Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (23 page)

Carrying my clothes, I leave the bathroom. Nathan is gone. The bowl of popcorn is sitting on the bed and the cups, filled, are on the nightstands. I pick up the movie case from the TV stand.
Pelham 123
with Denzel Washington and John Travolta is waiting to play on his TV, which seems like a 60-inch in his bedroom. Why does he have such a big TV?

Shaking my head, I set the case down. I walk over and set my clothes by my shoes and make myself comfortable on the bed.

As soon as I sit down, Nathan walks back in the room, clothes changed, and hair wet. He has a towel in his hand, rubbing it over his head, and some water droplets run from the back of his neck down his chest. I almost lose it. Check yourself, Tracey.

“So where can I put my clothes?”

He looks over to me, drying the water that’s running down his chest. “Open that door over there.” He points by the desk. “It’s a closet and there is a laundry basket in there.”

I walk to the closet with my clothes. Opening the door, I’m stunned. “Umm, Nathan, your closet is the size of my room,” I say after taking it in.

“Yes, it’s over the top, but it came with the room so…”

I stand here for a moment, admiring the closet space and the amount of clothes he has. Everything is expertly organized from his shoes to his suits, shirts, and jeans.

“Tracey, that closet it not going anywhere.”

“What are you saying, Nathan?” I mock him.

“Put your clothes in the laundry basket and get out of the closet. Come on.”

I do as he asked. Since he wants to act like that, I know how to make him shut up.

“What are you saying, Tracey?”

“Nothing, Nathan,” I say, walking back to his bed. “All I know is, when I wake up, you better be next to me.”

He grabs the remote from the TV stand and makes his shirtless-way over to me. “What are you trying to say?” He uses a serious tone.

“I think you should put a shirt on so I can remember.”

He makes a cocky smirk, getting on the bed. “No, I think I’ll leave it off. Are you uncomfortable?”

“No, but you will be. Are you going to press play?”

He chuckles, pressing play on the remote, and the movie starts. He throws some popcorn in his mouth before he asks, “Have you seen this movie before?”

“Nope.”
And I really don’t plan on seeing it this time either.

He turns his head, looking at me, and then looks away. “What’s on your mind, babe?” he asks calmly.

“I want you to tell me the truth. Tell me what’s going on. Don’t treat me like how Scott is treating Glen.”

He sits up, placing his back against the headboard, and moves the bowl to the nightstand. “I don’t treat you like how Scott treats Glen.”

“I watched you do some crazy shit today, some shit that freaked me out, and other things that scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want to bring it up, but I have to be honest with myself. I don’t understand what happened today or why it happened, but I saw it happen. I saw a part of you I really never wanted to see, but it won’t change the way I feel about you.” I take a deep breath, making sure I have my words together. “So tell me what it is you’re keeping from me. Tell me what’s so bad about this bonding thing and what we are now.”

He studies me before speaking. “Now, you have a choice. You can choose to stay or you can choose to leave. You can understand the difference within your feelings for me, with no interference from me.” He shrugs. “I love that you accept me, and I love that some of the ‘real’ me didn’t scare you away. But I don’t want you to feel obligated to me. And if we do those things and become bound, you will be.”

“You don’t want to feel obligated to me?”

“I am already obligated to you. I’m with you forever—no matter what you need—because your heart beats for me,” he says calmly.

“Okay, I’m not following you.”

“Tracey, after we are bound, you will never be able to leave me.”

“Can I leave you now?” I ask, not caring about the answer.

He shrugs.
“If you wanted to.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“But you may want to.”

“After what?”
He is killing me.

His eyebrows scrunch together. “What do you mean, ‘after what’?” His head moves in a pulled-back, shaking motion.

“After
what
will I want to leave you?”

He looks at me like I’m talking crazy. “After nothing!” he states factually.

“Exactly. How much worse can you get?”

He looks away from me. “What happens if I try to kill you?”

I take a moment to think on that. “Will you try to kill me?”

“No! But I—”

“Nothing, Nathan. What is it? Can you just tell me? I’m already attached to you. You’re already on my heart and every other inch of my mind and body. I already want you more than I want to breathe. And every time you’re gone and not around me, I can’t breathe anyway.” I keep his eye contact. “What could be worse than you denying me and me feeling like I was going to die? Then you accept me, but every time I wake up, I feel like it was all taken away again. I am not understanding this. You either want me or you don’t. Stop dragging me along. Be all in or nothing.”

“Tracey, why are you saying this?
Everything is fine now, is it not?”

I can’t understand what the difference is from being his mate to being bound. I don’t want to be around anyone but him anyway. I sit quietly for a minute without answering him. Does he think I will change my mind about him?

“Maybe,” he responds quietly to my thoughts.

“Why?”

“Look Tracey, I’m not human and I’m filled by demon, feared by everyone, and capable of anything. Most of my relationships weren’t successful, and I don’t want to risk your life, based on my stupidity. Once we are bound, I become stronger. I’m already strong, but I’ll get stronger—for you. And no, I’m not saying that it is a bad thing, because you may advance too. But life…life becomes more dangerous. More—” He pauses, searching for the word. “—of my kind will be after
us
, trying to kill
us
. They won’t just be after me anymore. Now, when you hurt, I hurt, but when I hurt, you don’t hurt. But after the bond, when I hurt, you will hurt. When I change, you will change. And a while from now, we may have kids, and they may be burdened and they will have to deal with what I had to growing up.” He leans back. “And you have your family, but you wouldn’t live with them anymore. You would have to—no, you would want to,
need
to—move in with me.”

“I’m sorry,” I interject, “but I don’t see the wrong in any of that. I’m all or nothing. If you only want half, then I’m nothing.” There is no way him going demon, me leaving my family, or our children having demon in them is going to change how I feel. If we have to deal with bad things, we are going to deal with them together anyway. He wants us to be two, and I want us to be one.

