Captured Secret (The Captured Series) (28 page)

“Why is she a bitch? She came by for a catalog! That’s all.” His voice is high pitched for him and it’s obvious that he’s now aggravated at me.

“Really, because I was greeted with a shitty ‘can I help you?’ Then I was informed that she was with you tonight in under five seconds of walking in!” He walks around the desk and then toward me. I try to relax but I’m so fucking pissed. I know in my heart of hearts that this is my hang up. I know that he doesn’t want what I want out of our relationship. I want to be able to tell girls like that he’s mine. I’m going to give myself a pass and chalk this up to out of control hormones, as in my period is coming in days hormones.

“I do give you respect, Stella, and I don’t appreciate that.” He looks like I just took his anger level up another notch.

“Right, you do. Like when you fuck me and ignore me in front of our friends? God forbid they know you’re slumming it and fucking me!”
Okay, obviously my mouth has diarrhea tonight.

“I am not slumming with you! I have never said I was slumming it with you. What the fuck?” He’s almost shouting at me. “You agreed to casual! That’s the only reason we are not public! I was upfront and honest and I don’t appreciate you making me feel like the bad guy here!”

“You’re not the bad guy! I just don’t understand it! We have a great weekend, and then you pull the carpet out from under my feet and drop me like a bad fucking habit for some girl promising you a good time! Why can’t you just want me? Why can’t you just want more? Why am I not enough to be more than your dirty little secret? I’m proud of you. I would tell anyone that we sleep together, even casually! And you can deny it, Ty, but you know there is more to this. You know it’s more than you fucking me and me fucking you.”

He leans down and is about an inch from my face. “You want more of me? You want more from me? Is that what this is about?” His breath is hot and minty and it sends shivers down my spine. I can’t control my mouth.

“Yes,” I whisper.

“I don’t have it!” I jump as he yells and turns around exasperated. “I will not go there again! I can’t give you any more than I have been! You don’t listen! It would end! We would be miserable and resentful! I will not have a hand in breaking your heart, Stella! And honestly, I worry more about you breaking mine! This is great now. I’m all new and fun for you, but what about later? What about when the new wears off? What about when you see through my exterior? What about when your eyes start wandering around for someone better than me?” He holds his arms out with a questioning look as the last question is yelled in my direction. “What about when I find you fucking some guy in our bed; then what?”

I gasp. He just shattered my heart. “I just would not do that,” I say softly. He’s crushing me already making me a cheater who would be deceitful. “I’m happy with you.”

“I won’t hear that! It happens! Trust me, Stella, it most certainly happens.” Ty comes back and gets face to face with me again. “I’m happy with you. I’m happy with where we are. I’m happy with no strings attached. You want to know why no strings attached? Because no one gets fucking hurt!” He grips my upper arms, and I look him in the eye.. I know there’s more. I’ve seen it in his eyes. I see it right now. I’ve felt it in his tender touches. I’ve felt it even the first time he took me from behind with no kissing and minimal touching. I know what I feel. He can deny it, but I won’t.

I can’t believe these words are going to pass over my lips, but I’m falling for him. No, I’m crashing down hard for him. He’s more than sex. He’s my friend and my lover and I’m not ready to lose that. I know that I’ve settled. I swore I would never do this again, but I need him and I am not ready to be without him. “There’s more. You feel more. I feel more. I agreed to casual because I will take what I can get from you, but there are feelings, and there is caring. You and I both know it. I’ll stay your dirty little secret, Ty. Just stop introducing me as your fucking assistant. I’ve at least earned the status of friend.”

