Broken (The Outsiders Series) (11 page)

“There’s nothing different, Jeb.”

“Maybe there’s too much junk clouding your vision, son. You know, starlight is the purest out there. And you can’t see the shadows in the dark.”

I look into Jeb’s eyes. He’s talking about my past. And it’s working too. I take the tux and grab a shower. When I’m finished, I fix my short hair so that it’s a little more tamed than usual. My brown eyes are a little bit stormy, but it’s cause I’m nervous about seeing Vandelya tonight. I don’t want her to hurt me again. And my lips are dry. I lick them before straightening my shirt again.

A knock at the door makes me turn around. The woman with the dark curls walks in. She asks me if she can help me with the bow, and I accept her help. Because I wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own.

“Thank you,” I say when she’s done.

She looks up at me, and tears shimmer in her eyes. “You look like I would have wanted my son to look right now.”

I wrinkle my brow. “What happened to your son, ma’am?” I ask.

She bites her lower lip. “There was an accident, and he didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“No matter, Carter. It was some time ago.”
She moves aside so that I can walk out. I turn before leaving the room, and I see her folding my jeans and shirt as she cries.

“Thank you,” I start to say. But I don’t kn
ow her name so I can’t finish the sentence.

“You can call me Mrs. Tucker,” she says.

That’s all it takes. Next thing I know, I’m running out the door. I grab my bike and race down the road. Vandelya’s mother. Her son died. Something about Vandelya’s dad. And Vandelya’s probably at the pond. And that’s where I have to be.

I drop my bike off at the edge of the woods. I make sure it’s hidden so that no one finds it there, and then I stumble off into the dark woods. I have no flashlight or cell phone app, but I know that I’ll find her somehow.

And I do. And she’s there, in a white gown. She’s sitting on the log next to a lantern. She’s got some soft music playing, and she’s throwing rocks into the water’s edge. She’s perfect.

I walk up to her slowly so that I can take in every inch of her creamy skin. Her dress is strapless, and I know she has to be cold right now. But she doesn’t have a jacket.

“I thought you weren’t coming here anymore,” I say.

“I thought you’d be at the dance,” she replies without looking at me. She throws in another stone.

“I asked you and you never answered me.” I move to sit next to her, but she still doesn’t turn to look at me.

“I have a hard time letting people in, Carter. And the fact that you hang out with the girl that tortures me, doesn’t make me want to talk to you. I don’t understand why you can’t see that,” she says after she throws the last stone. She looks over at me and takes in my tux. “Why aren’t you at the dance?”

I smile at her. “I am at the dance,” I say as I get up. I hold my hand out to her, and she just stares at me like I’m crazy.

“What? There’s music. I’m in a tux and you’re wearing that amazing dress. You even have your hair pulled back and curly, Vandelya.” I reach out and pull her hand in
to mine. “You look amazing tonight, and you’re supposed to dance at a dance,” I say as I pull her from the log. She’s standing there in some heels because she’s closer to my face.

“I don’t think I’ve ever danced with someone before,” she says. Then she looks up at me and smiles – I made her smile!

I pull her arms up over my shoulders, and I put my hands around her waist. She feels good in my arms, and she relaxes. We stay like that, swaying back and forth for a while, just looking at each other in the starry night. He was right. The stars are more pure. I can see her perfectly.

A song ends and she pulls away. The next song that comes up is Keane’s
Somewhere Only We Know
, and she sits down so that she can turn it up a little bit. I take off my jacket and wrap it around her shoulders before sitting down next to her. I look out over the pond and listen to the song. She hums along to it, and I can’t help but fall in love with her a little bit, right there.

“Vandelya,” I whisper.

She stops me from speaking by grabbing my wrist. “Don’t ruin this,” she says. “I feel perfect right now. Don’t change that about tonight.” She looks at me and offers a small smile.

A little bit of my hope sinks in my chest. She doesn’t want me to tell her how I feel. She knows. And just like the dance, she isn’t going to answer me at all. It hurts me. And I don’t really know what to do, except j
ust do what she wants of me. So I rest my elbows on my knees and watch the water.

After a couple more songs though, I’m done with over-thinking this. I turn and shut the music off. Vandelya looks up at me, and I can tell that I’ve startled her. Her green eyes are wide and bright in the light of the stars. But she’s just waiting.

“What do you want from me, Vandelya? Do you really just want me to leave you alone after English is finished? Do you want me to stop coming here? Do you want me to stop talking to you, stop thinking about you?”

She just looks at me.

I sigh. “I can’t stop those things, Vandelya. I don’t want to. And I want to know what you think about that, because right now, I can’t really tell what you want from me.”

She bites her lower lip, and this time, I can’t hold it in.

