I sat beside him, hoping Mom and Kellianne didn’t come looking for me for a while. Matt and I watched a few families push paddleboats into the lake, and I slid my hand into his.
“When my dad took his new job, he abandoned me too,” I confessed, surprising myself.
“Seriously? I don’t know what surprises me more—that your dad is a bum too, or that you’re actually sharing something about yourself.”
“He’s not a bum,” I said automatically. “But hey, you said you wanted to hear more from me, and my dad has been on my mind a lot today. Usually, he comes to this stuff and we spend the day on the water instead of eating rabbit food and trying on jewelry.”
Matt’s hand tightened on mine.
“Right. You’d usually be hanging out with your old boyfriend, too.”
“You know, I should have told you about him. I apologized for that. But I’m not going to apologize for dating someone before I even knew you.”
“Wow.” Matt’s wry laugh surprised me. “I ought to be careful what I ask for. I wanted you to share stuff with me, and now you’re
really
letting me have it.”
I smiled too, glad to have something to enjoy for these few minutes. Actually, the breeze off the lake was just right too. I loved dusk when the sky turned pink and purple and the soft light made everything a little more beautiful. Down by the water, a toddler in a pink dress lost her grip on a yellow kite she’d been flying. I watched the spot of color zigzag in the breeze, caught in an updraft while a father chased the string.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered, wondering if Matt understood me better than I understood myself these days. At least he was here, sharing something important to me. And he cared.
“That’s good. Because I’m going to be here longer than I thought.”
“What do you mean?” I blinked as I turned away from the little girl, who’d burst into tears.
“There’s no way I can go home now and pretend like I give a crap about football, the most important thing in the world to my dad.”
“You’re quitting football?” I tried to envision Matt not leading the team this fall, and my mind drew a blank. Our friends back home wouldn’t believe this.
“I’ll miss the rest of strength training and the first two weeks of summer practice. If they want to boot me off because of that…then yeah. I’m done. And you should have seen the old man’s face when I told him.” A dark grin stole over his face. “He thought he’d come here with big news, but I topped the ring with a whopper of my own.”
“Matt.” I turned to him, my eyelet dress catching on the rough stone. “Don’t risk your place on the team just to hurt him.” Not attending summer practice meant being a benchwarmer at best, even for someone as talented as Matt.
“I don’t care. I’m pissed I played all these years just to make him proud of me.”
Was that true? I never would have guessed that Matt didn’t love football. Was that because he was a popular kid and I just saw what I wanted to see when I looked at him? Had I dated Matt for eight months without really knowing him at all?
I’d thought I didn’t understand myself. But apparently I didn’t understand him either.
“Anyway,” Matt continued, his tone gentler now. “That means there’s no need to go back home in the middle of the summer.”
“Really?” My mind whirled at what that meant. With Matt here all summer, where did we stand at the four-week marker? I’d said we’d stay together until then, and knowing there was a potential end point had made it easier to deal with missing Seth.
And that stung. I remembered the way Seth had looked at me when I left with Matt this morning. I hated hurting him, and in the process, I had hurt me too. If Matt was staying, I’d spend the rest of the summer avoiding Seth. And I’d never know why I scribbled his name in beside mine on Kellianne’s seating chart.
But there was a whole lot more to Matt than I’d realized and it didn’t feel right letting another great guy slip away.
“Yeah. I told my dad to sign me up for the rest of the summer at Camp Juniper Point.” He seemed to be waiting for my reaction.
I felt it was important to give him one too, since he’d told me I needed to speak up more often.
So I threw my arms around him and hugged him hard.
“We’re going to have a great summer,” I whispered in his ear.
Trouble was, I crossed my fingers when I said it. Not because I didn’t mean it or anything. But just because I wanted it to be true so very badly.
Chapter Ten
Gravel crunched under the wheels of my mother’s rental and I waved…and kept on waving as if I could physically push the black Mercedes around the bend and out of my camp life. Phew.
It’d been a long parents’ weekend, and this Sunday afternoon’s goodbye couldn’t have come fast enough. Last night I’d barely slept, my mind replaying my conversation with Matt. For the past couple of weeks, I’d held on to the hope that Seth would forgive me when Matt left, and that Matt would be strong enough to handle a break up. But now things were worse than ever. Seth was spending time with another girl while Matt was going through a crap-storm at home.
