Catalyst (The Best Days #1) (20 page)

It didn’t take Rebecca long to notice there was something wrong. 

When it was time for
them to tackle Rory’s algebra homework that evening, Rory was even more distracted and sullen than usual.  She stared listlessly out the window, barely even paying attention as her sister, with increasing impatience, tried to explain the assignment.

“Do you want me to help or not?” Rebecca finally demanded.  Then she saw the look on her sister’s face.  “What happened?” she asked
, her exasperation dissipating at once.

“Carson and I broke up.”

“Why?”

How to answer that?  Rory’s crippling insecurities and
inability to keep her emotions in check had caused the demise of something beautiful that had barely begun.  When she thought about it, Rory wanted to kick herself.

“He got sick of me.”

“I doubt that.  Tell me what happened.”

“I confronted him about posting the video online and he admitted he’d done it.  He said he did it so Jeremy would finally get what he deserves.  I’d been complaining about Jeremy the other night, so…well, basically Carson accidentally ruined Troy’s life because of me.”

Rebecca shook her head, a small smile on her lips.  “You’re always so melodramatic,” she scolded gently.  “Troy’s life isn’t over.  What happened to him sucks and I wish Carson had thought about that before he posted the video…but Troy’s life is far from over.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Remember when we were seven and you wanted a kitten?”

“I wanted
three
kittens, to be exact.” 

Rory vividly recalled walking past the window of the local pet shop and seeing a litter of three adorable
, fluffy white Persian kittens scrambling around on their stubby little legs.  She’d become infatuated with them immediately and had wanted so badly to take them home.

“You cried for days when Mom
and Dad said we couldn’t have cats in the house because Justin was allergic.  You acted like your life was over.  In fact,” Rebecca said with amusement, “I seem to remember you screaming those exact words as you stomped around the house slamming doors and pitching a world class tantrum.  Anyway, the point is you got over it, didn’t you?”

“I guess.”

“Your life wasn’t ruined because you didn’t get a kitten, right?” Rebecca asked sensibly.

“
I see what you’re getting at.  I guess you’re right.  For Troy’s sake, I
hope
you’re right.”

“Now about Carson…”

A shadow fell over Rory’s face at the mention of his name.  “He pretty much insinuated I need mental help because I’m too emotional,” she grumbled.  “It was insulting.”

Rebecca raised an eyebrow.  “You
are
too emotional,” she pointed out reasonably.  “We’ve all been telling you that for years.  I mean, one of Sheck’s nicknames for you is Drama Queen!  Justin and I used to secretly refer to you as Hurricane Rory because you’d destroy everything in your path when you had a bad day.”

Rory rolled her eyes but the corners of her mouth turned upwards just a bit.  “I’m not
that
bad.”

“You are,” Rebecca insisted.  “Although I’ll draw the line a
t saying you need mental help.”  After a deliberate pause, she came in with the punch line.  “I’m pretty sure you’re beyond help.”

“Oh stop
it.”  Rory swatted at her sister’s arm playfully and then suddenly realized two things.  One:  she and Rebecca were squabbling good-naturedly just like old times.  Two:  When she caught herself laughing, she was no longer overcome with a deep, all-consuming sense of guilt.  These were both good signs.

“You seemed happy with Carson.”

“I was.  He was like the perfect guy until he went off on me.  He’s been acting weird lately.  At first he was all patient and sweet.  He didn’t even freak out when I got emotional thinking about, you know, Grace.  But then I guess he just got sick of it or…something.  I really have no idea.  All I know is he changed and now…”  She trailed off, dropping her head into her hands.

“You really
cared about him, huh?”

“Uh huh…I can’t believe we’re
done,” Rory said glumly.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be
over.  How did you two leave things?” Rebecca wanted to know.

“Um…he said dealing with me was exhausting and he wasn’t cut out for it,” Rory paraphrased.

With wisdom beyond her years – and the scope of her own experience – Rebecca pressed, “Is that
all
he said?  You just showed up at his place, said ‘hi,’ and he went off on you?”  Of course, they both knew Rory had left crucial parts of the exchange out.

“Not exactly,” Rory admitted.  “There was some other stuff.”

Knowingly, Rebecca guessed, “Did any of that other stuff involve you yelling at him?”

