Book of Life (17 page)

“Stop,”
she hissed again. “I don’t need your reasons.”

I felt sorry that I’d never talked to her about our breakup. I had left her without explanation. I really was the man she saw me to be—a deserter, a jerk, a typical man. I deserved this. Feeling guilty, I tried a new tactic. “Why do you think you love me?”

She raised her head, her inky eyes meeting mine. Her lips were parted, her face looking confused but also lost. She closed her lips and brought her hands into her lap, her brow looking frustrated. “Because I do.”

Again I was surprised. “That’s not a reason, Avery. Why do you love me?”

It was a valid question, a question any lover should ask and receive a reasonable answer to.

Her eyes searched mine, struggling to find a reason. “Because of all you do for me?”

I shook my head, feeling sorry for her. “But I don’t do anything for you. I love someone else, and you know that. How can you sacrifice yourself in this way? How can you stand to feel such pain? Avery, aren’t you ready to move on?”

I saw a shift coming, her facial expressions reaching a climax that ended in her taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. “What am I supposed to do, Max? How can I put my life back together? My father hates me. My friends will never take me back. This is the only life I have to live. Hating you is all I have.”

When she looked at me again, it was as though I was looking at different person—a person I used to know, long ago. “Your father doesn’t hate you. He saw your death through the eyes of the prophets and lied to all of us in order to save you. He still loves you, just as much as he always has. A father’s love can never die.”

Avery’s eyes softened, tears forming. “He saved me?”

These were facts I’d hoped she’d known, but apparently she didn’t. She had no idea that the prophecy had been much different—that Jane was supposed to have killed her, not the other way around.

“Of course. And he apologized to me for what he did to us. He takes blame for all of it. Even he knew we weren’t right for each other—he just didn’t want to see you lonely any longer. I agreed to be with you because at the time, you were the best prospect I had. You were always the most beautiful and amazing being in Winter Wood, and you could be again. People loved you. People miss you.” I was laying it on thick, expending my every reserve to bring her out of this darkness. “Summer, spring and fall—they miss you. Things aren’t the same without your presence.”

“I
—I just don’t know if I can.” She spun upon the crystal, her back to me. “Please leave,” she murmured.

I felt my heart sink. “I can’t leave until I bring you home.” I stepped toward her, placing an open palm against her back.

She shrugged away from the touch, shivering slightly. “Leave,” she murmured again, this time louder.

My hand remained elevated in the space between us. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to show her that I cared—that we all did. Instead, I dropped my hand to my side and turned away. I began to leave, only to stop and briskly walk back to her. I swallowed and breathed deep, bravely leaning down to kiss Avery on the crown of her head. “Please come back,” I tried once more.

“Just
leave,”
she spoke again, this time with an angry assertiveness.

There was nothing more I could do. One more push would unravel all the progress we’d made. I backed away from Avery before turning and making my way to the door. I grabbed my coat off the crystal on my way out. At the door I looked back, watching as her back hunched further into her lap, shaking to show she was crying. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see her in Winter Wood again, but I had hope she’d find her way. I had hope she’d see the light I still held for her, safe and waiting within my heart.

JANE:

Tears formed in Eliza’s eyes as she continued to watch the swirling world above her. Her next life was full of danger, and I saw why she would fear going back. Her answers had not been found, but perhaps I could be the one to help. Her interest in my life gave me the advantage of influence over her. I could make her feel safe again, just as I had tried to do with Emily.

Eliza dropped her gaze and looked at me as one tear fell from her eye. “I’d very much like that. I always wanted a sister like you—someone who feared for me, supported me, and was there to talk to.”

I smiled, unashamed of the thoughts she pulled from my mind. Just as Emily had been—always knowing what I thought of her, whether good or bad.

Her eyes lit up then. She seemed to snap out of one state and into another. “I promised to tell you if Max was coming back.” Her excitement grew into a smile across her face. “I believe your time waiting is up. I can feel him coming! You should probably find your way back to the river. Quick, we must hurry!” She grabbed my arm. “Is it okay if I come?”

It was as though the whole world had just turned over. I opened my mouth to say something but stopped myself. Just then, I felt another presence within the trunk of the tree. Eliza couldn’t hide the disappointment this visitor brought. We both turned. A woman entered the room, her hands held calmly before her. She wore a pair of blue pants, held on her thin waist by a set of suspenders that stretched over her white tank top. Her hair was long and straight, the boldest color of red I had ever seen. She was a figure straight from the seventies, this there was no doubt.

Eliza wiped away the disappointment and replaced it with a smile. Glancing sideways at me, her eyes pleaded.
“Give me a quick moment. Then we’ll go,”
she whispered. She stepped away from me and approached the woman. Eliza took the woman’s hands, trying to act calm, but I could tell she was rushing whatever it was she was about to do. They began whispering amongst themselves.

I felt like I was eavesdropping—an intruder at a private event. The girl eyed me, but she didn’t seem nervous about my presence, just curious.

Eliza nodded and giggled, bringing the girls attention back to center. The both of them looked to the swirling world above. The girl’s eyes glinted brightly, reflecting such brilliance from her future that I understood what she was here for—she was ready to go back.

“You’ll find him. I promise,” I overheard Eliza saying. “You’re
ready
for this.”

