Caught (15 page)

She looks up at me and back to Steven a few times.  I want to reach out and shake her for being one of those stupid girls she makes fun of.   “I…I…” she stammers. “I think I’m going to stay.”

“Oh.” I try playing it cool, but my damn voice squeaks. “Alright then.”

She smiles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I nod and force a smile back even though I want to grab her by the arm and drag her out of here

“Donahue, your girl here is the shit.” He punctuates his statement with a kiss on her lips, and I watch on as she parts her mouth and he runs his tongue along her bottom lip.  Their lips part and Quinn’s eyes don’t leave Steven’s.  Something inside me snaps, and my fist connects with the side of his face sending him backwards.

The room erupts with action.  Someone grabs me and drags me back as I thrash against them.  Steven sits forward, dazed, and rubs the side of his face while Quinn fawns over him and glares at me.

“I told you not to start any drama tonight.” I look to my right to see that Backup Catcher Guy is one of the ones dragging me away.  I’m pulled through the door and shoved out into the hallway.  Stumbling out, it takes every muscle in my body to keep me upright.

“Go the hell home, Donahue.  We’ll deal with this tomorrow.  When you’re sober.”

The anger courses through my veins, and I use all I have to bite my tongue and not push my way back in there.  But somehow I manage to do none of the above.  Instead I spin around and walk my ass out of there.

My fingernails dig into the palms of my hands.  My feet pound against the pavement at the same rate my heart thunders against my chest.  I can hear her behind me. She’s out of breath and angry as fuck.  I can tell because her mouth doesn’t stop.  She’s spewing words so fast that I can’t even begin to make out what she’s saying.  All I know is that Angry Quinn isn’t fun, but I can’t face her yet.  I feel her hand make contact with my arm once.  I shrug her away and continue my mission of getting the hell out of dodge.

“You better tell me what that was back there, Chace!”

“Just leave me the fuck alone.  Go back to the party.”

“I’ll leave you alone when you tell me what the hell that was!”

“I don’t know, Q!”

“Bullshit,” she calls after me.  Her feet continuously pound behind me.  She’s not going to let me off that easy.  Her hand manages to wrap around my arm and she holds on tightly as she yells, “What the fuck was that?”

I contemplate pulling away and continuing on walking away from her, but I don’t.  Instead I stop and spin around to face her.  Every emotion that I’ve attempted to keep on lockdown starts to bubble up to the surface like an explosion.  “I’ll tell you what that was! That was me being jealous as fuck because that asshole doesn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as you!  That’s what that was, Quinn.  Are you happy now?”  I turn away, hoping that if I don’t look at her it will make it easier.  It doesn’t.

“Chace…” she pleads to my back.

This time I don’t spin around.  “Don’t, Quinn. Listen, I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.  I can’t have it both ways; I get it.  But it doesn’t hurt any less now that I’ve got to let you go.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to.”

The fog in my head makes it hard to focus on what she’s saying, but I know that we can’t keep dancing back and forth in this area in between. “I don’t know, Quinn, but I’m starting to think what happened between us was anything but an accident.”

She breaks her gaze from mine and looks down at the ground.  “Me too.”

Bottom of the 2
nd

Quinn

The library is unusually empty as we sit at the round table in complete silence as we work.  Books surround us as we look for usable information for the dumb ass religion project.  I should be productive, but instead I keep sneaking sideways glances at Chace while he pretends to be looking through the pages for information.  We’ve barely muttered two words to each other since we started over an hour ago, and the unease is driving me insane.  I shift in my seat, trying to get comfortable.  The newness of the piercing makes the chair feel like I’m sitting on a jagged rock.

I steal another look as Chace rubs his neck raw.  “What’d your neck ever do to you?” I say with a giggle, hoping to lighten the mood. 

He turns his head to the left, looking at me through the corner of his eye.  “Nothing much. It’s the empty skull perched on top that I should be pissed at.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.  Why did he have to be so serious?  I don’t want to be serious.  I want to make light of the situation like I always do.  It’s easier that way.  “You’re too hard on yourself,” I scold. 

