Blindsided (18 page)

Emma lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. A few feet away, Tanner slumbered, yet he might as well have been on the other side of the planet. He’d callously used her tonight, like she was one of his nameless women he screwed and discarded when he was done, not even bothering to know their names.

He’d fucked her. Emma never used that word, but it fit what happened tonight, and she’d given him permission to do it, even invited him.

What was happening to her? To them?

A tear trailed down her cheek, and she viciously swiped at it.

Damn him
.

Tux crawled onto her chest and rested his face on her cheek, purring loudly. She absently stroked his soft fur.

After their incredible time on Madrona Island, Tanner started emotionally distancing himself from her, and she’d be darned if she’d let him off the hook that easily. She’d fight for him, and she’d get him to open up to her, not just to salvage their relationship, but because Tanner needed her more than she needed him.

She wondered if she was seeing a pattern. Did Tanner walk away when things turned difficult or before he became attached? Was that how he protected his heart? She of all people understood, and she’d understand even better if she had a clue what made him the man he was.

Until he put his broken pieces back together, he’d never have a chance at happiness, and neither would Emma. She had to find the key to unlock his demons and banish them before he banished her from his life.

Emma woke to a kiss on her cheek. Stretched out in bed on his side, Tanner propped himself up on an elbow and smiled tentatively at her in the early morning light.

“Hi,” she said softly, stretching and accidentally bumping the cat at the bottom of the bed. Tux stood, glared at her, and hopped onto the floor. His tail twitched back and forth as he stalked out the bedroom door. He’d been doing a lot of that lately.

A different person than he’d been last night, Tanner laughed at the cat’s indignant exit. “Are you okay? I was a little rough, and I’m sorry for that.”

“I didn’t mind.” The physical roughness didn’t bother her at all, but the emotional distance tore her apart and left a gaping hole of loneliness.

“You didn’t come,” he spoke softly, as if deeply troubled.

She shrugged as he toyed with a lock of her hair. “That’s okay.”

“It’s not. Not to me. That’s not how I roll. I always give as good as I get.”

“It’s not a competition. You were tired. That’s okay. Another time I’ll be tired, and you won’t.”

He sighed and flipped onto his back. His trademark grin gone from his face, his green eyes were hooded and distant.

“What’s wrong?” Emma slid over to him, and rested her upper body on his, staring into those sad green eyes.

“Nothing,” he said tensely, his entire body strung tight and his demeanor locked down.

“Talk to me, please. Don’t shut me out. I think you could use a friend.” Emma swallowed her pride and pleaded with him. She leaned across his chest, her face inches from his. Tanner looked right through her. He flexed his jaw and closed his eyes for a moment. She waited him out.

Friends and family considered her the sweet, compliant sister, but she’d wearied of the role long ago. With Tanner, she wanted to be an equal partner with her own thoughts and dreams. He might’ve thought he was getting a subservient, compliant wife who’d make him look good to management, but Emma wanted more.

She touched his jaw, and he actually flinched. “You’re so much more complex than you pretend. I don’t know where to start with you, which battle to fight first, which secret to mine for the truth.”

“None of them,” he said tightly. “You don’t want to know what’s underneath because it’s not pretty. In fact, it’s damned ugly.”

That might be the most honest thing he’d ever said to her, and she was greedy for more. Much, much more. She proceeded delicately, feeling her way as if she were in the dark.

“Maybe I do, Tan.”

He shook his head. “Sweetheart, I’m not the same person on the inside.”

“Like Isaac? Avery doesn’t care. She accepts him for who he is.”

Tanner stiffened at the mention of his brother and scrutinized her closely. “What do you know of Isaac’s past?”

“Nothing. Avery would probably tell me, but I want to hear it from you.” Emma held her breath and waited for his answer.

“I’m not sure you do.” Tanner’s evasive maneuvering would not discourage her.

“You confronted your brother and called him a murderer. You owe me an explanation.”

Tanner went pale. “You go for the jugular.”

“So did you. Besides, I go for the truth because the truth will set you free.”

He barked out a laugh. “What the fuck have you been reading in your spare time? Self-help books?”

