“Our guys?”
“Kayla’s dating Cameron,” Hannah volunteered, taking out a tiny bottle from her gold metallic purse and dabbing a little of the contents on her wrists.
“They don’t call him ‘Hands’ for nothing,” Kayla whispered in my ear, making me laugh.
Cameron, a member of Warriors’ Warden, could secure any kind of banned items at camp, from extra candy to alcohol. Not that I’d ever been the recipient of contraband, being a rule-follower for the most part. They’d called him Hands ever since he’d slipped into Gollum’s office as an eight-year-old and come out with the camp director’s coveted whistle. He’d gone into business for himself the next day, and I heard he’d made five hundred bucks his first summer.
While I congratulated Kayla on the new boyfriend, Hannah passed her the little bottle with a fragrance I could now smell.
“What is that?” I asked, trying to ID the label.
“Kayla made it,” Hannah said proudly. “It’s an essential oil she had blended for all the girls in Divas’ Den.”
“I have extras.” Kayla pulled two more bottles from her bag. There was a double D in purple script on the front. “Want one?”
“Thank you.” Warmed by the generosity, I took the one Hannah gave me.
“I think your friends want you.” Hannah nodded past my shoulder.
I turned to find Alex and Siobhan waving me back to “our” side of the lodge, the spot we’d always claimed for the Friday night dances. Seth was gone and the only one from his cabin still hanging out was Garrett, so it seemed safe to return.
“Bye.” I gave a wave. Camp would be more fun if we could all cross sides of the room now and then. Why the great divide between camp cliques? I expected that stuff in high school, but here…we could do better than that.
Walking past the dance floor where a few junior campers tested out the Cupid Shuffle, I opened the bottle of scent.
“What’s that?” Alex hauled the bottle to her nose before I could answer. “Mmm. Smells great.”
“Try some,” I offered, wanting to share the generosity.
Alex dabbed some on her neck while Siobhan tried to find everyone else’s pulse point. I grinned at Siobhan’s precise, scientific approach. While they shared the oil and asked why I’d been hanging out with Divas’ Den girls, Alex talked over them.
“Seth wants to see you. He’s outside now.”
My mellow mood evaporated, my heart beating staccato against my ribs.
“Excuse me?” Did this mean he was anxious to get this talk over with…get some closure so he could fully move on to be with Head Band Girl? My heart thumped louder than the DJ’s corner.
“Seth.” Alex pointed to the door. “He’s out by the picnic tables.”
My friends looked at me expectantly. They hadn’t said much when I’d hung out with Matt this week, which I’d appreciated. On the other hand, I knew they’d be happier if I smoothed things over with Seth so it wasn’t weird when our cabins hung out together.
Slipping out the back entrance of the lodge where it faced the lake, I saw a few other kids sitting at the picnic tables with drinks.
I passed the groups of kids talking and laughing and a couple sneaking kisses off to one side. At the last table before the beach, a lone figure sat in the shadows. I’d know the curls anywhere. It was the new height and broad chest that still surprised me. By any girl’s standards, Seth had turned crush-worthy this year. Certainly I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
“Hey.” I took a seat at the table beside him, closer than I’d intended.
Some habits were hard to break.
“Hey.” His mouth lifted at the corners, left-side dimple appearing. Something in his cupped hands pulsed.
“That’s a—” I began, racking my brain for the name he had taught me last summer.
“
Photouris pyralis
,” Seth finished for me. He held out his glowing hand.
“A firefly,” I breathed, closing my fingers around the elusive insect the instant he laid it in my palm. I smiled in delight, watching my fingers shine then dim as the bug tiptoed across my flesh. From a biology enthusiast like Seth, this was a precious gift.
He turned toward me, familiar and somehow different. He smelled like the woods in spring and freshly mowed grass. It reminded me of other times I’d rested my head on his shoulder while we sat around the bonfires at night. His eyes searched mine before dropping in that shy way of his.
Confused, I fought the melting feeling inside me. He was a nice guy—warm-hearted. So the firefly didn’t necessarily mean anything. But the butterflies in my stomach told me that, despite my promise to Matt, I wanted it to. Seth had said he’d give me space. Did that mean he’d wait another month?
