Burn For Him (10 page)

It was kind of hard to concentrate on what he was saying as the towel was starting to travel up the inside of my thigh.

I cleared my throat and took a step back from him, wrapping a large towel around my body. I felt sick with the swirl of emotions running through me. The nearness of Milligan seemed to cloud my senses, but the reality of Destiny’s situation kept prickling through my mind. The happiness and the fear warred within me.

“It’s not as easy as all that.” Tears started to prick my eyes.

“Just try and enjoy the moment. Don’t ever feel guilty for having pleasure.” Milligan stood up and stepped forward, trailing a light touch down my bare arm.

I couldn’t move anywhere in the tiny bathroom, and what’s more, I didn’t want to. The yearning was overtaking the guilt once again as Milligan filled my vision.

I closed my eyes to gather myself. “But that’s the thing. I do feel guilty.” I shivered at his touch and guilt flooded me further. What the hell was I doing? What was wrong with me? My mind was turning to mush and I seemed helpless to stop it.

“Do I need to fuck the guilt out of you, Carrie?” Milligan grinned menacingly.

I wasn’t actually too sure if he was joking or not. What worried me more was that I would happily put off going to the hospital for a few more hours just to spend more time in bed with Milligan. The time in the shower hadn’t been enough for me and the ache was screaming for more.

But I couldn’t do that. I had Destiny to think of. And Harper needed some rest and he wouldn’t leave her there alone. I couldn’t do that to either of them. I felt awful that I was already late going to the hospital to relieve him. Not that Milligan was entirely to blame. After all, it wasn’t like I tried to fend him off with a stick. I’d been a willing partner, more than willing. But, what sort of person did that make me? Sleeping with a stranger when my friends needed me?

Milligan laughed softly. “Relax. You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t beat yourself up.”

“So why does it feel like I have?”

Milligan stood back a bit and readjusted the towel that now covered his waist, but that little bit of cloth didn’t cover much and it was making me hard to concentrate and keep my resolve. The hard lines of his body, the taut muscles and that damned sexy V seemed to be calling out to me. I shook my head slightly to rid myself of the thoughts and looked away from him.

“You know what this is, don’t you? It’s a form of survivor’s guilt. You aren’t the one that is laid up in hospital and it’s eating you up inside that you’re able to live your life and have some fun.”

“Live my life? It only happened last night. That makes no sense.” I protested.

Milligan carried on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Sex is one of the most natural things in the world. It’s as natural as breathing. It is the body and minds way of telling you that you are still alive and kicking. It’s the most natural way to prove that you are still alive.”

“Milligan, Destiny’s not dead. I’ve got nothing to prove, to myself or anyone else.” I dragged in a ragged breath. “You don’t think she’s going to die, do you?” We had no idea what was happening, so nothing could be ruled out. I knew that the fear must have been evident in my eyes as he knelt down in front of me once again, taking my hands firmly in his and squeezing them reassuringly.

“No. I don’t think that. That’s not what I meant and you know that. You’re trying to twist my words to suit your own guilt. Well, I’m not going to let you do that. We did what we did because we are insanely attracted to one another. We did it because we both wanted to. We both needed it, for our own reasons. We both wanted it. You cannot try and tell me otherwise. I was there, remember?” Milligan smirked again and cocked his head towards the shower when he had me panting with wanton lust only moments before.

I blushed like a beetroot. I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t the most outspoken woman that you would ever come across and despite how I had just behaved with him, I was usually quite shy and reserved when I first started dating someone, taking the time to get to know them before diving into bed. Not that Milligan would have believed that of me now. But, I guess that after everything that had happened last night and how life had thrown us together so suddenly, this thing between us was starting on a whole other level and I couldn’t compare it to anything I had experienced in my past.

Milligan was nothing like anyone I had ever been with before. I couldn’t say no to him. I couldn’t resist him. He threw all rational thought out the door. My body took over from my brain, relishing in the feelings he brought out in me.

It was scary. I wasn’t that person. He brought out a whole new side to me, one that I had never seen before. One that I wasn’t sure I liked. My mind blurred when I was near him. I have to admit, it kind of scared me.

“Had we better get dressed then?” he asked, looking adorably sad at the prospect.

“Well, as you said, if we turned up at the hospital butt naked, we would probably do a lot of people more harm than good.” I quipped, chuckling.

“I guess you’re right about that. It is a damn shame, though.” He said as his eyes began to roam over my body again, willing me with his mind to drop the towel.

Milligan reached forward slowly to hook a finger in the top of the towel that was wrapped around me, pulling me in close against his hard chest. He kissed me and I was helpless as I melted against the heat of his skin, fingers running through his still damp hair and over the taut muscles of his chest and coming to rest on his piercings. As he started to unravel the towel from my body, reality flashed through my mind and I playfully skipped away from him.

“Hey!” he protested.

I shook my head regretfully, but grinned at the same time. The expression on his face was priceless. He seemed as shocked as I did that I was able to refuse his advances. “If we start that up again, we’ll never get out of here and Harper is going to need to come home for some sleep, too.”

“Hmmm.” Was all that he said as he bit his lip and looked over my body one last time. “Maybe we can find a spare room at the hospital.”

I laughed at him, knowing that was never going to happen. I was all for adventure but that was pushing the boundaries of decency in my opinion.

“I’ll go and see what clothes I can find for you to wear.” I walked out of the bathroom, through my bedroom and over into Harper’s room. It was just lucky that they were roughly the same kind of build else Milligan would be going home in wet clothes.

“How about these?” I called out to him as I scooped up a pile of clothes for him to choose from and turned around, dropping them in shock. I didn’t hear him follow me, but he was standing close enough that I could feel his breath on my face. Milligan grinned at me.