Emma socked him on the arm, grateful for the release of tension. “No, I’ve been reading relationship books,” she teased.

“Oh, hell, that’s even worse.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. His hands cupped her butt, and he held her tightly against his erection. “I’ll tell you the key to a good relationship. Sex. More sex. Lots more sex.”

Emma laughed, but he silenced her with a powerful kiss which sucked the breath right out of her lungs. She forgot her questions and why it was important to know more about him beyond the feel of him inside her. He lifted her leg in the air and entered her from his side. He took it slow and gentle, pushing in and retreating, over and over, until he’d reduced her to a whimpering mass of mushy female. She pushed her hips against his, taking him deeper. He found a different angle, hitting her in a spot she’d never been touched before.

“Tanner. Oh, dear, Tanner,” she panted.

“Oh, fuck. I forgot a condom,” he started to pull out, but she latched onto him with her legs wrapped around his waist and anchored on the small of his back.

“Don’t. I’m on the pill. I’m safe. Are—are you?”

“Fair question. Yes, I was checked just before the wedding.”

“Good.”

Tanner whispered words that sounded like a prayer. “You feel so damn good with nothing between us.”

“So do you. It’s so—sensuous.”

Tanner picked up the pace, moving inside her. Emma closed her eyes and held onto this man. Her body welcomed him as her inner muscles clutched at his penis. They came together in an explosion of mutual need and skyrocketing emotions.

Only later did she realize he’d distracted her and not answered her questions.

But she wasn’t giving up yet. Not by a long shot.

* * * *

Coach Jackson Meyer rubbed his eyes and stared at the play on the big screen. He stifled a yawn and took another gulp of coffee. When he’d been a player, he’d always been a glutton for punishment after the season started, keeping the longest hours of any teammate. After an injury forced his retirement, he’d taken a three-year hiatus to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He’d dabbled in several things, including sports broadcasting and analysis, but coaching kept calling to him. He didn’t consider himself coaching material, didn’t have the necessary patience for teaching rookies or counseling veterans. Yet, he did have an eye for the game, an innate sense of where a play would end up before it started, and an understanding of the often-neglected importance of the mental part of the game. After all, he’d been there. He’d been to the top of the mountain and to the deep depths of the pits of despair.

His poor wife had pulled the covers over her head when he got out of bed at four
A.M
. She’d always been his strongest supporter, and he loved her as much today as the day they’d met. She kept the family together, running herd on him and their three children, two boys and a girl, varying in ages from one to five.

Jack punched Pause on the remote and ran a hand through his messy dark hair.

“Hey.” Head coach Brandon Miller poked his head around the open door.

“Hey,” Jack answered.

Brandon walked into the room and plopped down in one of the plush chairs in the coaches’ room. He pointed at the paused play on the screen. “The rookie is good.”

Jack shrugged. “He’s okay.”

Brandon squinted at him. “What are you thinking?”

Jack considered his words carefully, something he rarely did. “Wolfe’s the better quarterback, more talented, faster, better arm. The whole package with one glaring omission.”

“What’s that?” Brandon asked, intrigued.

“Confidence.”

Brandon almost snorted up his coffee, obviously thinking Jack was being sarcastic. He wasn’t. Brandon sobered and frowned. “You are kidding, right?”

“Fuck, no. They threw him into the game too early, no receivers, no offensive line, and expected way too much. This team destroyed his confidence.”

“Funny, seems to me he has cockiness in abundance.”

“Only on the surface. Underneath he’s a mess.”

“I’ll have to pay more attention. I wondered if he was lazy. I mean, he’s missing easy passes, seems sluggish when scrambling, and he’s messing up the most fundamental of plays.”

“First one into the facility in the morning, last one out at night. Don’t call that lazy.”

Brandon inclined his head in agreement.

“He shows all the classic signs of a guy who’s thinking too much instead of trusting his skills and instincts. I doubt the former coaching staff did much to tutor him on proper technique in the NFL. I’ve been watching film of him at the U-Dub. He survived on raw talent, something you can’t do in the pros because everyone is that much better.”

“No, you can’t.”

“He’ll be our franchise quarterback if I can bludgeon him into reaching his potential.”

