Carpe Diem - Jesse 3 (15 page)

“Ah, I see.” Coach’s tone reflected his sympathy. I’m sure my sadness was written all over my face and if I looked on the outside the way I felt on the inside, well, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. “I thought she would’ve contacted you, by now. Where’s she going to stay, if she’s not with you?”

I shrugged and said, “I don’t know where she is. And I’m pretty sure she won’t be coming to get me from jail. She doesn’t like me going off on people. She kind of has an issue with that.”

“I hear you. Girls don’t like that kind of thing. You should work on controlling your anger.” He raised one eyebrow.

“Coach, she probably slept with him, cheated on me, right under my nose. I’m not just going to sit back and take that.”

Exasperated Coach tried to explain it to me. “How can I get it through that thick skull of yours? I know that in the past your tough guy behavior has saved you once or twice, but Jesus, Jesse. I think you must have done some mental damage when you fell off your bike. Don’t you see, that’s what drives people away from you? That temper of yours and all your anger... it’s too much. I’ve told you before, your temper may help you win races but it won’t help you win people’s hearts.”

The guard near the door tapped a finger on his wrist watch. Coach stood up with a nod in his direction and said, “I talked to the American Embassy. They’re going to see what they can do about getting you out on bail, so hang tight, son.”

As Coach turned to leave, I lifted my chin and said, “Thanks, Coach... for everything. But when you said I’m suspended, did you mean temporarily, or did you mean I’m off the team for good?”

Coach paused for a moment and pursed his lips. “Sorry, Jesse, this is out of my hands. My ass is on the line, too.” And with that, he walked out the door.

Captain McGruff led me back to my cell, where I flopped down on the small stiff bed. Man, I fucked up. Everything in my life had gone to shit. My life sucked. I wished it would just rain down on me and wash all the shit out of my life. I mean, really, it was painful. She’s ripping my heart out with pliers right now, being with him while I stewed in this fucking Italian jail. A sledge hammer to the balls would have felt better than this, right about now.

The anxiety in my stomach twisted it into a gazillion knots and I rolled onto my side in the fetal position. I was such an idiot for losing Niki and now I’d been kicked off the team, too. I chastised myself with an endless list of reasons why I fucked up, rehashing each scenario in my mind, second guessing every word I had said to Niki to get myself into his predicament.

All I wanted to do was love her. From the first time I saw her face, in the bar back in California that night she was out with Kat, I said good-bye to my heart. All the girls said I was a bad boy, but I wanted that girl, the girl standing at the bar with long dark hair and, when she turned around, I knew I was hooked. Her sweet smile touched me and saved me from the demons inside.

She was amazing in every way and I was lost without her. All I wanted to do was touch her, kiss her, feel my arms around her and be with her, right now. I was paralyzed. If I were a pussy, I would’ve cried. I wished I could fall off the face of the Earth, or curl up into a ball and die. I wanted to be invisible and float through the rest of my life like a ghost because, without Niki, I surely was a lost soul.

Eventually, after enough self-flagellation, I dozed off into a fitful sleep.

“Signore.” A man’s voice floated into my sleepy brain. “You have a visitor.”

His words didn’t register at first. I thought he said, “You have to eat,” and I snapped back, “I’m not hungry. Go away.” With my head buried in the small white pillow, I mumbled, “I don’t want a magazine to read. Go away, I said.”

“Signore...”

I raised up to my elbows and rubbed the palm of one hand over my eyes. He repeated himself louder when he saw that I had been sleeping. “You have a visitor, Signore.”

A shot of hope flashed through my body. Could it be Niki? I jumped up from the bed and grabbed my shoes, my hands trembling with anticipation as I put them on.

The guard led me to a visitors’ room and, as I followed him, I could see over the guard’s shoulder that the figure of a man dressed in a suit stood there. My heart fell. It wasn’t Niki. It was probably someone Coach had contacted from the American Embassy.

When I got close enough to see the man I said, “What the hell?” and turned to the guard. “I don’t want to talk to this guy. Take me back to my cell.”

There was Gio, leaning back in a metal framed chair, with one arm slung over the backrest.

