Authors: Monica Alexander
“You
think I have a secret
?” I asked, n
ot believing him for a second. That
was pro
bably a line he used on every girl he flirted with
.
He nodded.
“Am I wrong?”
I
shrugged. “I don’t know.
Maybe
.”
I was playing coy, and I knew it.
“Y
ou want to kiss me, don’t you? T
hat’s it.”
He took one final drag off of his cigarette and fl
icked it through the railings.
I watched it fall to the ground, landing softly on the sand.
I was taken aback by his boldness,
but maintained my composure,
shaking my head slightly
as I smirked at him
.
“Um, no. B
ut thanks for asking.”
“Hu
h, I figured
the combination of you saying I had kissable lips, telling me you wanted to kiss me
,
and then getting within two inches of my mouth last night would be an indication, but I guess I was wrong.”
I stared at him.
He had a confident air about him that was somet
hing I wasn’t used to in guys.
I mean, Ben was confident, but Zack seemed older or
wiser or just more insightful.
He seemed to exude something specific that said he was totally comfortable in his ow
n skin, regardless of what any
one else thought.
He also had a bit of a bad boy edge that seemed to draw me in. He seemed dangerous, but it was probably the sexiest thing about him. Of course, if he really was a bad boy, would he have been helping his future step-mother assemble wedding favors? Probably not.
“Nope. Sorry.
I don’t want to kiss you,
” I said, shaking my head.
“
That’s
just too bad,” he said, leaning closer to me. “
S
o what is i
t that you’re hiding?”
“I’m not hiding anything,” I said, le
aning back against the railing.
“Liar.”
“Okay, fine,” I said, starting enjoy our little back and forth game. “If you think I’m hiding something, what do you think it is?
” I asked
, taking the
new
cigarette
he’d just lit
from his
hand, putting it to my lips
and
inhaling deeply
.
It tasted like spices, an
d it wasn’t
all
that gross
.
Z
ack raised his eyebrows at me.
“I tho
ught you didn’t smoke.”
“I don’t,” I said, putting t
he cigarette to my lips again
.
When I didn’t give any indication that I was going to give it back, he pulled out another one and lit it.
“See, mysterious,” he mumbled a
round the cigarette
.
I shrugged
while maintaining a coy l
ook that I hoped was enticing.
“So
are you going to tell me what you think I’m hiding?”
He looked at me
solicitously
for a few seconds
, and I thought I saw a smirk creep onto his lips
. “
I have no clue, but I’d say
you’ve been doing a bit of soul-searching this summer
,” he said, catching me off-guard.
“You know, trying to figure something out.”
“Why do you think that?” I asked, trying to keep my cool about him seeing right through me.
He raised his eyebrows and quoted a line from
my favorite
Paramore
song.
I smiled.
“You listened to it.”
“Do you identify with it?” he asked, sounding like a shrink. “Is your life really tragic, Emily
Cole
?
Because quite honestly I’d have pegged you for more of a princess with a perfect life.
”
I narrowed my eyes at him
. “My life isn’t tragic
,
” I said icily.
“
It’s also not perfect.
I guess I
just
identify
wanting it
to be magical,
wanting the fairytale, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.
”
I realized how juvenile that sounded as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I expected Zack to laugh at me, but he didn’t.
“
You do realize
fairytale
s are
bullshit,” he said, and I suddenly felt like an idiot for
admitting something so personal
, but then he
got that faraway look in his eyes again
. “Of course, maybe
you’re on
to s
omething. A fairytale would sometimes
be better than reality.”
I felt like we’d treaded into
some pretty
serious territory
and I
should redirect the
conversation
, but Zack was on a roll
,
and I couldn’t stop him.
“Is your life really that terrible?” he ask
ed.
“No, it’
s not
”
I sighed. “It’s just . . . . predictable.
Boring.
”
Zack raised an eyebrow at me.
“
So
let me guess. Y
ou figured you’d come here for the summer and
let loose
, because it’s the summer and that
’s what people do
.”
I nodded, not sure how I felt about him being able to read me so well.
“But you’re not very good at it,” he said, cautiously. “
Y
ou come to these parties, but you
’re really not into the scene.
You smoke, but you’re not
really
a smoker.
You got that piercing, because
you wanted to do something crazy. A
nd you’re probably
not really as in love with your boyfriend as you think you are
, but you’d never admit it outright.
