After everything is organized and all my little jobs are done, I head back to the bathroom, apply generous make up, and put on my New York Football Giants tank. It gets pulled under my breasts and I use a hair tie to keep it secure in the back. Navy blue underwear, match perfect, and Emily texts that she’s here. I open the door and she squeals, “I love this!”
“I saw this on Ty’s website. I thought the guys would think it’s hot. Can I get you a drink?”
“No, oh my God. What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”
“No, it’s allergies. I had a sneeze attack right before you got here.” That was a great cover up if you ask me. “Is it that bad?”
“No, you just look a little flushed. Nothing I can’t brush out. So I think this little sports girl thing is sexy as hell. Let me set up real quick and we will get going. Is Ty here?”
Hearing his name practically knocks the wind out of me. “Uh, no, he got a phone call and left.” She gets her camera out and loads it up. I sip my chardonnay and look around one more time. I have my decision. It would just hurt too much to work here. After getting the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ treatment, this is the last time I will be in this studio.
The first picture is fun and easy. We find Ty’s football, and she has me loop my left thumb in my panties and pull them slightly off my hip. The football is in my right hand pressed against my thigh. The picture is from my chest to my thighs. The other is the same shot, just from behind minus the hair tie.
Next outfit change was into matching white, lacey panties and push up bra. I took out the rollers and I have not touched my curls. Emily has me sit in a white chair with my legs crossed and we used a black tie around my neck to match the black heels I have on. My fingers are wrapped around the tie and it’s shot off to the side from my chin down. It’s so classy, the only colors in the photo are the hardwood floors, the white chair and lingerie and the black tie and shoes.
The next pose, she has me get up on the bed on my knees facing away from her. She pulls my panties down so about a half inch of my booty crack is showing. And that’s the picture, from my waist to my butt. She’s doing that one in black and white.
This is a more fun than I thought and I continue sipping my large glass of wine. Emily talks about her new studio and that she is doing a wedding for next to nothing. She really needs the wedding pictures for her portfolio. It’s a small one, and she winces when she tells me that she has to cancel on a wedding she is supposed to be doing with Ty in about a month.
Change number three is to a red matching set. We shake my curls loose finally and I get on the bed, lay on my stomach and she has me face the window. My body is angled a bit to the side and I pull my legs up to cross at the ankle. She stays behind me and I can hear the clicking of the lens. The next one is the same pose except the camera is at my front and my head is turned so you only see my nose and hair. I love what we have. “Stella, let’s take advantage of Ty’s window, you can’t be shy because all people will have to do is look up and they will be able see you.”
Today, I could just care less. “Yep, let’s do it.” I’m looking out of the window and she has me lift my high heeled foot onto a chair. With my leg bent, all you can really see is my silhouette because of the bright light.
The last change is my favorite. It’s all black and lacey and a super thin, pink ribbon outlines the top cup of the bra and the top of the panties. They are super low cut and cheeky, so really, they are barely there. I finish my wine and realize that in less than an hour Jason will be here. She has me sit on the arm of a black chair with the window as the backdrop. My face is looking down so all you see is hair, it’s beautiful. Her phone dings. “It’s Ty! He’s back. He wanted to know if we were both still here. Tell me if you are uncomfortable with him seeing you like this.”
I think about it for a moment. I have my numb skin on and don’t think it matters either way. “No, not at all. It’s not like I’m naked.” Emily texts him back and goes to open the door. I love that she is genuinely happy to see him. He hugs for longer than I think she expects. The dark circles under his eyes have her concerned and he just brushes off all her voiced concerns. “I got so many good shots, Ty. You HAVE to look at them on the Mac.” He walks in as I stand leaning on the chair in front of the window. His eyes meet mine, and he nods. Ty loads the memory stick and painstakingly slowly looks them over. I am so uncomfortable I could just die. Nothing like the man that you can’t keep interested looking over your half naked pictures of you.
“Thank God for Photoshop, huh, Ty?” I say his way.
“Actually, Stella, there is not much to do. Your eyes look tired or irritated, so I would whiten them up and play with some shadows on these bright ones.”
“That’s what I told her, too. She has allergies today and had a sneeze attack right before I got here. Her eyes are still a bit red.”