Rory’s face reddened.  “Maybe…”

“I figured as much.  So here’s what I think,” Rebecca said, pushing the algebra textbook aside.  “I think you tell him you’re sorry for flying off the handle.  Tell him you understand why he did what he did and, while you don’t approve, you know his heart was in the right place.  But,” she continued, “You also need to tell him what he’s in for.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re passionate.  It’s not a bad thing, necessarily.  It means you have high highs and low lows.  Usually it’s fun and exciting and makes everyone want to be around you.  But then, when you hit a bump in the road, you kind of temporarily lose your mind.  You’ve always been that way.  You probably always will be that way.  It’s not a bad thing,” Rebecca reiterated.  “It’s just who you are.  But it’s only fair that Carson knows what he’s getting into.”

Always dramatic, Rory dropped her head onto the kitchen table and covered it with her arms.  “That would be fantastic advice if he hadn’t already made
up his mind,” she whined.  “He doesn’t want me anymore.  Let’s face it: he’s out of my league.  Maybe he was interested for a minute but things only went as far as they did because he pitied me.”

Rebecca scoffed.  “I can’t think of anyone who’s out of your league.” 

“You’re my sister,” Rory smiled woefully.  “You have to say stuff like that.”

“I do not.  But I will say this: 
I
pity you.”

Rory shot Rebecca a dirty look.  “Well don’t,” she cautioned sharply.

Rebecca shrugged.  “It’s the truth.  That night when you came home from the party…”  She shut her eyes, pausing for a minute so she could regain her composure.  “Your face was bloody and covered in scratches.  You were soaking wet and limping.  But the worst part of all was the vacant look in your eyes, like you’d seen unspeakable horror.”

Rory swallowed hard.  She’d never even thought about how her sister was coping
in the aftermath of it all.  She couldn’t imagine how she’d feel had their roles been reversed.

Clearing her throat, Rebecca concluded, “So yes, I pity you.  I’m sorry you had to go through what you did.  I’m sorry you’re struggling t
o come to terms with it.  But pity doesn’t mean I think any less of you.  If anything it just makes me care about you more and respect you more.”

Moved, Rory could only squeeze her sister’s hand.  Words failed her.

“Do you think there’s a chance that when he says he pities you, Carson might feel the same way I do?” Rebecca suggested.  “It might not be the bad thing you make it out to be.  I know you don’t want anyone’s pity.  I get it.  But I think what you really mean by that is you wish none of this had happened to begin with.”

Rory shrugged.  “Maybe
you’re right.  Why are you suddenly vouching for Carson?” she asked curiously.  “You don’t even like him!”

“
When you two got together was when you started coming back to life,” Rebecca said simply.  “Go. Call him.”

“I don’t know.”  Suddenly Rory felt very, very tired.  “I think I’m just going to go to bed but…
this?  Just hanging out with you?  I’ve missed this.  Thanks for listening.”

“
Thanks for talking.”

The two weeks leading up to summer vacation were a blur. 

Rory had to work her butt off to pass her classes, which she managed to do just by the skin of her teeth.  Technically maybe she should have been required to take a few summer classes, but given what she’d been dealing with her teachers were all too happy to cut her a little slack.

Rory was glad to be kept busy during that hectic time.  It kept her from thinking about Carson a million times a day.  She still thought about Grace, of course, but that was different.  And it was getting easier. 

Thinking about Carson was still painful, a raw wound that didn’t want to heal.  Rory knew deep down she’d get over it eventually.  If she could learn to live with what had happened the night of the party, then surely she could withstand her very first breakup. 

If there was one thing she’d learned in recent months, it was how resilient she really was.

But she nonetheless missed Carson something awful.

Once summer holidays rolled around, the distractions were few and far between. 

Sheck and his parents went away on holidays for a week – Val and Clive decided to take Sheck to Mexico where they’d honeymooned
two decades ago.  By all accounts, Val and Clive’s marriage was back on track.  Rory could see the change in Sheck and was happy for them all…but she nonetheless counted down the days until Sheck would return impatiently.

Rebecca got a summer job at the public library.  It was the perfect
position for the avid reader and, on her days off, Rebecca was eager to work through the pile of “must reads” she’d accumulated.  She’d curl up in a lounge chair in the backyard and would seldom move until the sun went down and it was too dark to see the pages.

Rory wished she could be distracted that easily.

She still wasn’t on the friendliest of terms with her former clique, although she’d said hello to Monica once or twice in passing.  Rory didn’t miss the catty cheerleaders.  In fact, once she spent some time away from Hilary, she began to realize how her supposed friend had constantly tried to tear her down.  It was no wonder Rory had been growing increasingly insecure.

Insecurity was still something she struggled with.  She suspected it would be a lifelong
battle.  But at the same time, she was coming to realize that life was too short to be hung up on the superficial and unimportant. 

She’d finally ditched the dreaded carrot diet once and for all.

