Authors: Violet Walker
E
liza didn’t notice that Levi had come back in the living room until he put his hand on her shoulder. She startled, but then placed her hand on top of his.
“Everything okay?” he asked. Just the low rumble of his voice made her feel better. Who cared what her mother said, she was alive. She could feel her heart beating and the blood rushing through her body. And with his abdomen so close to her, the rush of blood quickened even more. That’s not something that happens when you’re dead. Part of her knew that wasn’t necessarily true. Levi had desires. He had blood rushing to all the important parts of him. Vampires could live off the blood of others, and experience many of the same passions of the living.
She nodded and leaned her forehead into his stomach, inhaling his spicy scent. Almost on pure instinct, she lifted the edge of his shirt so she could begin kissing him again, enjoying the feeling of his hard abdomen against her soft lips.
“Are you sure you’re not bothered by what she said?” he asked, gently cradling her chin to direct her gaze upward.
“She hasn’t been my mother in a long time,” Eliza said, even though she knew that didn’t answer the question. To be honest, she didn’t feel like talking about it. She didn’t like the way that he was trying to harness her in reality. She wanted to lose herself in his scent. Forget everything outside this house. Or even better, forget everything that existed beyond the space of their two bodies. But perhaps that was dangerous…
He sat down next to her on the couch and looked at his hands. It’s almost as if he didn’t want to look her in the eye. “There is no point pretending that it doesn’t bother you. I can’t offer you what other men can.”
Was it possible that he actually felt ashamed? Like less of a man? He made every other man she had been with look frankly pathetic in comparison. It’s like they weren’t even the same species. But of course, that was sort of true.
“You mean babies?” Eliza asked.
He nodded, still not looking directly at her.
“And…you’re absolutely sure that you couldn’t? I mean, everything seems to be working properly.”
He smiled slightly, but his face fell flat again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Is that a deal-breaker?”
I really don’t want to have this conversation. Let’s get naked, she thought to herself.
“What if we had sex a lot? Would that help? I don’t mean like just frequently, I mean constantly. Eventually something would have to happen.”
He chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss her, tucking her hair behind her ear as he did so.
“I assume you’re joking,” he said. “But I wouldn’t mind testing the theory…just in case.”
She wasn’t sure if she was joking or not, she just didn’t want to answer the “deal-breaker” question. Because the answer was yes.
She kissed him again, gently sucking on his lip to tug him in. She ran her hand from his knee to the inside of his thigh. Anything to make him forget what they were talking about…anything to make her forget.
It seemed to work because she felt him harden against her hand as she reached her destination. However, she didn’t even need to feel him to know that he was aroused. That was one of the wonderful things about being a half-dead. Her senses were so sharp that she could almost hear the blood rushing into his erection. Or maybe she could smell the blood moving through him. In any case, she always knew when he got hard, and it always made her crazy.
“I want you,” she whispered.
Again, such a simple statement, but she knew how much he liked it. Hours of complicated dirty talk could never match the simplicity of those three words. I…want…you.
Levi put his hands under her to pull her on top of him, helping her to spread her legs and wrap them around him. As if she needed help.
She felt her nipples harden against her bra and eagerly pulled off her shirt so he could unclasp the bra and release her breasts. He used his tongue to trace a circle around her left nipple and then sucked it gently. One of the things she loved about making love to Levi was that it cleared her mind. Unlike with past lovers, her mind never strayed. With his mouth on her breast, she usually couldn’t think of anything else if she tried. But this time she found herself counting the days since she had eaten. She had spent so much of her life trying not to consume too many calories, she had just been happy to not have to fight against hunger all the time. But what did that mean? Had she been remembering to drink water? Why wasn’t she hungry or thirsty? Could she actually be dying? Could she be already dead?
Somewhere in the space of time she had gotten distracted, she had managed to lose her panties and Levi had lost his boxer briefs. He took her head in his hand and kissed her deeply as he guided himself inside her. He moaned contently against her lips as reached her full depth.
Her wandering mind shifted focus like a laser beam. The feeling of having him inside her and rubbing deeply against her sweet spot, especially coupled with the gentle rumble of his moan against her lips, was far too glorious to allow space for any other thought. She tossed her head back and released a moan of her own. She had gotten her wish. She forg0t everything. There was nothing in the world except their two bodies, gently thrusting into sweet oblivion.
W
hen Eliza woke the next morning, she was hungry. But it was the wrong kind of hungry. As opposed to normal hunger where she felt the need to fill her body and boost her blood sugar, this hunger was far more desperate. She felt the need in every part of her body and it was painful. It felt like her veins were drying up and as they did, every nerve in her body became raw and exposed. Every move caused her desiccated organs to pinch and tear.
As she stared at the ceiling, white light flooded her vision. No. God, no. Don’t die. I don’t want to die.
