Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (62 page)

“Sir, your young daughter doesn’t look very
well,” she said.

Daddy sat up straight and came to his senses.
He looked closely at me. I was slumped over, and he lifted me up
and leaned me against his arm.

“She is just a little sleep deprived is all,
but thank you for bringing it to my attention,” Daddy said.

“Please take my handkerchief to wipe her brow
with,” she said, reaching out to pat my head, then going back to
her seat. Daddy did as she suggested, then told me to try and
relax. “We’ll be there in only an hour.”

I closed my eyes and dozed. The rattle of the
windows and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach kept me from
resting peacefully. I was grateful when the train came to an abrupt
halt and we were finally allowed to get out of the stuffy car, but
the fresh air was not much better. It was heavy and moist. It
didn’t seem to affect Daddy as he hurried us to a carriage that
took us to the cemetery where Momma was recently laid to rest.

The breeze on the carriage ride helped move
the air around, and I began to feel better. Though the ride was
long and bumpy, I enjoyed taking in the new sights and smells. It
was as if I were transported straight into summer. The sun blazed
high in the southern sky and scorched the soil. Along the way, I
noticed several plantations with abandoned colossal mansions set
back from the road—many destroyed and burnt to the ground, the only
remains six or seven chimneys standing tall and proud amongst the
ruins.

Daddy didn’t say anything until we reached
the cemetery. Then he said, “This is the place. Let’s go say
goodbye to Momma.”

The grounds along the river were full of live
oak trees, red cedar, and azaleas. It was the largest cemetery I
had ever seen. We took the long walk to the north end until Daddy
found the spot where Momma had been laid to rest. Daddy knelt on
the fresh dirt, his hat in hand before her tombstone, and began to
weep. I stayed back, twisting my hair around my finger, trying to
contain my tears. His moment with Momma was private; everything
around him disappeared, including me. Daddy was visibly lost
without her; he was half the man he had been when she was near. I
waited for him to call me over so I could pay my respects and give
her a final goodbye. After we returned to Jasper Island I would not
be able to see her grave again for many years, I thought. I wanted
to make my farewell momentous; I needed Momma to know I would miss
her, too. It wasn’t just Daddy who suffered over her death.

When he eventually stepped aside, I made my
way over. I was surprised that I held back my tears and was able to
speak to her without sobbing uncontrollably.

“I will miss everything about you,” I began.
“I will miss your beautiful smile, your loving eyes. I will hear
your angelic voice when the sun rises and sets each day. I will
always remember how much you loved me. Even through your madness, I
know you still loved me.”

Daddy came over and placed his warm hand on
my shoulder then I turned and fell into his arms. We cried together
for the first time, and for the last time. I clung to Daddy, and he
held me tight, sobbing, and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

I lifted my head from his chest and looked up
at him, not understanding what he would be sorry for. After all, it
wasn’t his fault that Momma had died.

He was staring ahead, and I turned to see
what had caught his attention. An aristocratic, aged woman wearing
a black crepe dress and black gloves, holding a cane, stood a few
feet away from Momma’s grave. She was tall and regal, her hair
silvery gray, with matching eyes as cold as stone. In the distance
was her carriage and a Negro man—her driver. Daddy stood tall and
sucked in his breath, then turned me around, placed my hand in his,
then approached the woman. She stood like a statue with no emotion
as Daddy formally introduced me. My mind scrambled to figure out
who the woman was, why she was at the cemetery, and how Daddy knew
her. Their eyes locked and held for a moment. I could see they had
no fondness for one another.

“Eugenia, this is Lillian.”

Her eyebrows lifted, and she gave me a brief
look then said to Daddy in a cool, unaffected way, “She looks
normal.”

Daddy took immediate offense and snapped, “Of
course she is normal.”

“This is only temporary, you understand?” She
had an accent, but it wasn’t like the others in the South. She
spoke like many of the English sailors Daddy had rescued over the
years at Rock Ledge Island.