Ty pulls me in his arms and pushes my ass until it slides onto the large part of the desk. His panting is hot in my ear as those large hands slide under my dress. I would say yes to anything right now. My breath hitches when his nose skims my throat, traces up my cheek until our foreheads are pressed together. I feel overwhelmed and try to shove the lump in my throat back down. The tears fill my lower lids but I will not allow them to spill over. I pull on his belt and the top button of his jeans as he runs those hands over every inch of skin under my dress. I need him. I want him inside of me. I need him to make me feel good again. His boxers and jeans have to go. I push them down until they pool at the hardwood floor. I slip my hand under his shirt, reach and grip his shaft a bit more roughly than normal. The aggressive stroking has him moaning as I guide him toward my opening. He pulls my panties off and rakes them down my legs swiftly. There is no need for him to touch me. I can feel the moisture collecting in between my folds from the first brush of his hands. “I need you. I need you to make me feel good again, Ty.” I pull his ass with both hands and push him inside me. His first thrust causes me to slide over to the end of the desk and I lie flat on my back. He grabs both hips forcefully and slides out ever so slowly. I protest by bunching his t-shirt in my hands and pull him back inside of me. “Ty, please,” I beg and angle my hips for deeper access.

“Why do you want this, Stella?” His thrust is so deep that he hits my end. I cry out. “Why?” He shoves in harder than the last time.
“You know this is not enough.”
Thrust
. “You are not my dirty little secret.”
Thrust
. “Never.”
Thrust.
“Say.”
Thrust.
“That.”
Thrust.
“Again.” Thrust. “Ever.” His jaw is locked together, and I can see the muscles flexing as he grinds his molars together. He’s never taken me this roughly. I can’t breathe from the force and he gives me no slack holding me in position. It’s so deep that I have a death grip on his wrist. My body is trembling with the pleasure of him pushing in and out of me over and over.

“Oh, God, Ty, I do want this, it is enough.” My voice is strained from my labored breathing.

“Why is this enough?” He grunts out through clenched teeth at me. “Why, Stella? You deserve more. You deserve better.” His hips come at me as he pounds his perfect shaft into me with force. I missed him and it’s only been a couple days. I was hurt, yet here we are, my body filling with heat and warmth sexually and emotionally. “You are my friend. I do have feelings for you. Never forget that. But I’m giving you all I have, do you understand that? I’m giving you all I have.”

I feel like I need to be punished for my loose mouth and demands. “You’re enough! This is enough! You have me! Fuck me, Ty, harder!” He feels so good. I have not been shoved into like this ever in my life. The building pleasure is indescribable. Every time he slams into me, my sensitive clit is brushed over and over. He grabs the back of my thighs, pushes my knees up to my chest and spreads my legs wide. The change in position allows me to feel every inch he has to give me. My inner muscles grip and squeeze as his length hits that new and perfect sweet spot that he found the first time he took me. The orgasm that hurls me into bliss is intense. Wave after wave of pleasure rips through my body and leaves me feeling blinded to everything. God, he is perfect at this. When I’m done screaming his name as though he’s killing me, I open my eyes to find him leaned over me. Palms placed flat on the desk and rocking lightly in and out of my body. My eyes well up and spill over without my consent. I keep eye contact with him as the tears fill up my ears.

“What’s wrong, Stella? Do you want me to stop?” His concerned look melts me.

“No, please don’t. That was just so intense,” I whisper. He keeps his eyes locked on mine, and rocks into me slow, deeply and steady. My hands reach and drag his shirt over his head so I can admire his gorgeous physique. My hands slide to cup his face as we stare at one another. I see his upper body tense as I angle my hips up toward him. That stunning smile spreads wide. He looks over my lips and face as he increases the tempo. I follow his eyes to where we are joined.

“You are so beautiful, Stella.” His speed and need increases. My core floods with warmth as I enjoy watching his muscles flex above me. Crystal blue eyes sear into mine as his release takes over his body and he bellows out my name. I love hearing that, my name coming off this man’s lips while he’s riding my body with such skill. I’m so taken with him, it hurts physically in my chest. I follow him over the edge and tense from head to toe while my core spasms around him.

He regains his breathing and swoops down to my ear, “You are amazing. I’ve told you that enough, right?” Lifting his gaze to see my answer, our lips hover one inch apart. Times like this, I know he does feel something. I see the internal struggle not to give in to those feelings.