”
I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. He was pretty much hitting the nail on the head, and it was a little disc
oncerting
. Hell, it was a lot
disconcerting.
“I’d guess that
you’re
probably
scared to do anything radical that might have
a
permanent effect on your life,
so you’re scratching the surface on shaking things up
.
Oh, and I’d guess that you’re a cheerleader and on student council, but that’s just a guess.
”
Zack
settled back agai
nst the step behind him, rested
o
n his elbows and stared at me. I was well-aware that m
y mouth
was
slightly hanging open
, so much so that I almost didn’t catch the last thing he said. I started to tell him I wasn’t in high school when he said something that gave me pause
.
“Oh, and you really are
thinking about what it would be like to kiss m
e, but you’d never
actually
admit it
. How right was I
, princess
?” he asked smugly.
“You weren’t exactly r
ight,” I said
haughtily
.
“And don’t call me princess.”
He leaned
forward, so his face was inches
from mine.
“Yeah, but I was close wasn’t I.”
“
That i
s beside the point,” I said, not giving him the satisfaction that he was right about
anything, especially that I wanted to
kiss him, although now that he brought it up, I was thinking about it.
His kissable lips were very close to mine.
He laughed lightly. “I have a knack for that – you know, observing and reading people.
I was a psych major
in college
.
”
“Oh yeah?”
He nodded once.
“I also know firsthand what it’s like to fix things with alcohol, and I can tell you it doesn’t work.”
“
Excuse me
?”
I asked, caught off-guard by his statement.
“Keep in mind that I’m not judging or anything, but I’ve paid attention to you over the past few weeks.” I narrowed my eyes, waiting for him to continue. “Call it instincts, but I can tell you’re not a
big drinker, yet you guzzle the
stuff like it’s water. It’s not going to fix what’s wrong.”
“
What is this, an anti-drinking PSA
?
‘Cause I don’t need a lecture,
”
I said, my defenses heightening
.
My recreational drinking habits, however excessive they’d been as of late
,
certainly weren’t any of his business, even if I knew deep down that he was right. I’d been drowning what was bothering me each night in an attempt to make things better or more fun or something, but each day I still woke up with that nagging feeling in my mind that I didn’t have any more answers than when I’d gone to bed. It was frustrating.
Zack sighed
, obviously sensing my irritation
. “
I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but for whatever reason, you caught my attention, and I can see th
at if you’re not careful, you
could head down a road that’s pretty bleak.”
“You’ve been down that road
, I presume?”
“L
et’s just say I had few dark months
myself
before I realized that
no matter how drunk I got, my problems were still there when I woke up. I just had a raging hangover to go with them.”
“
So y
ou’re
like a recovering alcoholic
?” I asked, stunned t
hat someone so young could carry
that title.
He laughed. “No, I’m not. I just learned to deal with my problems head-on instead of trying to bury them.”
“
And
you think I should do that?”
“I’m not your shrink. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I’m just saying there are other options.” He leaned forward, appraising me for a few seconds. “You just don’t seem like the kind of gir
l who’d get caught up in all this
bullshit,” he said, gesturing up to the party I
’d forgotten was going on above
us.
I was unnerving how well this guy could read me – scarily unnerving
– and I didn’t want him doing it anymore
.
“Okay, then,” I
said, maintaining my composure
, so he wouldn’t be able to tell how unraveled I’d become in the past few minutes
.
“Thanks for the advice. I’ll definitely take it under advisement.”
“No problem,” he said
,
as he took a satisfied drag off of his cigarette.
“My turn,” I said then. “
Let me analyze you.”
He smirked at me.
“Go ahead
, princess
.”
I fo
ught the urge to roll my eyes at
his nickname for me. I wasn’t a big fan
, especially since my brother had mockingly called me that for years, but
I
let it go
.
I didn’t need him to have any more ammunition against me.
“You act all tough
, but you’re really sensitive.
You’ve been upset about something for a while, but you don’t like to think or talk about, so you’ve learned to turn your emotions off
, like you’re doing right now.
I
don’t know what made you that
way, but I’d guess it’s a girl – mostly because you seem really arrogant, so you probably did something shitty to this girl and are now regretting your actions
.
Oh, and you know that I have a boyfriend,
but that doesn’t seem to stop
you from
flirting with me.”
He smiled
after a few beats
.
“It was a ni
ce effort
.”
I shrugged.
“Oh well. I tried.
We can’t all have degrees in psychology.
”