Breaking Perfect (36 page)

It
was such a double edged sword. He didn’t agree with his dad on anything. The
old fucker was a bigot, a chauvinist, a bully. He never accomplished anything
notable in his life, yet expected Sean to somehow conquer the world. He spent
decades trying to live up to the standards of a man he hated, a man who had no
moral compass, a man he knew he was better than, but who somehow held the
scorecard.

 
“I know you’re trying to help but you’ve got
no right to call out my personal demons.
 
Fuck you and your perfect life! You have no idea what it’s like to be
raised by a man that hates you, to be told day after day that you’re a loser,
and no matter what you do, no matter what you accomplish, there’s no proving
him different.”

“You’re
right. I’m just good old Mason, always there when it’s convenient, but clueless
when it comes to real life issues. Why should I know about pain? My life is a
walk in the park. All I’m good for is that little extra, so you can get the
affirmation you need and once and for all feel like a strong and worthy man.”

Mason
began to pace. “Why, Sean, was my love only good enough when his piece of shit
imitation of affection wasn’t available? This entire relationship, from start
to finish, you’ve always chosen the slight chance at a knock off over a
guarantee of the real thing. It’s like watching someone trade a handful of
priceless gems over for a worthless doubloon and being forced to witness their
pathetic hope that, this time, it will be different.

“Why
has he always had this hold over you? Did you once look at him with pride when
he pushed your mother around? Had he ever done
anything
that impressed
you? He wanted an emulation of himself! You hated who he was, but tried to
please him anyway. Why? So some dickhead could give you an
atta’boy, son!
And
forget about you in the next minute?

“Big
fucking man
you
were. How did it feel to sit back with dear old dad and
not have the balls to tell him what a prick he was when he ridiculed someone
smaller than him? Did it make you feel good to stand with the bully rather than
stand up to him and maybe be a hero?

“I
loved you, Sean. I gave you everything I had to offer and you passed it by for
nothing. When he rode your ass about never having a functional relationship I
bet you pretended he was right rather than chance him discovering the truth.
All those times you could’ve told him just how wrong he was, just how little he
truly knew you, but did you? Nope, because that would be admitting you fucked
another man and that’s pansy shit.”

A
hidden part of Sean’s soul quivered deep within his gut. He could almost see
the torn corduroys and sloppy sneakers he wore as a boy, feel the shame and
anger that filled his tiny chest when his father would spend hours putting him
down. He hated that boy. He would never be that weak again.

“Fuck
you.”

“Ah,
but you already did,” Mase sneered. “You fucked me for years and I let you. I
trusted you and loved you without condition and I never once threw your faults
back in your face.” He turned and looked toward the ceiling. “Yet you still
walked away. I surrendered heart and soul to you and gladly accepted all of
your flaws, because, to me, your imperfections made you human. I wanted to show
you the man I saw, give you the confidence he tore from you like strips of
flesh. I was always proud of you, but I wanted you to be proud of yourself. Why
did I do that, Sean? Why did I build you up so that you could just walk away? I
never for one moment actually believed your shame could outweigh our love.”

“Mason,
please…” He didn’t want to hear anymore.

“Please
what? Let’s talk about it. Your dad’s dead so let’s finally get it all out in
the open.”

“I
don’t want to do this.”

“Do
what? Admit that you’re a pussy or admit that your father didn’t have a clue
when it came to people or love? Which is it, Sean? Was dear old Dad right? Are
you just a pansy ass little girl—”

“Fuck
you!”

“Big
words for a little girl.”

Sean
had never seen Mason act like this. Why was he doing this? He trusted him with
the stories of his past, confided in him during their most vulnerable moments.
And now he was mimicking his father’s words and forcing Sean into a place he
never wanted to return to. Fuck him for using those memories as ammunition now.

