Cafe Babanussa (12 page)

Emma grabbed her hand and said, “Look. Here he comes. Your would-be lover.”

“Would-be?” said Dominick. “I'm not would-be anything.”

“Can you settle for lover?” asked Ruby. She got up off the stool and placed her arm around his waist. He was tall, so her head only came up to the top of his chest. He was wearing an electric-blue shirt and skinny black jeans and looked mighty fine. “Were those guys in the kitchen with you?” she asked.

“Don't ask,” he said.

“I want to get to know you, so I ask questions. Isn't that normal?”

“Yeah, but I'm a private kind of guy. Don't like it when I think people are snooping around in my business. Anyway, I'm fine. Psyched up for playing tonight.” He went back to the stage.

There were three others in the band. Ruby was particularly interested in Isaac, on the drums. He was a Black guy with a giant afro. She was stunned to see him at Mean's—everyone else was very white—and he gave her a nod and that smile of recognition that Black folks save for each other, especially in such situations. She remembered that her father would always point out any Black person he saw, and if it was on the street he would always wave or say hello. There seemed to be an implicit understanding that you acknowledged one another.

“Ruby, I think you should know that Dom is a user,” Emma burst in.

“What do you mean? He does drugs, I know.”

“Girl, he uses heroin. That's a little different from smoking a joint.”

What did a heroin addict—was he an addict?—look like after all? Certainly she had noticed the shakes, as well as his
ultra-nonchalance. She didn't know what to think, so had chosen to be silent. There was something that drew her to Dom that she couldn't put her finger on. She knew that she would be going home with him this night, but she was worried less about betraying Werner and more about whether Dom was truly a junkie. What was happening to her? Ruby shook off her many questions and grabbed hold of Dom at the end of his set and wouldn't let go. Eventually, he said, “Let's get out of here,” and pulled her towards the door.

Dom lived near Hermannplatz. From the subway they walked a few blocks to his apartment. As they climbed the flights up to the fifth floor, the rank odour of urine lingered on the landings. Dom led her down the hall to his room. One wall was painted black, with the Irish flag hanging on it. Photographs and maps were pinned up on the other walls.

Dom lay down on the bed and pulled Ruby down beside him. Finally, he slipped off his shirt and mumbled, “This is what you want to see, isn't it? My tracks? I saw Emma talking to you and somehow I knew . . .”

“Yes, Emma did tell me, but before that I had no idea. Your arms do look pretty rough.” She couldn't bring herself to touch them.

“So, you like asking questions. Fire away.”

“How long have you been hooked?”

“Two years. Not so long, really.”

“Are you really addicted, or just an occasional user?”

“Does this look occasional to you?” he said wearily.

Ruby didn't want to ask any more questions. She didn't
know what to do with the information, what it meant to her, how to process it. “You're going to get sick, Dom.”

“Don't condescend to me. I know what's in store.”

Ruby curled her body into his and she lay touching his chest, his face, tracing her fingers over his lips. They lay there, breathing quietly, not talking for some time. Eventually they undressed each other and made love for an hour before falling asleep.

When she woke at ten the next morning she thought that she could go back to her own place without worrying Werner. But he was in her apartment when she arrived.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“What else? I'm waiting for you. I guess you were out all night? Tell me, Ruby, did you go home with someone?”

“Oh, Werner, I don't get you! My god, you practically announced the rules of the relationship to me back on that first night. We fall in love, but we come and we go as we please, more or less. Wasn't that about it?”

“That is the way I've done things till now,” he said, looking down at the floor. He looked beat. “But, I just can't let you go. It's not the same . . . it's not the same. I've told you already, you're naive and so trusting. I can't let go of you—it's as if you might break. Then what would your father say? I'm asking to change this deal.”

“Right, bring my dad into it. You're both the same. Werner, I want to stay with you, I do, but you have to give me space, let me come and go. You started this, you can't just stop it. Why change now? Because I'm having fun and you're not?”

Werner cursed under his breath. “I want to know if you went home with someone last night.”