Now she was job searching.  Her spare time was spent studying for her written driving exam.  She was finally going to re-take the test despite her paralyzing fear of failure.  There were reasons bigger than Rory compelling her to get her license. 

“There’s his car!” Nancy trilled, sounding mo
re upbeat than she had in ages. 

Rory peered down the road and sure enough, there was her brother’s beat up maroon clunker chugging merrily toward the house.  She tried to sit there nonchalantly but it took every ounce of restraint she had not to run out into the road waving her arms and shouting.
 

Rory and her mom had been sitting on the front porch for twenty minutes, eagerly awaiting Justin’s arrival from college
now that he’d written his last exam.  Rory felt a twinge of sadness when she saw that his car wasn’t filled to the roof with his stuff.  He wasn’t moving home this summer.  He was only visiting.  The thought of Justin “visiting” their family home tugged at Rory’s heartstrings.

She’d never expected she’d miss him so much. 
Growing up, Justin had been the typical annoying big brother and Rory had been the bratty little sister.  They’d fought like, well, like siblings.  But he’d also taught her and Rebecca how to ride bikes and in the wintertime he’d taken pride in building elaborate snow forts for his kid sisters.  As they’d gotten older, he’d begrudgingly driven Rory to the mall and Rebecca to the library.  Annoyingness aside, he was a great brother.

When he’d graduated high school and left for college, it had left a void in the family.

It was good to have him back, even if it was only temporary.

Justin pulled into the driveway, climbed out of his car and was immediately clobbered by their mother.
  She did all the stereotypical mother things Rory had wrongly assumed only happened in the movies, making her stand there so she could inspect him, asking him if he was eating properly and so on.

Then the phone rang and Nancy had to reluctantly pull herself away to go answer it.

“Hey stranger,” Justin greeted Rory.  He carried a large grey duffel bag – undoubtedly packed full of dirty laundry – over his left shoulder.  He wrapped his right arm around Rory and squeezed her extra tight.

They weren’t huggers, Rory and Justin.  She knew the unusual gesture was his way of saying he was sorry for what she’d been through without actually having to say it.  She hugged him back before gleefully
informing him that he stunk, at which point he chased her into the house in mock outrage.

Nancy was just hanging up the phone as the two of them crashed into the kitchen, laughing and calling each other rude names.  She simply smiled and shook her head at the two of them, having learned a long time ago that scolding would do nothing to curb their juvenile behavior. 

“That was Val calling,” she informed them.  “They’re back from their vacation safe and sound.  I’ve invited them over for a cookout tonight.”

* * * * *

It was the perfect night for a cookout.  Summer had finally arrived but the hot, sultry evenings of late July hadn’t quite descended upon the sleepy suburb yet.  A light, gentle breeze kept the bugs away and the temperature comfortable. 

Even better, t
he burgers and hot dogs Rory’s dad threw on the grill smelled delicious.

She was so glad she wasn’t on the carrot diet anymore!

Sheck and his parents arrived bearing gifts from Mexico.  The girls got pretty beaded necklaces and Justin got a watch.  After the initial greetings and the obligatory gathering around Val’s tablet to view holiday photos, everyone dispersed. 

Clive and Tom talked sports as they stood over the grill.  Val and Nancy wandered off to make lemonade
as they discussed the pros and cons of various Mexican resorts.  The second Rebecca got home she laid claim to Justin over by the fire pit, eager to spend some time with him.  Rory and Sheck wandered into the garage, leaving the door open so they’d hear the call for burgers and hot dogs.

“You’ve got quite the tan,” Rory informed him once she got a good look at him in the light.

“I spent a lot of time at the beach.”

“Did you go surfing?”

“You bet.”

Rory could practically imagine Sheck strolling along the beach with a surfboard under his arm.  She didn’t know if he’d be naturally good at surfing or if it would take him a few tries to get the hang of it, but it didn’t matter. 

She knew he wouldn’t concern himself with being the best or mastering a certain technique.  He was too laid back for that.  He’d just enjoy the moment, the way the sand felt underfoot and the way the waves sprayed him in the face, making his hair drip with saltwater. 

She envied him.  She still wasn’t sure what to make of her long-time friend’s
increasingly frequent drug use, but she loved that he didn’t answer to anyone or anything.  He was his own person and did what he wanted no matter what.  She made a mental note to try to learn to be more like him.

“How is it to be back?” she asked.

“Good.  The resort kicked ass and I loved Mexico, but it’s nice to be home.”

“
You just want to ask that redhead out before someone else starts dating her,” Rory teased.

“I dunno, maybe.”  He grinned at her. 
“I’m ready to get our summer underway…and our band!” 

