Authors: Rachel Astor
The other faces at the table slowly moved their gaze from me and continued to chat amongst themselves.
Eventually I noticed the guy that was in front of me. As I looked up, he beamed a toothy grin my way. I almost couldn’t smile in return; I was so taken aback at his unbelievable hideousness.
Of course he’s fantastically homely, I thought to myself. As if fate would ever have it any other way.
It was in that moment that I realized, without a doubt, that we had all been strategically seated in front of our wedding party partners. I was gonna be stuck with this goofball for the duration of this whole thing.
Thank God it was only three months away.
“Hi, I’m Eric,” he slurred through his retainer. “Eric VanHorn.”
Aw crap, Emma’s little brother. That’s how they see me? The one to stick with the little brother?
“Hi,” I said, fake smile wide across my face. “I’m Josie.”
“Huh huh, right,” he said. “You already said that.”
I nodded, smiled, and bit my lip.
“Yeah, when I saw your picture, I was hoping you’d be the one I was paired with, huh huh, huh huh,” he laughed, and actually winked at me.
“Oh,” I said. I was afraid that I may have looked a little shocked and disgusted. “Well, uh.” I cleared my throat. “Isn’t that sweet of you?” I somehow reproduced the gracious smile.
I glanced over at Jake and I swear he was chuckling quietly to himself. He met my gaze, which must have looked like a cross between utter horror over Eric VanHorn, and an evil glare for him laughing about it. When Jake saw the look on my face he cracked up completely, unable to keep it to a courteous chuckle.
I started to giggle a little too, which quickly turned into a full out laugh.
“What? What’s so funny?” Eric VanHorn asked and pulled out the signature Beavis and Butthead. “Huh huh. Huh huh”
Every time I was close to calming down, Jake would glance over at me and we’d both start all over again.
And then I saw the look that I’d been dreading all night. Beside me, Jennifer was looking at me with that all too familiar alien look.
“I uh… I don’t get it,” Eric said scratching his head.
That made me laugh even harder.
After Jake and I had finally calmed down, the rest of the evening went by fairly uneventfully. It was pleasant and all of the girls actually seemed quite nice, even Emma VanHorn, who I had assumed from her first email would be a bit of a diva, but she wasn’t like that in person.
All in all it was a pretty fun evening, other than Eric VanHorn. I went back home feeling much better about the whole Bridesmaid thing. It might even end up being fun after all.
I came home too late for Calla to still be up. I would have loved to recount my whole evening for her, but I settled for drifting off to sleep with thought of Jake Hall and the moment we had shared at the dinner table.
As I walked down the hall, I noticed that her bedroom door was shut tight.
That’s weird, I thought. Calla doesn’t usually close her door at night. I thought I might have heard just the tiniest sound of sobbing behind the closed door. I listened closer. Nothing.
Oh well, I thought, I must have been hearing things.
As I got undressed from my designer gown, I realized that my mood was still flying high. Maybe it was time for another disaster diary entry, just to make sure it didn’t all go to my head. And I had just the story to cap off a great party evening.
Dear Disaster Diary,
Remember our first boy/girl party? Oh my, what a tragedy that was. Seventh grade. A guy from my class, Robbie had asked me to go out with him the week before. Now of course by going out in grade seven, everybody knows that means going steady. I had never kissed a boy before, and I knew that this party was likely my chance. So off to the party I went, nervous and excited. I even sat beside my new boyfriend. We sat beside each other the whole time, but barely said two words to each other. We pretty much faced opposite directions and talked to our respective friends all night. After a while, he grabbed my hand to hold it. But the visiting with friends continued. The night was nearing a close and some of the other couples had tried a little kissing. Robbie thought it might be a good idea for us to try too. Somewhere in all the background noise, all the talk about French kissing had escaped me. So, I went in for a peck on the lips, and Robbie went in for the slobber of a lifetime. Not that it would have been all that gross had I been expecting it, but it took me by surprise, so of course I reacted by frantically wiping my mouth and saying ew. Everybody was once again looking at me like I was an alien. Boy is the word alienation ever a good one.
~ 5 ~
Work was weird the next day. Everyone was staring and pointing at me like I was some kind of celebrity. Even the people I knew. I was told that my picture made it into some of the entertainment papers and of course ‘Entertainment News’ had been advertising an exclusive look into the engagement party later on the evening broadcast.
I tried to hole up in my cubicle and not think about it too much, though I couldn’t stop Jake Hall from creeping into my mind.
Eventually, I clicked open my email. There is was again,
[email protected]
.
Dear Bridesmaids,
What a wonderful evening it was last night, no? I had such a great time getting to know all of you and I’m looking even more forward to all the planning and get-togethers.
And now for your first Bridesmaid assignment…
What? There are assignments?
I would like to leave it up to you all to come up with a fantastic Bachelorette Party idea. As you can well imagine, my fiancé Alan will no doubt be holding some sort of gigantic and tasteless display for his Bachelor Party, so I’d like to do something really over the top too. Of course money will be no issue, so please, be creative with your ideas. The Bridesmaid who comes up with the best idea will win a prize.
Oooh, prize. I like prizes.
The deadline for the Bachelorette contest will be Friday at 5pm. We really have to get a move on the planning.
