Caressed by a Crimson Moon (Rulers of Darkness) (25 page)

“What happened last night cannot happen again. Please, understand that it isn’t you—”

Something within her snapped. The anger that she held bottled inside exploded.

“Stop,” she growled, yanking her hand from his grasp. “Don’t you dare feed me that cliché.”

“You are angry.”

Eva tossed her napkin on the table. “You’re damn right, I’m angry.”

Mr. Bakin had to enter at that exact moment. The man kept his head down, his eyes focused on the warmed dinner rolls he carried. After setting them on the table he fled back to the safety of the kitchen.

“I’m tired of people making plans for my life. For the past nine years I’ve had my life run by a dictator.  I want you to know, I will leave when I decide to leave.” Eva came to her feet. “And I know it isn’t me. It is you. You’re damaged, right? You lost your rocks when your brother died. I’m sure there is more to your story, something dark and twisted. Some secret that you keep buried in your soul, a secret so damning it is destroying you from the inside out. Maybe you have survivors’ guilt or maybe he was the only thing you had that made life worth living. I don’t know and I’m willing to bet no one knows because you share nothing. You even lock Falcon out of your heart. The knight loves you like a brother.”

“Eva, that is enough. You speak of things you do not understand.”

“I could,” she countered. She smoothed her dress and noticed her hands were shaking. Her emotions swept through her, a violent unstoppable maelstrom.

“You are not the only one who has ever suffered, Hadrian. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t breath when my mother passed. And just days after we laid her to rest I was taken. I was seventeen. My entire world, my life, was ripped from me and I was thrust into hell. People who hated me, who treated me as if I were an abomination, an affront to God, were now my caregivers. I know loneliness. I know what it is like to have nothing and no one. Nine years. I lost nine years of my life.”

Eva straightened her back and refused the tears that burned her eyes. She would not cry.
Ever
.

“Do you think I’m this thin by choice? I know my hipbones stick out and you can count my ribs. Those savages I was forced to live among couldn’t be bothered to feed the half-breed. They preferred to pretend I did not exist. I had to scavenge, forage, and hunt what I could in order to stay alive. Can you imagine how terrifying that could be for a seventeen year old girl who had known nothing but love and kindness until that point?”

She raised her hands to her hips. Her temper rising, hate laced every word. “But they didn’t break me. Never could they break me. It didn’t matter how many insults or condemning looks they cast my way. It didn’t matter that my ‘step-mother’ made up excuses so she could have me beaten. And now here I am.” She threw her arms out wide. “My sperm donor must have sent me here hoping this castle would be my tomb and that his shameful secret would die with me. But I’m still kicking because you are not as crazed, ruthless, and soulless as everyone believes.”

Eva took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled, her body shuddered. Adrenaline pounded through her veins and her heart drummed in her ears. Hadrian stared at her, his eyes flashing red, and a muscle ticked at his jaw as he ground his teeth together. He could be mad, hell, he could spin into a rage, but she did not care. He needed to hear this.

“Shit, Hadrian, after all of that has happened and almost happened between us, I still want you.” She stepped around her chair and descended the dais. “But we can’t be together. You won’t let us happen. You have this idea of who and what you are that is so…wrong. You say you want to protect me from emotional and possible physical pain. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’m much stronger than I appear. I can hold my own.” She pinned him with a hard glare. “And I see you, Hadrian. I see the
real
you. We are so similar. Our souls bear wounds, but what separates us is that despite everything, I have not closed myself off from the world. I want to live.” She rubbed her temples and released a heavy sigh. “When you stop reciting your reasons why we can’t and shouldn’t be together and you finally throw away your pity party hat, come knock on my door. I’ll answer. Well, that is if I haven’t already left.”

With that, Eva turned and exited the hall, ascending the stairs with graceful, elegant strides.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Wind pounded against the castle as lightning cut the sky and thunder roared. The storm had unleashed its fury when Eva slammed her bedroom door.

Hours had passed since she left Hadrian downstairs at the table to digest her words.

She punched her pillow.

God, she had lost it and she felt awful, her stomach was in knots, her heart ached and her emotions were a tangled mess. She did not regret what she had said but the way she had said it. Venom had dripped from her words.

Rolling to her back, she let out a heavy sigh.

