Breaking Perfect (33 page)

Her
body stiffened as she noticed him standing there. He hated the way her blue
irises shimmered under unshed tears. Tears he caused. “May I come in?”

“You
love him.”

Not
a question. Mason looked down, unable to meet her gaze. He could feel her
determination, sense her need to know the truth.

“How
long?” she suddenly asked.

Not
understanding, he looked at her and asked, “How long what?”

“How
long has this been going on? Was this whole thing a set-up? Have you been
sleeping with him throughout our entire marriage?”

He
took a step forward and halted. “Oh, God, baby, no.” He wanted to go to her but
also didn’t want to break another vow. “Liberty, I’ve never cheated on you—”

“I
saw
you.”

“What
you saw should have never happened. I swear to you, I haven’t seen or talked to
Sean in thirteen years. Yes, we used to be lovers in college and I should’ve
told you. I wasn’t keeping it a secret out of fear or shame. It simply never
came up.”

“It
would be one thing,” she said, now looking toward the wall, “if it was the
physical closeness that bothered me, but it’s not. What I cannot comprehend is
how my husband can look at another person with such unrefined love in his eyes,
such need, such emotional longing, and I never even knew this ghost of your
past existed.” She laughed harshly. “I have to admit, if I’d been aware of the
history you two shared I might’ve been a little more cautious about agreeing to
invite him into our bed. I didn’t realize he was my competition.”

“There
is
no
competition,” he said fiercely.

“Isn’t
there? You love him, Mason. You’re lying to me and yourself if you deny it.”

“I
love you too.”

She
nodded. “I know you do. And I actually blame my ignorance on myself. I’m quite
demanding of your time. Our marriage has always revolved around my needs, my
illness. If I wasn’t so messed up we would’ve probably discussed this a long
time ago, but with all my issues, there simply wasn’t time, was there? My hurt
feelings are just another result of my selfishness. My mother was right. You
should have never married me.”

Her
words sliced through him like a searing blade. He couldn’t take anymore. He
entered the room and fell to his knees before her. His trembling hands took her
cold fingers in his and brought them to his lips.

“No,
Lib, don’t ever think that. You’re my wife and I love you. Do you think
I’m
perfect? Because I’m not! There are days that I hate myself and can barely look
at myself in the mirror. You heal me. None of us are perfect. Don’t ever think
you take more from this marriage than I do. You give so much of yourself.
You’ve spoiled me and I’d never be able to make it through the day without
knowing you’re there for me.”

A
small puddle of a tear landed on his hand. She shook her head. “Don’t you see,
Mason? Our marriage is already crowded what with you, me, and my sickness. I’ve
allowed it to become a living thing between us, an unwelcome guest in our home,
a monster we harbor. Why would you want all this chaos when you could have
Sean? Because no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be perfect.”

God,
she was destroying him and she didn’t know it. He squeezed his eyes tight and
shook his head, gripping her small hands harder. “I don’t want perfection. I
only want you, Liberty. You, with all your quirks, and needs, and compulsions
are what make my world right. It doesn’t matter what’s typical here, only that
we’re perfectly happy, because I assure your there is no such thing as happily
perfect.”

She
suddenly sobbed, her shoulders quaking. “I wanted to be better. I thought…I
thought by now I would’ve been. You’ve tried so hard to fix me.”

He
pulled her into his arms, her body sliding from the bed and into his lap. He
rocked her as she cried. “No, baby, no. It was never my intention to fix you,
only support you when you need it as you support me. You aren’t broken. You’re
you and I love you, all of you. Please understand that.”

Why
had he pushed her? Why had he allowed his past into his present? His emotions
were so jumbled. While he loved Sean,
that
was now perfectly clear, he
also felt as though he’d allowed a serpent into their home. Her tears
eventually waned and her breathing slowed. “Please come downstairs, Liberty.
We’ll work all this out. I swear it. I’ll tell Sean he’s to go and—”

“
No!”
She fought his grip on her.

“No?
I thought—”

“This
involves him as much as it involves you and me. He just lost his father and
found you again. I don’t want to throw him out with nowhere to go.”