Looking defeated, he lets his hand fall to the table before speaking.  “Quinn, listen, about last night—”

I hold my hand up, stopping him mid-sentence.  “There’s nothing to say.”

“I wish you’d stop saying that.”

“It’s the truth.  It was just the booze talking.” I take a deep breath before spewing the last three words venomously, “Just like always.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“So, I think the best thing for us to do is break up all the religions and their views on death.  We can even break up the differing rituals.  I think it makes the most sense to do it that way.”  I don’t bother acknowledging his question.  There’s no use.  He’s still with Finley.  Nothing else matters.  Not his feelings or his words.  Deep down I know that hearing them will only bring me more pain and that is definitely not something I’m interested in.

Chace sighs and huffs a quick agreement.  He knows me well enough to know that once I make my mind up about something there’s no sense to keep pestering me about it.  He knows it’s a lost cause.  I’d rather take a hot poker to the eye than discuss any of our situation.

We work on splitting up the different religions and notice that we still need some resources for a few of the lesser known religions.  Wanting an escape, I offer up seeking some out in the back stacks of the library.

I wander around for a while before locating the religion stacks.  As I walk, I run my hands along the spines.  My eyes try to keep up with the pace I’m walking, reading each of the titles as I go.  It doesn’t take me long to locate what I need and once I grab them I head back to the table I’d left Chace at.  As I approach I hear his voice.

“Hey, babe…I’m good….Practice was hellish…again…What’s up?”

Silence.  He’s definitely talking to Finley.  Taking a deep breath, I sit down across from him at the table.  He looks up at me and smiles, pointing to the phone and mouthing her name even though I already know who it is.  He continues to listen to whatever nonsense Finley’s blabbering on and on about, and I busy myself by flipping through the pages of the books.

“I’m at the library with Quinn.”

My whole world stops.  My hands stiffen and my mouth hangs open as I slowly look up at him.  In an instant he knows he’s made a mistake.

“Oh shit…” he says before hitting the end button and dropping his phone on the table.

“What the fuck, Chace!”  My anger is unexpected.  I knew it would happen eventually.  My secret couldn’t be a secret forever.  Finley was going to find out sooner or later. 

“I…I…I’m sorry, Q.  I wasn’t thinking.”

As if on cue, my phone starts vibrating in my back pocket.  I pull it out to see Finley’s face on my screen.  I hit the ignore button and consider my next move, but before I can even being to think, it’s vibrating again.  Repeating my move, I glare at Chace.  This is exactly why I didn’t want her to know. 

“I didn’t understand, Quinn.  In fact, I still don’t.”

“That’s because you’re blind.”

“So help me see.  Tell me why you’re doing this.  Why did you keep this a secret?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Fuckin’ hell, Quinn!”  Chace’s hand slams down on the table, causing me to jump.  He points in my direction, his eyes full of hurt and anger.  “You’re infuriating!”

“Well then,” I bite out.  “I guess you should probably go hang out with someone who’s less infuriating, like oh, say, your girlfriend.”  I know my words are harsh, but seeing him so mad at me causes a switch to flip inside of me.  Suddenly I don’t care about much of anything anymore.  I grab the strap of my messenger bag and sling it over my shoulder.  We’re done for today.

“I’d like to know when you became such a cold-hearted bitch.”

I clench my jaw together in hopes of keeping in the tears that are threatening to spill out.  “I always have been.”  Spinning on my heels, I know I’ve got to get out of here, away from him, before it’s too late.  I start walking as fast as I can without breaking out into a full on run.  Feet don’t fail me now.

I hear him mutter some obscenities behind me, and I know that I’m being followed.  “Quinn, stop! I’m sorry!” 

I consider continuing on walking, but I know it’s no use.  We’re all here.  The three of us.  In Boston.  The sooner I start dealing with my shit the better off we’re all going to be.  So once the fresh air hits my face, I stop in my tracks, and Chace steps in front of me.