Should she hunt Hadrian down and apologize? Or should she pack her things and head out as soon as the storm passed?

Eva snorted. She would not take the cowards’ way out, no matter how appealing it sounded.

She knew she should get some sleep; it would help her clear her mind and organize her thoughts. Then she could find Hadrian. Besides, she was willing to bet he did not want to see her right now.

Eva closed her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep, but the image of Hadrian sitting at the table, his jaw tightly set, his black gaze filled with raw pain.

“Damn it,” she hissed, tossing off the sheets.

Eva got out of bed. She kicked her feet into her slippers and grabbed her robe. She had to talk to Hadrian, she had to apologize, only then would she be able to sleep.

She paused in the hall outside her room. Surrendering to her senses, she sought him out, relieved to find that he was in the castle. She did not want to have to brave the storm and try to have a teeth chattering conversation by the lake.

Her footsteps were silent as she wound her way through the keep, until she found the west wing and the hall of windows. She watched the storm ravage the landscape. Ice slapped the glass as the angry wind thrashed. She slowly made her way through the long, glass-enclosed corridor. A set of floor to ceiling doors proudly stood at the end of the hall.

The hairs on the back of her neck rose as goose bumps pricked her skin. The king was inside.

Eva straightened her spine and squared her shoulders. She gathered her courage and tucked her emotions aside, clearing her mind. She was calm and controlled. Ready for anything.

She shoved open the doors and stumbled in. She had expected them to be heavier, or was she stronger? She shrugged, deciding to test her strength later. Her eyes adjusted quickly. The walls and ceiling were lined with mirrors. Rays of moonlight peaked through the windows. The glass shimmered. The ballroom glittered with a luminescent glow, ethereal and otherworldly. The balcony doors were thrown wide, snow fluttered in to cover the gleaming, polished marble floor.

Instinct told her he was here. She glanced about the room, squinting as she peered into the shadows. She could not find him.

Frowning, Eva crossed the room and stepped out onto the balcony. The wind had risen, the clouds boiled against the dark sky and snow swirled, the flakes catching in her hair and frosting her lashes. Lightning sizzled and thunder shattered the serene silence.

Hadrian watched her from the shadows. The white silk of her robe clung to her, hugging the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hips.  All around her nature erupted. She looked like an ancient Roman goddess. She was breathtaking.

Eva slowly turned, her eyes searching the ballroom. She could feel the heat and hunger in his gaze; it called to something primitive within her. Eva stepped back into the castle, the wind brushed past her, carrying her vanilla scent.

“Why are you here?” he demanded, his forceful tone echoed through the ballroom and made the crystal chandelier sway.

Ignoring the sharp warning in his voice, she said, “This room is gorgeous.”

Chilled fingers wrapped about her throat as Hadrian appeared before her. His eyes flickered with red, his fangs bared. His elegant suit was torn, the jacket hanging from him in shreds, the shirt ripped open, framing his hard chest. He looked wild.

“I asked you a question.”

Eva shoved at his shoulder and he released his hold.

“I came to apologize.”

The room spun as she was twirled about and pushed against the wall of mirrors. The glass was cool on her face.

Hadrian laced an arm about her waist, pinning her. He gathered her robe and nightgown in his fist. His free hand nudged her panties aside.

“I will take your apology from here.”

Eva’s thoughts would not keep up with his swift movements, but her body responded. Heat gathered, pooling at her core. She was ready for him. Her heart raced in anticipation.

His hands moved to grip her hips, pulling her roughly against him. She moaned as his hard length brushed against her.

A low growl rumbled through the room. He shoved away and Eva fell against the wall. She straightened her clothing and whirled around.

“Gods, Eva,” Hadrian groaned, his hands trembled as he covered his face. “You make me crazed.”

She heard him suck in one deep breath after another until his lungs and his heart stopped. She blinked, unsettled by the change.

He turned and stalked through the shadows. A throne stood against the back wall, the high back was cushioned by red velvet, the wood trimmed in gold. Roaring lion’s heads formed the arms. He mounted the steps and fell onto the seat. His long legs stretched out before him as he reclined. He looked worn, his face sunken, his eyes rimmed with dark circles and his gaze unfocused.

“State your piece and go,” he commanded with a regal air.

Eva approached the raised dais. “I want to say I’m sorry.”

