one has seen her since she bailed off the stage at Greg’s funeral. I know she wasn’t as tight with everyone as Chace and I, but still. It seemed pretty cold-hearted of her to not even pay her respects.
The light turns green, and Chace punches the gas and pulls into the first parking spot off the road we come to and throws his truck into park. He shifts his body in my direction and grabs my face with both hands.
“Is that what you’re worried about? That my mom and your parents are going to mainly worry about where Finley fits into all of this?”
I nod. “Well, that and what I did to win you from her.”
“You didn’t do anything.” He laughs.
“First off, that’s a lie. We were not innocent. And second, that’s how it’s going to look. That I did something to steal you away.”
He pulls my head to his lips and presses them against my forehead, letting them linger until I feel them lifting into a smile.
“Well, first off...” He places one more kiss before pulling away, and holding my gaze. “You’re right. We weren’t innocent. The key word being
WE
. Me and you. So if there is any finger pointing, it will be at both of us, but mainly me.”
I raise my brow in question and he explains.
“I was the one in the relationship. When it’s all said and done, it was me who was in the wrong.”
“But I was her best—” He places his finger against my lips to quiet me. “You’re giving me a butthole,” I say through my smooshed lips, causing him to laugh, which in return causes me to as well. It feels good, and I can feel some of the tension freeing its hold on me.
“And second, something being returned to its rightful owner isn’t considered stealing, now is it?” He cocks a brow, and I bite down on my lip trying to repress the huge grin that wants to spread across my face.
“Well played.” I lean in and press my lips to his, pulling away before we get carried away on the side of the road.
“You’re the best play I’ve ever made, Q.”
Epilogue
Finley
Dear Quinn,
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you, you self-absorbed little diva. You ruined my life, and took away the best thing I had going.
I thought saying that to you would make me feel better—that writing out those words would relieve some of the pain—but it doesn’t. Truth is, every time a horrible thought crosses my mind about you, and blame courses through me, I’m slammed with the deepest, darkest reality possible—I did this.
I don’t hate you, I hate myself. I’m the selfish diva. I ruined my life, and almost dragged down the two people I cared about most with me.
The truth is, I knew from the day I met you, and saw the way you eyed Chace and said his name as you introduced us, that you were in love with that boy. And knowing that, knowing that you loved him and his dumb boy self was blind to it, made me want to pursue it even more. Maybe it was my being the only child needing attention that induced it, but whatever it was consumed me. But along the way I grew to love you both. You both became my best friends. But I knew you still carried the same feelings for him, no matter how hard you tried to hide them.
My competitive mind began playing with me. Taunting me that if he had a clue or had just the slightest taste of you and what it’d be like, it’d unlock something within him. So yeah, the threesome idea was premeditated. I wasn’t drunk and I didn’t pass out. I just set the mood and needed to see where you two would take it. I know how stupid of an idea it was, but I didn’t think he’d actually choose to go through with it. He wasn’t supposed to go through with it. But I couldn’t stop what was happening, not once I initiated it like I did. I couldn’t reveal it was a huge test on my part.
It wasn’t easy, and once I knew you two weren’t going to stop what was happening, the game only intensified. I wondered if the truth would come out. I mean, he was my boyfriend, and you were my best friend—surely one of you would have told me, right?
WRONG!
I watched how it ate you both from the inside out. I wondered if you two would sneak around when we all went our separate ways—or what I had thought to be separate. I waited, and waited for one of you to spill the beans. When it never happened, that’s when I realized the bond you two truly shared. It was unbreakable. But knowing that didn’t have me throwing in the towel. Quitting is something I was raised to never do. Same with apologizing. Yet, here I am. I’ll never say I’m sorry, because honestly, I’m not sure I am.
I’m not too proud to admit a wrong doing on my part. I shouldn’t have tested you and Chace. But I never dreamed in a thousand years that he would choose you over me. I guess it worked out…for the two of you, at least.
Anyways, this is my confession letter. No need for you to carry around the burden I know you’ve been. In the grand scheme of things, you were the innocent one.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Best friend
I fold the letting in thirds then stuff it into the addressed envelope. I place my last stamp in the corner, then pick the mail up, tapping it against the empty desk as I look around my equally empty dorm room. This room holds many memories. Mostly sad ones. My first semester in college ended in shambles. I plan on the second one making up for the time I spent crying and scheming. A change in scenery should help. My father pulling the strings he pulled to get me transferred to the West Coast mid school year oughta help.
I’d like to say that moving, making new friends, and throwing myself into my classes will help me change my seemingly scandalous ways. But I’m not sure change is something that’s in my future.
What’s the point of changing something that you don’t object?
A.E.: Well, I guess it’s time to get a heart on.
Erika: Yeah, total hard on. I mean, heart on.
A.E.: You’re a filthy hooker. Speaking of hookers….I think I owe you a big ole fashioned boob grab thank you. I mean seriously. I don’t think I could have tolerated anyone else getting in my head.
Erika: Awe! Only if you promise to grab both. I wouldn’t want my other tit getting jelly. And I guess I should thank you too. Even though you’re slightly psychotic, you weren’t too bad to work with.
A.E.: Thanks. I think. I’ve gotta thank my friends. Especially my real life Greg and my favorite Celiac for the poetry contributions.
Erika: You have friends?
A.E.: Crazy, I know.
Erika: We owe a big shout out to Kay of KMS Editing. When we were sick with writer’s block and had to bump back dates she kept shifting her schedule for us. We appreciate that flexibility. Not everyone would have been so understanding.
A.E.: *stares blankly at Erika*
Erika: What?
A.E.: So serious.
Erika: You’re a wackaloon. We’re supposed to be serious for these.
A.E.: I can’t do that. Obviously. So how about we move on?
Erika: Please.
A.E: We need to thank Sommer at Perfect Pear Creative Covers. She was sooooooooooooo good to us. Do you see that cover? She definitely earned herself a boob grab or two.
Erika: And we can’t forget about Lauren at Perrywinkle Photography and Toski at Toski Covey Photography and Custom Design for providing us with the beautimus cover images.
A.E.: Thank goodness for Kassi of Kassi’s Kandids Formatting. My dumb ass completely forgot about that part and Kassi came to the rescue.
Erika: Yeah. You suck.
A.E.: Tell me something I don’t know.
Erika: I like sleeping in bras.
A.E.: You’re strange.
Erika: I just don’t like my breasticles flapping in the wind.
A.E.: It’s liberating.
Erika: Stop distracting me. We’re almost done.
A.E.: Okay. Fine.
Erika: A huge, HUGE thank you to our two, yes that’s right, just two beta readers. Livvy and Evette, you guys were awesome through the process of us writing this book. You dropped everything to give us feedback and we are forever indebted to you.
A.E.: Way to go, Erika.
Erika: What?
A.E.: Now they’re going to be cashing in on that statement forever. I can hear Livvy now, “Erika says you are indebted to me so you’ve got to snuggle with me for 30 minutes the next time we’re together.”
Erika: Well, that sounds nice.
A.E.: Sounds like my own personal hell. Snuggling is for wimps.
Erika: *shakes head*
A.E.: Our final thanks goes to the readers. Without you we wouldn’t be able to continue to do what we love. So for that we thank you.
Erika: Woah, I think that was your first semi-serious statement through this whole acknowledgment section.
A.E.: I think you’re right. And I guess we’re done here.
Erika: Wow. Is it really over?
A.E.: Seems like it could be, but I OBJECT!