Authors: Ana Layne
Ruston
Numbness has taken over my body since the phone call earlier. What was supposed to be a fun filled night turned into nothing but tragedy. Aunt Moira and Uncle James trusted sending Austin here to stay with us, and I fucked it up. All because I couldn’t stand that he and Tamilyn liked each other. I should have never stepped in and made things so messy. I should have kept my hands to myself and let whatever they had play out to see if she’d come back to me.
Love is supposed to make things better, right? Well, although Tamilyn and I love each other, all it did was cause hurt. Tamilyn has been by my side from the moment I got the phone call to our arrival in the hospital waiting room. We arrived to find out Austin had been rushed to surgery immediately and should be out soon. We haven’t been told the extent of his injuries, so not knowing what to expect is damn near terrifying.
Aunt Moira and Uncle James should be here any minute. They have a bit of a drive to make, but Mom has been on the phone with her the entire time to keep them posted with any news.
I overhear Tamilyn tell her mom she’s going to get coffee. I offer to walk with her. I know she probably wants to be alone, but I worry about her. This is all affecting us.
She turns to see me trailing closely behind her. “Why are you following me?”
“I’m going to get coffee too. Look, Tam, I know all of this is a lot to process right now, but we need each other and Austin is going to need us.”
“He hates us. Or have you forgotten?” She turns to face me with tears forming again in her eyes. “We could have killed him,” she whispers.
“But he’s not dead, he’s alive. This is a second chance to do things right, don’t you see that?”
“You’re being selfish, Ruston McGregor.” She seethes as she turns back and continues walking.
“I’m not being selfish, Tamilyn. I’m grateful he’s got this second chance. He’s my family just like you are, and I’m going to be there for him whether he likes it or not.”
She turns left into a little room and the aroma of coffee hits me. I’m glad I followed her. I could use a cup right now. She begins fixing her cup and I watch her every move. Her hands are shaking and she needs to be careful. She fills the cup nearly to the brim and goes to pick it up but the tremors in her hand send the hot liquid spilling over the edges.
“Shit!” She hisses as the cup falls from her hand.
“Tam, are you okay?” I rush to her side and pull her hand over to the sink, turning the cool water on. “Keep your hand under here. I’ll clean that up.”
“I’m sorry.” She begins sobbing.
“It’s okay, I’m here.” I grab a fistful of napkins and begin slowly cleaning the mess up. Another fistful, and it’s finally dry. Tamilyn is still standing in front of the sink with her hand under the water when Mom pokes her head into the room.
“Hey, guys, Austin is in recovery right now. We just talked to the doctor. Tamilyn, are you okay?” Her eyes widen when she notices the situation.
“I’m fine. I just spilled a little coffee.” She turns the water off. I grab more napkins and softly pat the area dry.
“What did the doctor say? Can we see him?” I toss the napkins into the trashcan and face my mom.
“He’s going to be in and out of sleep and in an immense amount of pain, but we can see him. You two need to know something, though.” I don’t like the way this conversation is going. I stop breathing for a moment and cross my arms over my chest, bracing myself. I wish we had been in the waiting room when the doctor came.
“What is it? He’s okay, isn’t he?” Tamilyn asks.
“You two may want to sit down when I tell you this.” She glances around before realizing there are no chairs in this room.
“Just say it, Mom.”
She sighs and tears well up in her eyes. I grab hold of Tamilyn’s arm because I have a feeling that whatever we’re about to hear is going to change everything. “Austin’s right arm was severely crushed in the accident. He wasn’t getting any blood flow…and they had to amputate.”
A sob escapes me. Austin lost his arm? “What?”
“I know this is very shocking for everyone. The good news is he can get a prosthetic arm and be almost as good as new, but he will need everyone’s support in this.”
Tamilyn doesn’t speak, she just softly cries beside me. I turn to face her. “He’s going to be okay. It could have been worse.” She wipes her eyes.
“You two should go see him. Let him know you’re here for him. He needs to know that. He doesn’t know he’s lost his arm yet, so it’s going to be very tough when he finds out.”
My eyes widen.