He scoffed, unsheathing a long dagger that dangled from a leather strap, which was hooked around one of the lion’s teeth. The blade glinted in the darkness.

“Why?”

“Well, I, huh…” Words failed her as Hadrian playfully fingered the tip of the dagger. “I want to be clear. I’m not sorry for what I said, but I should have said it differently. I had no right talking about your brother like that.” She shifted nervously, crossing her arms over her chest. He was turning the blade over in his hand.  “I’ve never exploded like that before and it wasn’t fair of me to dump everything on you like I did.”

He slowly drew the blade across his palm, lying open his skin. “Apology not accepted.”

“Whatever,” she snapped. “Enjoy.” Turning, she headed for the door.

“Wait,” he called as she was about to walk out.

Against her better judgment, Eva paused. She did not look back.

“You were right.”

“What?” she whispered.

Hadrian beckoned her to come forward. She stopped at the foot of the steps that lead up to him.

“Titus,” he grated, slicing his hand again. Eva winced. The wound heeled immediately, his flesh knitting back together as if nothing had happened. “My twin. He stood exactly where you are the night I killed him.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Eva went numb. She did not know what to say, what to think or feel. She could not believe Hadrian could have murdered his own brother.

She sank to her knees, sitting back on her heels, her robe pooled about her. Eva folded her hands in her lap and waited patiently for him to continue. She would not push, she would not demand or question. She would listen, that was what he needed, someone to listen and to understand.

“There are many sins that tear at my soul, but this…I have never shared with anyone.” He shook his head. The deepest of sorrow filled his eyes as regret thickened his voice. “I did not come to power the traditional way. Imbrasus, the Father of my Clan, built a great army. He searched the world for the most ruthless, bloodthirsty, unforgiving warriors.”

Eva ignored the taunting glint of the dagger. The cinnamon scent of his blood spiced the air and instantly vanished.

“Warlords make pathetic kings. For centuries, tyrants ruled my clan. Civil war was constant. Death stalked these mountains, claiming vampires and humans with no discrimination.

“In 1654, Avery Moreau ascended the throne,” he paused and his gaze flickered to hers. “I had been in South America when that monster was crowned.”

Hadrian growled. He sounded like a beast ready to attack. He turned away from her. “Moreau was an avid supporter of human slavery. He kept bleeders as pets, locking them in cages, using them for his own amusements. They never lived long. He believed that vampires were a superior race. Humans were nothing but animals to him and his supporters. He had even devised a breeding program.”

Hadrian’s lips twisted as disgust sharpened his eyes. His fangs lengthened and Eva winced as he cut himself again. The sound of the blade rending flesh made her stomach churn and she wished she knew why he was cutting himself.

“Can you imagine infants and children used as bleeders?” he snarled. “I could not allow such evil and I returned home. I organized and led a rebellion. The war lasted five years. I cut Moreau down on the battlefield, claiming his and his heir’s head. Leaving no clear successor, the nobles of the clan gathered and voted for a new ruler. They elected me and I was crowned in 1659. Twelve years later, my world ended.”

He shifted, craning his neck away as if suddenly frightened of his reflection. He fixed his eyes on the wall of winds and stared unseeing into the storm.

“Every year around Halloween, my clan hosts a masked ball. Nobles from all the families gather for the gala. It was that night, the party had ended and dawn was near. Titus had requested I meet him here, in the Hall of Mirrors.” The dagger clattered to the floor. His fingers gripped the lion’s heads, his knuckles turning white, his claws extending. “He threw a sword at my feet,” he swallowed hard. “He challenged me. At first, I thought it was amusing. Why would my own brother challenge me for the throne?” His body shook with a violent shiver. “He attacked, lunging and swinging his sword. I defended myself.

“As we fought I demanded to know the meaning behind his madness. I had no idea that for the last twelve years he had plotted against me, arranging one failed assassination after another. He was angered and declared I had betrayed him by naming Falcon my heir instead of him.” Hadrian’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I could not have chosen Titus to be my Second. He had not joined me during the rebellion, claiming it was his duty as a Black Knight to protect the monarchy, despite Moreau’s behavior and actions.  Falcon had stood by my side and charged into battle with me, never flinching, never doubting that what we were fighting for was right…Falcon is the most honorable man I have ever known. His loyalty knows no bounds.”