“You don’t sound happy to see me. But, before you jump to conclusions, you might want to listen to what I have to say.”

I slowly walked over to the table and pulled out a chair. I didn’t trust this guy one bit.

“What are you doing here, Gio? I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear. I trashed your place. Remember? And that black eye of yours... we both know where that came from. So, if you’re here to chew me out or something...”

“Just shut up and sit down.”

I was a little puzzled now. Gio had a serious look on his face, along with a white bandage over his broken nose, but he was not angry like I had anticipated. I was curious now as to what he was up to. I nodded to the guard and sat. Gio pulled something out of his jacket pocket and laid it on the table and said, “You forgot these when you left my place yesterday.”

They were the two black and white photographs of him and Niki. It soured me to have to look at them again. They are wrinkled where they had been held in my angry fists yesterday.

My eyebrows knitted together. “What the hell? Aren’t you going to keep them as your trophy?” I said with bitter sarcasm.

“I would if they were real.”

“Real?”

“I’m a photographer. I can spot a manipulated photo when I see one.”

“Manipulated? Like Photoshop? You’re lying. You just want to save your ass.”

“Why would I do that? I didn’t have to waste my time and come here to lie.”

I gave him a sidelong glance. Was he for real? He leaned forward and spread the pictures out on the table. “See those shadows from her face and my face? They don’t line up. It’s different from one to the other.” He pointed and traced his finger outlining the details of the shadows. “Someone did a really shitty job. I’m surprised they fooled you.”

I leaned in also, to take a closer, peering at the area Gio described.

“I’m betting whoever she was kissing in the original photograph, his name starts with a J.” He leaned back proud of his announcement.

“You mean it’s a photo of me and Niki?”

“That’s right, and they put my face on it.”

I scratched at my head for a moment as the thoughts began to churn inside. “But who would do this to me?”

“I’m guessing somebody who wants to see you in trouble.”

Man, I couldn’t believe it. I knew exactly who wanted me out of the competition. “How would he get a photo of you, in a pose like that?” I pointed again to Gio as he was entwined in Niki’s arms in the photo.

“Somebody probably broke into my studio. I’m a photographer. I like to take all kinds of photographs, especially that kind.” One eye brow rose as if to accentuate his remark. “Anyway, I’m not going to press charges.” He picked up the photos and aligned them into a neat pile. “You’ll probably be out of here later today.”

I was surprised when I realized that Gio had come through as a standup kind of guy. He was right, though. He didn’t have to come down to the jail and tell me any of this. He could’ve just dropped the charges and let me believe Niki had really cheated on me, but I still didn’t trust him. I grabbed his wrist and held it firmly to the table.

“Wait. Tell me this, are there any other photos, I mean
real
photos, of you and Niki? You admitted you like to take these kinds of pictures.”

His eyes fixed on mine and he said, “Niki and I never did anything.” And pulled his hand out from under mine. “It’s not because I didn’t try. Sorry.” He rubbed his wrist where I had held it. “Trust me, especially after you broke my nose, I thought I could get sympathy sex. But she loves you, man.”

My heart skipped a beat and I straightened a little in my chair. Maybe there was hope for me and Niki yet.

I took a breath and said, “Okay then, tell me where she is. Once you showed her the pictures and you explained to her what you just told me, she must have realized that I’d been set up.”

“Oh,” he winced and drew back. “About that. I didn’t actually show her the pictures, per se. She just thinks you were jealous without any real reason.”

“You didn’t show them to her?” I pitched my upper body forward about to jump over the table and give him another black eye to match the one he already had.

He cowered and said, “I was hoping for sympathy sex, remember? I am a man, after all. But to answer your question about her whereabouts, I would suspect that she’s already on a flight home. She called her father from my place after you left.”

My heart fell to the floor. Niki was gone. I didn’t know what to think or what to do next. A hole was beginning to open in my heart and the blackness of it was spreading like wildfire.

“She called her dad? Fuck.”

Gio stood up and shoved the chair away. I wasn’t really listening when he spoke. My mind was still reeling from his words.

“Anyway, good luck. I hope you get her back. She’s one worth fighting for.”