A
part of his heart swelled with relief and trembled with trepidation. “Lib, Sean
has a place to go—”

“No,
Mason. He has shelter, but not a home. A home should be filled with love.
Otherwise it’s just an emotional prison keeping you apart from the world. He
has no family to return to, no partner. I can’t let you ask him to leave.”

“He
may want to leave.”

“I’ll
talk to him,” she said.

“Liberty,
think about what you’re saying. No more secrets. No more lies. Sean is someone
from my past that I cared about very much. I never expected to feel the same
way so many years later, but I do. His presence complicates things and will
continue to.”

“And
you think sending him away will make you stop loving him? Mason, I know how you
two feel about each other. I saw it clear as day.”

“What
are you saying?”

“I’m
saying…if you claim we’re partners, belonging to one as much as the other, then
I have as much of a right as you do to…” She let the statement fall away and
blushed.

“Liberty?”

“I
want you to be together,” she rushed the words out. “I can’t deny you this. I
just…I…Please, don’t abandon me.”

Her
words hit him like a cannon ball in the stomach, buckling his strength. “Oh,
sweetheart, I would
never, never
abandon you. Why would you even think
that?”

“Because
what you have with Sean, it’s apart from me.”

“No,
Lib, you’re the glue that binds me together. There is no you, separate from me.
We’re one. Sean may have been a part of my past, but you’re my future and there
is no me without you. I can’t agree to any of this if it’s not what you want
too. You come first. You’ll always come first.”

She
sniffled and cupped her palm over his jaw. “I don’t see a rewind button in this
situation. If one of us bows out, someone gets hurt. I don’t want anyone
hurting or resenting their circumstances. We’re all here and I think we should
cope with it and move on accordingly. I understand why you care so much for
Sean. I do. He’s very easy to love.”

He
stilled. “Do you love him?”

“Not
the way I love you, but I think there’re parts of him I love. He’s funny and
sweet and kind.”

She
seemed to be remembering something. A secret smile played at the corner of her
mouth as she stared unseeingly at the floor.
 
He would have given anything to be able to read her mind, but didn’t
dare ask.
 

“I
believe we could do this, Mason. If we all promise to be honest with each
other, I think there’s a chance we may find a level of happiness most people
can only dream of.”

He
wanted to believe she was right, but Mason had always been a realist. “Liberty,
it won’t be easy. This isn’t simple logistics. It’s more than sleeping
arrangements and another mouth to feed.”

“I
am aware Sean isn’t a golden retriever, Mason. He would be a part of our
family. Not a pet we play with when it suits us.”

He
hesitated, unsure how to explain this. He figured honesty was the best policy.
“He may not want to.”

“Why?”

“When
Sean and I called it quits it was because he couldn’t admit to the world he was
in love with a man. You’re asking him to openly have a relationship with not
just another man, but another man and his wife. And think about what this would
mean to you. We may not be the most social couple, but eventually people will
notice and talk. We could wind up being ostracized.”

“I
know you think I’m being naive, but so what? Who cares what they think? If
anyone has to be concerned, it’s you, Mason. You’re the one in the public eye.
And not to sound like a bitch, but I’m pretty sure when someone needs an
operation and you’re the only doctor around to perform it they won’t care what
kind of proclivities you have so long as you can save their life. Let them
talk. I’ve never fit in. I’m so over caring about what others think.”

He
wanted to believe her. He wanted to take her words to the bank, but one never
knew what the future would bring. He sat, thinking quietly for a while when she
whispered, “Is this something you would want, Mason? Would sharing our home,
our bed, our marriage with Sean please you?”

He
shut his eyes.
If it were only that easy.

“It
could be.”

He
didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud until he heard the words echo around the room.
He looked at his wife, but could think of nothing further to say.
 
Something momentous had happened.
 
He got that, but the import of it eluded his
reeling brain.
 
Something changed for
Liberty.

“Why
don’t we ask Sean what he wants instead of deciding for him?”

“Liberty,
the only way I’ll ever consider this is if you understand that, no matter what,
you’re first. If this doesn’t work, you and I are walking away. You aren’t
abandoning
me.”