“You scared me.”

“Why? I thought you knew I was there.”

I shook my head at him, my heart still racing. I thrust the clothes into his arms. “See what you think of these. I need to go and get ready.”

I scooted by him quickly and went back into my bedroom again, shutting the door firmly behind me this time. I needed a little privacy to get myself together again after what had just happened between us. I needed to catch a breath.

This wasn’t me. This wasn’t what I did. There was something about Milligan that drew me out of myself. I had to get my head back on track and think of Destiny. She needed me right now. That was more important than getting laid.

I pulled on a pair of worn-in jeans and a faded band tee-shirt. Grabbing my Converse and a hoody, I pulled a brush through my hair and twisted it on the top of my head. I skipped up putting on make-up entirely. I was going to be spending the day mostly sitting around a hospital waiting room, no one would care what I looked like.

I didn’t even feel the need to make an effort to try and impress Milligan, either. He had already seen me all puffy faced from crying, and he’d seen me naked in the shower for Christ’s sake. What was the point in putting on a mask now? He’d seen all there was to see. I did take the time to spritz myself with my favourite perfume on the way out, though. This was a new thing that we had going on between us and I didn’t want him to think that I was a total slob.

I walked out of the bathroom and found Milligan standing in the living room, checking out the DVD collection. He looked up when I entered the room and I had to try and hold back a grin. Harper’s jeans were a smidge too short for him and they didn’t really match the dressy, expensive shoes he was wearing. But, hey, at least he was dry.

“Who do all of these belong to? Harper?” He asked as he waved a hand towards the shelves, indicating that he was referring to the rows and rows of martial arts and action films.

I laughed. “Most of those are mine actually. Harper likes to actually train, I prefer to watch.”

“Really? Sounds interesting.”

I realised what I’d said and instantly turned the shade of a very ripe tomato. “I didn’t mean…”

Milligan laughed. “I knew what you meant.” He turned to look back at the DVD’s. “I loved this one. You’re a woman after my own heart.”

I picked up my phone and put it safely in my bag. “Are you still sure that you don’t mind dropping me off at the hospital? I don’t want to be a pain.”

“Seeing as that is where I’m heading, it would be kind of stupid of me not to take you with me.”

“Don’t you have somewhere that you need to be? Business to take care of?”

“Nope. Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. Even for me. I’ll be back in work tomorrow. It can all wait until then.”

“Yeah, me too, I guess.”

I wasn’t too sure what me and Harper were going to do about work and Destiny. There was no way that I could afford to take any time off work at the moment. We were especially busy and I knew that my boss, Steve, would throw a complete fit if I even suggested it. Harper was in the same position. He was much in demand. I also knew that the gym he worked at was down a personal trainer and the extra sessions were falling to Harper until they found someone new to fill in. We’d have to figure out something. I didn’t want to leave Dee alone in there by herself for too long.

Saying that, though, we still didn’t know what was going to happen with her. Hopefully, she would come around today and we wouldn’t have to worry about the rest of it. It was something to hope for, anyway.

“So, what do you do?” Milligan asked as he picked up his car keys, glancing over at me as I laced my shoes.

“Interior design. I can be boring sometimes, but we’re pretty busy at the moment.” I loved my job most of the time, especially when we were kept busy. Sure, you got the occasional pain in the ass who was never happy with what you did for them, but on the whole, it was great seeing your designs come to life. “What about you? Is it just the club?” I felt a little weird asking him these questions now. That was usually the kind of thing that I found out before I slept with someone, not after the event.

“Just one of many things.” He replied cryptically.

I didn’t pursue it. If he wanted to tell me, in time he would. We had a lot of time ahead of us to find things out about one another and there was no point in rushing things.

“I’m ready to go if you are.”

“Let’s go.”

He took my hand as we walked out the apartment. As we waited for the lift, I asked him, “So, Milligan. Is that your first name or your last name?”

He didn’t even look at me as he said, “Both.”

I laughed. He was such a mystery man.

It felt good. I felt good. Just being with him felt good. Especially with everything that was happening in my life. I almost laughed out loud as I thought about what Destiny would say when I told her about all of this.

The laughter died in my throat before it could be released. We didn’t even know if she was going to wake up from this. The doctors seemed clueless as to what was wrong with her. I may never get to hear her voice again, see those soulful eyes of hers. It brought a lump instantly to my throat and I had to concentrate hard to keep the tears from falling.

“Hey.” When we got to his car, Milligan reached over to wipe a rogue tear that had slipped out. I couldn’t say anything. I knew that if I tried, I would break down and cry. I didn’t want to cry. He had been there for me more than I could ever thank him for and I had known him for less than twenty four hours. It was crazy. I didn’t want to keep crying on his shoulder. I was stronger than that.

“Are you okay?” He asked, looking deep into my eyes.

I nodded. He carried on looking at me as if he knew it was an out and out lie, but he didn’t call me out on it. He simply unlocked the door and we set off towards the hospital in silence.

Harper and Michelle were still sitting it the waiting room when we got there. They didn’t look quite as cosy as I thought they might of after a long night of talking, but they did look very comfortable together so I guessed things were going quite well for them. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that. Milligan was certainly my silver lining.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was flooded with guilt once again. I would have happily taken back last night, this morning and everything that had happened with Milligan if it meant that Destiny would be okay again. Nothing was worth risking her life.

Milligan must have sense the direction of my dark thoughts as I tried to pull my hand away from him and he squeezed my fingers reassuringly. I couldn’t look at him. I knew that if I did, my eyes would have been lost in his and all sensible thought would go out the window. Would I really have given up what I had felt with Milligan? Yes, I was pretty damn sure I would. All those years of loyalty and friendship meant so much more to me than just one session of mind-blowing sex.