He ran shaking hands down his face. Taking in a deep breath, he prayed to every god he could name for the strength to finish his confession.

“Our swords clashed. I tried to talk to him, to reason with him, but murder burned within his eyes. The fight led us out to the balcony. I pinned him against the railing, knocking his sword away.” His voice cracked as the world began to close in on him. “I told him we were finished. I told him to forget his rage, to lay down his jealousy. I turned my back on him…”

Silence crowded the room and thickened the air until Eva found it difficult to breath.

“It was raining. Thunder and lightning splintered the heavens.” His gaze dropped to the weapon that now lay abandoned on the floor at his feet. “I heard him unsheathe a dagger.”

Eva’s hands clenched in her lap, her claws extended. The delicate sound of ripping silk hit her ears like a shock wave of an exploding grenade.

Oh, god, no,
she silently pleaded.

“He rushed me, the blade nicked by throat.” Hadrian fell forward, his knees smacking the marble platform. His fingers gripped his head and dug into his skull as the memories attacked. He could feel the rain hit his face. He could hear the deafening stillness of death. The image of Titus’s impaled, lifeless body flashed through his mind.

“In that moment, I did not see Titus as my brother. I saw him as a twisted, demented beast. I saw our sire, Imbrasus, glaring at me through his eyes.” He doubled over, his arms wrapping about his middle. Eva forced herself to remain still. He needed to say these words. He needed to share his sins. He needed to release his guilt so he could heal. “For the first time, I saw Titus, the true Titus. He was no longer my brother. He was not the Titus I knew growing up.” Hadrian began to rock back and forth on his knees, his head hung low, his eyes squeezed closed. “In that moment…I wanted to kill him.”

Hadrian’s voice caught, the words he so desperately needed to say were choking him as the memory of that night played like a silent film through his mind. He could feel the madness. It flowed like thick poison through his veins.

Say it,
he demanded
.
Say the words. Tell her what you have done. Prove to her that you are a monster, that you are unworthy of her kindness and affection.

He knew he should tell her his actions. They would disgust her. They would make her flee. It would be easier for the both of them if she hated him. But damn the gods, he could not lose her. Eva had been the only good thing his insanity had brought him. She was a ray of light, a beacon of hope and his soul cried out for her.

Hadrian drew in rapid breaths, filling his lungs with her delicate scent. He imagined her hands stroking his back, her warmth seeping into him. The chaos in his mind slowly began to fade.

Gathering his strength, he shoved the madness aside, banishing it to the recesses of his mind. It would not stop him from confessing his sins, it would no longer keep him for asking for forgiveness and he desperately needed to be forgiven.

He sucked in a trembling breath and forced the words to pass his lips, “Titus swung his blade, aiming for my heart and I shoved him. He stumbled back. Titus tried to steady himself, but the balcony was slick from the rain and the railing was short…I watched my brother plummet to his death.”

No longer able to hold back, Eva sprang to her feet and darted up the steps. Wrapping her arms about him, she pulled him to her. His wide shoulders shook as a sob wrenched from his chest. Her eyes stung with tears. She cried for him, for his loss. She understood his guilt. He believed he was a murderer, a monster, but it had been an accident, or according to some laws, a justifiable homicide. Titus had meant to kill him. His twin was the beast and Hadrian the victim. For hundreds of years he carried this dark secret and it tore at his soul.

“You were defending yourself and it was an accident.”

He shook his head, his cheek rubbing against her chest. “No, Eva. I murdered him. I should not have pushed him so hard. I should have wrested the dagger from him. I should have done something, anything other than killing him. No matter what he had become, no matter how evil he may have been…he was my brother. My twin.”

She tightened her arms about him. “You did what you had to do.”

He shoved her away. “It should have been me. I should have died that day, not Titus. Never Titus. He was weak and impressionable. I was to protect him. Always protect him.” Red bled into the whites of his eyes. “I failed him.”

“He was a grown man, not a child,” Eva reasoned.  “He made his own decisions.”

“I never should have abandoned him to travel. I should never have allowed Moreau to come between us.”

“You need to let go of the guilt.  If Titus had not surrendered to his jealously and greed, none of this would have happened.”

His fiery eyes glazed over as he stared past her. Eva glanced over her shoulder. There was nothing, no one. Was he reliving the fight?