She
smiled a smile that spoke volumes if only Mason could read it. “Okay.”

Chapter Thirteen

“You
want to do what?”
Sean sat in Mase’s study facing the two of them, sure he
hadn’t heard them correctly.

“We
want you to live with us,” Liberty said with such serene calm that Sean had to
fight the urge to accept the invitation without question.

“What?
Why? For how long?”

Mason
looked at Sean. “For as long as it works out.”

“Forever.”
Liberty said, both answering at the same time. Sean felt like he was watching a
tennis match. Rather than look to each other for clarity, Mase arched his brow
and looked at him. Sean understood the message he was sending. He walked away
thirteen years ago and that underlined the fact that he was still odd man out.
Good. Sean needed to know Mase was looking out for Liberty before all else.

“Sean,
we understand that this isn’t a traditional arrangement—”

“You
got that right,” he said, interrupting Liberty.

Mase
leaned forward. “Look, we discussed this and feel that you should stay. Not as
our guest, but as part of our family. If you don’t want to then we’ll
understand.”

He
couldn’t even wrap his brain around whether he wanted to or not. It was all too
strange to comprehend, easier to focus on the two of them acting nuttier than
bat shit. “You guys are married,” he said, stating the obvious.

“Yes,
and as husband and wife we have decided this is something we both want.”

At
Mase’s words Sean turned to Liberty and eyed her suspiciously. “You want this?”

“If
it will make Mason happy—”

“Will
it make
you
happy?”

Her
lips stilled. She thought for a moment. “Yes. Having you here would make me
happy.”

“What
about my job?”

“You
could find work here,” Mase said.

“What…I
don’t even know how something like this would work. Where would we sleep?”

“We
discussed that. The house has three bedrooms. Each of us will have our own
private space. Liberty has the third floor and our room. You have the
guestroom.”

“I
think we should all sleep in the master bedroom, but if we need space there are
always other options,” Liberty added as if she were simply saying she planned
on making a chocolate cake instead of vanilla.

Sean
shook his head. This would never work. Visions of each of them walking away, a
little older, a little wiser, and a little more broken filled his mind and the
predictable guilt of such an end choked him, stifling any impetuous desire to
actually attempt what they were suggesting.

“Look,”
Mase said, but Sean had heard enough.

He
stood. “I think you both are nuts.”

“Why?
Because we aren’t afraid to ask for what we want? What’ll make us happy?”
Liberty said.

“You
have no idea what you’re asking.”

“We
know perfectly well what we’re asking,” Mase said.

He
narrowed his eyes at the both of them. “You’re welcoming another man into your
marriage
! People don’t do that for good
reason. It won’t work. The novelty will wear off and after a while you’ll
wonder why another man keeps fucking your wife!”

Mason
looked at Liberty. She winced at Sean’s crude words, but he didn’t regret what
he said. They needed to understand the reality of what they were asking.

“I’ve
told Liberty everything about our past. There’ll be no secrets or lies between
us. That means the three of us. If that isn’t a commitment you can make than
the entire arrangement is off. But being that we’re being truthful with one
another, I can honestly say I will no more wonder why you’re fucking my wife
than she’ll wonder why
I’m
fucking
you
.”

Sean
glared at him with challenge. “That isn’t how it works and you know it.”

“That’s
how it worked this morning.”

“That
was different. If you’re talking long term, you know I need more than that. I’m
not a bottom.”

“I
know what you need,” Mase said with equal challenge.

“And
what about Liberty? Have you told her why I’m single after all this time?”

“I’ve
explained that you have specific likes when it comes to women.”

Sean
turned to Liberty. She fidgeted under his stare. Pink crested her cheeks. He
waited for her to look to Mason for assurance and was glad when she did not. He
was unnerving her, he could tell, but she held his gaze. “I won’t tolerate hesitation
on your part because you require another man’s approval or permission. I won’t
be second rate to another.”

“Of
course not, Sean.”

“I’m
demanding, Liberty, more than I have already showed you.”