Bittersweet Ecstasy (33 page)

Oddly, Lisa was credited with keeping the peace between the whites and Indians in “his” wilderness. Although doing so necessitated a trip abounding with dangers and hardships, many men joined him and his Missouri Fur Company. By 1815 when the war was over, water routes and land trails were relatively easy to follow. By that time, few men could work for themselves, or other companies, and survive. Manuel Lisa also had a large post, called Fort Manuel, near what would one day become the border between North and South Dakota. By 1820, he had established other posts and he was said to run his company like an army. Working for Lisa was a man named Jeremy Comstock, who had been responsible for Rebecca’s injury and abduction.

Jeremy Comstock entered his cabin and observed the flaming-haired beauty for a few minutes before
inquiring, “What are you doing, Becca?”

She turned and focused liquid brown eyes on him, then replied casually, “I’m packing to go home, Jeremy. I heard the others say you and Mister Lisa are heading for Fort Manuel and then St. Louis in the morning. I’m going with you,” she stated with determination. Her dainty chin and narrowed eyes revealed her resolve and courage.

The sandy-haired, blue-eyed male of thirty-nine, whose husky weight was spread evenly over his six-foot frame, shook his head. He eyed the woman he had known and wooed for the past year. She had refused to marry him, even though she had lived with him during that time. He stated flatly, “The journey is too hard and dangerous for you, woman. By now, your husband either thinks you’re dead or permanently lost to him. It’s been a year, Becca.”

“But I’m not dead, Jeremy, and he would know I was alive and well if you had allowed me to send a message to him. Besides, I’ve made that same journey before; that’s how I got in this predicament.” She returned to her packing as she waited for him to debate her point.

Jeremy Comstock sighed heavily. He loved and needed this woman. She was brave and strong, and a vital part of his life. At forty-one, no woman could stand next to her and claim to possess more beauty or appeal. He had tried everything to get her to forget her past and to marry him. Each time, she had reminded him of the husband and children she had waiting for her in the Dakota Territory, facts which he resented. “I love you, Becca,” he argued. “I want you to marry me. Don’t you know he’s probably taken another wife by now? You want to walk in from the dead and give him more problems and torment? Damnation, woman, he could be anywhere in this big country by now!”

She whirled and declared, “He’s waiting there for
me! You’ll see. He would never take another wife until he was certain I was dead, and he would never believe that. I’ve worked for you for a year, Jeremy; you owe me this. Please,” she added entreatingly, her whiskey-colored eyes dampening with unshed tears.

“Lordy, woman, do you know what you’re asking of me? You want me to take the woman I love and need to search for a lost husband who’s probably married to someone else. Lisa would never allow it.”

Rebecca placed her hands on her hips and refuted his claim. “You’re Lisa’s top man; he would refuse you nothing. You don’t have to tell him anything. Or tell him I’m going to St. Louis with you.”

“Just how do you propose to look for your husband along the way?” he inquired skeptically, knowing he could not allow her to leave him.

She read his stubborn look as she told him, “When we reach the area where your men wounded me and took me prisoner, I’ll slip away. I know where to find him; he always… works in the same area. You can’t hold me captive forever.”

“Damnation, woman! You aren’t my captive,” he protested.

“I might as well be,” she retorted. To keep the other men away from her, she had been forced to live in this cabin with Jeremy Comstock. At times, she had doubted her reunion with her true love, her lost love. At times, she had feared he had married again, thinking her dead and wanting to ease his sufferings. But she loved Bright Arrow, and somehow she would return to him and her daughters. Long ago, Alisha had been taken from Gray Eagle’s side, then miraculously returned to him. Surely the same could be true for her! Each passing day her loneliness, fears, and desperation mounted. She felt if she did not get back to him soon all would be lost between them.

Jeremy watched that faraway and sad look in her compelling eyes, and it tormented him. How could he say no to her? But if he said yes, he could lose her. Maybe he should let her return to look for Clay Rivera; maybe that would prove to her that he had gone on with his life. What man, after knowing and having Rebecca Kenny, could carry on without her, unless he replaced her with another female? An idea came to his keen mind. “If I let you go with me,” he began, then scowled at the look of joy and excitement which flooded her lovely features. “If he’s got another woman now, promise you won’t intrude on his new life and promise you’ll return here… and marry me.”

