Broken (4 page)

I Wake

I wake
my thoughts on you
I ache
your words make the pain untrue
I cry
your shoulder I see
Why?
Do you always take care of me?

________________

Snake

You’re a snake
slithering round me
my innocence you wish to take
you look so guilty
standing there
watching my every movement
I feel your evil stare
I’m so spent
trying to impress you
and realize how content
my life is without you
but somehow thoughts still linger
in my mind
so I will just turn off the ringer
and hide behind these walls
where nothing can touch me

________________

Mine

i am not sure why
feelings creep up my spine
whenever I see this guy
Seems like I just want to make him mine
but he is so—so much like the moon
always changing
makes me hide inside this cocoon
why can't he just be nice?
why can't he just be a man?
why does his heart feel like ice?
why can't he just be a man?
a moon changing always
makes you wonder
if he'll really stay
but his spell I’m already under
why can't he just be gentle?
why can't he just touch me right?
why does he seem mental?
why can't he just touch me right?
a thousand warnings I have heard
but just sounds like nothing

only chirpings from a bird
for me he is what they sing
I want him
but then again I’m not sure
Am I just another whim?
A true talk this would cure
but he won't be a man
I’m too afraid to go to him
but writing my fears that I can
accomplish with the lights dim
why can't he just be a man?
why can't he just say he wants me?
does he?
This stupid moon
turning me crazy
into a baboon
you are so lazy
just tell me
just tell me

________________

he told me
he does not want to be my man
I am fearlessly
going to do all I can
to stay away from him
He keeps checking the time
I must be rather dull
so being with him is thus a crime
for anyone who will not be a man
is not worthy of my touch
feelings I shall avoid
so his lies won't hurt so much.

________________

again I waited for your call
not a sound
I’m just another added to your wall
my heart you threw to the ground
trampled it
then tossed it back
I just sit
remembering how you smack
pain through my bones
like nothing
you're pelting me with stones
like something
detestable and unclean
soon I will cry
because your so mean
and everything you said was a lie

________________

I was so closed up
All these years
Afraid of a full cup
Instead of love I shed tears
Never taking a chance
On a man
Now at this dead end
My own rules
For you I did bend
The devil drools
For a fall I had
Lowering my wall
Even though at first I thought you were bad
I was about to give you my all
Good thing I ran away
So that I avoided heart break
[my walls are here to stay]

________________

Not the Same

He touches me
I lean on him
His arms I see
Yeah—his caress makes me soft
I love the way I feel
Whenever our legs connect
Like magnets
A force field I’m in
With glances
And smiles my body tingles
I want to be near him
He doesn’t feel the same
Okay—So, I guess I’ll stay away

________________

grab my arm
smile, convince, tease
all a part of your charm
I want you to please
Not cause me any harm
Too emotional is this
And soon all we do
I shall miss
But especially [you]

________________

What I need is not always what I want
Taking would be greed
so my emotions you’ll always taunt

________________

[Pinwheel poem]

Never stopping is how this feels. I am nothing to you. Many hearts he steals. I wish I wasn’t his back up wheels. Nothing will make my pain unreal. This is what I must always remember, love is uncertain and never a solid deal. Don’t fall unless you can get up and crawl.

________________

this is torture to my soul
why the pain
why the coal?
This is a nightmare
You’re another Cain.
Abel would be more aware
This time

Of your deepest desire
Why so much pain
What are you to gain?
If you are nice
I’ll be your everything
I’ll melt away the ice
And all my love I’ll bring
As an offering
But no
You’re Cain
My life you want
Bloody stain
No love for you
This is so true
And your heart is so
G r e e d y

________________

Liar

I sacrificed everything for you.
This is how you repay me?
There is nothing I wouldn’t do
To make you happy
All I ever asked
Was for the truth
But now I see my past
And picture a demon’s booth
Lie
Lie
Liar
Lie
Wicked, wicked
You liar
You betrayer
How could you chase her?
Why you?
Why?

________________

I feel so naked
Trust vanished
Admiration gone
See what you did?
My love banished
Never saw what was going on
Blinded by your eyes
Couldn’t see
Through your veil hiding the lies
Why did it have to be
Y O U ?