“Will you stop that, Vandelya? You have no idea how attractive that is, do you? You’re driving me crazy over here. But you don’t care, do you?”

“Of course I care,” she tries.

“Then why don’t you ever say anything. I found out how Anne Marie makes you feel. I found out how Colton makes you feel. But I don’t know about me. And I asked you to the winter formal. I’ve tried to tell you a hundred times, but you keep stopping me, Vandelya. And I can’t hold it in. Not anymore.”

Well, I guess I decided not to wait for the presentation. Not really.

Vandelya stops me with a shake of her head. Her curls, which were covering one of her shoulders, fall behind her back, along with my jacket. I reach forward and pull it around her body. She shivers.

“You scare me, Carter, and I don’t know how I feel about you,” she says when I pull away. I open my mouth to talk again, and she stops me. “You’re so intense. You know what you want. You know who you are. I don’t know any of those things, Carter. And here you come, trying to fix me, trying to change everything that’s wrong.”

“No I’m not,” I interrupt her. “You don’t deserve what you’re getting out of high school, Vandelya. And I care about you. I don’t want to see you hurting.”

She shakes her head again, and her tears start to fall. “You can’t stop me from hurting, Carter.”

I reach forward and hold her face in my hands. “I want to try. Will you just let me try, please?”

Her lower lip trembles and it takes all the strength I have to stop from kissing her. She closes her eyes but doesn’t pull away from me.

“Vandelya, I can’t stop thinking about you. You, and that silly English project, are the only things that matter to me right now,” I say.

Vandelya sighs. She swallows but looks up at me. “Carter,” she says as she puts her hand on my chest, “I just don’t know what to do about you.”

“What does that even mean?” I ask desperately. When she doesn’t answer right away, I pull her closer to me. She sucks in air and looks up into my eyes. Her heart is beating so close to me, and I can feel it speeding up.

She reaches up and touches the scruff on my face. Her fingers gently trace my jaw line, and I have to keep swallowing so that I keep breathing.

“Vandelya,” I whisper.

She just shushes me and moves her fingers down my neck.
She stops and presses her palm against my heart. “I’m afraid of letting you in. But I’m also afraid of letting you go, Carter.”

I open my eyes and look at her. “I won’t hurt you. And I won’t stop trying
to prove to you that I won’t.”

Vandelya pulls away and turns the music on again. She
stands up and pulls my arms until they settle against her hips. She pushes her arms through my jacket and puts them back around my neck. Then, she snuggles her head against my chest. I pull her into me and let one of my hands trace up her spine slowly. She shivers, and I smile to myself. This is perfect right now. She is perfect.

When I blink, I look out to see shimmers and sparkles dancing over the pond. I know they’re just reflections on the water, but they almost look like confetti or snowflakes. I think about Mrs. Marshall and what she said about the world changing to Technicolor.

I’m falling in love with her. I’m falling in love with her soft touch, her long lashes, her brave mouth. I’m falling for her honesty and fear. I love the way she bites her lower lip, the way she keeps looking up at me through her dark lashes. The way she says my name, whether she’s happy or mad. And the way my heart races when she’s in my arms. I know she can feel it now, and I don’t care right now. I’ve never been willing to be like this with someone. But Vandelya is different, better than everyone else somehow. I guess that’s because she makes me whole, makes me feel needed. She makes me feel like I have a purpose, because I never had one when it came to my mom. I couldn’t protect my mom. But I can protect Vandelya.

“Carter,” she says.

I stop and pull away so that I can look at her. It’s something that Jack never did for my mom. It’s something so simple and easy, but it’s something he just couldn’t do. And I will never fail to look into Vandelya’s eyes when she has something to say.

“Thank you for taking me to the dance,” she says before laying her head back down on my chest. “I loved it.”

11

Now that Winter Break is here, I have no cares in the world. I’ve got Vandelya, who actually let me walk her home last night. Well, most of the way. And after she left, I snuck up to see how Lane was doing and if she was gone. Jeb told me that her mom came and got her while I was gone. And I went home with a smile on my face, especially after telling him that I danced with my mystery girl.

I still couldn’t tell him her name. Before, he never really asked, and I just didn’t tell him.
Now that he was asking me, I wasn’t sure what to say. She was the daughter of the woman that was living with him, and he knew about my good-for-nothing past. I didn’t think he would approve of me, so I left it pretty open.

And now, I’ve got to head back over there. Jeb’s having me mow the lawn, and that’ll probably take me half the day. Then, Ryan’s coming over to tell me about his night with Brooke. After he leaves, I’ve got to go find out where I can get a computer or something like one. That project has got to be finished.

Before I can leave, there’s a knock at my door. I open it up to see a really hot woman with brown hair and dark red lips. She’s got on a suit and some cool looking heels that are both black and white.

