Breakable (17 page)

I
pushed myself to the edge of the bed, got to my feet before he made another
sound.

“Wait.”
Dex grabbed my arm as I took a step, pulled me back. “You can’t just leave–”

I
whirled, my free hand spun out and took him flat on the cheek with a crack that
rebounded off the walls.

Dex
blinked. His mouth dropped open and his hand left my arm. He stared.

I
inched back a step, watching him. He was drunk. Would he–?

“Wait…”
He reached for me again.

“Don’t
touch me!” I jumped back, stumbling towards the door.

“Stacy,
I shouldn’t have said... I just got mad–”

But
I’d reached the door, fumbled at the handle with shaking hands until I got it
open. I turned and flung it wide.

“Stacy!”

“Get
away from me!” I shrieked and ran into the hall.

Chapter Nineteen

I
felt rather than saw all the faces in Finn’s hallway turn towards me. For a
second I froze, felt myself tremble. My sight was blurred with tears, the light
and dark of the party torn into strips. But then Dex’s footsteps thumped on the
thick carpet behind me.

“Stacy!”

I
gasped and ran for the stairs. But I only made it a couple steps before I drew
up hard against an iron chest.

“What’s
going on?”

Warm
hands closed on my arms. It was Mark. The relief was palpable.

“M-Mark,
it isn’t as bad as…I just… can you please t-take me home?”

Mark’s
face was stern. “Of course I can. But–” His eyes narrowed. “Stace, you’re
shaking. What happened?!”

“Should’ve
known,” Dex muttered behind me. It startled me. My heart thumped painfully. I
knew I’d overreacted with Dex, knew he’d be angry. Reflexively, when his voice
sounded right at my back, I flinched.

Mark’s
eyes widened. Then his head snapped up to look at Dex. His eyes narrowed to
slits and his grip tightened on my arms.

Suddenly
I was behind him and he had Dex up against the wall with a thud that shook the
upper story. His forearm pressed into Dex’s chest so hard it shook, the muscles
in his shoulder threatening to punch out of his tight shirt.

Dex
grunted. They struggled, wrestled.

“Keep
your hands off her!”

“You’re
one to talk,” Dex managed through gritted teeth.

Mark
plowed a fist into Dex’s stomach. Dex made a strange, gurgling noise and his
face flushed to near-purple. Mark let him go and stepped back, poised to take
another swing. But Dex just sank to the floor, holding his stomach and
coughing.

Mark’s
hands came down to his sides. I stood behind him, hands over my mouth, giddily
swinging between cold horror that Dex got hit because of me, and flushing with
warmth that Mark would hit anyone because of me.

But
before I got myself together, Mark grabbed my arm and pulled me for the stairs.

“Come
on.” His voice was flat and hard.

“But–”
I stumbled after him. The room spun and faces came in flashes. I couldn’t
focus. My legs didn’t seem to want to work. I tripped on the stairs twice. Both
times I giggled – even I could tell it sounded unhinged – and Mark cursed and
caught me.

“Are
you drunk?” he hissed in my ear when we finally made it to the bottom.

“I
didn’t think I was… only two shots…”

“Shots?
Of what?” Mark led me through the crowds downstairs. Bodies were much thicker
down here. More faces turned to watch. More eyebrows raising…

“Dex’s
flashk. I mean, flask,” I corrected myself, stumbling again as Mark changed
direction to slide between bodies.

Most
of the crowd followed our passage with their eyes, faces bright with curiosity,
mouths twisted or covered by hands as words were whispered to friends.

I
wanted to stop, to tell them all it wasn’t as bad as it looked, and they could
just pretend I hadn’t been there. But Mark kept dragging me forward, tugging at
my arm every time I tried to slow, or turned towards an onlooker.

“Just
keep moving,” he muttered in my ear.

“My
purse–”

“Is
in my car. I found it half an hour ago. In Finn’s room.”

The
tone in his voice said we weren’t finished talking about
that
. Oh,
farkle.