“Come
on, Sean, let’s hear it. Could you possibly place more value in the opinion of
a man who beat your mother than you could in your own views? Are you that lost
that you can’t see how wrong he was? He made you miserable. He was never going
to change. If you would’ve married a woman he would’ve called her a good for
nothing cow same as if you would’ve stayed with me he would’ve called you a
faggot. What difference does it make how you appear in the eyes of a man like
that? He wasn’t even a man. A man doesn’t bully women and children to make
himself feel big. It’s what’s in here that defines the man,” Mason said,
thrusting his thumb at his chest. “When are you going to climb out of his
shadow and embrace what you really are, a man
nothing
like
the
asshole that raised you?”

Sean’s
chest was too tight. His eyes blinked quickly as he continuously swallowed a
knot that formed in his throat. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why
does it have to be so difficult?”

“You
don’t understand. What you have here with Liberty, I’ve never had anything like
that. That kind of security—”

“That’s
because you never
let
yourself have it! It takes faith, Sean, faith in
something you don’t get a written guarantee on. You have to learn to trust the
people that love you to catch you when you fall, to pick you up when you’re
down and accept you at your worst. Let go of the fear. We aren’t him and
neither are you. Don’t let him control you from the grave. He’s gone. His words
can’t hurt you anymore. They meant nothing then and they mean even less now. He
couldn’t love you because
he
was broken. There was never anything wrong
with you. Believe me. You’re easy to love.”

“No,
I’m not.”
 
Sean heard the hope in his own
words, but he daren’t go there.

“Then
explain to me how, after only meeting you a few days ago, you’ve already made
my wife love you?”

His
head jerked up like on puppet strings. “Liberty doesn’t
love
me.”
 

“Really?
Do you think she’d allow someone to do the things you did with her if she
didn’t care for them on some level?”

“She
didn’t have a choice.”

“There’s
always a choice. Do you honestly think I would’ve let you force her into
something she wasn’t on board with? Do you honestly think
you
would’ve
been able to force her?”

“I’m
bigger—”

“It
has nothing to do with size.”

“Come
on, Mase, she was scared—”

“I
told you before. It takes strength to submit, not fear. The only person afraid
back there was you. You were afraid we would tell you enough was enough and ask
you to go. When will you get that we want you here? There is nothing you can do
that’s so evil we would turn our backs on you.”

Sean
sunk down to the edge of the bed. His voice was hard to find. When he finally
spoke he sounded as if he’d swallowed a handful of razorblades. “What you have
with Liberty, it’s beautiful. Why would you risk wrecking it by inviting me
in?”

“Because
we think having you with us will only add to the beauty of what we share.”

“Aren’t
you afraid I’ll take off again?”

Mason
smiled. “We’re both a little older and a little wiser. If you try to leave
again, don’t expect me to stand idly by like I did before and watch you go.
Besides, there’s a different dynamic when a female is involved. I don’t think
you could do that to Liberty.”

“Awfully
big gamble.”

Mason
kneeled before him in the space between his knees. “Like I said, it’s about
trust, trust in each other and in the love that we share.” He palmed the back
of Sean’s neck and drew their heads together, looking him directly in the eyes
as he pressed his forehead to Sean’s. “If thirteen years didn’t diminish what we
feel, I doubt anything could. I love you, Sean.”

He
stared back into Mason’s soul. He felt raw and exposed. His tears long ago
passed his lashes. “I love you, too.”

The
soft press of Mason’s mouth against his lips sent trickles of pleasure down his
spine. Sean let himself be slowly eased back onto the bed and Mason crawled
into the space between his thighs. At first they simply kissed one another,
taking the time to relearn each other’s taste and feel. There was no haste or
urgency.

Mase
smelled good. Strong and clean like soap and linen and a little bit of Liberty.
The weight of Mason’s body on his was something he’d forgotten the feel of,
that delicious press of strength, more substantial than a woman, harder, more
powerful.

Mason’s
fingers found his and entwined. The pressure when he squeezed his hand was more
fortifying than any handshake. This was an agreement, a consummation of the
future they would all be committing to. Sean felt vulnerable and terrified that
he was being given something he so badly desired and that it would suddenly be
ripped away from him because he proved to be not good enough.

“Don’t
think about that now,” Mason whispered over his mouth as if reading his
mind.
 