“Thank you.” A warm breeze blew off the water and tossed my hair in my eyes. “I’m glad we can still be—umm, friends.” For a moment I wished for the impossible, that we could be more.
“Is that all we are?” His fingers smoothed back the strands and lingered.
Just then, it felt like old times. A shiver danced up my spine. My brain was sending my heart so many mixed signals I felt like I’d short circuit. Or was it my heart messaging my brain? Either way. This sucked.
“I’m not sure—”
His mouth landed on mine.
Seth
.
His lips were warm and gentle, familiar and foreign at the same time. My heart exploded. He still cared.
I had thought about him so often this year. I’d spoken his name out loud before I went to sleep, dreaming of this moment. I guess that’s what paralyzed me now. I was half-stuck in the past, back when it was okay to kiss Seth. But until I stopped being Matt’s girlfriend, this was dead wrong.
“Seth.” I broke away, my heart pounding, lips tingling. “We can’t. I told Matt I’d give our relationship a try. We’re going to give it another month.”
He dipped his head, then lifted large amber eyes to mine. “Didn’t you already have eight months together in Texas?” He shook his head. “Never mind. I knew you cared more than you admitted. I knew I shouldn’t have left to give you space. Should have stayed and forced the issue.”
“Then it wouldn’t have been you. It isn’t what the guy I fell for would have done.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and a shudder ran through him. “Nice guys finish last. I’m going to lose you.”
I rose on shaky legs and released the firefly. It blinked twice, then disappeared.
“Not necessarily. You were right when you said I cared about Matt. I do. As my oldest, closest friend, of course you’d know that. But I still have feelings for you too. I won’t ask you to wait…so for now, can we go back to being friends?” My heart recoiled from the blow I’d just delivered. How had I come so far from my plans for this summer?
Seth shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lauren. But seeing you with Matt the past couple days just about killed me.” He stood, his voice rumbling between us. “Maybe once I find someone else, we can go back to being friends.”
My eyes followed his to the curvy girl leaning in the doorway, the flashing lights behind her reflecting off her headband.
Ohmigod
.
My heels sank in the sand and I felt like the rest of me was going down too. The finality of hearing him say he’d move on hurt me more than I had ever imagined. Pressure built in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“I’ve got to go.” I bit my lip, trying to stifle a sob.
I backed away and bumped into a picnic table.
“I probably shouldn’t say this.” Seth’s voice hovered a notch above a whisper. “But for what it’s worth, Lauren, I wish we could be together this summer. I’m sorry we didn’t work out.”
He was sorry? I thought I’d break in two right in front of him. But this was my decision. Mine. Somehow, knowing that didn’t make it any easier.
I stumbled back to the lodge, desperate to get away from him and everything I still felt. I would find Matt and tuck myself against him for the rest of the night. I’d hold his hand and dance with him. Be the best girlfriend in the world.
My eyes burned. I hadn’t cried much this year, burying my fears and worries to keep them hidden from a family in turmoil. But now, all the crap of the last twelve months threatened to spill over in a wailing sobfest if I didn’t get my head on straight. Fast.
Seth wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was being honest. Dealing with the fact that I’d picked another guy over him. I should be relieved, but instead I felt sick. Tucking my hair behind one ear with trembling fingers, I sidled past a couple of boys playing a card game near the back door. Inside the lodge, I scanned the crowd for Matt until my friends came toward me. Circling me.
Scowling at me.
“Finally,” Trinity huffed. “I thought you were never coming back in.”
“What’s the matter?” I asked, scared that Trinity had seen Seth kiss me. “It wasn’t my fault,” I blurted, ready to defend my actions since Seth had kissed
me
, not the other way around.
I stopped myself from saying anymore when I realized they all looked a little funny. Piper’s eyes were red and swollen. Siobhan’s neck was red. Alex’s shoulders were splotchy and broken out. It was like they’d all caught some kind of weird rash while I’d been outside.
“Thanks for the perfume, Lauren.” Piper’s throat sounded scratchy as she pointed to the place where Siobhan had carefully applied the Divas’ Den signature fragrance. “And the case of hives.”