“I’m sorry, Q.  But this is so fucked up.  I don’t understand anything, and knowing that you’re shutting me out is driving me insane.”

Completely silent, I stand in front of him, choking back the tears that he has caused.

“Please. Quinn. I’m begging you.”

Unsure of whether I can talk or not, I start at the beginning.  “Coming to BC has always been part of my plan.  I applied for early admission.  I was accepted here back in November.”  The confusion on his face pains me, and I force myself to look away.  “Once I knew Finley was going to Harvard I knew I had to keep her in the dark.  So I wanted everyone to think I was staying back at home.  I needed to separate myself from her.”  I take a deep breath and look back into his eyes.  “And you.”

“Quinn…”

I frown and hold my hand up.  “Then when everything changed I knew it was the only way.  You being here wasn’t part of my plan.”

“But I am here.”

“Yeah, you are.  But it doesn’t change anything.”  I pause and readjust the strap on my shoulder.  “I’ll see you later Chace.”

Walking away, I look down at my phone.  Ten missed calls from Finley and twenty text messages.  She’s definitely pissed.  I consider continuing my radio silence with her, but I know better.  She’s just crazy enough to show up at my front door if I don’t acknowledge her.  So I quickly type out a text that I know will appease her. 

             
Me: Guess my secret’s out.  Chace being here royally fucked up my great plan.  Lol.  I’ve got class, I’ll call you later.  But just know that this wasn’t something that I intended on doing to hurt you.  I was doing it for me.

              And that was the honest to God truth.

Top of the 3
rd

Chace

Once Finley knew we were all in the same city it didn’t take long for her to take charge of our social schedules.  The next afternoon she called Quinn and me to inform us that Greg was coming for a visit and that he didn’t know Quinn was here.  She wanted to surprise him by bringing him to my Fall Ball game and having Quinn join us. 

From the dugout I watched on as Finley and Greg sat down in the stands, watching intently as Quinn snuck up behind him and covered his eyes with her hands.  He spun around and scooped her up into his arms, genuinely excited.  And for the first time in a while, Quinn looked genuinely happy.

After the game we decide to just order some pizza and hang out in my dorm room.  Just the four of us.  Like old times.  And just for tonight I want to pretend that the summer never happened.  That Finley never suggested we all fool around.  That Quinn and I didn’t take it to a whole new level.  That we didn’t end up at the same college drowning in our emotions.  For tonight it’s just about us.  Friends hanging out.  That’s all.

I shove some pizza into my mouth as I watch Quinn pick at the pepperoni on her pizza. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Finley asks, obviously noticing Quinn’s foul mood and lack of appetite.

“I’m just not in the mood for pizza.  Gotta look out for my girlish figure and all.”

“Go eat Greg’s shmegma,” Finley teases. “That’s definitely low-cal.”

Quinn scrunches her nose up in disgust.  “Ew.  Gross.  He’s not shmircumsized?”

They bellow with laughter, and for a moment I forget about the fact that I’m confused as fuck.  For that moment they’re both just people I care immensely about.  Hell, I guess I might even say that I love them.  Deep down, I know it’s true.  They both hold a special place in my heart.  I just need to figure out who holds the whole damn thing.   

“Ladies, ladies,” Greg bellows. “Let me assure you that I am, in fact shmircumsized, as you like to call it.  Therefore, I have no dick cheese to share.”

“Oh, darn,” Quinn says with a sarcastic snap of her fingers.

“Looks like you’re stuck eating pizza, Q,” I interject. 

Her head snaps up, almost as though the sound of my voice snapped her into two.  She looks at me, her eyebrows pinched together in the middle of her forehead.  It only lasts a second, and before I have a chance to shoot a look back, she’s staring at her pizza again.  “Oh well. In all honesty, I’ve been looking to pack a little more junk in my trunk.  Might as well.”  She shrugs and shoves the slice into her mouth, groaning as she continues to make a big production out of eating.