What a mess.
In all the drama, I’d even forgotten to ask Mom about my letters of recommendation for NASA. I was so mad at my father I barely cared, but I should have asked.
Was I really going to throw my future away with both hands just because my dad didn’t care anymore? My hands balled at my sides. I had to do something. Matt was grieving, and I’d promised him and myself that we’d have a good summer together. But I’d be lying if I said that it’d be easy.
Seth and I had history, feelings that had been and would always be. Yet I was starting to see Matt as more than the perfect sports hero. His trophy of a life might have been tarnished, but it was only adding to his appeal. I’d always cared, but now my feelings were changing, growing, and it scared me to think I might fall for two boys. Who did that? Cheaters. That’s who. And I so didn’t want to be that person. Wouldn’t be that girl.
I fanned myself with a plucked oak leaf, grateful for any breeze in the sticky air. I tucked my frizzing ends behind my ears and hurried up the path to the cabins, ready to plop in front of our window fan. The sky was a flat grey with dark clouds that threatened rain. I picked up the pace, not wanting to get caught in the downpour.
Thwack!
The familiar pinging sound of a ball hitting a bat stopped my homeward rush. I squinted through our Field of Dreams’ chain-link backstop and spotted a shirtless Matt standing next to home plate. An involuntary sigh escaped me.
He was gorgeous.
His V-shaped back rippled when he tossed a baseball high in the air, biceps flexing as he twisted his lean waist to smash it toward the outfield wall with an easy swing.
Thwack!
He pulled his shirt from the back pocket of low-riding jeans and mopped his face, his dark hair so wet it looked like he’d already been caught in a rainstorm. How long had he been at this? I hadn’t seen him at breakfast with his father and the girlfriend—Sherry. We didn’t follow a strict camp schedule on this weekend, and from the sheen of sweat glistening on his muscles, I’d say he’d been here for hours.
“Hey.” I ducked around the fence. “What’s up?”
His face was an open wound, his eyes bleak, mouth in a narrow line.
“Did your mom and Kellianne leave?”
My breath caught at the flash of his elongated, six-pack abs as he threw another ball in the air, then smashed it with the bat.
Thwack!
I tracked the orb until it disappeared over the fence. I wanted to say “home run”, but Matt hadn’t exactly scored this weekend. Guilt twisted my gut. Ogling a boy in the midst of a crisis? It was wrong on too many levels to count.
But I admired Matt’s drive and determination, something that always came out when he played sports.
“They left a couple of minutes ago. I was on my way back when I saw you.”
Matt dug in a bucket of balls for the next victim of his bat while I crept closer.
“What are you doing?” I put my hand on the bat and waited for him to pay attention to me.
He snorted. “Having fun.”
I put the bat down while a noisy family surrounding a sobbing younger camper walked by, a counselor hovering behind them. It was the perfect reminder of how hard goodbyes could be.
“Doesn’t look like it.”
Matt’s powerful shoulders shifted in a shrug. “At least it gets my mind off things.”
“Do you want to talk?”
He shook his head, sweat droplets flying. “Just got to work this out.”
I put my hand out, then pulled it back. “I get it. So I’ll see you later?”
But before he could nod, the first drop of rain slid down my neck and rolled along my spine, followed by another and another. Within seconds, the sky fell apart as easily as my life had. Matt and I raced for the dugout when thunder boomed followed by a fork of lightning that touched down beyond the tree line.
“Wow. It’s really coming down.” I looked out at the green-black forest and the thick rain. I hoped none of my friends were out in this. And yes, I hoped Seth and his dad were okay. I hated to think of anyone out on the river.
Matt’s square jaw was clenched so tight I wasn’t sure he could open it. He nodded and stared without seeming to focus at the sheets of water making muddy ruts in the pristine field.
“So your dad left last night.” I touched his slick forearm.
He cleared his throat and the voice that emerged sounded as thick as the rain. “He took off without saying goodbye.”