Oh, fuck
. I’d hate to be in there when he finds out because I know he’s not going to have the best reaction. I couldn’t imagine being in his shoes right now. “Y-yeah, come on, Tam. Let’s go see him.”
I tug on Tamilyn’s arm but she doesn’t budge. She won’t move at all. She closes her eyes and opens them slowly. “I can’t go in there. I can’t see him like that.”
“I know it’s hard, but I’ll be right beside you. It’s going to be all bandaged up, Tam. There’s nothing to be scared of.”
“It’s our fault he’s in there, Ruston. I can’t go right now. I’ll wait in the waiting room,” she whispers.
I don’t want to push her into doing something she’s not ready for, so I drop the subject. I grab hold of her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll go with you when you’re ready, okay?”
“Thank you,” she says, as we walk out of the small room, forgetting all about the coffee. We stop at the waiting area and I watch her go sit next to her mom.
My mom wraps her arm around my shoulder and leads me down a long hall to the ICU. I hold my breath as we both sign in. The nurse points us down the hall, telling us what room he is in. “I’ll stay out here if you want to go in alone,” Mom whispers.
“No, I want you with me.” My gaze catches the room number, and my breathing quickens. I know Tamilyn wasn’t ready for this and I’m not sure I am, but I’ve got to overcome this fear and face the consequences of my actions.
Austin is hooked up to more machines than I imagined he would be and my heart drops. He looks so helpless just lying there. It’s so hard to believe that not long ago we were arguing in Tamilyn’s front yard. I walk closer to him and that’s when the bandage catches my eye. Tears make my vision fuzzy. Right then and there, I close my eyes and talk to God. I tell him I would have taken Austin’s place in a heartbeat if I could have. He doesn’t deserve this, but I know this is irreversible.
“I’m so sorry, Austin.” I grab hold of the only hand he has left and I cry. I cling onto him a little longer before I pull my hand away. “I’m ready to go back out in the waiting room, Mom. I’ll come back in a little later.”
“Okay, honey. Moira and James should be here any minute now, and I know they’ll want to visit before visiting hours are over.” I take another glance behind me, then hang my head as we leave the room.
Tamilyn
My butt is already numb from sitting in this waiting room chair, and I haven’t been here that long. I’m ashamed of myself for not going in there with Ruston, but hearing everything we heard just tore me apart. I’m not ready to face that just yet. I look up to see Ruston and his mom walking back toward us. His eyes are bloodshot. He sits beside me, resting his head on my shoulder. I slowly run my fingers through his hair as he lies there quietly.
“How is he?” I ask softly.
“He’s okay, I guess. He’s hooked up to a bunch of machines and his arm is gone. He looks so helpless.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t face it with you.”
He doesn’t say anything else. My eyes begin to grow heavy. I have no clue how long we’ll be here so I let them begin to close. I’ve almost drifted off when a woman yells frantically into the waiting room.
“Where’s Austin?” My eyes jolt open and I realize his parents must have arrived.
“He’s in ICU, Moira. I’ll walk you and James down there and fill you in.” Paula grabs Moira’s hand and leads her down the same hallway Ruston just returned from.
My eyes fill with tears again. “I think I want that coffee now.”
“You sure? I’ll fix it for you this time so you don’t burn yourself again.”
We walk back to the small room with the coffee pot and I watch as Ruston carefully fixes my coffee. He even puts a small stirring straw in it and tells me to drink it out of that. I force a laugh out and just stare at him.
“You’re joking, right?”
“Yeah, I am. Take a sip, though, and I’ll carry it back to the waiting room.”
I bring the cup slowly to my lips and take a small sip. I moan slightly. I needed this so much. Soon, we’re waiting for Paula and Moira to come back. Fifteen minutes later, they emerge. Moira is a complete mess. Her sobs aren’t stopping and her husband just looks stricken. I want to crawl into a corner and die when she walks up to Ruston and asks him softly what happened. The funny thing about secrets is they don’t just affect one person, they affect everyone. I glance up to see Ruston’s expression. He wasn’t prepared for this. It’s time to come clean like we wanted to do with Austin.