“Allergies, huh?” Ty asks, but never takes his eyes off the computer.
“Yep, they are a bitch. You never know when they’re going to punch you in the stomach, so unpredictable, day in and day out.” I see him wince as if I physically hit him.
Emily sets me up for the last pose. She presses my booty up against the window and makes me press my knees together and slightly squat. I arch my back and she raises my hands above my head. This pose just feels sexy, yet is painful. She has me look the other way so I have no face.
“Em, why do you have her face like that?” He spins in his chair and props his feet on his desk. He is casually dressed in cargo shorts, a burgundy shirt, and Nikes.
“Remember, we agreed just her body and no face.” She stares at me. “I love this pose because her ass looks hot pressed against the glass and her back is arched like she’s ready for some guy to rock her world, but I don’t like totally turning her face.”
“Oh, yeah, right.” He stares at me. I stand to relieve the burn in my thighs in that position. They are both in deep thought and I keep my eyes on Emily. Ty stands and ends up right in front of me. They stand shoulder to shoulder. My heart starts to pick up with him near.
“Let’s try this... Bab….errrr…Stella. Get back in that pose,” he says to me and I do. He did NOT almost call me Baby! “See the sunlight? Look at it through your camera, Emily.”
“But her face is just slightly turned, Ty. That’s not going to work. We agreed no face shots.”
“It won’t show, you’ll see,” He grabs his camera and slings it over his neck. He walks up and tilts my head to the side and down a bit. I don’t make eye contact. He comes off to the side of my body and clicks off a couple pictures. “See, Em, the sun is shining right over her face. It’s so bright you can barely make out who the model is.”
Model? Bullshit. Man, he’s full of it today.
“What a brilliant teacher you are.” She clicks off some pictures and they change my position again. Ty clicks first to show her and then she gets the real shot. “I think I got it. I want one more but they are hard full body when you can’t show the face. Any ideas, almighty one?”
He walks over to the bed and asks me to lie down on my back with my hair hanging over the foot of the bed. “This one is a classic, but it always turns out good. You can do face or no face.” His knee sinks into the mattress and he asks me to bend my knees and cross my legs. He places one of my hands on my thigh and the right one softly cups my breast. “See, if you take it straight at her head, you get to see that she has beautiful hair and facial features without really seeing her face. And she’s sexy with her hands in intimate places. Then you see the swell of her breasts, flat stomach, and just the top of her panties peeking out from between her legs. She looks incredibly sexy without giving you so much skin or a face.”
Just not sexy enough to keep you
. Ty picks up his camera and asks me to stay still. I do. He clicks off pictures and then Emily takes his place. He is off to my side and I can hear his camera going off. “Just relax, Stella.” Ty walks over and shows her the side view.
The last one, he puts me in front of the white backdrop and has me cross my legs and my hands, yet not hide my panties. I look down as instructed, he comes and arranges my hair to one side, and it’s so you can’t make out my face. He’s in photog mode. I can see the creative juices flowing. I hate how fucking sexy he looks from this side of the camera. All smart, artistic, in control and his face and body make my skin burn. Several poses later, Emily is packing up and thanking me. She hugs us both bye and leaves, excited to get back and edit.
Jason will be here soon and I’m over this. “Those were all incredibly sexy. You really did a great job. Sorry I came in and helped. I just want her to do well, and give her some ideas.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I have to get some clothes on.” My voice is deadpan.
“Yeah, I know. You’re going to dinner?” He looks like me earlier. With his shoulders set back and his chin up. He’s leaning his tight ass back on his desk.
I, on the other hand, am tired. Eye leaking equals burning tired eyes. “Yep, that was the plan.” It comes out soft and I really wanted it to sound sarcastic.
“Don’t go.” His beautiful face looks defeated just like after the phantom phone calls, as if someone worked him over. I don’t reply and my heart starts banging in my chest. “Please.” I feel like the roller coaster just pulled into the loading bay. I am the only one that can decide to get back on. It’s a very hurtful ride. I ignore him and turn from his emotion filled face and crawl on the bed. I grab the top sheet and climb back to pull it off. “If I asked you, would you just stay and talk to me for a little while?” I don’t make eye contact and go cram the sheet into the washer and come out with a fresh one.