“If you have to know, yes, yes I did. And that's all I'm saying.”

Werner shook his head, a grimace contorting his face. Then he stormed out the door.

Ruby and Dom continued meeting up at least once a week, and Ruby thought she was avoiding Werner's watchful eye. She was becoming extremely fond of Dom. He was funny and raucous, yet gentle when he needed to be. He had a musical soul and Ruby loved this about him. She loved to watch him play, his fingers lost between the frets, his mind at ease. He was a thoughtful lover and paid careful attention to Ruby's desires and whimsies. But she worried incessantly about his addiction. She had seen him blow up on occasion, when he hadn't gotten his fix. He was a different person then. She couldn't talk to him about it; he would just shut her down.

A month after her blow-up with Werner, Ruby was visiting Emma in Moabit. Smithie and Jack crashed the party, bringing beer and vodka in tow. The two men settled in quickly, discussing the Pogues, a band they had all recently seen in concert. Jack watched Ruby and tilted a bottle of beer to his lips. “I hear you're getting into Dominick's pants,” he said.

Ruby gulped, came up for air and whooped, “What the hell is going on? Why does everyone know or care about this?”

There was a knock at the door. Emma went to open it and muttered, “Speak of the devil.” Dom stood before her.

“Is Ruby here?”

Emma nodded.

“I thought so.” He stepped into the apartment and waved Ruby over to him. “Been trying to reach you,” he said.

“Why?”

“I've come to take you for a ride,” he said, beaming at her. “I've got a car for a couple of days. Come on.”

Ruby didn't hesitate. As they left the building the skies were darkening. Streaks of neon orange and pink crested the horizon. Dom pushed her towards a bright yellow Mustang.

“Wow,” she said. “Those are some wheels. Let's drive down to Wannsee. I've never been there in winter before.”

Dom drove south and in no time they were in the Grunewald. As Dom kept her laughing with an array of new jokes, Ruby was mesmerized by lights that flanked the road, by the stark silhouettes of the trees, which were beacons in the night. They reached the lake and pulled into a parking spot. Stepping out, Ruby could see little waves frozen near the edge of the lake, looking like someone had dipped them in frosting. She sighed and thought of Uncle William's first letter to Ella. Here was his beloved Wannsee, and she wondered if he had ever come here in winter. She grabbed Dom's hand and ran down to the water. After walking along the shoreline for a bit they turned back to the car, and Dom crawled into the back seat, motioning for her to follow. They pulled off their coats and began a furtive game of kissing and touching. As things
became more furious, they heaved against each other, grasping for bare skin and more kisses.

Ruby's face was turned to the window, and she noticed someone skulking across the parking lot, headed their way. He had a dark mask pulled over his face and was waving something in his hand. “Oh my god, Dom. Dom! Someone's coming.”

Bam, bam, bam!
A fist rammed against the back window. “Get out of the fucking car” came a voice, muffled somewhat by the mask. He pointed a gun up to the window. “Get out or I'll shoot.”

Ruby pleaded with Dom to not open the door, but he rolled the window down a notch and looked at the dark silhouette facing him. “Whaddaya want, buddy?”

“Ha! Good question. Let's see—what do I want? I want the woman, that's what. Both of you get out of the car,” the stranger yelled as he cocked the gun.

Ruby's heart was leaping against her ribs. “What does he want with me, for god's sake?”

Dom said, “Put the gun down and we'll get out.”

“You've got some nerve, mister. Okay, down goes the gun.” He lowered it onto the icy ground.

Ruby and Dom crawled out of the back seat.

“That's more like it,” said the man. His voice struck Ruby as being eerily familiar.

“Werner! Is that you? Are you fucking crazy?” She tried to grab at the balaclava covering his face. “Oh my god, it
is
you. Just what the hell are you doing, trying to pull off a stunt like this? Jesus!”

“Damn right it's me. I followed you. I don't want you making a fool out of me with this junkie. You're coming home with me.”

Dom dove for the gun. Werner kicked at him as he went down. Ruby yelled, “No, Dom!”