“Mrs. Moran, I’m Tamilyn, Ruston’s best friend. Austin and I hung out a bit since he moved down here and I like him. He’s a sweet guy, but…” I draw in a deep breath. I want to look to Ruston for confidence to get through this but I don’t. “I love Ruston, and while I was hanging out with Austin, I went behind his back with Ruston and he found out. We never intended for him to find out how he did. We were supposed to all sit down and talk but things unraveled so quickly and there was a big argument in my front yard and he got in Ruston’s truck and sped off. That’s the last we saw of him. I’m so sorry for what happened—”
Her hand comes swiftly toward my face. The sound of her slapping me echoes through the room. I gasp as my hand flies toward my cheek. Paula intercedes, turning to apologize to me first. I can’t say anything else. I just cry silently as I watch more drama unfold. I’ve had enough for a lifetime.
“Moira, she was just telling you what happened. She didn’t deserve to get slapped.”
“She’s nothing but a whore who didn’t take his feelings into consideration, and now look what’s happened. My son is lying in a hospital bed, attached to God knows what, missing his arm! I hope this haunts you for the rest of your life.” She seethes at me.
My mom steps up beside me and glares at Moira. “Don’t put your hands on my daughter again. Paula, we’re going to head home. Please keep us posted.”
Paula pulls my mom into a hug and thanks her for coming. She looks over at me and sadly smiles. “I’m sorry, Tamilyn. Thank you for coming.”
I weakly smile back and turn to face Ruston. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“I’ll go with you, if that’s all right. I’ve seen him and I doubt much will change. I’ll just come back up here tomorrow.”
Mom nods, letting us know that’s fine, and he hugs his mom and dad. He turns to look at Moira and walks away. I knew it was going to be hard to see Austin’s mom, but I never expected her to say the things she did, or slap me. I know I deserve a lot of things for what happened, and I have to live with that. I just hope Moira wasn’t right. I don’t want to be haunted by this for the rest of my life. I want Austin to be able to forgive, and I want everyone to go on with their lives.
Dad pulls back into the driveway and invites Ruston inside. Ruston yawns and asks if I can just bring him back to his apartment. I run inside to grab my car keys and hug my mom and dad. They’ve been more than great through all of this. If they think poorly of me, they aren’t letting it show, and I love them for that.
I start the engine and wait for Ruston to put his seatbelt on. Numbly, I drive him to his apartment. Neither of us says a word during the drive. I park and wait for him to get out, but he just sits there. “Do you want to come inside for a little bit?”
“I guess.” I turn the car off. He leads us in and turns the light on. It’s weird to be in here knowing Austin lived here.
“I’m so sorry for what Aunt Moira did to you. Are you okay?” Ruston asks softly. He stares at my cheek and frowns. “She left a handprint.”
“I guess I deserved it. According to her and Austin, I’m nothing more than a whore. No one blames you. It’s all my fault. I don’t think I can ever face him again. I doubt she would let me anywhere near him.”
“I don’t care what she says. You can come with me tomorrow and see him. She can’t stop you.”
“No, I think it’s best I don’t. I don’t want to cause any more issues than I already have.” I stand firmly. I hate this decision I’m making, but it’s for the best. Moira looked at me as if I were toxic, and I doubt she wants to see my face again.
“You’re being selfish. If it were you in that hospital bed, Austin would go see you.” Ruston pours himself a glass of water.
“I’m not being selfish. I’m just telling the truth.”
“No, you’re making this all about you when he’s lying in that hospital bed.” He points his finger at me. I nearly come out of my skin; I’m so angry with him right now.
“It’s because of me that he’s lying in that bed! It’s because of decisions I made.” I grab at my chest and cling to my shirt. “It’s my fault. I’m not stepping foot inside that hospital. You can tell him I was there the first day.”
“I’m not telling him anything. You can tell him yourself when you decide to stop being so selfish.”
“Whatever. I’m going home.” I grab my keys off the counter and walk out the door without looking back. I don’t even sit in my car for a minute. I start it right up and back out, leaving him behind. If the roles were reversed, maybe he would be able to understand.