“I’m putting my money on you, Jack. You have the most brutal sledgehammer of any guy I know.”

“I’ll give it everything I have.” Jack grinned. He’d always been a tough bastard on and off the field. Tanner would either flourish or fail in their new system. Jack would give him the tools to succeed but the rest would be up to Tanner Wolfe. What didn’t kill him would make him stronger and their franchise quarterback.

Jack briefly wondered if Jack’s best would be good enough. Too many top college quarterbacks were expected to do too much, too soon, and were chewed up and spit out by the NFL machine, never to be heard from again.

He’d made it his personal mission that Tanner didn’t meet the same fate. He wasn’t sure why he cared, especially when they had a talented rookie to tutor. Maybe he saw too much of himself in Tanner, and maybe he believed in the kid, even though no one else did.

Tanner rubbed himself dry with a towel then wrapped it around his waist. Practice today had been better, but not good enough. Coach Meyer rode his ass the entire time while dumping so much praise on the rookie, Tanner almost lost his breakfast and lunch, not to mention his temper.

Cranky and out of sorts, he glared around the locker room to make sure no one was trying to analyze his reaction to the coach’s obvious favoritism. The team assumed Tanner had one foot out the door, and most of the guys kept their heads down, too worried about their own jobs.

Tanner called Emma to tell her he’d be home for dinner rather than staying late into the night as usual to watch film. After all, it was Friday night, and he’d barely seen his beautiful wife in the daylight since training camp started a week ago. He wanted to spend some time with her, not just having sex, but hanging out.

Grady sat down next to him and pulled on his running shoes. He lived a mile or two from the facility in a waterfront condo and either rode his bike or jogged every day to work.

“Tough practice,” Grady noted casually as he tied his shoes and sat up.

“No, shit.”

“Meyer is hard on you because he thinks you’re under-performing,” his buddy said in a voice only for Tanner’s ears.

“You think? I’d say he hates me.”

“Nah, if he hated you, he’d either kick your ass out of here or pretend you didn’t exist. He’s putting a lot of time and energy into making you better, even if it does come across like he’s being overly critical.”

Tanner doubted Grady’s words, but he let it slide. Meyer’s motives didn’t matter, the end result did. Either he’d be relegated to the bench or be the starter. Tanner had never sat on a bench in his life. He sure as fuck didn’t plan on warming a spot on the sidelines this season.

“Hey, some of the guys are talking about going clubbing tonight in downtown Seattle. You in?” Grady smoothly changed the subject.

Tanner stared into his locker. He’d once loved clubbing, loved the hunt, the conquest, not to mention the partying. Now the appeal was gone, which actually surprised him. Instead of feeling left out, he felt like his buddies were the ones missing a good deal with a good woman.

He should’ve been alarmed at this recent attitude change. Instead, he ignored it like he did anything which disturbed him and buried the reasons in that hidden place he refused to go with the rest of his most personally revealing emotions.

“Nah, maybe another time.” Tanner pulled on his briefs and shorts and yanked a green Steelheads tank over his head.

Grady gaped at him as if he’d just announced he was getting a sex change. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Damn.” Grady glanced at Hunter and Cam who stood nearby. “You hear that? The team horndog isn’t going out with us tonight?”

Hunter smacked Grady on the side of the head. “Yeah, idiot, he’s an old married man. Gotta get home to the little lady.”

“Watch that, fuckhead,” Grady snarled at Hunter. He turned to Tanner. “Seriously? You’re going home?”

“Yeah,” Tanner admitted, uncomfortable revealing this new weakness to his buddies.

“You are whipped, man,” Cam spoke solemnly as if delivering Tanner’s eulogy.

“Maybe she gives him everything he needs.” Hunter defended Emma, and Tanner was grateful to Hunter for his defense. But then, he knew Hunter took his own responsibilities to his blind sister very seriously, even if he did party with the guys at times.

Cam and Grady looked at Tanner for confirmation. He didn’t feel like discussing his sex life with these three clowns. He couldn’t admit to looking forward to going home. It’d be so out of character. Besides he was in a hurry. His mouth watered already at the thought of another of Emma’s delicious meals and the hot times afterward.