Bracing the Blue Line (12 page)

UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T run into Paula anymore, and I'm above texting her just to have sex. She was right. That doesn't need to become a habit. After the horrible loss, I spend most of the weekend at the gym exercising since I'm not getting laid. The entire week has been shit with dirty dreams I don't want to have, the loss, and completely forgetting about an assignment. It's made me cranky. I'm still in a pissy mood when Dave FaceTimes me Sunday evening as I'm leaving the gym. It doesn't help at all that he looks so cheery.

“Make it quick,” I greet.

“What the hell is wrong with you? This is like the third day in a row you've been like this.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so fucking happy?” I ask with as much irritation I can muster.

Dave glares at me, knowing as good as I do that I'm being ridiculous. “I was going to ask for a favor, but I think I'll wait until you're in a better mood.”

A favor? I raise an eyebrow at him. “What kind of favor?”

Somehow, I manage to withhold a groan as he answers, “I called Maddie for my monthly checkup, as per my parents. She mentioned something about needing to study more for one of her classes, one I'm pretty sure you took and aced.”

“What do you want, Dave?” I grit.

“Calm down. It's not like I'm asking you to give her a kidney. I'm asking you to help her study and make a better grade than what she's doing right now.”

“Why does it have to be me? She can go get a tutor or form a study group. That's what you should have told her to do.” Not make me be around the girl invading my dreams. If they weren't so damn good, I would call them nightmares.

“Because then you can keep an eye out for her. God knows what college guys could talk her into.” He shakes his head like she's this innocent child.

“Get a grip, Dave. She's not five.”

He glares at me. “Are you going to help her or not?”

“Yeah. You owe me big time.”

Dave grins at his victory. “Thanks.”

“Whatever. I gotta go.” I end the call and finally groan. Fuck. Seeing Maddie is the last thing I want to do. I'm torn between wishing she chose a different university and hating myself for how I destroyed any second chance I had with her. Since I'm on campus, I might as well go ahead and see her now. The walk doesn't take long, and it isn't until I'm opening the door to the building that I consider the fact that she might not currently be in her dorm. Only one way to find out. I knock and wait. No answer, so I knock one more time before I give up.

“Winston? What are you doing here?” Maddie glances down the hall, like someone is going to notice I'm standing outside her room and actually care.

“Dave said you needed help with a class and I'm going to help. We need to figure some things out first though.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Maddie starts to shut the door, but my hand flies out to stop her.

“What?” She's turning me down?

Maddie sighs, but makes no further move to open the door back open. “I don't want your help, Winston.”

Leaning against the doorframe, I fold my arms over my chest. “Why didn't you just come ask me for help yourself? I told you that-”

“Yeah, right.” Maddie laughs harshly. “Like I would come ask you for anything.” I don't realize my mouth parted until she reaches out and pushes my jaw back up. “Go home, Winston.”

I'm surprised and a little hurt, but more disappointed in myself that I caused this reaction from her. I lose my defensive stance and plead with her. “C'mon, Maddie. At least let me come in, so we can talk.”

She watches me for a moment as she decides. “There's nothing to talk about, but if you want to waste your breath, feel free.” She turns around, going back into her room, and I follow her. The other bed belonging to her roommate is empty and made. We take a seat on her bed, Maddie up by her pillows and me at the foot with our legs folded as we sit across from one another.

“Can't we be friends, Maddie?” I ask. “Let's focus on that.”

“Let's forget that anything ever happened between us basically?” she says, but there's no anger or annoyance in her voice. Only sadness. “I can't believe you would want to pretend we never happened, secret or not.”

“I don't want to forget, Maddie. I couldn't if I wanted to. All I meant is I want us to be friends now. I can help you with your class and we can still hang out some if you want. Maybe then you won't get homesick again. You could meet more people that way too.”

“I get it, Winston. That sounds great.” I don't think she really means it though.

My phone beeps from my pocket and I pull it out. It's a text from Grant asking if I want to go with him and Lucy to a game Wednesday and that maybe I could ask Maddie to go too. He'll explain more later, but he thinks Lucy will have more fun with other people there.

“Hey, Grant's inviting me to go see a game Wednesday with him and some chick. Want to go? I don't know why, but he wants people to go with them.” I look up from my phone to gauge her reaction.

“Um, sure, I guess. I've never been to one before, so it should be fun. Do you know who the girl is?”

“Lucy Kennedy,” I answer.

Maddie's eyes almost pop out of her head. “As in the crazy good photographer and little sister of the unbelievably hot, football superstars Kennedy brothers? That Lucy?” She almost sounds excited.

“Yeah, that Lucy,” I deadpan to counteract her enthusiasm.

“Sweet. How about we study Tuesday and then game Wednesday? That sound good to you?”

“That works for me.”

She nods. “All right. I would love to stay and chat, but I was about to head to the gym before you got here, so...”

“You want me to leave? So you can do what you want to do? Sort of like the other night when I wanted to go to bed.” I perk an eyebrow at her, making her laugh. Part of me wants to ask when she started all this exercising, but I don't.

“Be the better person, Winston.”

“Fine. Text me with a time for Tuesday and I'll let you know about Wednesday.” When I stand to leave, I have a small urge to kiss her forehead, but I don't do that, of course. Instead, I smile and throw out a “catch ya later.”