Greg shakes his head, a dopey smile plastered on his face all the while.  “God, I miss you guys.”

“Awww,” Quinn says with a mouthful of pizza. “We miss your chesticles too, Greg.”

Greg leans over and wraps his arm around Quinn’s shoulders; pulling her toward him as he places a kiss on her forehead.  My body hums, and I can feel my skin flush as my core temperature increases tenfold.  It’s an innocent gesture.  Greg and Quinn have been friends nearly as long as her and I have been.  He cares about her in a platonic way, but then again, so do I, supposedly.  The sudden rush of jealousy is unexpected, and I quickly change the subject.  “So, how are you liking University of Maine, Greg?”

He laughs and removes his arm from around Quinn.  “I love it up there.  There’s not a whole lot to do, but that school is always pumping with some sort of party.”

I am pretty sure Greg chose his college based on where they were on the partying schools list.  “What about the classes?”

“Oh yeah, those,” he says nonchalantly.  “When I manage to make it they’re pretty decent.”

We all share a laugh and continue to make small talk.  Discussing our college choices and our futures.  “I still can’t believe you lied to all of us about college, Quinny.”  Finley looks over at her with her eyebrows raised.  Something about her look tells me that she doesn’t buy Quinn’s story. 

Quinn sighs.  “We’ve talked about this a million times, Finley. I don’t really feel like beating a dead horse.”

“But Greg’s never heard your story.”

“It’s not a story, Fin.  It’s the truth.”

The feel of the room shifts.  Suddenly it’s not lighthearted chit-chat. It’s a deeper conversation that seems to have a motivation.  My guilt makes me uncomfortable, and I shift in my spot on the floor.  Maybe Finley is already onto us.  Maybe she can sense the changes in our behavior when we’re near each other.

“I don’t know why you’re so defensive.  Seems shady to me.”

“Fine!” Quinn’s voice is harsher than I expected, and her words pour from her mouth faster than I can process.  “I lied to everyone, telling them I was staying back home for college because I wanted to make a go for it on my own.  I wanted to be my own person here.  I wanted to separate myself from being the third wheel and finally find my own way.”

Greg places his hand on her shoulder and gives a sympathetic squeeze.

“I only lied because I wanted some freedom.  I love you guys, but…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I interject.

“I think she does.” Finley crosses her arms across her chest and glares in Quinn’s direction.  She can be such a bitch sometimes that I don’t even know what I ever saw in her to begin with.

“You all have been my rocks for years.  I’ve almost become dependent on you and at times I’m not even sure where you end and I begin.  This is my way of attempting to find exactly who I am and be okay with it.  It’s time for me to be Quinn, period.  Not Quinn; Chace and Finley’s sidekick best friend.”

“No one ever thought of you like that, Quinn,” Greg argues.

“Really?” she asks with an edge to her voice.  “When did you and I ever hang out without these two around?”

He opens and closes his mouth a few times before his eyes hit the floor, allowing himself to just sit in silence.

“That’s exactly what I mean.  Everything about my life has always revolved around Finley or Chace.  And for once in my life I am just looking to be independent from that.”  She hops up onto her feet and grabs her bag from my bed.  “Well, this has been fun, but I’ve got plans with my roommate tonight.”

“But, Quinn, Greg’s only here for tonight.  I thought we were all going to hang out.”

“We already did.”  Tossing her bag over her shoulder, she walks to the door and opens it.  Greg looks at me with his eyebrows raised like he’s expecting me to stop her.  Only I’m not going to.  She’s made it perfectly clear tonight.  I get it now. 

“Yo, Quinn!” he says before jumping to his feet.  “Wait up, I’m coming with you.”

She stops and looks over her shoulder at us.  Greg says a rushed goodbye to Finley and me before walking towards Quinn.  She smiles and walks out the door before Greg looks back at us apologetically for a moment before exiting the room.  Leaving Finley and I alone with nothing except an empty pizza box and broken spirits.