Authors: Mary Clay
Tags: #caper, #cozy, #daffodils, #divorced women, #humor fiction, #mystery, #mystery humor, #southern humor, #womens fiction
Heckle and Jeckle? The talking magpies from
the old cartoons. Gawd, I wouldn’t touch that with Coach Hanson’s
ten-foot pole!
“—and the wedding.” She sighed and untangled
her finger from her hair. “The wedding was great.”
Yes, once the wedding started—Penny Sue
overslept.
“A shame the marriage only lasted eight
months.” Penny Sue shook her head ruefully. “It’s amazing the
difference it makes to live with someone, rather than just date. I
had no idea Andy was so dumb. I don’t mean to be cruel, but that
boy was truly thick.”
Duh. Andy played tackle and was captain of
the football team. Poor boy had probably become
thick
from
butting heads one time too many. Last I heard, he was selling cars
in Valdosta.
Penny Sue stared into the distance.
“You’re thinking about Rich,” Ruthie
observed.
“Yeah. I can’t believe he’s associated with
Vulture, and especially Red. She’s crude and rude—nothing like his
wife, who was the ultimate Southern belle. Soft spoken, never lost
her temper, a great cook—from everything Rich told me, his wife was
an absolute saint. The exact opposite of Red.”
“Red flirted with Rich last night. He didn’t
reciprocate—he walked away, remember?” Ruthie said.
Penny Sue nodded. “I’m afraid Rich doesn’t
realize Vulture is the leader of a wacko cult. If Rich does know
about Vulture, he’s in over his head and doesn’t know how to get
out.” She stared at us, pleadingly. “Don’t you see? I’ve got to
help him.”
Yes, I did see. Penny Sue, savior of the
world, as at it again. Only this time, her good intentions might
lead to some very bad results for all of us.
“We should lay low today,” Ruthie said.
“It’s the new moon. Not the time to press our luck.”
“You’re probably right,” she allowed slowly.
Penny Sue snapped the Bike Week Supplement open and went back to
reading.
I was stunned that Penny Sue gave in so
easily and wondered if Ruthie could come up with an astrological
excuse to abort the whole silly search. I’d ask at the first
opportunity. For now, I was grateful to be off the subject of Rich.
I strode to the table at the far end of the pool and retrieved my
cellular phone. First, I checked the answering machine at the
condo. Thankfully, there were no messages.
Next, to fill Ted in on our new whereabouts.
I hesitated before pushing the button. My feelings about him had
changed since that motorcycle ride. It was so sensual, and I’d
gotten such a warm feeling from hugging his waist. My face suddenly
felt warm. Magawd, was I a sex-starved divorcee, or was I falling
for him? No, I told myself quickly, we were merely friends. With
two boys, his life was too complicated for me, and I still hadn’t
finished sorting out my own life. I pushed the button and
immediately got Ted’s answering service. He must be on duty. I left
a simple message that we’d decided to take his advice and had moved
in with Fran for a few days. If he got a moment, give me a call.
Otherwise, we were fine, and had hidden Penny Sue’s car in Fran’s
garage.
Now for Ann. I looked at my watch. Three
o’clock here which meant it was eight in the evening in London. Not
too late to call. I took a deep breath and dialed.
“Mom, I was hoping it was you.”
I could hear a lot of noise in the
background. Voices, plates—they must be having dinner. “Is this a
bad time? I hear a lot of commotion.”
“No, no. We’re in a restaurant. Hold on, I’m
taking you to the lobby where we can talk.” I waited. “Now, this is
much quieter. I’m standing by the cloakroom. Can you hear me?”
“I can hear fine. How are you, darling?”
“Terrific. Isn’t it great news about Daddy
coming next month? I hope you can come then to meet Patrick. He’s
really looking forward to meeting you both.”
Okay, the speech I’d rehearsed. The one I’d
stewed over since I heard about Zack going to Europe. “I’m sorry,
Ann, but the timing isn’t good for me. You know, I have a job and
they depend on me. Besides, I’m still sorting through my finances
from the divorce. A trip to England would be difficult right
now.”
“Wouldn’t Daddy pay for it?”
I rolled my eyes. Kids. It was like she
didn’t understand that the divorce was final and our lives were
separate now. Heck, her father was living with another woman. I
guess, since he was still subsidizing her, Ann assumed nothing had
changed on my end. My property settlement would eventually be
increased substantially, thanks to Penny Sue’s Daddy, but the final
accounting was months away.