“That’s deceit, Jeremy,” she accused softly.

“Those are my terms, Becca. I have to think about you and me. I know you’ll keep your word, so make the promise, or you don’t go.”

Rebecca apprehensively paced the small cabin as she deliberated his “terms.” In a way, he was right, and generous and kind. There was no way of imagining what she might find in the Oglala camp. If her life there was lost to her, could she turn to Jeremy Comstock?

“Well?” he hinted anxiously. “Do we have a bargain?”

Rebecca faced him and replied, “We do, Jeremy Comstock. How long will it take to reach the area where I was stolen?”

“A month or two, depending on how many stops Lisa wants to make and how long we stay at each one. Tell me, Becca, how will you explain this last year to him?”

“I’ll tell him the truth, Jeremy,” she responded with a shudder.

Singing Wind gaped at Medicine Bear as he revealed
her brother’s vision and the one he had shared recently with Bright Arrow, and his acceptance of both “messages” from the Great Spirit. She listened intently and incredulously as he related her destiny and theirs. But what stunned her the most was the fact that these matters had been announced publicly that morning. Her thoughts and worries flew to Sun Cloud, and she was troubled by what he must be thinking and feeling.

“Silver Hawk has gone to the Oglala camp to accept his claim on Tashina and to carry gifts to Bright Arrow to prove his worth and courage. He will join the feast for their new chief, his friend and brother, and plan his joining with Tashina. Soon, Bright Arrow will come to prove his claim and worth, to make plans for his joining with my daughter Singing Wind,” he disclosed happily.

In a tone which held all of the respect and poise she could muster, the disquieted girl softly chided, “You are not my blood father, Medicine Bear; it was not your place to accept his joining offer before he approached me or you spoke with me. What if I love another? What if I do not wish to join with Bright Arrow? What if I have accepted the offer of another warrior? What if I refuse?” she questioned anxiously.

Medicine Bear stared at her in consternation. He challenged hoarsely, “You would not refuse this high honor. If you loved another, you would be joined this sun, for Singing Wind would not be calm or satisfied until she possessed her desire. All know you have rejected any warrior who approached you, and you cast eyes on no man. I have given my word as your chief and as your father since Brave Bear was slain. It was my right and duty to follow the will of
Napi
and to do what is good for my daughter and her people. It will unite our two tribes once more, for the daughter of Black Cloud and sister of Brave Bear has left Mother Earth.
It is good to have a blood bond to our Oglala brothers, for they are powerful; they are feared by whites and Indians. We need this bond, Singing Wind, for our band is not large or powerful and this is an evil season. You must not shame me, your people, or yourself. It is decided. The words have been spoken. Only Bright Arrow can break them. Or Singing Wind must be banished forever.”

That mild threat did not sit well with the agitated female, but she wisely, though resentfully, prevented a harsh reply. “A joining should be a happy time, Medicine Bear. I feel I am a sacrifice to help my people. What of me, my father? I do not love Bright Arrow.”

“There is no higher honor or
coup
than to help your family and people survive, daughter. You must not be selfish or stubborn. Love will come after you are joined. He is a great warrior, a chief. Many females desire this high rank you have been given,” he reasoned.

Singing Wind placed her back to him. Her mind echoed his words.
Selfish?
Why was it selfish to capture her own dreams, instead of being forced to fulfill those of others?
Love will come…
Love was not something to be learned, or something which came to you in time like age or gray hair!
Many females desire this high rank…
Then, let one of them have it, she decided peevishly.
Given?
She was not being
given
anything! Since the joining had been spoken aloud before the Oglalas, it was accept her new fate or betray her people’s laws and faith in her. Yet, to go along with this unwanted union, she must betray herself and Sun Cloud.
Napi
help her, for she had been tossed into a pit which she feared she could not escape.