Daddy nodded to her, and she hastily took
hold of my arm. I went to pull away, suddenly afraid of her, but
Daddy nudged me forward, and without meeting my eyes said, “You
will be staying with your grandmother for a while, Lillian.”

In confusion and fear, I pulled away.

Daddy came to me, fell to his knees, and made
me look at him. “I love you with all my heart; you must believe
me,” he said with great earnestness.

I frantically tried to read him; I wanted to
know how he could abandon me and leave me with a complete stranger,
a grandmother I didn’t even know existed. He began to explain why
he needed to leave me behind in an unfamiliar place.

“I have been reassigned to another station, a
place more desolate than Rock Ledge Island. It’s no place for you,
Lillian. You need a relative to look after you; I just can’t do
that right now. ” Daddy pleaded for me to understand, to accept his
helplessness, and do as he asked without putting up a fight.

“I want to stay with you, Daddy. I can help
you at any station, you know that!”

“Not now. Give me a few months,” he said,
then took hold of my hands. “I promise I will come back for
you.”

“Enough of this,” the grandmother spat,
pulling me away from Daddy. “You must leave now. You’re making
matters worse!”

Daddy stood to go, then placed a quick kiss
on my cheek. I reached for him, but he walked away, and I was held
back from running after him.

“Daddy, please don’t go; please don’t leave
me here!” I screamed. “Daddy, please!”

Grandmother called for the driver to help her
take me. I protested, and when she wouldn’t let me go, I kicked her
so hard she had no choice but to release her grip on me. I ran, ran
as fast as I could to Daddy. He stopped, spun around, and swept me
up into his arms. I was certain he had changed his mind, realized
what a terrible mistake he had almost made. But then, to my dismay,
he carefully lowered me to the ground and let go. I saw it then, in
his tired, defeated face, without any doubt—he wasn’t taking me
back with him.

I cried, begged, and pleaded for Daddy at the
top of my lungs as he climbed onto the carriage that had waited for
him. Then it sped away. The grandmother’s driver awkwardly took
hold of me and carried me into their carriage then we took off in
the opposite direction. When it finally sank in that I had been
deserted by Daddy, that he wasn’t going to take me with him, I sat
back, stunned and dismayed. I had no fight left in me.

Grandmother kept a trivial smirk on her face
that sent shivers through me. She was nothing of what I’d expected
if I ever did have a grandmother. There was nothing kind or sweet
about her. She obviously didn’t have a loving bone in her old
body.

She didn’t say a word to me as we made our
way down the dusty roads until we came upon a formerly glorious
plantation. Above the long, live oak-lined entrance was an iron
arch with the name Sutton Hall impressed on it. The two and a
half-story stucco-brick mansion was ahead, surrounded by an
abundance of fragrant magnolia trees, which must have been grand
before being ravaged by the war. There were thick, green vines
growing along the columned facade and double-wide front galleries.
Some of the windows were broken, and all of them were filthy. The
gardens were overgrown and full of weeds.

The driver stopped in front, and Grandmother
hurried me off the carriage. She pushed me forward and I fell out
and down into the only puddle I had seen since my arrival in
Georgia.

“Get up!” she commanded.

I was covered in mud and she had no sympathy
for me. However, I could see some pity in the driver’s face, the
Negro man Grandmother called Hamilton. I slowly rose, followed her
up the stairs to the front entrance. Hamilton unhitched the horse
and led it to the stables.

“Take off your dress,” she said before we
entered. I then realized Daddy had forgotten to give me my bag. I
had nothing to change into.

“But I have no clothes,” I said, choking back
my tears.

“There are clothes in your mother’s old
wardrobe. Now do as I say!”

She wanted me to undress out in the open. I
was mortified. When I hesitated, she began to forcefully unbutton
my dress. She became impatient and violently stripped off my dress
until I was in nothing but my chemise. I tried to cover myself with
my hands, fearing the whole world was looking at me, and I hid my
tears with my long hair.

“Now get on with it,” she hissed, and pushed
me inside. The mansion in which she had insisted I not wear my
muddy dress was empty and dirty. The wide wooden floors were
covered in dust and mud. I didn’t understand why she made me
undress.