On the other side of the room, I noticed Hannah laughing so hard she had to hold herself up using her friend’s shoulder. Her cabin mate ducked her grin behind a napkin. I didn’t see Kayla, but I decided I’d strangle all six of the Divas’ Den girls in their sleep for this.
What had made me think they’d changed?
“I didn’t do this—” I started, but Siobhan stepped closer to me, madder than I’d ever seen her.
“What. The. Hell?” Her hands fisted at her sides.
“I didn’t—” I tried again.
“Tell it to your
friend
, Hannah.” Jackie dropped a protective arm around Siobhan’s shoulders while she nodded toward the laughing audience across the room.
I noticed Jackie didn’t have any rashy skin, but then again, I couldn’t picture her trying out a new scent.
What the hell had the Diva girls put in that fragrance?
Fuming, I went to confront them while my cabin mates stormed away toward the door.
“Wow.” A familiar voice said in my ear, stopping me. “You look hot.”
I turned to look up at Matt and got distracted. His blue dress shirt turned his green eyes a shade darker. He was handsome, and he’d travelled a thousand miles to be with me this summer. As much as my heart broke for what Seth and I had just lost, Matt deserved this chance. Maybe we both did. He had a little crowd of admirers a few steps behind him, reminding me that, if I didn’t want to be with him, there were plenty of girls who would give their right arm for the chance.
“Thank you,” I said lamely.
“Dance with me,” Matt urged while I gathered my scattered emotions.
“Okay,” I whispered, hoping his arms would steady my world right now. I wasn’t ready for a confrontation with the Diva girls. Not right now.
Tucking my head into the crook of his neck, I let the music take me away. My friends were upset and didn’t seem to even trust me. Seth couldn’t move on fast enough.
Except for this moment with Matt, the dance was an epic fail. He hummed a tune I didn’t recognize, a melody that relaxed me until I could draw an easy breath again.
If I could just get through this week, my dad would be here for next Saturday’s Parents’ Weekend. It’d always been our time together in the summer, away from my sister and mother. I couldn’t wait to have his attention. Finally. I half-wished I could ask him to take me home, but as soon as I thought it I rejected the idea.
I needed to stay and figure out who I belonged with—Matt or Seth. Instead of letting life guide me, I had to dig deeper and decide that for myself.
Chapter Eight
Zoo-zoo-zeeee
called a blue-colored bird on a branch outside my window. I groaned, wrapped my pillow around my head taco-style, and burrowed further under the covers. Today was the start of Parents’ Weekend, something I normally looked forward to since it meant a hike or raft ride along the Nantahala River Gorge with Dad. Except this year, he’d bailed.
Zoo-zoo-zeeee
. I pulled my comforter over my pillow-encased head and tried to ignore the knot forming in my stomach. In a couple of hours, my mother and Kellianne would descend on me for their first weekend visit in eight years. And I was pretty sure it had more to do with needing input on wedding problems than whitewater rafting down Patton’s Run.
By staying in during free periods this week to avoid Seth, I’d had time to make Kellianne’s seating chart. I’d also written her place cards and the bridal shower thank-you notes. Though the one to Aunt Flo had been a bit of a challenge. Possibly some of my frustrations at the world and Kellianne in particular had leaked through.
I think it went something like this:
Dear Aunt Flo, Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift of a fertility basket. I’ll be sure to wear the fertility tracking bracelet every day. Andrew was especially pleased with the oak bark virility supplements. We are excited to use the economy-sized package of pregnancy tests. See you at the wedding and don’t forget the Tarot cards! Love, Kellianne
.
I have to admit, it felt good to lick that one closed. Score one for the wedding slave. And it served Kellianne right. She should have written her own thank-you cards—something I would have pointed out if I hadn’t been so committed to keeping the peace in the Carlson house.
Matt did his best to cheer me up and was more attentive than ever. He’d gone with me to Movies Under the Stars Night, which sounded romantic but was really just a grainy old film projected on the side of the Rec Room. The cool thing was that he’d agreed to sneak out and watch the stars for real. We’d held hands on the beach and I’d taught him how to locate the Big and Little Dippers and some of my favorite constellations. Without other kids trying to get his attention, he’d focused totally on me. After a while, he could identify each sky pattern and knew its story. Even better, I impressed him without landing a tumbling move or wearing lip gloss.