I found myself backing against the exterior wall of the tree, my hands behind my back. I was under a spell of fascination. In my imagination I saw what it would be like to start over. My fingertips grazed over the rough bark behind me, my eyes fixated on the woman that had now been led to the middle of the room. Eliza positioned the woman facing her, hands at her sides. She shut her eyes for a moment and I saw her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, Eliza slowly lifted her arms and ran her fingertips down the length of the woman’s body. Her fingers worked and moved as though picking at a veil of invisible fabric that had been draped over the woman. As a result, the woman’s glimmer began to gather and tug as Eliza collected it into her hands. She delicately wrapped and folded, taking her time. Looking lumbered with the weight of the woman’s past experiences, Eliza collected everything but the bright eyes and smile of the woman’s face, left floating in the air before her. With one last wrap, Eliza’s arms had gobbled her up.

Eliza, quite dedicated in what she was doing, then began to mold and press the nearly invisible glimmer. As she worked, the mass compacted down until the glimmer could be easily held in one hand. At last, Eliza stopped, cupping her hands together as though to cage the glimmer inside. Shutting her eyes, she whispered something before raising her hands into the air. I was too far away to hear what it was she had said, but when she was done, Eliza shut her eyes and slowly opened her hands. Cupped within her palm an object sat. From this distance it was hard to tell just what it was, but then it began to move. Two, broad, white butterfly wings parted, flapping slowly as though to test their limit. After a moment of gentle pumping, Eliza stretched her fingers even further skyward, lifting the butterfly into the air as it flapped its wings with enthusiasm.

I watched in amazement as the butterfly swirled upward into the golden ceiling. It was swallowed in the dust, spinning and spinning until I could see it no more. I closed my eyes and let my mind imagine what happened next. I saw a baby cry, a mother welcoming a new life into a new and different world. In an instant, all the woman had known of a life was gone forever. In my mind, she had been freed. What challenges was she to face this time? What chances did she have to find her true love? The feeling of relief in the possibilities that woman owned made me jealous—I wanted to feel that relief, too.

Slowly, I let the image of the woman and the jealousy I felt for her new life roll off my shoulders. Opening my eyes, I saw Eliza still standing in the middle of the space, though she was watching me with a smile.

“That was nice of you, Jane.”

“What was nice?” I asked, shaking away the assured look of fascination on my face.

“What you just imagined. I’ve never seen it like that before. Every time I send off another life I can’t help but feel trepidation for them. I dread what challenges they are going to face as though they were my own children.” She shook her head in shame. “My mind is a depressing place.”

The content feeling I’d felt drifted away from me as I tried to see it from her perspective. “Can’t you focus on their thoughts while you’re performing that task? Get in their head and soak up all the positive energy they’re feeling,” I offered. “It’s there for the taking.”

She shook her head and her eyes filled with a sudden pain. “No. I’ve tried that many times, but it doesn’t work. It’s the task itself that taxes me most. The way I wrap their glimmers over and over like a blanket reminds me of the day my mother died. After she had been taken to the morgue, it was my task to strip her bed and clean away all that was left of her memory. The wrapping of the glimmers always reminds me of the way I’d felt wrapping her sheets off that bed. Wrapping them and tucking them close made them still seem warm, but no matter how tightly I wound her sheets, eventually they had to turn cold. I knew that day that my human life was never going to be the same—My mother had been the only source of comfort in it.”

WES:

We followed Srixon through a door and down a long stairway. I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off the golden wall we’d passed by, now flashing in my memory. I’d never been to the priory and all this was new to me. It was amazing that I’d never known this place existed. Though I was trying to act unimpressed, it was hard given the ornate things I’d seen so far. As a foster child of meager upbringing, I was never exposed to a world like this, a world I often associated with grand empires of Rome. Everything was breathtaking.

I stepped slowly. Emily walking in front of me, then Jake, and in the lead was Srixon. On my arm Lacy was perched, looking ahead as I was. The stairwell was dark but it was hardly a challenge given the fact that my eyesight was improving the more time I spent in animal form.

Many dizzying steps later, it seemed we had reached the end of the spiraling stairs. A door met us there with a single torch to the left. Srixon opened the door and we entered a new room, just as dark as the last. Roots were hanging from the ceiling. I found this odd but not surprising given the fact that I knew we were underground. Here and there torches burned on pedestals. They led our way.

Walking along, I was annoyed by the dripping roots that broke away and brushed against my face and skin. The tickling sensation made my whole body tingle with discomfort and I was thankful as they began to thin and the room lightened. The change was subtle at first, but quickly picked up steam. I found myself shocked a few moments later as I stood in a now brightly lit space, seemingly roofless as though we had stepped outside. The roots that once grew from above had somehow changed into a forest rooted under my feet. Fall leaves fell along with a scant dusting of snow, just as it had been outside. I was confused. The ceiling that once was, was now a never-ending sky of gold. Walking further, voices tore me from the scenery, igniting a new sense of wonder.

“You’re really quite a cheater, you know that?” A woman’s voice began. It was the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. “I don’t like playing this game with you. You always cheat.”

Srixon cleared his throat. “Genevieve? June? I have someone here for you to meet.”

I couldn’t yet see who he was addressing. It was as though they were invisible.

The woman’s voice spoke out again, this time closer. “That’s why you got so quiet, isn’t it? You’re
cheating.
”

She really had a thing for cheating—this was at least clear.

Srixon spoke again. “Don’t mean to
interrupt
. . .”

I heard the woman sigh with annoyance. “Sometimes, Srixon, you must practice polite arrivals,” the voice continued, yet still there was no visible source for it. “You know I hate it when you drop in like this.”

Srixon glanced sideways at me as though to roll his eyes. I looked away from him quickly, too afraid to look at him directly. The space felt fuller all of a sudden, and I jumped as cloud formed directly in front of me. Two figures appeared out of thin air, sitting at a table that, if I’d taken one step further, would have formed on top of me. There was a game laid out between them, but it wasn’t a game I recognized.