“We’re really doing that?”

“Sure, why not?”

Rory shrugged.  “Let’s do it.”

He surveyed the double garage.  Nancy’s SUV was parked on one side.  The other side was used for storage as Tom preferred to park his black half ton on the driveway.  “Can we move some of this stuff?” he asked, nodding at the clutter.

“
Uh huh, we can shove it up against the wall,” Rory suggested.  She leaned forward to pick up an old, neglected exercise bike that had found a home in the garage.  “Ooh!” she exclaimed, surprised to discover how heavy it was.  “Can you give me a hand with this?”

“Let me.”

Rory whirled around.  Carson was standing there outside the garage.  She hadn’t even heard him walk up the drive.  He looked good…really good.  Her stomach did a somersault and in that instant she realized just how much she missed him.

“I uh…hot dogs,” Sheck said, pointing to the backyard.  He made a hasty exit to give them privacy – and to stuff his face.  Seriously, it was a wonder that guy wasn’t
a million pounds because he could sure pack away the food.  The joys of having a fast metabolism…not that Rory would know anything about that.

Carson stepped inside.

“Hi,” she said softly when it was just the two of them standing there in the garage alone.  Outside, the faint chirp of crickets provided a strange, almost soothing background melody.

“Hi.”

She hadn’t tried to call or text him since the big blow up.  She’d wanted to.  She’d thought about it every day and had even gone so far as to pick up the phone on more than one occasion.  But she’d decided she just couldn’t do it. 

Not calling was a self-preservation tactic. 

The night of the party had caused her world to crash down around her.  Rory could feel herself returning to normal gradually, but it was still a day by day process.  Sometimes she slept through the night.  Sometimes she didn’t feel that invisible weight on her chest that dragged her down to dark, hellish places.  The nightmares and flashbacks were becoming less and less frequent now. 

But she knew her progress was
tenuous.  And she also knew Carson’s rejection could send her into a downward spiral.

She couldn’t take that risk.

Carson hadn’t called Rory, either.  To her, that was a sign, loud and clear, that he was no longer interested.  She’d just been too much for him, consumed by her grief and barely hanging on by a thread.  She supposed she couldn’t blame him for staying away. 

S
tanding there mere feet from him, she wondered if he felt the sexual tension in the air as strongly as she did.  It felt like the air was alive with electricity and more than anything, Rory wanted to kiss him.  She missed the way Carson’s arms felt wrapped around her, protective and strong.  God, she just wanted to press her lips to his and feel his body against hers…

“Why are you here?”
she demanded, crossing her arms like a shield across her heart.

“I miss you.” 

She felt a crack in her armor.  “I miss you too.” 

Carson exhaled loudly, looking relieved and nervous all at once.  “I’m sorry for our fight,” he said.  “I was kind of an ass.  I was half asleep and said things I shouldn’t have because, well, you scared me.”

“I scared you?”

“Yeah,” Carson studied his feet intently for what felt like a million years.  He finally looked up, searching Rory’s eyes for some sign of compassion; a safe place to fall.  He must have found what he was looking for, because he took a deep breath and then, finally, he spoke.

“Do you remember I mentioned my older brother, and how he didn’t take our uncle’s death very well?” he asked anxiously, running the palms of his hands over his jeans.

“Mmhmm
, you said he got in a little trouble,” Rory recalled, wondering what on earth Carson’s brother could possibly have to do with their fight.

“
It was a lot of trouble, actually.  At first everyone just chalked it up to depression and said he was acting out because he didn’t know how to process his feelings.  But things got worse and worse.  He nearly ruined his life.” 

Carson cleared his throat before continuing.

“I don’t know if you remember, but I told you once that I have a bad habit of wanting to fix everything.  I wanted to help my brother so badly but it was beyond anything I was capable of handling.  I had a really tough time coming to terms with that.  It ate me up inside for a long, long time.”

Rory was afraid to speak. 
It was plain to see that Carson was sharing something very personal with her.  She didn’t want to interfere, but she was aching to know.  “Where is your brother now?” she asked.

“He’s in rehab.
  It’s his third stint there.  I’m not holding out a lot of hope.”

“Oh.
  I didn’t know.”

“
No, I don’t talk about him much…well, ever.”

Carson took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to divulge.

“When I saw you struggling to deal with Grace’s death, I saw my brother.  At first it was like I made it my mission to try to help you.  I wanted to be that rock for you, a safe place to fall.  I wanted to fix you.  But of course, what you were going through was beyond the scope of anything I could manage.  Once I realized that, well, that’s where it all started to unravel.”