Eliza wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. Her vocal cords had dried up too. As she tried to cry out her throat burned with an all-consuming pain. She wanted to cry, but she found that she couldn’t do that either.
She found Levi’s arm beside her and dug her nails into his forearm to wake him, probably cutting him far too deep. She knew she wasn’t in any position to control her half-dead…hopefully only half-dead…strength. She wanted the pain to stop and she would do anything. As she thought it, she realized how true it was. If her sister had been there right now, she would have ripped her neck open and latched into the biggest artery she could find. It would feel so amazing. She let out a dry moan just thinking about filling her body with her sister’s fresh, warm blood.
Levi shouted, pulling his arm away from her. She could smell his blood dripping out of his forearm. Wasteful. Wasteful.
“Hungry,” she managed to croak. “Hungry,” she said again and her voice sounded animal. Her throat fired up with pain.
Levi put his bleeding forearm to her mouth and she couldn’t have stopped herself if she had wanted to. She placed her mouth around the two holes she had dug with her nails and began to suck deeply. On her eighteenth birthday, her father had taken her and Rachelle to this fancy restaurant in New Orleans. After the meal, they had a traditional eight-layer doberge cake and chicory coffee. She had thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever tasted. Until now. The tiny drops of blood dribbling from Levi’s arm were a hundred times more satisfying. She would do anything to keep drinking.
But he pulled his arm away, using his other hand to press against her forehead to detach her and keep her pressed against the bed. She thought that the gesture was too rough until she heard a hissing sound and realized it was her. She was hissing at him, gnashing her teeth like a rabid animal.
“Shh…” he said sweetly. “Just breathe.”
“I need more. I’m not done,” Eliza said, squirming against his hand. Her head throbbed far worse than any hangover she had ever experienced. The blood had made her feel better, but it wasn’t nearly enough. In her weakened state, he didn’t have any trouble restraining her and keeping her wild mouth away from him.
She had done plenty of things in her life she wasn’t proud of. She had slept with a guy on the first date. She drank too much and threw up on her grandmother’s hand-sewn quilt. She had even cheated on a test. But she had never hated herself as much as she did right now. She was an animal. She was disgusting. Inhuman.
“We’ll get you more, but not from me. I don’t have enough to spare. You need a human.”
“No,” she said, although she knew it was true. She knew it as well as she knew her own name. In fact, she knew it far better than she knew her own name. She needed to drink the blood of a human. Every other fact seemed hazy.
“The little bit I gave you should last you a few hours. Do you think you can get up?”
“I…”
He didn’t wait for her to finish. He put one arm around her waist and the other under her knees to carry her.
Eliza nuzzled her face closer to his neck, wanting him in an all-new, grotesque way.
“Don’t bite me,” he said and his words had a strange vibrating quality and she wondered if he was trying out his hypnosis.
As much as she wanted his blood, she was too weak to resist him. She could barely keep her eyes open.
W
hen Eliza woke she smelled shampoo and the edges of dark curls brushing her nose. No. He wouldn’t have brought me to Rachelle. No!
Then she realized that if it had been Rachelle, her mouth would have been watering. She would have already plunged her teeth into her wrist. No, this woman didn’t have the same fresh, living taste that Eliza wanted so desperately. This must be her mother.
“She’s awake,” she heard Levi say.
Eliza propped herself up on her elbows. Her head seemed to be throbbing even worse than before. She could tell that the lights weren’t actually that bright but it seemed to hurt to keep her eyes open. Maybe there was some truth to that vampires in sunlight thing. Oh, God. Vampires. Was she really one of them?
Eliza couldn’t quite place where she was. She only knew that she was back in the human world. She could smell them. Everywhere. She could hear their hearts beating and each beat was like a hammer on her already throbbing brain. She didn’t care about any of it, she was just relieved to know that she was so close to satisfaction. Any minute now, she would feel the blood coursing through her veins, every cell drinking in the pleasure.
The house had a dusty smell and she saw a cabinet full of Precious Moments figurines. A well-worn Bible sat by the side of the bed. Where was she?
Levi sat on her left and her mother sat on her right. This moment felt strangely similar to when she woke up in the hospital and saw Rachelle and her father staring at her like she might sprout horns and wings any moment. But this time, she might actually sprout horns and wings. She really didn’t know.
“Here,” her mother said. “Try to drink this.”
She poked the straw of a rosy pink drink toward Eliza’s mouth.
“Gross. What is it? Who is it?”
“It’s a strawberry milkshake,” her mother said. “You used to like them.”
“What? No. Levi said he was taking me to get human blood.” A sentence she never thought she would say…
“It might not be too late. Try this first.”
The thought of a sugary, sweet milkshake might make her want to vomit if she actually had anything inside her to eject. She didn’t want that. She wanted that beating heart in the other room. She realized that she wanted that blood more than she had ever wanted anything, even more than she had wanted Levi. That thought made her want to try to cry again.