She clears her throat so that I look back up at her light eyes. “I hear that you are Mr. Carter Daniels,” she says.

I nod.

“I am Regina Prescott, Lane’s mother.”

Oh crap. I stand up and pull my shirt down so that it’s a little less wrinkled. I reach my hand up to fix my hair, but she stops me with a wave of her hands.

“Lane told me that she was dumped here by her friends last night. Apparently, she was supposed to convince you to take her
to the winter formal and after party. But she was quite intoxicated when she got here, correct?”

“Yes ma’am. And I swear that I didn’t touch her or anything, ma’am. I’m not like that at all.”

Ms. Prescott smiles but waves it off like it doesn’t matter. “She told me that you took care of her, when no one else would, Mr. Daniels. She also assured me that you didn’t take advantage of her weakness.”

I nod and lean against the door frame, waitin
g for her to finish what she has to say to me, because I still have no clue what she wants.

“I am here to personally extend my thanks to you,” she says as she looks down at her hands. She’s fiddling with something on her skirt
, and it takes me a second to realize that she’s crying now.

Instinctively, I reach out and touch her arm. “Ma’am, Lane’s a good girl. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about right now. However, you can’t go giving her this bad advice, Mrs. Prescott. She’s going to ruin her life.”

“She talks to you?” Mrs. Prescott asks after lifting her head up to look at me. “She actually tells you things about herself?”

I shrug. “I think all she wanted was someone to listen, Mrs. Prescott. It doesn’t have to be me.”

She nods and sniffles some. “Thank you, Mr. Daniels. I truly appreciate your kindness and hospitality. Too bad you two aren’t really together,” she says with a smile, “because you’re someone a girl should hold on to.”

Embarrassed, I shove my hands in my pockets. “Thank you, ma’am. That means a lot to me.”

Mrs. Prescott smiles and begins walking away from the door. She stops after a couple steps and turns around. “By the way, Carter, Lane is forbidden from hanging out with Anne Marie. I’m sure you’ve got some other friends to introduce her to?”

I smile on the outside, but on the inside, I’m freaking out. I hang out with the same people she hangs out with. On the other side, she can’t hang out with Anne Marie anymore! That is one less victim of hers.
It’s the perfect start to my little rebellion.

---

“Dude, I was so close to it,” Ryan whines later that afternoon. “She was standing there, and I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?” I ask as I take a bite into
my chicken fried rice.

“I can tell that she’s gonna hurt me too. I can just feel it about her.” Ryan reaches over to grab some salt before dumping it on his beef and broccoli. “She said something to me last night that kind of freaked me out.”

“What did she say to you, man?”

And then Ryan tells me about how Anne Marie told Brooke that Katie was his first. Anne Marie also told Brooke some other details that Ryan wouldn’t tell me. I have a feeling that it
’s something embarrassing. But Brooke didn’t want to listen to Anne Marie’s stories until she found out for herself. She, of course, told Ryan this before she tried sleeping with him, and the poor kid didn’t want to after all that. But I can’t blame him for that.

“And then Brooke just walked out on me. The hotel room was paid for, but I just couldn’t sleep there.”

“Dude, Anne Marie is a real bitch,” I say before diving into the story about Lane. And then I told him about how her mom came by and thanked me for being nice to her daughter and stuff.

“Are you serious?” Ryan says when I
finish. He’s standing over me, breathing hard. He pulls out his cell phone and starts messing with it.

“What are you doing?” I ask him.

“Calling Brooke. She was worried all night about Lane.” He pulls the phone up to his ear but keeps talking while it rings. “Anne Marie told all of us that Lane didn’t want to go because she’d rather hang out with you. She said that ya’ll were going out to a club or something instead, and that we shouldn’t try your apartment.”

I snatch the phone out of his hand and end the call.

“Dude, Carter!” he shouts. “What the hell was that for, man?” He reaches over and snatches his phone back, ready to re-dial Brooke’s number.

I hold my arm out to him. “Dude, listen to me, this Anne Marie thing has got to stop. She’s hurting her friends. First Lane, then you? What the hell is she trying to pull?”

Ryan lowers his phone and looks up at me. “I don’t know, man. Anne Marie’s a nice girl. She can just be a bitch sometimes. She’s a cool friend, though.”

I roll my eyes. “Look,” I say, “I’ve got to go somewhere. And I’ve got to get ready, so I’ll talk to you later. Okay?”
There’s no way I’m going to waste my time on him if he can’t see past Anne Marie’s crazy side. Plus, I have to see Vandelya.

Ryan shrugs and heads out the door. “Whatever you say, man. But I’d watch all that Anne Marie crap. If the wrong person hears it, she’ll have you
just like she’s got Vandelya. And even you don’t want social suicide.”