“Yes,” I say into his mouth.

“I’m giving you my all right now,” I just shake my head in agreement. “Stay this evening with me. We’ll order some Chinese and lie on the couch all night, will you?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

We clean up and the food comes. It’s delicious and my premenstrual body enjoys the carbs. Ty calls me a mess and I tell him he’s only got days before my va-jay-jay is out of commission. His cell phone rings after we finish eating. I grab a t-shirt out of his closet and jump in the shower while he paces out on the balcony. I giggle and look in the mirror at myself in his big shirt, panties, no makeup and my hair wadded on top of my head. And I wonder why he doesn’t want to really truly date…it’s a scary sight. But truly, this is a part of who I am. I am not one always to be perfectly put together.

Plopping on the couch, I wrap a throw blanket around my shoulders and snuggle in. Sitting sideways allows me to see that he is still outside and looks intense as he speaks to whoever is on the other end of the line. My mind wonders if it’s another woman who sat here last night waiting like me? Maybe she can’t understand why she’s getting the cold shoulder. My heartbeat kicks up just thinking that maybe I’m not so special and he breaks his rules more than he will admit. Fifteen minutes later, he comes in and gets a drink of water. He looks beat down.

Those intense eyes turn to me, “You look comfortable.”

“I’m borrowing a shirt. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. What’s underneath it?” He starts walking over to me. Looking at him with his mesh shorts hanging low on those slim hips has me already thinking of pulling them all the way down to indulge myself in him again.

“Just panties,” I say, giving him my innocent smile. He puts his knee on the couch and pulls me down to where I’m reclining on the pillow behind me. My thighs are pushed wide open, and he wraps those big arms around my waist and lays his head on my chest. I rest my left hand on his shoulder and use my right to brush my fingers through his hair.

He holds me so tightly that I almost feel as though I can’t breathe. “Is everything okay? Your phone call looked intense.”

“Yeah, fine. Do you mind how I’m laying? I don’t want to crush you.”

“No, you’re fine. I’m here if you want to talk about it.” It’s obvious whoever was on the other line of that call has him frustrated or gave him some bad news. I won’t push. Funny that Ty says he has no problem saying what he feels, but I am learning it is quite opposite. He seems to have trouble saying anything that is difficult or has to do with feelings.

“Thank you, really, but it’s my shit to deal with. I’ll get through it. I always do.” The last part was a mumble. His grip eases up and I continue rubbing his temples, down the back of his head and over his shoulders. It feels nice to be alone and feel like we always feel when I am getting the, I want you around treatment from him. “Hey, Stella?” He asks in a relaxed tone.

All cocooned in his warmth I reply, “Mhhhmm.”

“I’m sorry for Sunday. I forgot about the plans we made with Jax and Caroline. I felt like I had to go. But really, I’m sorry for treating you the way I did, it was wrong.”

“I know. It’s not okay, but thank you for the apology.”

He chuckles at my response. “I’m glad it’s not okay. I don’t ever want you to think you’re my dirty little secret. That’s just not true. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, I tell you that I’m really not trying to hurt you.”

“I heard you, Ty. I heard everything you had to say earlier.” His breathing slows and his body gets a touch heavier. It’s not long before I am sure that he is sleeping. I flick off the TV and enjoy feeling all warm and content. When he gives me these moments, it feels so natural. I can hear him saying that he is giving me all he has to give. I believe that. I just wish I knew why the switch flicks from time to time and I get completely shut out. How can this completely gorgeous, funny, well-grounded, successful man even question that if we actually were to be in a relationship that I would stray? That I would see through his exterior? I have seen through it. And I love everything I see. I need to grow up. I need to be stronger. I need to ask him all these questions I ponder in my mind and not wonder. Speaking up is a huge change I need to focus on in life and not just with Ty. As always, he fits into me like a glove. I couldn’t be more happy and content.