She had loved how it felt to want someone so desperately, especially when she could take him whenever she had the urge. They could stop and make love anytime they wanted, and often did. She had relished every minute of that uninhibited, passionate wanting. Meeting that simple, but profound need had made her feel alive. But this was different. This was a loss of control. The desire for blood had consumed her and taken away her humanity. She just wanted to go back…even a few days…to a moment when she had wanted Levi more than anything and just the simple act of making love to him gave her everything she needed.
“You haven’t made the transition yet,” her mother said, holding up a dagger. Eliza didn’t understand much of what was going on, but her mother holding a strawberry milkshake in one hand and a dagger in the other was especially confusing.
“Look,” Levi said and he reached over her to take the dagger from Vivian. He gently unclenched Eliza’s fist and she saw a faint cut across her palm. She gasped as she saw Levi take the dagger across the same line. Tiny droplets of blood popped through her skin. Very tiny droplets. She was no doctor, but she had a feeling that she should be bleeding more than that.
Levi had the dagger up and smiled.
“I don’t understand,” Eliza said meekly. The only thing she had learned from this was what she already knew, she didn’t have nearly enough blood in her body and she needed more. Now.
“That dagger is made of bronze,” her mother said. “Bronze reacts with vampire blood. Our blood would turn black as soon as it touched the blade. Vampire hunters use daggers like this to test their victims.”
“It means that you’re not a full vampire yet,” Levi said. He clasped his hand against her faint cut protectively.
“But you’re very close,” Vivian said. “You’re dying. We think that food and water will help bring you back from the brink. It’s not too late.”
“It hurts,” Eliza said in a weary tone, and both of their brows furrowed as if her words had hurt them too. “Please make the pain stop.”
“Just try the milkshake first,” Vivian said. “We won’t let you die, baby, I promise. If it’s too late to save you as a human, we’ll save you as a vampire. That’s why we’re here.”
“Where?”
“Her name is Helen,” Levi said. “She’s the woman I drink from. She’ll let you drink from her too, if needed.”
“She would let me?”
“Yes,” Levi said. “She understands what we are. She’s eighty six years old and lives here alone except for a home health nurse that comes in twice a week.”
Eliza wanted to ask more questions, but it hurt to talk. However, Levi probably read her reaction because he winced slightly.
“I know it’s not an easy thing to accept,” he said. “But it’s the best I can do. She appreciates my visits. We actually have a lot in common. Although she jokes that she’s too young for me.” He smiled slightly. “When I first told her I was a vampire, her eyes lit up like she was a little girl again. She said that she had thought she’d seen everything…and was glad that she hadn’t. She loved learning that there was more to the world than just what she knew.”
Watching him smile as he talked about Helen, Eliza actually felt jealous of this octogenarian, but she knew that should be the least of her concerns. Of course, she was simultaneously jealous of Levi. She wanted to sink her teeth into that paper skin.
As if reading her mind, Levi added, “I would introduce you, but I’m afraid you might murder her. Some other time, hopefully.”
“Just the milkshake, and then we’ll talk about bringing the old lady in. But not until I see the bottom of this glass,” Vivian said.
The edges of Eliza’s lips hurt as she smiled slightly. This reminded her of when her and her mother used to bargain how many green beans she had to eat before she could have ice cream. This was just much…weirder.
Her mother put the straw to her lips. Eliza tried to hold her breath so she wouldn’t have to smell the repulsive scent of milk and sugar. Pretend it’s blood. Pretend it’s blood.
Eliza began to drink, trying to swallow so fast that she couldn’t taste it. After she had drank half the milkshake in a few swallows, she got an epic ice cream headache and stopped to wince. However, as the pain subsided she noticed that she did feel better. Her mind felt clearer and the pain in her body had lessened. It was working.
She kept working at the milkshake until it was gone. She was grateful that her mother didn’t offer to bring Helen in because she probably still would have said yes, but she felt strong enough now to try to wait a little longer. Levi came in with a large glass of tepid water and she realized how desperately thirsty she was. Since the water wasn’t cold, nothing stopped her from swallowing most of it in a few gulps.
“Better?” Levi asked.
Eliza wiped away some water that had dribbled down her chin and nodded. Then she looked Levi in the eye. The words started coming out of her mouth before she knew what was happening.
“I don’t want to be like this,” she said. “I don’t like myself this way.”
“I know…”
“I need to get away. I don’t think I should see you anymore. I just want to go home to my sister.”
Levi’s lips parted as if he might say something, but he must have thought better of it because he closed his mouth and swallowed, looking down at the floral print comforter. He nodded absently, first at the floor, and then he nodded at Eliza, like he didn’t know where to look. He looked so lost.
He dropped her hand, stood, and walked out the bedroom door.