As Gio walked away I thought about saying thank you, but the words wouldn’t form in my mouth. Instead, with his back to me, I said, “Gio. For what it’s worth... sorry about the nose.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, and, as he walked out, he said, “It’s not the first time.”

Jesse

S
oon after Gio left and the charges were dropped, the Italian police released me from jail. I sulked in the back seat of the cab as it barreled down the narrow streets, winding its way through Milan to my hotel. All I wanted to do was to get back to the hotel and figure out who had done this to me; who had made the fake photos? I’d had just about had my fill of Italy. I had no more fondness for its grand architecture and bucolic countryside. With Niki gone, my heart just wasn’t in being in a romantic city with a bunch of mud covered dudes.

Once I got inside the hotel room broke down into a pathetic mess. I ran to the bed to retrieve my cell phone, in the hope that Niki had called or messaged me, but when I saw the only new messages were from team mates, I let it fall from my hand in despair.

I sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. The quiet was devastating. All of Niki’s things were gone, except for the long black evening gown and shoes I bought her to wear the night we went to the opera. The dress was left lying on her side of the bed, with the thin straps draped over her pillow and the shoes were on the floor next to the bed. The empty spaces where her suitcase used to be, and the clear marble where her toiletries used to fill the bathroom counter, dashed all my hopes that I would ever see Niki again.

Several wire clothes hangers hung empty on her side of the closet. I cursed myself for opening it, but I was compelled to look, just to check, on the outside chance that Gio had been wrong and Niki was cooling down somewhere at another hotel. Each glance around the room was one more painful reminder that I had lost the best thing I’d ever had in my life.

I checked the time and lay back on the bedspread with my hands behind my head to make a plan. It was too late to drive to the training camp now; it was almost dinner time. Although I had only picked at the food I had been given in jail, I was too depressed to eat. Plus, I needed to figure out who the hell was plotting against me. I was certain that Ice was the culprit, but I would need proof. I would have to get into his trailer somehow and take a look around.

I mulled over the details in an effort to sort it all out. If somebody made fake pictures of Niki and Gio then they needed pictures of all of us—me, Niki and Gio—in order to cut and paste Gio’s face onto my body. If it had been Ice, as I suspected, then he would have needed the opportunity to take pictures of me and Niki together. Hmm. Me and Niki together. When was there a time I was with Niki and Ice was there, too?

I jumped up from the bed and grabbed the photos. Maybe there was a clue in the background. A clue as to where the pictures had been taken. My eyes raced over the images in the photos, searching the dark background for a hint or a clue. I blew out a breath between my teeth and dropped them on the bedside stand. The background in both photos was too blurry and dark to make out specific details like buildings, or anything specific. It was almost as if the background had been blurred on purpose. I guess there was a reason for that. Nothing really stood out. It only looked like maybe, possibly, beams of light were coming down from over Niki’s head.

I flopped back onto the bed, discouraged, turning it over in my mind. Beams of light. Worthless information. Unless Niki was photographed under an alien spaceship? Right. Like that was... hold on. Beams of light. I sprang up and took a second look at those beams of light. Damn. Why did they have to be in black and white? If the photographs were in color and the light beams were indigo, that would suggest that the picture of Niki had been taken the night of the club opening. Ice had been there and he saw us fighting. He came over and made a nasty remark to me about arguing with Niki in front of our sponsor. Then Niki and I made up and we kissed. I didn’t see Ice taking pictures of us, but he was there and he had the opportunity. It was certainly looking more and more like Ice was the shit stain I was looking to blame and my mind was made up. I knew what I had to do.

But that would have to wait until morning and, with that thought, my eyelids grew heavy with exhaustion. I rolled inward and reached for the fabric of Niki’s dress next to me. I closed my eyes, pulled it up to my nostrils and inhaled. It still smelled like her.

Jesse

I
drove the usual route to the training camp the next morning. When I arrived I tried to keep a low profile, but I was met by three of the mechanics. News traveled fast and the guys were bummed to hear that I was off the team. After a brief conversation with the three of them, Jamie pulled me aside.