Through
the blur, and the alcohol haze, the front door slowly eased into view. Mark
didn’t have to pull me anymore, I was as eager to get out of here as he was to
get me out.

But
six feet in front of it, Mark drew to a halt so fast I ran into him. His grip
on my arm didn’t waver.

“What’s
going on, Mark?” Karyn asked in her little-girl voice.

“Don’t
worry,” I stage whispered. Both Mark and Karyn turned to look at me. “Your
voice will break when you go through puberty.”

“Shut
up, Stacy,” Mark muttered. “Look, Kar, there’s been…I need to give Stacy a ride
home. But I’ll be back in half an hour, okay? Sorry, babe.”

He
leaned forward to kiss her, but she jerked back, glaring, first at him, then at
me. A perverse part of me, desperate to pretend this night hadn’t happened, was
dying
to tick Karyn off. I pretended to sway, lurched into Mark and
grabbed at his arm, hugging it to my chest.

He
didn’t let go of my wrist, but the glance he gave me spoke volumes.

Karyn’s
gaze dropped to Mark’s arm, where we were joined, then snapped back up to his
face.

“Kar–”
Mark started.

But
her expression suddenly lightened. She waved a hand and shook her head, a slow
smile spreading on her face. “It’s fine. You’re right. She’s drunk. Get her out
of here. I’m sure I’ll find
something
to do until you get back.”

Then
she looked at me and her smile got broader.

Uneasiness
swirled over my revulsion and embarrassment.

Karyn
wasn’t finished. “Have you seen Finn, Mark? People keep asking where the cups
are and I don’t know.”

Then
she looked at me again.

Mark
murmured something about Finn being in his room. “…but you might not want to
interrupt…that…”

Karyn
laughed and touched his other arm, her eyes warm on his. “Don’t worry. I’ll
wait my turn.”

Then
she turned, her eyes met mine and held until she’d passed us and sashayed her way
to the stairs, disappearing into the crowd.

No.

I
started after her, this was our chance!

But
Mark growled something and yanked me back towards the door.

“But,
Mark, can’t you see? She’s going to–”

“Shut
up, Stacy.” He shoved his way through the last of the people and yanked the
door open, pulling me outside. Stomping across the driveway like he was
crushing bugs.

“Mark,
seriously, we should go back. She’s going to find
Finn
, and–”

“Stacy,
seriously, it is time for you to
shut up
.”

Then
I realized he was seething. Absolutely livid.

It
was rare for Mark to lose his temper. I gripped his arm with my other hand.

“I’m
sorry–”

“SHUT
UP!” Mark stopped in the middle of the driveway and whirled on me. It scared me
so bad I stumbled back a step. But he just yanked me forward again until we
were toe-to-toe. “I got you here to try and make things
better
, and you
just–” His lips clamped down over the words.

“I’m
sorry,” I breathed. “Really, Mark, it wasn’t as bad as it looked. I just…” I
trailed off.

Mark
stared at me, his brow furrowed, jaw twitching with tension. But it wasn’t only
anger painted on his face. There was something else in there. Something behind
his eyes that I couldn’t define.

He
opened his mouth and a tingling thrill of hope cut through me. But he closed
his mouth again, took an audible breath, then said, “Get in the car.” He pulled
me past him and gave me a gentle shove in the right direction. I stumbled, but
caught myself. Why wasn’t the clear air of night bringing my head into focus?

The
ground swayed as if I was on a ship. The car seemed like it kept sliding
sideways. It was hard to get my fingers to close on the handle.

When
had I gotten drunk?

Mark
opened the driver’s door and dropped into the seat, spearing the ignition with
the key, throwing the shift into reverse, and pulling back too fast when there
were so many cars parked nearby. But soon we were safely crunching down the
gravel driveway.

He
hunched over the steering wheel, jaw clenched, the planes of his face lit up
from the light coming in through the windscreen.

My
breath felt too heavy and loud, but I couldn’t seem to make it quieter. I
watched him drive, the twist of fear pulling tighter and tighter in the face of
his obvious anger.

“Mark,
I–”

“Stacy,
just give me a minute. Please.” His voice was quiet, but his eyes remained
fixed on the road ahead.