“Can’t do that.” I shoot a blank face his way and crank one eyebrow. “You and Zoey want me to be happy, remember? And a date with the perfect for me Jason Day is supposedly what’s going to make that happen.” I pull on the sheet, tuck it, and then plop my ass on the side of the bed to take off my shoes. I want to change and get the fuck out of here. I’m so pissed I was a drama queen and made plans with Jason tonight. My head is spinning that Ty wants me to stay and talk. Why would I? Then what? Wait to see what tomorrow or the next day brings?
Ty pushes off the desk and comes to kneels in front of me. “Please, Stella. Please text him and tell him some crap about why you can’t make it. I need you tonight. We can talk. We need to talk. I have a lot to get off my chest. I need you to hear it.” His eyes are pleading with me.
“Sorry, Ty, I just can’t do this anymore. Your voice melts me. Your touch instantly excites me. Sex with you is almost perfect, and the simple things of being your friend, hanging out with you, laughing, those are the best parts. But the uncertainty...the not knowing when you want me, or don’t, or even if you really do. Not having a say on how this goes…that all hurts. Then the next time, it hurts a little more. It’s a painful cycle.”
His large hands spread my legs wide, and Ty wraps his arms around my waist, and hugs me tight. His stubble-ridden face is flush with my stomach. “I know I don’t deserve it, Stella. I know it! But there is so much going on. I’m freaking that I’m losing you. I can’t lose you. Even if all you offer me is friendship from this second on, I’ll take it.” My heart melts, but the rest of me is still numbed out. He sounds like he is on the verge of tears and this sad, almost desperate Ty, I have never spoken to before. Involuntarily, my hands slide through his hair. I’m an idiot, but I can’t help but soothe him as one of his tears runs down my tummy. I rub through his hair for several minutes as he holds me just as tight as when he first grabbed me.
It takes me a moment to process what he wants, and what I want. He wants to talk now. Does that mean make up and have sex? What about later, when he changes his mind? I try to be rational and self-preservation kicks in. “Maybe we can talk later. I need more, Ty. I lied about casual. I can’t do it. My heart…my heart feels so much more for you, I just can’t do this anymore.” I stop rubbing his hair and place my hands on his shoulders as a signal to release me.
He doesn’t let go and looks up into my eyes with a distressed face. “I don’t know if I can give you that. I need time to think. You can’t understand where my mind is. It’s at certifiably crazy.” His voice is a whisper and the hurt in my chest intensifies. He doesn’t know if he can. Why? “Are you going to kiss him? Do you think you will give him all of you tonight?” Ty’s whispers pull at my heartstrings. He made me so insecure so many times, but this is not revenge for me. Ty presses his face back into my tummy and says against my skin, “Please don’t. Please don’t kiss him or, for fuck’s sake, fuck him, Stella, or I’ll fucking lose it. You just can’t, okay? We need to talk first. I’ll tell you everything. I’m your own personal open book.” He raises his head, and looks me deeply in my eyes for confirmation. I don’t give it. I can’t.
Ty’s open lips crash into my neck and suck in my skin. I gasp as his tongue flicks out so he can drag it over the top of my breast. “Ty, please I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live with you not knowing that I … I …”
I love you
. His lips slide over to my other breast and he drags soft kisses up my chest, along my collarbone to my jaw. I can’t lie, I want him, and I still want to feel those lips on mine, more than anything. He follows my jaw and heads back down. The fabric of my bra is pulled over as he sucks my nipple into his mouth. He excels at making out with my breast, yet it’s short lived as he grabs my waist. Ty runs his lips and tongue down my tummy only to guide it to sweep the top of my panties.
“Don’t give him this. This is mine, Stella, only for me. You promised.” I can’t speak. Every nerve ending in my body is firing at the same time. His lips are driving me mad. Ty’s right hand slides to the top of my panties to expose my lower lips. His tongue plunges in between my folds and I cry out. It’s warm and slippery, and he moves it so fast and hard over my clit, I have to grab his hair. I know I’m supposed to be resisting, but instead, my legs spread wider and he flicks over my sensitive skin with such force the orgasm takes me and him by surprise. I groan through clenched teeth and press him in between my legs to ride out this overwhelming sensation.