Your Bride,
Emma VanHorn
P.S. The first fittings for your Bridesmaid dresses will begin in a few weeks, so please remember to watch those diets girls.
“Hello darling, oh famous one,” Mattie said, coming in to sit down on my desk.
“Where were you this morning?” I asked.
“Well Calla and I were up late waiting for you, and you were taking forever and well, I needed my beauty sleep.”
“You slept in!” I said. “You mean I made it in to work on time and you didn’t!”
“Well yes. And it shows my dear. Just look at those bags. You’d better wear some über huge sunglasses home. You never know when the paparazzi might show up.”
“Thanks,” I said unenthusiastically. “Your concern really warms my heart.”
“You’re welcome,” he said jumping off my desk, choosing to ignore my sarcasm. “Whacha got there?” he asked, peering at my computer screen. “Oooh, another wedding email! How exciting.”
“Yeah, I have to come up with some Bachelorette idea or something.”
“Oh my gosh, that sounds like so much fun,” he said. Apparently he was waaaay more excited about it than I was.
“What are you going to suggest?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I dunno, I guess I’ll have to think about it for a while.”
“Yeah, that’s good. You have ‘til Friday,” he said pointing to the screen. “That should give you lots of time to come up with something fantastic!”
“Pfft. I don’t know anything about Bachelorette Parties. What am I going to come up with?”
“Just be creative.”
He exited my cubicle in a flourish. But he’d made me even more nervous. I wondered if I should start brainstorming right away.
“Club hopping?” I said to myself. “No, too generic. Remember, cost is not a factor.”
I tapped my mouth with my pen. “I wonder if something like hiring a psychic or something would be fun?”
I wrote that one down.
“Oh wait. But what if the psychic tells her she’s going to get divorced or something.”
I scratched a double line through it.
“Limo? Maybe. Poker Night? No. That would mean it’s only the five of us, and we don’t really even know each other.”
I started doodling on the brainstorming paper. Mrs. Jake Hall, I wrote. Mrs. Josie Hall. Mrs. Josephine Hall.
Good lord, what am I doing? I’ve got to start reading that Disaster Diary. I pulled it out and read over my first few entries. Boy did it work. I shoved my doodle page back into my purse with the diary.
“Okay, back to it. Maybe something formal, more like a Bridal Shower? No. Too boring.”
I sighed, leaning back in my chair. Then it struck me. Yes! That’s it!
I hit the reply button on the email.
Hi Emma, Josie McMaster here.
Thanks for giving us the opportunity to pitch in on your very special occasion.
(No harm doing a little sucking up, right?)
I would like to throw my hat into the Bachelorette Party idea ring with the following:
Pampering Paradise Party Plan:
Find awesome island paradise location which includes a pampering spa and lots of places to party.
Invite all your friends.
Take off for a long weekend.
Hit the bars and dance all night long.
Hit the beach and relax.
Hit the spa and rejuvenate.
Fly home feeling completely enchanted and refreshed.
Hope this helps, and starts some ideas flowing. If you want some help finding a great spot, please let me know, I’d be happy to assist in any way I can.
Your Bridesmaid,
Josie McMaster
I had been so immersed in my email that I hadn’t even noticed Mattie sneaking into my cubicle or hovering over my shoulder.
“Ooh, that should put you in the running,” he said.
“Jesus Mattie,” I yelled, nearly jumping right out of my chair. “What the hell!”
He backed off, putting his hands in front of himself defensively. “Whoa, sorry honey. I thought you knew I was here.”
I took several deep breaths and tried to get my heart to stop beating so fast. “It’s okay. You just scared the hell out of me.”
“Sorry,” he said again.
“So, you like the idea?”
“Yeah, I think she’ll love it. She can invite all her famous friends and the paparazzi will show up for sure.”
“Really? You think they would fly all the way out to some island just to get a few pictures of Emma’s Bachelorette party?”
“Of course they would. This Bridesmaid Lotto is the hottest thing in town,” he said. “I’m watching updates every night on Entertainment News. They’ve got the exclusive inside look at all the wedding related events.”
“Really? No wonder everyone is walking around looking at me so weird.”
“You’re a star gorgeous. And apparently one of the front runners in the ‘who’s going to land Jake Hall’ betting circle.”
“What? People are betting on who’s going to land Jake Hall?”
“Of course,” he said with a wave as if I was a complete moron for not realizing that this was obvious.
“I honestly don’t think this whole thing is about Jake Hall finding a date. It’s totally about Emma VanHorn getting a bunch of money to pay for her wedding.”
“Please honey,” he said turning away. “It is all about Jake Hall.” He started walking out.
“Um, just out of curiosity,” I said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. “Who is my leading competitor as front runner?”
Mattie gasped. “I knew it!” he said and ran back into my cubicle. “You totally are into Jake Hall.”
I shook my head. “I am not,” I lied. “I was just curious about who the general public thinks is the competition.”
“Pretend whatever you want my dear,” he said. “I know you too well, and I know you are so in love with Jake Hall.”
“Mattie!”
“Okay, okay. Calm yourself. Right now you’re running a close second behind Rebecca Singleton in the polls.”
“Really?” I said. “That’s funny. He’s been paired up with Jennifer Wilson in the wedding party.”
“Oh my God, scoop!” Mattie yelled. “You’ve been paired up already? Who did you get?”