Being friends with Maddie will be easy. It's a familiar place, and much better than the tempting, bad alternative. This week will prove that friendship is exactly where we need to be.

GOD, I'M EXHAUSTED. More spent than I've ever been, that's for sure. After spending time with the Lanier's, all I want to do is crawl into my bed and collapse, so I can fall into a deep sleep. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I almost want to stay here and figure out what the hell is going on with Grant and Lucy, but that's not happening either. Audra, who has done her best to communicate with me as little as possible this week, has finally invited me over to talk. She was clear that I better not “pull any shit” because she just finished her shift and wasn't in the mood to deal with my crap.

Without a word and with my keys in hand, I leave the house, following my phone's GPS to Audra's place. I knock on the door when I finally get there and note that it isn't the nicest of areas around. Audra gives me a tight-lipped smile and lets me in. Based on the looks of things, she lives in a small, one bedroom apartment.

“Hey, Neil. Can I get you something to drink or anything?”

“No, thanks,” I answer.

“I don't really know how we should do this,” she says as she takes a seat on the couch. Audra props her bare feet onto her wooden coffee table. She rests her hands over her belly and leans her head back with her eyes closed.

“How often do you work?” I ask. Suddenly, my fatigue doesn't seem so bad in the face of how tired she looks. “How are you sleeping?”

Audra peeks an eye open and tilts her head to look at me. Her mouth parts, but nothing comes out at first. “You genuinely care, don't you?”

“Does that surprise you?” My brows wrinkle at the thought. I'm not sure if it's because I do genuinely care or the fact that it surprises her. I wasn't always this guy. The one who would try to get rid of a pregnant girl like she was nothing more than leftovers that needs to be thrown away. I used to be the guy who would immediately, without any doubt, be by her side at whatever cost. For just a moment, I wonder how I could have gotten so far away from that person. For just a moment, I want to be that guy again.

“Well, yeah, it does. I work as often as I can and I'm sleeping fine. How are
you
sleeping?” She reaches out to mess with my black hair, patting it down as if it was out of place. “Sorry, that's been bugging me since you walked in.”

“It's okay.” Audra looks at me expectantly and I realize that she's waiting for me to answer her question. “How I sleep isn't the issue. It's finding the time. I got a job, working nights,” I finish in explanation.

Shock registers before she tucks it away and rests her head on the back of the couch again. “Well, why don't you tell me about yourself and how you're going to be helpful to me.”

“Oh, all right.” I look around the room as I talk. Audra's closed her eyes anyway. “Um, I'll go with you to the doctor's appointments and if possible, I would be grateful if you could schedule them so I don't miss class or hockey practice. I'll go to any classes you want me to go to. Basically, the exact same things as if we were in a relationship, going through this-”

Audra stirs next to me, so I glance at her as her head falls to the side and she slowly tilts until she leans on my shoulder.

“Audra?”

No answer. Her chest is moving normally, so she's probably just asleep. Poor girl. Can't even stay awake long enough to talk to me. Part of me wants to wake her up, but I really don't want to. If she's that tired, then I should let her sleep. Sighing, I relax into the couch, thankful the TV is on, and decide to wait for her to wake back up.

“NEIL?”

I grunt, feeling a terrible kink in my neck.

“Neil?” the voice says again.

My eyes flash open to find Audra standing in front of me. I yawn, wanting to stretch my legs, but can't until she moves. “About time you wake up,” I grumble with my thick, just-woken-up voice.

She laughs. “You were the one sleeping. I need to eat. I'm feeling a little lightheaded.”

I sit up and grab her hips. “Lightheaded? Why are you standing?” I guide her over until she's sitting down next to me. “What do you need? What do you want? I can run to the store. I-”

“Neil,” she rests a hand on my arm, “calm down. I'm only a little weak. There's no need to panic.” Her voice is soothing, which makes me relax a little.

“Right. Do you want me to fix you something to eat or go get something?”

Audra moves to stand, but I gently make her sit again. I do not want her passing out. She huffs and gives me a fake glare. “You don't have to do anything. I woke you up because I figured that would be better than you waking because of some banging around in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, well, you stay here. Tell me what you want and I'll go fix it for you.”

“Neil,” she protests.

“Unless my name is about to be followed with what food you want to eat, then I don't want to hear it.” I level my gaze at her until she sighs and tells me what she wants.

I leave Audra in the living room and start rummaging through her kitchen to find what I need. She wants chicken Alfredo. I have no freaking clue how to put all that together, but I'm sure I can figure it out. How hard can it be? She already has chicken breasts in the fridge, so I grab those.

“You're going to need-”

I spin to see Audra pulling out a chair at the kitchen table. “What are you doing?” I interrupt.

“I make it from scratch, and since you're so determined to cook, I'm going to tell you how.”

So Audra starts instructing me on what I need to do and where I need to get the ingredients. I keep glancing at her to make sure she looks okay. Every time I look, she's scrolling through her phone, rubbing her stomach, or watching my every move. About halfway through, she gets up and walks over to me.

“Feeling okay?” I question as she peers into the pot.

“I'm feeling freaked out that you are in my kitchen cooking. And a little worried that you're going to burn my apartment down.” Audra glances at me, causing me to laugh.