I
nodded and sat back, nursing a tiny chill of fear.

So
it was true. Older Me had been right. I shouldn’t have come. It was possible
I’d completely misjudged this night. Everything.

It
was possible Mark was about to rid himself of me.

My
fingers curled into my thighs, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe.

Chapter Twenty

 A
few minutes down the road my head was still spinning, but all I could think about
was Mark. How he’d come to help me. How he hadn’t torn my hands off him when I
gripped his arm. How angry he was…

“Thank
you,” I said quietly, without looking at him. “For helping me. With Dex.”

Mark
stiffened. “Did he–?”

“No!”
I said quickly. Then swallowed. “It wasn’t anything serious. But he was drunk
and being a jerk and I was already shaken up.” I trailed off.

Mark
feels sorry for you…He laughs about you when you aren’t there.

“What
were you doing up there?” Mark sounded incredulous.

“I
was just exploring. I hadn’t been in Finn’s house for so long. And I felt
nervous. After I cleaned off my shirt, I just wandered around.”

“Into
Finn’s room?” He finally turned, gave me a very direct look.

He’s
only nice to you because his parents told him it would be wrong to dump you
when you don’t have any other friends.

His
gaze kept me silent for a second, but I nodded. Then, “I wasn’t expecting him
to come up there.”

Mark
rolled his eyes. “And Dex?”

I
swallowed again. “After Finn found me, I ran across the hall. I just needed
some space. I wasn’t doing anything. But then Dex found me, and…”

What
is wrong with you?

Mark
didn’t respond for the longest time.

“Mark,
I–”

“You
scared me,” he said, so quietly at first I thought I’d imagined it.

“What?”

He
cleared his throat, frowned out the windscreen. “You scared me. The whole point
of tonight was to get them used to having you around. It was supposed to
be…quiet. I had a plan, if you would have just been patient. But first you
arrive with Dex – which, by the way, is just a stupid idea all around after
what he did to you. Then you just disappeared. I was looking for you and you
never showed up. Karyn got pissy because I started actually
searching
.
Then when I found you, you’re tearing out of a bedroom half-clothed and
crying.”

Oh,
gawd. I hadn’t thought about it like that. That made it even worse. Shame
twisted in my stomach, made me want to hurl.

I
can’t believe I brought you here. Tried to help you. What is wrong with you…?

He
laughs about you when you aren’t there.

Mark
pushed back into his seat, arms braced on the steering wheel. “You need to be
more careful if you’re going to… to… get with guys like that.”

Shame
burned my cheeks, but it fuelled something hotter, deeper in my chest. “What
are you, my dad?” I muttered.

“Stacy!”

“What?
I’m just saying. You sound like…like my brother or something.”

Mark
scoffed. “Fine. Whatever. Do whatever you want and I’ll never say a word. Just
remember, whatever you do with a guy like Dex will end up in an
after-football-practice story. You want to take that kind of flack? Have all
those guys knowing your business?”

“Seems
like the only person getting into my business is you.”

Mark
gaped. “You’re always complaining about people making life hard for you. Do you
want to give them more to work with?”

“Butt
out, Mark.”

“No,
I won’t. I know what they’re like. I know how they treat girls who… who…”

“What,
who do what, Mark? Have sex? Like you and Karyn?” It came out of nowhere, but
it felt good. It loosened the squeezing I’d felt since Finn brought it up.

“What?”

“Well,
you’re sleeping with her, aren’t you? So, are you telling stories about her in
the locker room? Is that how you
know
what those guys are like? You and
Karyn haven’t been together long. Does that make her a whore? Or just easy?
What do
the guys
say?”

It
felt good to unleash some of my jealousy at Mark – even if it was a low blow.

“Who
told you that?” His voice was low and quiet.

Uh-oh…Um.
“Why do you think anyone had to tell me?”

Mark
turned to catch my eye, “Because as far as I know, the only person who thinks
that is Finn–”

“Speaking
of sphincters,” I muttered.