Her mind roamed sadly to the Oglala camp, envisioning the feast in progress. She could not imagine Sun Cloud’s true feelings and thoughts, for he
had lost so much recently. Even if he did not feel the same as she did, he had lost his parents and his destiny. And surely he had lost his brother, for how could any man accept such a betrayal? Where would he live now, for he had burned his father’s tepee? He could not stay with Bright Arrow, not after his brother’s treachery; stealing the chiefs bonnet and his destiny was treachery in the highest. She wondered if Bright Arrow knew he had also claimed the woman his brother had taken first by a lovely pond. She brooded over Sun Cloud’s reaction to the news of their joining and over what he must view as another betrayal; this time, on her part.

Singing Wind dropped heavily to her sitting mat. As she squinted her eyes in pensive thought, lines creased her forehead and teased at the corners of her expressive eyes. She absently nibbled on the inside of her lower lip, and she breathed erratically. She could not reveal the truth to either brother, for it would do harm in both situations. She was Blackfeet first, a person and a woman second. She had to fulfill her duty; she had to honor their laws and customs; she had to ignore her own desires. After the way Bright Arrow had treated her during their last meeting, he would not break his word or remove his offer for her. She fumed over the fact that he had not even hinted at his intentions, but his mood and tone should have spoken loudly to her. If only Sun Cloud had not angered her with his grim accusations against her brother and if he had declared his, or any, strong feelings for her after they made love… There was no denying he was attracted to her, but did he love her? Did he want her as his mate? Did he realize such things himself? No matter, it was too late for them.

Medicine Bear looked down at the apprehensive female. “Will you obey our law, daughter?” he asked
simply as his wrinkled hands quivered.

She inhaled deeply and met his imploring gaze. “I am a Blackfeet, daughter of two chiefs and granddaughter of another. I will do my duty.”

The feast continued with singing, chanting, dancing, talking, and eating. Most seemed in high spirits, and the rival brothers put on skilled fronts to conceal their emotions and concerns. It was a pleasant truce between those who had sided openly with different choices, for all felt this matter would be resolved peacefully in the best interests of Grandfather’s children.

Little Feet sat with Thunder Spirit and his family, but there was a slight strain between the reunited lovers. She had been unable to convince him to switch his selection and loyalty to her father, and he had pleaded for her understanding, then softly scolded her for intruding on his decision and duty. He had not been pleased when she had postponed their joining for a few days, telling him they could not share a happy first night together at this time. When she had suggested a new joining date in four moons, he had replied sadly, “If you change our joining sun again, Little Feet, we should think more on your feelings. If a warrior cannot do what he feels is his duty without his love turning her face from him, something is wrong.”

Little Feet was vexed with herself for causing this rift between them. They had waited so long to be together. She wished she was sitting beside her new husband tonight, eagerly looking forward to sharing his mat later. She had been foolish, and wrong. Thunder Spirit was more than Sun Cloud’s friend, he was a superior warrior and he had to obey his conscience. It was too late today to change her mind again, for his mood and disappointment would spoil their first union.

Little Feet locked her gaze on Thunder Spirit’s handsome profile, causing him to sense her attention and look at her. She placed her quivering hand on his arm and whispered, “I am sorry, my love; I spoke unwisely and selfishly and falsely. If you did not follow your head and heart, you would not be the man I have loved since I was a child. We will join in four moons, for I want you above all things.”

Thunder Spirit observed her contrite expression and tone. He smiled tenderly. “It is good, Little Feet, for I would not give you up without a fierce battle,” he teased. “I have waited many winters for your return, but these next four moons’will seem longer than them.”

She squeezed his arm and smiled radiantly. “It has seemed forever since we parted long ago. But it is good we have four moons to prepare for our new life together. I must make a tepee for us, to be alone. Our fathers’ tepees are full,” she hinted provocatively.

He laughed and agreed, “It is good, but hard.”

Silver Hawk sat between Bright Arrow and Tashina. His grin was smug to the girl beside him. She prayed they would not be left alone that night, for she could not bear the thought of him touching her again. How ever would she endure a life with him? she wondered frantically. She looked at her sister who was beaming with happiness, and she was glad Little Feet and Thunder Spirit had overcome their brief conflict, which their smiles and closeness revealed to her.
Duty,
she fumed the offensive word. Her dreams would be destroyed if she did not find a way to save them, and she did not know how.