So that was it. That was why no one stood up to her.
They were all too scared of ending up like Vandelya. And why was she like that right now? Cause she didn’t really know why. But, then again, I never tried to talk to Vandelya outside of class. I don’t walk around, holding her hand at the mall or some other public place. I’m no different than they are. That’s why I lied to them, and that’s why I’m not trying to fix it either.

Girls change everything. But Vandelya’s worth it for me. Now I just have to figure out how to tell her who I am.
And the presentation is the only way. Everything else will fall into place. I just know it.

And
without even showering, I grab my hoodie and head out to find a pawn shop or other store. I need to work on this project before I meet Vandelya at the pond later. She said she had some errands to run and that she couldn’t meet me until after dinner. For some reason, I still don’t know what’s going on between us. But it doesn’t really matter anymore.  She’s the one Mrs. Marshall was talking about, the one that makes a broken person whole. And now, I’ve got to make myself whole by telling her the truth about who I am. That’s what this presentation is for. But it has to be something that only she will understand, something that only Vandelya will get. Because if not, it’s just me confessing to the world.

So
I walk down the road and into a ton of small pawn shops. These places here are nice. They aren’t anything like the pawn shops near Atlanta. There aren’t creepy bars on the windows or laser pointer alarm systems blinding you when you walk in. There are real Rolexes and silver and gold pens. When I actually find a laptop, it’s a Mac, and it’s way out of my price range. I feel like I should just go buy a new one for the prices they’re asking. But I keep going, because I have to do this right for Vandelya.

At last, I wind up at a really small place that’s about to go out of business. I almost walk by, because I figure they’ve only got junk left, but I go in anyway. When I do, I find a pretty decent deal on a laptop. The owner throws in some handheld video camera that shoots at like ten megapixels, so I take them both and rush home to drop them off. I don’t have a lot of time to get to the pond.

When I get there, I’m not shocked to see Vandelya sitting on her log. I go and sit next to her. When she doesn’t move closer to me, I move in to sit closer to her. She surprises me by scooting away, and I have to bite my tongue so that I don’t overreact or something. Man, I’m really into her.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her
nervously.

She shrugs.

“Vandelya, please talk to me. What’s going on? I thought last night was…”

“Last night was the best night of my life,” she says as she turns to face me. She pushes her long hair behind her ears before continuing. “But I was Cinderella, wearing a white dress and high heels. And I didn’t leave one of them so you could find me.”

I swallow to keep the burning from forcing tears to fall. She would never like me then. And it’s pathetic. She shouldn’t be making me cry. Hell, I could get any girl I wanted. Why am I trying so hard with her?

Because she’s worth everything,
I hear myself say.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her stand up to go.
I stand up too and stomp after her; I reach out and grab her arm, turning her so that she faces me. I put my hands on either side of her face so that she looks at me.

“I’m never letting you go, Vandelya. I’m never giving up on you. I’m never going to stop thinking about you, or wanting you, or wanting to be with you. I’m never going to stop wanting to touch you. And I’m not going to stop trying to get you to open up to me about whatever is going through your head. You’re it for me, Vandelya. You’re the one that’s changing everything.”

She pulls away. She’s angry with me. I can see it in her eyes. But I’m not finished with her.

I step forward and hold her shoulders when she tries to push me off.

“The first day I saw you, I was drawn to you. There’s something about you that makes me feel whole. I feel needed and important. And even though you don’t want me, part of me feels wanted. You and I are meant to be together. I’m supposed to be the one to hold you and make you feel beautiful and perfect. I’m the one that’s going to do that for you. It’s not your family or your stuffed animals. It’s me, Vandelya. It always has been and it always will be me.”

“It will never be you, Carter.” The words are simple, but they cut through me like a freaking chainsaw. I pull away.

“You keep trying to pull me closer to you, but you can’t, Carter. I’m sorry about last night, I really am, but it’s not you and me. I can’t do this with you.” Now, she’s crying. And it’s not the silent tears that fall down her cheeks like usual. It’s a waterfall of tears that has her gasping for air. She’s wiping her face with her sleeve, and she keeps shaking her head like she’ll wake up from this nightmare.

And then, she collapses.

I stand there, not knowing what to do for a second. She’s huddled in this ball, trying to block me out. I can’t bring myself to hold her the way I want to. Because I know she would just push me away. I can’t let her break me any more than she already has. And I can’t just walk away from her.

So I just stand there, watching her cry while she breaks my heart. And when she’s just sniffling, I go sit on the log and hold my head in my hands because there’s nothing else for me to do right now.
Lane’s mom was right when she told Lane not to fall in love. Love just breaks you.