This was once my mother’s home, I thought.
The woman that appeared to loath me had given Momma life? I
couldn’t believe it.

“Upstairs with you,” she said, ushering me up
the enormous grand staircase, which was broken and missing
balusters, to the second floor. Down the long, bare hall she led me
until she stopped at the furthest door, and then said
matter-of-factly, “Here is where you’ll be staying.”

She unlocked the heavy wooden door to reveal
a drab, dark room with a four poster bed and an armoire in the
corner. There were no bed clothes, only a coarse mattress. There
was no other furniture, except the lone armoire.

“You will find what you need in the armoire.
You look the size of Amelia the day she ran off with your
dishonorable father, except,” she said, gazing down at my
developing bosom, “your mother was much more voluptuous.”

Grandmother stepped back towards the door as
I tried to find words to speak. I was distraught, so much so that I
didn’t know how to ask the questions that burned in my mind. Was
she really my grandmother? Did Momma really run off with Daddy? She
frightened me; she looked at me as though I were one of the freaks
in the sideshows of the circus Heath, Ayden, and I went to long
ago.

“I will have your food sent up to you later,”
Grandmother said, then closed the door and locked it. The sound of
the key turning the lock sent my mind screaming. I was being locked
away, just like Momma. I wasn’t out of my senses. Why was I being
shut away? I could do nothing but bring my hands to my face and
cry. Sobs filled the room and bounced off every wall. It was the
worst day of my life.

Never before had I felt so unloved and
unwanted. I craved Daddy; I missed Opal, the woman who had become
like a mother to me. I longed for Ayden to cheer me up with his
silly antics, and most of all, I missed Heath. If he knew what had
happened to me, for sure he would tell his father to have Daddy
come get me and take me back to Jasper Island. I didn’t know what
to think and could only fall onto the bed and curl up in a ball,
wishing myself away. I wiped my tears and closed my eyes and
thought back to my last day at the lighthouse station. That day had
changed the entire course of my life. I had planned to end it, yet
here I was, in a new place with new, unbearable beginnings. Heath
and I had parted on adverse terms, and I regretted not listening to
him and causing him to be angry with me. I missed him terribly, so
much so it hurt my heart just to envision his handsome face in the
back of my mind. I was so emotionally drained, so tired from
regrets and incomprehension of what had just happened to me, that I
wasn’t aware I had fallen asleep until I was harshly shaken
awake.

Grandmother towered over me holding a candle
in one hand and a plate of food in the other. The glow of the flame
cast an eerie shadow over her that made me instantly sit up and
back away to the farthest part of the bed.

“What aren’t you dressed?” she demanded. “Get
up and get dressed!”

I flew up and ran to the armoire and pulled
out the first dress I got my hands on. I was shaking so terribly
that I couldn’t get the dress over my head fast enough. With fury
in her eyes, she spun around and left, again locking the door
behind her.

“Wait!” I called, running to the door. The
room was black; there was no table or lamp in the room. “Please
don’t keep me locked in here!” I wailed.

There was no answer; there was not one soul
that would come and help me. My heart pounding in my chest and my
stomach in knots, I felt my way around the room with my hands
pressing up along the dust-covered walls until I finally found the
heavy drapes to the window. I pulled them back to reveal the moon.
I was so thankful that there was a full moon and clear skies,
allowing just enough moonlight to fill the room. I slumped down to
the floor and again curled up, trembling and trying to rock myself
calm. How could Daddy leave me in such a place? What was I to
think? What would I do without him? He had promised it would only
be for a little while. I hoped and prayed I could last until Daddy
came to take me away from my hell on earth that was Sutton
Hall.

_______________

For two nights and three days, Grandmother
kept me locked up without food or water, punishing me just because
I existed. I couldn’t imagine what I did to deserve such torture; I
couldn’t understand how Daddy could ever think being in the care of
my grandmother, who hated everything about me, could be better than
living with him on a remote lighthouse station.