Dropping the subject, I reach around him, grabbing the popcorn. I eat it as I start watching the movie that I missed the beginning of.

John Travolta’s character hijacks a train and now has to get a large amount of money within a certain amount of time.

Nathan is just staring at me. I ignore him. I think I’ll make him take me home in the morning. I’ll deal with the pain—away from him, rather than with him. My body craves to be one with him, I want everything his life has to offer, but he is still denying me of it. Yeah, the pain would be worse, but I’m strong enough. If he is able to deny me and take it, I can also deny him and take it.

I watch the movie and Nathan watches me.

Something beeps loudly. “What is that!?” It startled me.

“The intercom,” he says, walking over by the door, placing his hand behind the TV.
“Yeah?”

The intercom beeps again. “There is a Melissa here to see you,” a deep voice sounds.

Who the hell is Melissa? “Tell her to leave.”

There is a long pause and Nathan starts to walk away.

The intercom beeps again. “Nathan! I’m not going anywhere. What are you doing that you can’t talk to me and have been ignoring my calls?”

Nathan shakes his head and continues walking back to the bed.

“Nathan!” Melissa’s voice yells through the intercom from outside.

I sit up in the bed, trying to keep myself calm. Anger flushes through me. “What—the—hell?”

“A girl I shouldn’t have dealt with. I cut her off the day I met you. She’s been calling me, but I don’t answer—you know that.” He scratches the back of his head. “I don’t know how the girl found out where I live,” he says, more to himself. He is way too calm about this.

“Well, let’s go take care of it.” She is screaming his name and it is pissing me off.

“Don’t blow up, Tracey.”

“I’m not going to hear anything from you but ‘Come on, Tracey.’” I look over to him as he starts putting on a shirt. “I’m still done with you.”

He stops and stares at me. I see the hurt in his face and my chest aches. I turn away from him, walking to the door. He meets me, shirt on.

I start opening the door. “Tracey, wait.” I turn to him, but I’m looking towards the computer. “Look at me.”

“No.”

“I didn’t—”

“NNAATTHHAANN!” Melissa’s voice is loud—no longer coming through the intercom—and my anger rages.

“Whatever you have to say can wait.” I walk out the door and he follows me.

“I don’t see why we can’t just let her yell.”

“The same reason we didn’t just let Michael yell.”

He pushes his hands through his hair. “Touché.”

Unfortunately, I don’t know my way and he has to lead us to his front door. We walk outside and there she is, standing in the driveway, preparing herself to yell again.

She is taller than me and thinner. Her hair is long and flowing, and dark. She has on too much makeup and her jeans are tighter than her skin.

“Can you please, shut up?!” I say, before Nathan makes it to my side.

“And who are you?” she asks, irritated.

Nathan steps slightly in front of me. “Melissa, it’s late, you’re outside, losing your mind, yelling and disturbing my family. How did you even find out where I live?” He’s calm.

She smiles. “Nathan!” she says with excitement. “I’ve been trying to see you. I’ve been calling you and you haven’t been answering.”

“That’s a hint,” he responds.

“Well, can we talk for a while without the extension?” She points at me in a sassy nature.

Yeah, she is about to lose a finger. I step forward and Nathan wraps his bear arms around me as if he is hugging me instead of keeping me back. “No, Melissa. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen occurrences, I’m no longer available.” Those are my words. “Now, if you could leave, I’d appreciate it. You’re ruining our evening.” He starts backing us towards the door. She isn’t budging. “Or I can have you escorted off my property.”

She gives an insulted look as if she’s surprised by what he had said to her. Then she looks at me like I’m the worst person she has ever saw. I smile and wave goodbye.

“This is not over, Nathan!” she yells over her shoulder as she walks back to her car.

Nathan turns me around and I shuffle out of his arms as we walk back into the house.

“Tracey, why are you acting like this?” He is a little louder than I expect him to be, considering that we are in the doorway of his house.

I look at him quickly and away as I remember the way to his room.

I’m done going tit for tat with him. We will just go to sleep, and he’ll be gone when I wake up—as usual. Then he’ll come back when he senses I’m awake and I’ll ask him to take me home. My heart aches at my thoughts. I ignore it, just like I’m ignoring him, following closely behind me.

The movie is still on when we walk back into the room. I go to the bathroom to wash off my feet, because I walked outside with no shoes. He follows me and does the same. He stares at me, and I avoid looking back at him.

He’s concentrating as he stands there staring at me.

“If you turn me into sand—” I start walking from the bathroom. “I am going to be so pissed.” He’s still on my heels. “And I don’t think Pailen will like cleaning me up.”

He grabs my hand, turning me around. “Stop it, Tracey.” His eyes demand my eye-contact and his voice is mesmerizing. I’m speechless. “Just stop, okay?” I can’t look away. “The things I’m doing, I do them for your own good. I know you better than you know yourself. I know what you can handle and what you can’t. Now, I could be wrong about what would happen if we were bound. But I know you like to have choices and make your own decisions. I do not want to take that from you. You will be mine and only mine. There are no friends, no family, unless I’m providing it to you. Haven’t you ever thought about why Glen hasn’t been home?” I hadn’t. “She can’t go, and she doesn’t even know if she wants to or not.”

He starts to push us backwards. “Now, after a while being bound does get easier for you to control, you mature into it, and it is better when your mate is helping you, to give you guidance and help you control some changes you may experience. But getting to that point, while trying to stay alive, is the hardest. And right now, with everything that is going on, I don’t want to risk it—if someone comes around trying to kill me, like the three guys did today. And believe me, they come around
often
.”