“–But
why would Finn tell you something like that? What is going on, Stacy? Why did
you go up to Finn’s room? And why was he talking to you about me and Karyn?”

The
only answers to those questions were ones I didn’t want to give. So I pushed my
lips together and stared out the window. It was only a minute or two until my
house. If I could hold out long enough, I wouldn’t have to answer him.

We
drove a couple minutes in tense silence.

“Stace?
What’s going on?” Most of the anger had left his voice, but it held a note of
caution that scared me more.

I
shrugged. “Finn was just being a jerk and he let something slip. I got upset
because he told me how pathetic I am. Then I went into the bedroom to get
myself together. Dex found me. We kissed. That’s all. He got grabby and I got
mad and I slapped him, so he got mad, yadda, yadda, yadda…it all got blown out
of proportion.”

Mark
nodded, but the muscles in his jaw twitched. “I think maybe Dex is the kind of
guy who blows things out of proportion a lot,” he said eventually. “I can’t
believe you want to have anything to do with him.”

“You
were the one who said I needed to spend more time with your friends so they
could get to know me.”

“Dex
isn’t a friend of mine.”

“Oh,
that’s right, I forgot. You only call awesome types like
Finn
friends.”
I sounded venomous. I was so sick of being judged.

“Finn
is
awesome,” Mark muttered. “To me, anyway. He’s had my back almost as
long as you have. He helped me talk to my Dad that time…”

“Awesome,”
I sneered. “Well, your awesome friend likes to tell me how desperate and ugly
and fat I am.”
And he kisses your girlfriend when you aren’t there.
I
made a face. “But you’re right, of course. That’s the kind of friend I need.
Thanks for showing me the light, Mark. On Monday I’ll tell Dex that even though
he tells me I’m attractive and wants to make out with me, he isn’t good enough.
I need more people in my life who treat me like dirt.”

The
car bumped on a pothole at the end of my driveway. Mark pulled forward, all the
way up to the door, then flipped off the lights and turned off the ignition,
dropping us into silent darkness. He sat back in his seat, one hand braced on
the steering wheel, not looking at me. The light from the moon and streetlights
behind us lit up the back of his head.

“Finn
said that to you tonight?”

“Finn
says that stuff every day,” I said. My anger faded in the face of Mark’s calm
and that wasn’t a good thing. I needed to stay mad so I wouldn’t start crying.

“Then
why did you talk to him?” Mark turned to look at me, his face screwed up in
confusion and irritation. “Seriously, Stace, why would you go anywhere near
someone who talked to you that way?”

I
snorted and rolled my eyes, unable to meet his because I’d fall apart. “You
don’t get it, Mark. It’s impossible to avoid all the people who hate me. It
sucks, but that’s the way it is.” I met his eyes and saw the skepticism there and
I had to get out of that car. “Look, thanks for dealing with Dex. He was just
drunk and… it doesn’t matter. Thanks. Sorry you had to leave because of me.”

“Stacy,
don’t–”

“Go
back to Karyn, okay? It’s been a sucky night and I want to go to bed and forget
about it.”

Mark
shook his head and muttered something under his breath.

“What
did you say?”

He
turned to meet my eyes. “I said, turns out you were right. I wish you would
have stayed out of there tonight.”

“Well,
I wish you’d mind your own business.”

Mark
rolled his eyes. “No you don’t.”

“Yes,
I do.”

I
needed to punch myself. I didn’t want Mark to mind his own business. I didn’t
want him to stop caring. I didn’t want him to be mad at me. But I couldn’t tell
him what was going on. In my head, I watched Finn meet my eye, wink and smile.
He knew. Even if he’d lied about Mark and me… even if it wasn’t true Mark was
sick of me… I couldn’t risk losing him completely. And if Mark read that
letter…

“So,
you’re going to date Dex anyway? After
that
?”

I
shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. It can’t be worse than following you and your
girlfriends around.”

Mark
huffed a breath through his nose and shook his head. “Sometimes you’re a real
piece of work, Stace.”

I
shivered. “Glad you finally noticed.”