“Honey, your Dad’s not going to pay my way.
We’re divorced.”
I could have come up with the money if I
wanted to—I knew Penny Sue or Ruthie would lend it to me. But, I
sure as hell didn’t want to go with Zack. Besides, I needed to slow
down this engagement.
“Don’t you think Daddy would give you some
of his frequent flyer miles? I’d like Patrick to meet you together.
After all, you’re my parents, and you’ll both be in the
wedding.”
Oh lord, it was worse than I thought.
Formalities aside, Ann was already engaged in her mind and planning
the wedding. I stroked my forehead. Penny Sue and Ruthie had both
advised me to go the extra mile, no matter how hasty I thought the
engagement was. To do otherwise might draw a knee-jerk elopement.
“Let me check at work and see how the schedule looks for next
month. When exactly will your father be there?”
“April 17 through the 25
th
.”
“What about our agreement? Did you get
Patrick’s birthday like you promised?”
“Yes. Even though Patrick thought it was
crazy, he was a good sport. I have his birth certificate. Hold on,
it’s here in my purse.”
I motioned to Ruthie for a pen. She pulled
out her laptop instead. I could hear Ann fumbling in her pocketbook
in the background.
“November 19, 1964. Scranton, Pennsylvania.
4:28 a.m.”
I repeated the information so Ruthie could
take it down. She winked, indicating she was already on the
case.
“Ruthie has mine, right?” Ann asked.
“I’m sure she does.” Or, maybe Ruthie’d
conveniently lost it. Depends on how the astrology went.
“Patrick and I would love to see a copy of
the horoscope. Will you send it to me?”
“Of course. Any chance you and Patrick could
come to the states for a long weekend? You could stay with me in
Florida.” And maybe meet Carl. “I’m sure the weather here is a lot
better than it is in England.”
Penny Sue glanced over the top of her
newspaper.
“Mom, that would be tough. I’m an intern—at
the bottom of the totem pole. Getting off would be next to
impossible.”
“I understand,” I said weakly.
“Hey, how about if I call Daddy and ask him,
as a favor to me, to give you some of his frequent flyer points for
a ticket? You’d have separate hotel rooms, of course, but Patrick
can probably arrange big discounts, maybe even a comp for you. I
have a tiny flat and a roommate, so I don’t think you’d be
comfortable staying with me.”
Free airline ticket. Comp room. Darn, my
excuses were dissolving. “Hold off until I check at work. Like you,
I’m at the bottom of the totem pole.”
Ann paused. “Never thought of that—I guess
you are. Mom, Patrick’s very special, I love him.”
My eyes filled with tears. My darling baby
wanted to marry an old man. I thought of her and Zack, Jr.’s
precious little handprints that I’d had cut out of the patio in
Atlanta before I moved. The new owners were angry, because I’d
filled the hole with a decorative tile that said
Home Is Where
The Heart Is
. The yuppie twerps didn’t like the saying, thought
it was old-fashioned. Hmph, I should have gone with my first
inclination, that famous Southern saying:
Eat Shit and Die!
They’d gotten a great price on the house, a price that wasn’t high
enough to include my sweet babies’ hands.
Penny Sue noticed my scowl and gave me the
old finger-across-the-throat motion, indicating I should stop
talking. She was right. Stop on a good note. I sniffed. “Ann, all I
want is for you to be happy.” And, that was the truth.
Ruthie was already punching buttons on her
computer. “What’s his last name?” she asked.
I didn’t know. My daughter was planning a
wedding and I didn’t even know the man’s last name. “I never
asked.”
“I have to give him a last name, because the
program won’t work otherwise.”
“Call him Old Lecher.”
“I thought you were going to give him the
benefit of the doubt.”
“I said I’d try. I am trying; it’s just
hard. Ann’s already planning the wedding.”
“Come on,” Ruthie said. “I have to put
something.”
“How about O’Lech? Goes with Patrick, don’t
you think?”
“Um-m,” Ruthie muttered.
I pulled up a lounge chair and peered at the
computer. “What do you see?”
“He’s a Scorpio. They tend to be secretive
and controlling. His Neptune conjuncts his Sun, which makes him
doubly so. Also, makes him very psychic which means he could be a
good manipulator.”