“Trust this.”

His
tongue coasted over Sean’s and he loved the rough feel of his jaw against his.
He slowly began to caress his way under the hem of Mason’s cotton shirt. His
skin burned his fingertips. His muscles trembled under his touch.

“Take
this off,” Sean whispered.

Mason
spent another moment kissing him. They were each reluctant to pull away. Mase
rose up on his knees and crossed his arms over his stomach, fisting the hem of
his tee and shucking it over his head in one smooth move. He was beautiful.

Without
returning to him, Mason kneeled and simply let Sean look at him for a moment.
Really look at him. He was a long awaited feast for the eyes. Although many
years had passed, time had treated Mason well. His dark, flat nipples were
sharp at the tips, his trim abdomen still rigid and lean. Sean placed his palm
on the side of Mase’s chest and ran a thumb over the brown disk of his nipple.
Mason shut his eyes and breathed in the pleasure.

He
repeated the caress on the other nipple, his eyes watching and greedily eating
up every square inch of perfection that was Mason. Slowly, he moved his touch
down his stomach, fingers tripping over every muscle like a ribbon laces over a
Jacob’s ladder.

Then
Mason pulled the zipper of his pants slowly down, one tooth at a time, the
silence making way for the quiet interruption, the tiny zip transforming into
an echoing stampede of something magnificent to come. Mason stared at him as he
worked his pants over his firm hips and his cock sprang free. Slowly, he worked
his legs out of the pants and returned to the space between Sean’s thighs.

Mason
leaned forward, bracing his weight on his palms as they pressed into the
mattress beside his head. The heat of their cocks meshed as their flesh
collided, a heavy weight of sensitive skin caressing and kissing. Mingling and
preparing their flesh for what would come.

“Let
me take you, Sean. Trust me not to hurt you and put yourself in my care.”

Sean’s
chest rose and fell as seconds ticked slowly by. He reached up and cupped
Mason’s jaw, pulling him closer. Tenderly, he licked over the other man’s lips
and whispered, “Yes.”

Mason’s
mouth pressed down on his, his body gliding over his flesh, tongue probing deep
inside. Sean’s arms coiled around his strong form and held him there, needing
his strength, coveting it, and never wanting to let it go. The scratchy hair of
their legs added to the delicious friction as they moved together, rolling and
rediscovering the other’s touch.

The
kiss became more needy and urgent. Demanding. Sean gripped Mason’s ass as their
cocks nudged together creating a slippery trail along his belly. His balls drew
tight and he needed more. “I want you.”

Mason
kissed over the stubble running down the thick cord of his neck. His mouth was
like a scalding brand, marking and reclaiming him all at once. The feel of his
fingers digging into the flesh at the side of his stomach was a pinch that
released some of his building need. Yes! He needed to feel him, to know his
possession was there, present, more than just a fantasy.

Mase’s
mouth moved to his hip and he bit down, sucking hard. Sean’s cock twitched hard
at the feel of his lover’s mouth so close to where he wanted him most. Not
until he was sure his flesh wore the purple bruise of his mark did Mason move
on. Scooting down the bed he took hold of Sean’s needy flesh and squeezed.

Sean
looked down into those eyes, dark with lust and wanting. With torturously slow
control, Mason leaned forward and seductively took Sean in his mouth. The sight
of his lover’s lips closing over his flesh, his lover’s eyes watching him
intently, had Sean hissing in pleasure. It was almost too much to tolerate.

Skin
grew slick with saliva. The flat press of Mason’s tongue massaged the sensitive
underside of his dick all the way down to his scrotum. Sean’s knees pulled up
as he moaned long and hard. “Fuck…”

He
felt Mase smile and heard his muffled chuckle and then his cock was suddenly
engulfed in burning pleasure as Mase took him to the back of his throat. Sean
grabbed hold of his head and thumped his hips, guiding his mouth up and down.

His
release climbed up his cock as if it journeyed from his toes. His spine
twitched. His asshole tightened. Mason sucked harder, his fist pumping up and
down, milking Sean.