________________

Dismiss

a thousand hours
I wish and wish
I had your powers
to dismiss
Y O U

________________

Pretender

I went to your house today
found no one home
wished I could stay
and wait
to see your face
it was so late
and I knew I'd become a disgrace
so away I did fly
traveling I did see
the reason why
your house was vacant
with her instead of me
well, well, well
here is my broken heart
you’re still around
but I don't know how smart that is
as my heart—is lying on the ground
bleeding fast
drying up
trying to forget the past
but can't
so I will just keep pretending

________________

A Song

touch my dress
I ignore your caress
follow me outside
I shall run and hide
look into my eyes
I'll see your many lies
Stand by my side
and maybe I'll be your bride
now touch me
I'll be yours completely
gaze
your life a purple haze
you and me
a song sung so sweetly

________________

Filthy Love

You played with me
and now you've moved on
make love filthy
then you’re gone
I was so content
till you came around
feel spent
and tossed to the ground

________________

you opened up a piece
of my heart I did not know I had
my old ways now cease
and my heart is sad
I yearn for a mate
whereas before I was independent
You just couldn't wait
to destroy me-took only an instant
there is this pain around my heart
yearning for you
but now I must be smart
and search for a love that is true
in a way
I’m grateful
what I’m trying to say
is you helped me open up

a part of myself.
Not sure how wise it was
but at least I’m not still on a shelf
your effect had a cause
woke me up
to realize
I don't want to be alone

________________

u come to realize how innocence can fade
now their eyes look disarrayed

________________

Trapped
…

you treat me like crap
I listen like a moron
falling in your trap
but what'll happen when I’m gone?
I want to leave you
you’re mean
I can't say who I need
but he'll never be so obscene

________________

Your life is one big mess
so what
they'll all pay
guilt will get them to confess
that is in my gut
but if they never say the truth
at least I did

________________

I love them
but why do I want to hurl each time they touch me or say I love you?
I’m like a pearl
the oyster's misery
internal torment is what I do
they'll be cut open
and I removed
all beautiful
their remains in the garbage
but it’s because
they l i e d

________________

The charlatans that is what they are

so evil such—such well..
Liars

________________

The Charlatans

They think they have you fooled
but they're drowning
and being ruled
by the black crowning
of a demonic force
that hates them
but
of course
they want what I condemn
so here is your rope
stand on the ledge
there will never be enough soap
to remove this type of dirt
you will try
and try
but with every attempt
it is a lie
and charlatans
are exempt
from truth
so you wallow in vomit
your own
cause you will not admit
how this lie of yours has grown
double life
your grandest mistake
shall cause you strife
and your king will then take
what rightly belongs to him
yeah you are letting him win
into a bottomless hole
fall in
and lose your soul.

________________

See?
You did it again
Just let me go

& open up my heart to another
yeah one who
won't make me harbor pain

________________

Again I’m the fool.
Dropped everything
and then you treated me so cruel.
Such pain you bring
you didn't even try to talk to me
or pursue
so numb I shall be
whenever I come around you.

________________

u wanna $^%%$^ me?
Is that it?
I'm tempting
on your package I'll sit
yeah
right
in your dreams
turn on the light
reality is not what it seems
use your hand
I'll get a real man
you cannot give love that'll always stand
so I'll find someone who can

________________

Bored
…

I could get you up
without even touching you
spray a full cup
ya always do
after watching me
I'll tease
till I get the right response
yeah you begging "please"
your eyes and smile
get me
but after awhile
I get bored of thee.

________________

you call
now I smile
again
shared your news
waiting for the fall
which after a while
always causes me pain
but when I look in your eyes
fear creeps up my spine
for a little time
I see 1,000 lies
as I whine
you seek ways to commit a crime
with me
yet your taken
soo why are you still here?
Let’s just not be—

mistaken as lovers dear…

________________

But what if that is what I want us to be?

________________

Dream

I had a dream last night
that you loved me
and that I was your starlight
you my sparkling sea
I was curled in your arms
you were saying "we"
hypnotized by your charms
I welcomed the future misery
that'll fill my heart
when you decide
it's time to part
I will again hide
I promise
this is the last time
a game we shall play
if you leave again
or reject me
I'll no longer stay.

________________

Not Going to Die

You're a spider
me a fly
trapped in your web
But I'm a fighter
I'll refuse to die
in your web
I want to become yours
but only if you give first
your heart
then all the hours I’m alive

It’ll be you I'll thirst
never wishing to part from you
my heart you'll own
my body
my mind
your touch will make me moan
I'll stop being so haughty
& happiness we'll both find.

________________

Do you want all of me?
or just the lower half?

________________

A mile away
a song fading
me begging to stay
in your arms
you debating
if I’m what you desire
due to your advances
I'm full of fire
you're running out of chances
soon this will be a memory
like a song fading
a last try
but it's a mile away

________________

u r playing games again
why?
call or don't call
I never know when
you'll lie
you don't love me at all