My breath caught. What a jerk. How could he treat his son like that? While I struggled for an answer, the rain drummed on the metal roof, a background bass line to our mini soap opera.
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
Matt’s laugh was bitter and short. “Funny, after he dropped me off last night, he said I don’t deserve him. Said I was worthless without football and he wouldn’t pay for the rest of camp.”
“Worthless without football?” My stomach dropped like a jerking elevator. How cruel and totally untrue. Matt was so much more than football. He was…was…well, he played other sports. I shook my head. I had to do better than that. How much about Matt, the
real
Matt, did I actually know? He was more than a pair of shoulder pads.
I should have felt relieved he wouldn’t be able to stay at camp for the second half of the summer, but instead I felt let down. Was there a part of me that really wanted Matt here? I knew I cared about him, but how deep did my feelings go?
“So what will you do?” My voice came out in a breathy rush.
His warm hand enfolded the one I’d placed on his knee. “My mom already called and said she’d pay for the rest.”
“That’s awesome.” I squeezed his hand, a lightness overtaking me. I thought I’d stayed with Matt out of loyalty, but now I wasn’t so sure.
He brought my palm to his face and pressed it against his damp cheek before letting it go. “I don’t know what I would have done back home.”
“Played basketball?” I shifted my sticking thighs on the wooden bench, wishing the rain would cool things down a little more.
“I meant without you.” Matt lifted the slipping strap of my tank top, his fingers lingering on my bare shoulder, his touch making me shiver in spite of the heat.
“Oh,” I looked at my swinging sandals and toyed with the frayed ends of my skirt. My heart was a nation divided on itself, one half expanding in pleasure at his words, the other shrinking, not wanting to lead him on. To betray the part of me that had always loved Seth.
Matt’s voice deepened and echoed in the cramped space. “Would you have missed me?” My eyes flew to his. I could at least give an honest answer to this question. “Yes.”
“Then it’s just you and my mom,” Matt said after we’d sat in silence, watching the raindrops hanging like lace from the dugout roof’s overhang. “You’re the only ones who like me for real—not for the quarterback with the division champion title.”
I blinked at him in surprise. Wasn’t that exactly how I felt? That Matt cared about the parts of me that didn’t matter as much to me, the girl who could land a basket throw toss and performed on a competitive cheer team?
“If you don’t play football, what will you do this fall?” Thunder rolled through the camp, sending the last of the families scurrying indoors, leaving Matt and me alone in the narrow, shadowed space.
Matt cupped the back of my head and he lowered his nose until it touched mine. “This,” he whispered, then captured my lips in a kiss more electrifying than the war nature was waging outside. His mouth was gentle at first, but the pressure grew more insistent until we both gasped for breath. My head whirled and I thought I’d black out until he lowered me to the bench.
The warmth of his bare chest seeped into my soaked tank, the drumming of his heart faster than the clattering rain. His lips left mine and travelled along my jaw to my earlobe. I shuddered when he lightly nibbled, the shock of pleasure intense.
My hands slid along his back, the muscles bunching beneath my touch. I traced the ridge of muscle above his hip and felt him tremble, his breath growing ragged. But when his fingers tugged up the hem of my shirt I was the one who sounded winded. His palms skimmed upward against my ribcage until they cupped my flesh, driving me crazy. Only another kiss kept me from making a noise. The storm was loud, but I didn’t want to risk alerting others that we were behind the water curtain flowing in front of the dugout.
“Matt,” I gasped, loving the feel of his hands on me, the pressure of his hips against mine. I was as hot as a stoked furnace, heat sizzling everywhere at once. My fingers buried themselves in the thick hair at the nape of his neck and I pressed my lips to his, wanting more of him.
He pulled me up and onto his lap. My hair dripped down my back as my head lolled, his mouth leaving a trail of fire along my neck before dipping lower to my clavicle and lower still. I kissed his brow, his temple, and his square jaw while his mouth explored. I wanted it to go on and on, but suddenly he pulled back, his chest rising and falling like one of those old-time bellows I’d seen on a school field trip.
His face was fierce, intense, every handsome feature sharpened. His hungry eyes were backlit with fire as they roamed over me. Why had he stopped?