After a long moment of silence he finally spoke, his words cold, his tone haunting. “I did die that night.”

Eva frowned. She wished she knew what was going on in his mind. Had her mother possessed any special gifts that she could have passed to her? She wished she could see into his past or read his thoughts. She wanted to help him. She felt as if it were her right and responsibility to take care of him, to soothe his wounds and mend his soul. Instinct demanded she do…something.

She cupped his face, her thumbs stroking over his cheeks. His turbulent emotions attacked her senses. She could feel his hate heat his skin, hear the regret that laced his voice, and taste his despair. Her heart wept for him.

“Oh, Eva, the worst has yet to be told.”

He focused on his reflection and sneered. His face twisted revealing the demon.

Tell her everything. She needs to know everything. Then she will understand why we cannot be together. She will see why I am dangerous. She will leave.

The vampire cried out, begging him to keep quiet. Odd, the fiend feared the truth. Until now, it had reveled in its deeds, proud of the pain it had inflicted.

He drew away from her. Eva’s hands fell to her sides.

“I killed my maker, Imbrasus, the Father of the Validus. I sentenced that bastard to Hell. I drained him. I consumed every last drop of evil that resided in his soul. I took his demon.”

“I don’t understand.”

A hard laugh escaped him. “I carry his vampire.”

“That’s not possible,” she insisted. “During the transformation, the curse’s poison invades the soul. If the person survives the change the magic in their blood creates the vampire. Demons can’t be transferred.”

His lips turned up in a cruel smile. “Would you be willing to stake your life on that popular belief?” His voice deepened and scratched over her skin as he said, “I would be happy to collect my winnings.”

Eva shook her head, ignoring his taunt. “Tell me how this happened.”

“He forced his blood on me beneath a full moon. My transformation was immediate.” Hadrian paused as the memory crept forward. “My change was violent and my desire to kill the beast that had ruined my life was overwhelming. I held him down and drank deep. He was unable to stop me, already weak from the Death Curse. I drained him. I felt his immortality fail beneath my fangs.” Gods, it had been a powerful, drugging sensation that rocked him to the core and poisoned his soul. Evil had strengthened his cells as the ancient’ blood filled his body.

Eva held back her shock. Masking her expression with a frown. She had never heard of anything like this.

He has said that he isn’t like other vampires
, she reminded herself.

Her blood turned cold and slowed her heart.

Hadrian could flash from place to place, dematerialize and appear at will, a gift only Dimitri, the last remaining original vampire possessed. And Hadrian’s eyes did not turn the customary black of a fledgling. His gaze glowed red as fresh spilled blood when his vampire emerged.

Had Imbrasus’s eyes been red?

“Until Titus’s death I had been able to control the beast. My mind was strong, which was one of Imbrasus’s reasons for changing me. When I watched Titus fall, the barrier between the demon and myself collapsed. The fiend attacked my psyche, extracting its revenge and punishing me for its confinement. I have relived every evil act Imbrasus committed.” His hands came to cover his ears as if he could muffle the voices. “I hear the screams and the pleas for mercy. I see the pale faces of countless corpses. I taste the blood and the death of every victim. It has attached its memories to mine. Twisting and blending everything together until I can no longer distinguish the memories from reality.”

She felt ill. She had heard stories of Imbrasus, legends of his cruelty. He tortured, maimed, raped and slaughtered for the fun of it all. Imbrasus had hunted shifters to near extinction, driving the survivors to flee their homes, abandoning Europe to the vampires. To this day, none had returned.

Her hand came to her throat. She couldn’t breathe as realization choked her, cutting off her airway. The vampire had caused Hadrian’s madness. It was destroying him from the inside out. It had torn him apart as he mourned his brother, seizing upon his weakness. The vampire imprisoned Hadrian for centuries, torturing him. This was the reason he believed they could not be together. He feared the demon.

“I have the devil in my bones, Eva.” His hands fell to his chest. “I cannot control it.”

“You are no monster. You may carry one inside you, but you, Hadrian Lucretius, are no monster. Titus’s death was an accident. You did not shove him with the purpose of sending him over the edge. He slipped. And I won’t nor will anyone else hold his passing against you. Hadrian, you had every right to fight back. As for the vampire, you have it on a short leash.”