Then a raucous laugh slipped from Dom's mouth. “It's fake, it's a toy,” he said with a look of disdain and relief.

“Werner, how is this supposed to make me want to go home with you? Did you think stalking me would bring us closer? And how did you find us, anyway?”

“I followed you from Emma's in my friend's car. Now come with me,” he said, reaching to grab her hand.

Dom shoved Werner away and planted himself in front of Ruby. “You're one sick puppy, man. She's not going home with you.”

Werner was floundering. Dom was bigger than him and wouldn't be easy to intimidate without a gun. Meanwhile, Ruby had slipped around to the other side of the car and slid into the passenger seat.

Werner kicked the side of the car several times. Dom just got back in, started up the car and drove off. Ruby looked back at Werner, who was shaking his fist at them, raw fury sweeping across his face.

As soon as she was home, Ruby went into the kitchen and poured herself a shot of brandy. She downed it in one go and walked down the hall to the bedroom. She threw herself onto the bed and without taking off her clothes, pulled up the duvet and closed her eyes. Her sleep was fitful. She woke in
the night to the sound of dishes clattering on the kitchen floor. She got up and went down the hall. She could hear Werner cursing her as she neared the kitchen. Ruby stood gawking as she watched Werner smash plate after plate, glass after glass on her kitchen floor and against the walls.

When he saw her he yelled, “You bitch! I do everything for you—I even married you so you could stay here and find work. I don't care what we said about having an open relationship. I want this to stop. I can't handle it.”

“Why? This is exactly what you asked for. An open relationship with no chance to get bored . . .”

“It's one thing for you to go off and screw your way around France. But not in my backyard. That's different. I'm not seeing anyone else, Ruby, and I don't want you to either. This whole thing was a mistake.”

“Oh, come on,” she said. “You can't expect me to believe that! What about your friend Ana? You have something going with her.”

“No, we're just good friends.”

Ruby was floored. Werner had lots of female friends so she had just assumed that he was getting it on with one or the other of them, as he had warned her he would. Then she got angry.

“This is not okay, Werner. You started this. You said that you need to be free to see other women. Now I'm finally having some fun, you can't just stop me. My god, you think you're allowed to follow me and hold me up at gunpoint? And then you have the nerve to trash my kitchen? Get the hell out of here. I have nothing to say to you.”

Werner slammed the door behind him and she could hear his footsteps heavy on the stairs.

In the morning when he came by to apologize and offered to help clean up, Ruby told him, “I don't want to see you for a while. I need a break.”

“Why are you walking away from me? What is wrong with you?”

“Are you crazy? Look what's happened over the last few days. This is not working for me. I need some time to think.”

He stomped his foot on the floor, and she could almost see the flecks of fire exploding in his pupils. “
You're
the problem, Ruby—not us, not me. You have no sense of direction, no sense of purpose, no sense of loyalty.”

Ruby looked at him and said quietly, “I am very sorry if this is hurting you. I'm feeling squeezed on all sides now and I need to take a breath. You won't let me breathe. I'm not saying it's over, I just need a break.”

Werner stormed off without another word. Ruby lay low for the next three weeks. He came knocking at the door a few times and left her a few pleading notes, but she managed to avoid him by keeping the chain on the door and by ducking in and out of the building only when she thought he would be busy with work or school.

One morning she woke up sick as a dog. She continued to feel shaky and queasy for several days. Finally she went to the doctor. He confirmed her suspicions. Ruby was pregnant.

Ruby told Emma the news.

“Oh my god, no. What are you going to do? I wouldn't
tell Werner if I were you. You have a big decision ahead of you. Like, are you going to keep it?”

“I don't know. I don't think so. I don't know whose it is. Werner and I use condoms and so did Dom and I. It's a crapshoot. Impossible to tell.”

The doctor had told her that she was only seven weeks along. She could still have an abortion if she wanted one.

The next morning she stopped by Emma's, hoping she was home. When she got upstairs, Dom opened the door, and Lina stood behind him in his shadow. Ruby almost fainted. She hadn't expected him to be there.