Ha, I knew it. He was using his psychic
abilities to lure Ann into his web. “What else?”
“You have to understand that people are not
victims of their astrology. Astrology merely shows traits a person
is born with. If a person learns from experience, they can
transcend their charts.”
“Come on, Ruthie, what are his traits? It’s
not good, is it?”
“He has a lot of personal magnetism, which
makes it easy for him to draw people to him. Unfortunately his
emotional life will probably always be a wreck and he’s prone to
addiction. His love life tends to be a disaster because he doesn’t
know what he wants. He goes after things for status, then when he
gets them, realizes it wasn’t what he wanted.”
The chicken salad that tasted so good going
down suddenly felt like a lump in the pit of my stomach. “Any other
good news?”
“He’s rash and unpredictable. Could be
violent.”
“Violent?” That’s it. There was no way I was
letting Ann marry this monster. I had to stop her. How? “What
should I do?”
Ruthie closed the laptop. “Don’t jump to
conclusions. As I said, he may have outgrown all of these
tendencies. As a child he may have been rash and hasty, yet,
through experience, outgrown it.”
Penny Sue put down her paper. “I think it
would be wise to delay things if you can. Encourage them to live
together. Really let them get to know each other. If Patrick has a
dark side, it should come out. If there’s one thing I regret about
my past is that I was a little hasty.”
I looked up at the sky, certain a bolt of
lightning would strike me at any moment. Did I hear Penelope Sue
Parker, the woman with at least fifty soul mates—that I knew
of—admit, for the second time in one day, to being hasty?
Mercy.
“I wish I knew Rich’s birthday. I can’t
believe I didn’t think of asking. Ruthie, have you checked our
forecasts recently?”
Ruthie turned her head, pretending to watch
a large yacht sail past. “Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary.”
Uh huh. I didn’t buy it.
Penny Sue didn’t notice. “Maybe we should
try to find that psychic, Pauline. She lives close by, doesn’t she?
I could go for a reading. How about you, Leigh? You could ask about
Ann and Patrick.”
“I’d do that.” Pauline proved to be
amazingly accurate in our last reading, except, we didn’t know how
to put the pieces together at the time.
Penny Sue got up and headed to the house.
“I’m sure the people at Chris’ Place will know how to reach
Pauline.”
As soon as Penny Sue was out of earshot, I
turned to Ruthie. “What’s in our forecasts?”
“All three of us have some stress—it’s one
of those aspects that affects everyone at about the same age.
Usually, those are no big deal. Only, Penny Sue has two fairly
nasty influences right now. One indicates something sudden and the
possibility of violence.”
Oh boy. “That’s already happened, though.
The dead body behind her car was sudden and violent.”
“Yes, that could be it. Still, I have bad
feelings about our trying to find Rich.”
“Me, too. Maybe you should tell Penny Sue
about her bad aspects. If she knew, she might give up the
search.”
Ruthie frowned. “I’ve considered it. But, I
firmly believe that people create their own reality. So, if she
expects something bad to happen, it probably will. I’m afraid
telling her would be a jinx. Besides, it’s such a long shot that
we’d stumble on Rich again, it may be better to forge ahead. For
all we know, the police may have him already.”
Ted might know. I snatched my cell and
punched in his number. Miraculously, he answered.
“Hi, you caught me on break. I listened to
your message a minute ago. I’m relieved you decided to take my
advice. That’s one less thing I have to worry about.”
Hm-m, Ted worried about me. My attitude
about our relationship had warmed considerably, did his comment
mean that he felt the same way?
“That’s the best thing you could do until we
find out who has the grudge against Penny Sue’s car. Did the police
take a statement?”
“Yeah, they dug out the slug and took
pictures. That’s about it. We aren’t high on the list of
priorities.”
“Don’t take it personally—they’re as
overworked as I am. Luckily, no major disasters so far. A few
fights, some wrecks, the usual.”
“Right now we’re sitting by Frannie May’s
pool. The weather is perfect. We were wondering if you’d heard
anything about the murder? Ruthie’s been watching the paper.
Nothing’s shown up.”
“Haven’t heard a word, but things are crazy.
Everyone’s busy directing traffic and taking stolen bike reports,
so there’s no time for water cooler gossip.”
“We suspected as much. We’re curious, that’s
all.” Now I felt foolish. There was an awkward silence. “Take care
of yourself, Ted. Watch out for all those sexy biker babes.”